endlessabyss Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I've been reading some inspiring stuff lately, and it has been increasing my psychological fitness. It's all about having faith, and overcoming your fears. I had some errands to run earlier, one being getting my license renewed. On my way out I saw this attractive woman walk by, and something in me just clicked, and I approached her. Now, I'm not really about cold approach, but I wasn't doing it for the number, or a date, I was doing it to overcome the fear. To my surprise, I realized was how easy it is to approach strangers. After the first second of approaching, and you open, the anxiety fades away. What I was saying was coming so naturally, and everything flowed so smooth. I feel so invigorated lol. The awesome thing is I know I can do this again. I think my job in sales has been a big help to me as well. It's taken me a long time to get this far, but everything is going to work out! Plus, I was laid off a couple of weeks ago, and I got hired for a new job today, and in four months I start a teaching fellowship. Feelsgoodman. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Nice! I wonder if the fact that you approached it just for the sake of facing fear, and not with anything actually on the line, was a significant part of what allowed you to go through with it? Just wondering it could be helpful to others to take this approach, as well, when getting some practice under their belt. Like not waiting until they are genuinely interested in someone before trying, but just trying it with random meaningless strangers for a while first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlessabyss Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 (edited) Nice! I wonder if the fact that you approached it just for the sake of facing fear, and not with anything actually on the line, was a significant part of what allowed you to go through with it? I think you're right. There really isn't a lot of pressure when you approach just for the sake of facing the anxiety. The initial approach is probably the most difficult part, because you're story telling in your head what the response will be. Reading a lot has given me the proper perspective on doing this as well. People have nothing to fear when doing this. The worst you'll get is a no, and you will feel like you're on cloud nine when it's over, due to the fact you faced the fear. It's not really about confidence; it's about courage. For me personally, I'm not even really interested in a relationship at this particular juncture in my life. I have too many trust issues, plus I am looking for a specific personality. I just want to master this particular skill. The conversation part isn't hard, since my job requires this of me, it's just the approach. Just wondering it could be helpful to others to take this approach, as well, when getting some practice under their belt. Like not waiting until they are genuinely interested in someone before trying, but just trying it with random meaningless strangers for a while first. It's definitely a good starting spot. It takes a lot of courage to approach a stranger, especially of the opposite sex. Once you get past the approach, everything else gets easier. Edited December 10, 2014 by endlessabyss Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Just don't say, "Excuse me miss. Excuse me!" Those types generally want money. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Being courageous is nice and all. But if you are getting rejected by women who you meet at weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, and happy hours thrown by your friends, who are 1) friends of your friends, 2) properly introduced to you and 3) you know some of their background is similar to you, then what are the odds/chances that some random chick on the street where you don't even know her age, background, what type of race men she likes, etc will like you?? Just to say "Hey, I did it, I conquered my fear?" Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Good stuff. It's amazing how easy it can be when we get out of our own heads . In my case, it will never be as smooth but it works out anyway. And like you, I had a job this year that really helped me in terms of speaking to strangers. Not quite sales but still! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Being courageous is nice and all. But if you are getting rejected by women who you meet at weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, and happy hours thrown by your friends, who are 1) friends of your friends, 2) properly introduced to you and 3) you know some of their background is similar to you, then what are the odds/chances that some random chick on the street where you don't even know her age, background, what type of race men she likes, etc will like you?? Just to say "Hey, I did it, I conquered my fear?" It's not about hoping someone will like you. It's about exposure therapy in a way in overcoming irrational anxiety. Some people struggle with irrational anxiety and some people don't. For those that do, they actually have to overcome their anxiety first before they can try to fine-tune flirting with hopeful intent. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Believe me I love approaching strangers now!! It's an amazing adrenaline rush, and the experience almost feels like the sky diving of the dating world. Even if you get rejected it's still fun to do. Doesn't mean your always gonna get rejected though. You might just get lucky and meet someone decent offline!!!!!! lol Also try saying hi to random people you pass by it's a lot of fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 When you approach someone without an agenda, such as getting a woman's number for a date, you place less pressure on yourself, and focus more on just having a pleasant conversation with a woman. I was at a Christmas party earlier this evening at work, and I struck up a conversation with a pretty girl revolving around what she thought about the food at the party. It was a friendly conversation, with some jokes thrown between us, and I noticed I had her undivided attention. I did not go in for the kill and asked her out, because I had no agenda, and I was just making conversation. But when I see her again, I'll have something to continue talking to her about, while opening up to other topics. From there I build rapport. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 When you approach someone without an agenda, such as getting a woman's number for a date, you place less pressure on yourself, and focus more on just having a pleasant conversation with a woman. I was at a Christmas party earlier this evening at work, and I struck up a conversation with a pretty girl revolving around what she thought about the food at the party. It was a friendly conversation, with some jokes thrown between us, and I noticed I had her undivided attention. I did not go in for the kill and asked her out, because I had no agenda, and I was just making conversation. But when I see her again, I'll have something to continue talking to her about, while opening up to other topics. From there I build rapport. I think once you start talking to someone and start to develop more of a connection it gets harder to ask them out. Probably because you don't want to see them in a bad way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlessabyss Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 Being courageous is nice and all. But if you are getting rejected by women who you meet at weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, and happy hours thrown by your friends, who are 1) friends of your friends, 2) properly introduced to you and 3) you know some of their background is similar to you, then what are the odds/chances that some random chick on the street where you don't even know her age, background, what type of race men she likes, etc will like you?? Just to say "Hey, I did it, I conquered my fear?" Well, the more people you put yourself out there to, the larger your odds increase of actually meeting someone you click with. Approaching women, to overcome fear, just isn't about numbers/dating like I said; it's also about increasing social fitness. Don't be such a downer Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlessabyss Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 It's not about hoping someone will like you. It's about exposure therapy in a way in overcoming irrational anxiety. Some people struggle with irrational anxiety and some people don't. For those that do, they actually have to overcome their anxiety first before they can try to fine-tune flirting with hopeful intent. From what I've gathered, even the most socially fit individual will deal with various degrees of anxiety when approaching a stranger; it's something that never really goes away. What you're trying to do is manage the uncomfortable feeling in the midst of having the interaction. As I stated earlier, once you get through the initial approach, the anxiety fades back a great deal. It's a beautiful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 i approach strangers all the time actually its more like strangers approach me.....it is social enhancement......what i would say though....is never look at any interaction as meaningless...what is meaning less for you might not be for the other person ...listener or talker words need to have some feeling behind them..a purpose that isnt selfishly motivated......but certainly be yourself open honest and friendly....and conversation will flow.....deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 i approach strangers all the time actually its more like strangers approach me.....it is social enhancement......what i would say though....is never look at any interaction as meaningless...what is meaning less for you might not be for the other person ...listener or talker words need to have some feeling behind them..a purpose that isnt selfishly motivated......but certainly be yourself open honest and friendly....and conversation will flow.....deb I agree not meaningless at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Well, the more people you put yourself out there to, the larger your odds increase of actually meeting someone you click with. Approaching women, to overcome fear, just isn't about numbers/dating like I said; it's also about increasing social fitness. Don't be such a downer Perhaps. But I'm a big believer in steps and increments. And the world has never proved me wrong yet in many years. In that, you start hitting on friends of friends. That is your best shot at women. Next might be classes, work, or volunteering events, yoga classes, etc. Then would be OLD. Then would be bars. The LAST and most difficult would be cold approach. So if you are guy who can pull legit interest from women from the first four, then you probably will succeed at cold approach. You start at the bottom and work your way up. If you are getting rejected at OLD and bars, then cold approach is probably not going to work. BTW, I have tried cold approach. Now, if you would like to just do it to overcome your fears and improve your worth as a social speaker, etc I can see the value in that, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 I think once you start talking to someone and start to develop more of a connection it gets harder to ask them out. Probably because you don't want to see them in a bad way. For some people, yes this can happen. That's an example of another type of anxiety where a person doesn't want to create an awkward situation by asking someone out that they've been talking with and building a connection with. But getting comfortable with just having a conversation with a woman, without having some agenda or plan in your head, you exude confidence, which a woman will pick up. From there you can ask a woman out anytime you feel like it. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 But getting comfortable with just having a conversation with a woman, without having some agenda or plan in your head, you exude confidence, which a woman will pick up. From there you can ask a woman out anytime you feel like it. It helps a man get comfortable seeing women as people and not an alien race. Two recent examples for talking to random women as practice: It was raining and I was walking with an umbrella. A young guy smiled and said "Cool umbrella." It's been colder so I've been wearing a hat. Another man said, "I like your hat." These were unsolicited compliments with no agenda, I thanked them with a smile and we both walked on feeling better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author endlessabyss Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 It helps a man get comfortable seeing women as people and not an alien race. Nailed it. This is the problem most guys have. They look at women as some sort of foreign object, when they are just regular people like everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 I have never felt any anxiety when meeting strangers,I always feel completely confident.I think this is why people say weird things to me like I think they're stupid etc etc il never understand that,they think all this stuff in their head based on the fact that I'm not cowering down to them,when I'm doing nothing except being myself. From what I've gathered, even the most socially fit individual will deal with various degrees of anxiety when approaching a stranger; it's something that never really goes away. What you're trying to do is manage the uncomfortable feeling in the midst of having the interaction. As I stated earlier, once you get through the initial approach, the anxiety fades back a great deal. It's a beautiful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 (edited) Dble post Dble post.dbld post. Edited December 13, 2014 by Thegreatestthing Link to post Share on other sites
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