WillLoveAgain Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Me and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up nearly 3 months ago now. We remained in contact because we have been friends for 9 years now and talk everyday but since the break up we only talk every couple of days or once a week. Whenever we hang out he is always saying "if we get back together, things will have to be different"...I have been missing him so I finally told him how I feel that i miss him and I am miserable without him. His reply was "I am not ready to get back together yet" followed by "I don't know what i want"...I need some male perspective please! What is really saying? Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 He's saying exactly what he's saying. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
toffeecream77 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Try this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 There really is nothing to try and figure out here. He doesn't know what he wants. If he knew he wanted YOU then you two would still be together. Did you ever get out of him exactly "what things will have to be different"? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WillLoveAgain Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 There really is nothing to try and figure out here. He doesn't know what he wants. If he knew he wanted YOU then you two would still be together. Did you ever get out of him exactly "what things will have to be different"? We have been fighting for a couple of months and that he said we need to voice out our problems/concern sooner rather than later and he wants to have less conflict which i told him we cannot guarantee because in relationships there are going to be disagreements. His parents doesn't really show emotions and although he would like a different kind relationship than his parents. He grew up with a closed off family while i like to talk about my feelings because that is what i know. Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 It means just what he said. Part of him wants to, another part doesn't or is unsure. You have to let him make up his mind. Honestly, being around him isn't going to make the decision any easier on him - plus, it may just lead him to not want to get back to you.. I'd go NC. Tell him if he ever wants to work things out, he knows where to find you... then, go silent. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 It means that he doesn't want you back and that you are torturing yourself for no reason by being in contact with him. It's pretty straightforward, not much grey area in this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'd stay away from him, if he doesn't hear from you and the fear that you're slipping away from him kicks in then you'll know his true intentions. People want what they can't have, don't wait around for him...let him experience life without you. Only then will he make up his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 agree with the above. give him what he wants give him all the space he needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WillLoveAgain Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Thanks for the advice. How long do I wait? I trully have deep feelings for him and would like to have another chance with him because i respect and admire him. One thing i didn't mention is that he said "He misses me but he also wants to move on but something is holding him back" What does it mean? Link to post Share on other sites
nofeelings22 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Me and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up nearly 3 months ago now. We remained in contact because we have been friends for 9 years now and talk everyday but since the break up we only talk every couple of days or once a week. Whenever we hang out he is always saying "if we get back together, things will have to be different"...I have been missing him so I finally told him how I feel that i miss him and I am miserable without him. His reply was "I am not ready to get back together yet" followed by "I don't know what i want"...I need some male perspective please! What is really saying? Men say what they mean. No mystery, to riddle, no hints and innuendo. He isn't sure what he wants and isn't looking to get back together yet. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 He sounds like he truly needs some space, but his heartstrings may be tugging at him a little bit. Sure he misses you. You're going to miss anyone you spent a large amount of time with. Best way to get him back - NC. Best way to move on - NC. Tell him you have to go NC to heal. Then heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WillLoveAgain Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 I've been friends with my ex boyfriend for 9 years (going on 10) and we have dated on/off for the past 7 years. We were on for the past 3 year but he broke up with me because he couldn't stand the fighting anymore. We've had long drawn out fights before but have managed to solve them. It's almost 3 months ago now since the BU. We remained in contact until about 5 days ago when i told him I want to get back together because i miss him and i am miserable without him. His reponse was "I'm not ready to get back together yet" followed by "I don't know what I want". I asked him directly if he is done trying and want to move on with his life and he said he wants to move on but something is holding him back. He said he needs time to think about what he wants. Please advise on how long should i give him time to make up his mind? Is there any chance that he will come back? I am doing no contact now after reading articles upon articles that this will be beneficial but i am stugguling. All i want to do is ask him if he has made up his mind yet? Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 All i want to do is ask him if he has made up his mind yet? My 2 cents: Stick to no contact. If he makes up his mind that he wants you back, he WILL let you know. You won't have to ask him. If he makes up his mind that he doesn't, then NC is still the way to go for you to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 I feel for you because you're in a tough place: you want to give him space so that he'll make up his mind, and you badly want him to choose YOU...but then that keeps you tied to him, waiting and hoping and unable to move on with your life. It's very, very hard, but true that NC is the way to go, more so that YOU can heal. And it's a real b*tch to do the work necessary to diminish your hope so that you CAN heal and CAN, ultimately, move forward. You have to train your mind, every day, to simultaneously feel EVERYTHING that is in your heart AND direct yourself forward, into the unknown and towards acceptance. It's a huge challenge; don't beat yourself up if you "fail." Here's something to ponder, in the spirit of training your mind: Why do you want to invest in someone who after three years is not sure about you? Don't you feel you are worth having a partner who will stay and try to work through the problems with you, rather than cut out because "there is too much conflict"? This may be a valid reason to end the relationship, but not after a focused, committed period of getting to the root of issues and trying to resolve them. He is willing to risk losing you from his life entirely; do you think you're expendable? A little anger and indignance would serve you well right now. You're well justified and it may be just what you need to force a separation, emotionally, and bring the focus onto YOU. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
st peter Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 you don't want to be with someone who isn't sure they want to be with you. much easier said than done but let yourself meet someone who will be mad for you. once your ex fears you don't want him, that will be when he knows whether he wants you or not. remove him from your life as well, it will help you move on, and maybe make him think about you more. he'll want you more the more he can't have you. best of luck!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WillLoveAgain Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 Here's something to ponder, in the spirit of training your mind: Why do you want to invest in someone who after three years is not sure about you? Don't you feel you are worth having a partner who will stay and try to work through the problems with you, rather than cut out because "there is too much conflict"? This may be a valid reason to end the relationship, but not after a focused, committed period of getting to the root of issues and trying to resolve them. He is willing to risk losing you from his life entirely; do you think you're expendable? A little anger and indignance would serve you well right now. You're well justified and it may be just what you need to force a separation, emotionally, and bring the focus onto YOU. Thanks your insightful message. I will definitely think about my value and be truthful about what this relationship is costing me. Link to post Share on other sites
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