"That Kid"

[mercuryshadow]

My H and I will be traveling to visit my in-laws before Christmas. I've posted in prior threads in regards to my hesitations to visit with or host them. I had declined to join my H for his last visit in late summer/early fall due to work circumstances and the start of school for my ten year old. I did see them in October when they visited SIL and BIL, and things went relatively smoothly, much to my relief. MIL shared her typical, non-stop complaints, but I did not hesitate to kindly correct her when she made ignorant or off-base assumptions about things relating to me or my H.

 

My son will not be joining us on this trip because he still has school and will be staying with his dad. Which is great, because he doesn't really enjoy these visits, either. However, my H has been on the phone with MIL more often, in prep of our visit. A few days ago, he had her on speaker phone and she began complaining about gift giving, and began referring to my son as "that kid". She exclaimed that she didn't know what to get him for Xmas and was going to just give him money. She continued to refer to him as "that kid" throughout the remainder of the call. I walked away, as I'd found her to be quite disrespectful...my son has a name. I've never expected H's parents to gift anything to my son-EVER, but that's besides the point.

At this rate, I'm once again feeling uncomfortable about the visit and wish to tell her that anything she gifts to my son, "that kid" is unnecessary. Approaching this visit, I'd softened a bit due to the fact that my H's parents are both struggling health-wise. I was eager to go, if only to support my H, but now, the sentiment has soured.

 

My question is- am I too quick to anger at this? Am I reading her words wrong?

[d0nnivain]

I understand why you would be upset. No matter what your MIL thinks of you, it's inappropriate to be mean to an innocent child.

 

Your husband should have corrected his mother. Your 1st conversation needs to be with him. It's be better if he stuck up for you but he absolutely has to stick up for your son.

[mercuryshadow]

Thank you. I was worried I was too quick to judge here. I did tell my H that the way she referred to my son was very disrespectful, and that I'd prefer it if he keep her off speaker phone from now on. He has always, and continues to excuse her words and actions by saying she is "mentally unstable". If I push it further, he sees it as an attack. As mentally unstable as I agree she is, I don't feel it is in anyone's best interest to give her a "free pass".

[d0nnivain]

Sweetly say to your husband that what you heard upset you & going forward you would appreciate it if he reminded his mother of your son's name. Reinforce to him that your son is just a child & he's not going to understand his mother's attitude

[Radu]

Was she very happy about your husband marrying a single mom ?

[amaysngrace]

Yuck. I wouldn't want to spend my time around people like that at all.

 

You're a very good wife.

[mercuryshadow]

Was she very happy about your husband marrying a single mom ?

 

Well, it is likely the case, though it is hard to tell, because she is very unhappy about most everything. I'm certain she had valid concerns, though, mixed in with whatever other negativity she spouts incessantly. At any rate, it is a done deal; we are a family now, and aside from these IL issues, one with very little conflict.

[mercuryshadow]

...but not as bad as I had imagined. I managed to tune MIL out most of the time. I also realized that nothing I say is going to change her. She's a complainer and plays "messenger of doom." I feel sorry for her... Her life is not very fulfilling, but then again, it's her own fault. She has become too reliant on FIL. Their marriage is not a happy one, and that's also very sad to see. A good anti-model for our marriage.

 

Upon our departure, I hugged and thanked MIL for having us, and she pulls me aside and says: "You owe us.". Who says that??

[amaysngrace]

She knows you're good for making babies so that's probably what she meant.

[whichwayisup]

...but not as bad as I had imagined. I managed to tune MIL out most of the time. I also realized that nothing I say is going to change her. She's a complainer and plays "messenger of doom." I feel sorry for her... Her life is not very fulfilling, but then again, it's her own fault. She has become too reliant on FIL. Their marriage is not a happy one, and that's also very sad to see. A good anti-model for our marriage.

 

Upon our departure, I hugged and thanked MIL for having us, and she pulls me aside and says: "You owe us.". Who says that??

 

Did you tell your H what she said? Wonder what she meant by that?

[mercuryshadow]

I took what she said to mean, literally: "You will be hosting us next."

 

In regards to having (more) children, we'd love to...but the prospect of having to deal with MIL more frequently, as a result, is a scary one.

[Satu]

The thing to do here is to apply all the grace and social niceties you have at your disposal.

 

Be unswervingly decent, and never be tempted to show anything less than your best self.

 

If you do that you will survive these encounters unscathed

[pink_sugar]

I've seen your previous posts and MIL sounds like a piece of work. Keep your distance and do tell your husband that if he has any respect for you or your son to tell his mom to be more considerate.