Kind/Nice/Respectful/Good/Honest/Sane/Etc

[sillyanswer]

I'm wondering if there is a female equivalent of this that men see when they are browsing profiles/ads?

 

Some women do this exact same thing... they say they are kind, nice, honest etc and have a profile that basically tells me nothing. Others have a list of all the things they don't want and the list is all the antonyms for kind, nice, honest etc. Those are probably the female equivalents.

 

 

I also wonder if there are some people out there who are not psychos but who put this sort of thing in their ad/profile anyway for some other reason(s).

 

Thoughts?

 

I think some people write these things because they sign up for a dating site without having thought about how to 'sell' themselves and they end up staring at a blank box and all they can come up with are a bunch of bland adjectives. Some dating sites don't let you finish creating your profile until you've put a minimum number of words into it, which also creates pressure to hurry up and write any old guff just to get to the next stage (of looking at profiles). Many of the clichés you'll see in profiles stem from this. I'm sure my first profile sucked, too.

 

You put more thought into writing your post on here than many people put into writing their dating profile. You just have to decide if that's because they are bad at self marketing or because the space between their ears is filled with custard.

[elaine567]

If they read a lot of profiles from people proclaiming themselves as

Kind

Nice

Patient

Respectful

Good

Honest.

 

Perhaps they feel by NOT using those words on their profile, it implies they are:-

Unkind

Nasty

Impatient

Disrespectful

Bad

Dishonest

[salparadise]

I just want to finish the list for them with something like, "And I have never set a kitten on fire." Just for record.

 

When I look at a profile/ad and look at the personality portion of the description, I'm generally looking for things that make them unique as a person, not vehement, rambling promises that they will never lie to me, fly into a violent rage in the middle of a diner or chloroform me and stuff me in the freezer.

 

Thoughts?

 

This is a good observation. Honest people will not walk up to you and immediately try and convince you that they're honest. First, it's just not on their radar that you'd assume otherwise, and secondly, they don't see you as a mark for whatever con they're working today that requires them to gain your trust. To an honest person, trust is mostly assumed if there's no reason to suspect otherwise.

 

Years ago my wife and I were shopping for a car. We went onto a lot and saw a used car that we thought might be for us... so the salesman comes out and spends the first fifteen minutes telling us how honest he was, and the second ten telling us how perfect this car was and how it had never been involved in any accidents or anything like that. Then he gives us the keys and invites us to take it to his [very honest] mechanic to have it checked out by an expert. I took it to my buddy instead and it took him about thirty seconds to determined that this car had been pieced back together with body parts from several cars and repainted. We took it back I told the guy that HIS mechanic told us the truth about the car, and about you... the look on his face was precious.

 

There was a kid I grew up with who was an odd duck. Extremely intelligent but he's now known to be a narcissistic sociopath. He could never hold a job longer than a week and the navy washed him out of the nuclear program. So he comes to me and wants me to produce a brochure for his new business venture (I was in advertising print design). He had been separated from his wife and kids, but they were giving it another try. So he has some copy already written wherein he went on and on about how much he loves his wife and kids––but nothing about why a prospective client would actually want to hire him. I tried to be subtle at first. Finally I said, listen dude, it's assumed that everybody loves their kids... the clients need to know what you can do for them. This make you sound like some kind of psycho! At the time I didn't realize how true those words were. He knew he was psycho, and in his mind the first step was to convince the reader that he was not!

 

The key to writing a great profile is not making claims, but demonstrating... don't say I have a great sense of humor, show it by being funny!

[Exb]

So first up, I know there are probably special exceptions, so if you're one of them, please don't take this as some kind of personal attack.

 

But when I am looking as guys' dating profiles or personal ads, and I see them ramble off this long list of their traits like,

 

Kind

Nice

Patient

Respectful

Good

Honest

 

And so on, it kind of creeps me out. I feel like these things should be inherent, and it just gives me a weird creepy vibe if a guy feels some compulsion to use stuff like this to describe himself.

 

It's almost like he's trying to think of a list of stuff that makes people 'good' and then lists them all as they come to his mind, and it almost makes it seem like.. Idunno, like it's a lot more likely that he's not those things if he's listing them off like that to describe himself.

 

In my brain (which happens to be extremely sarcastic, I can't help it), I just want to finish the list for them with something like, "And I have never set a kitten on fire." Just for record.

 

These types of ads/profiles just stand out to me. They all tend to be extremely similar.

 

When I look at a profile/ad and look at the personality portion of the description, I'm generally looking for things that make them unique as a person, not vehement, rambling promises that they will never lie to me, fly into a violent rage in the middle of a diner or chloroform me and stuff me in the freezer.

 

Like I expect people, standards-wise, to be decent human beings, and I figure that if they're not, they're not going to straight up tell me, anyway.

 

Does anyone else get the same creepy vibe when they see this sort of thing (make or female profiles/ads), or is it just me being cynical and weird?

 

Maybe it's because I've had a handful of cases where I responded to profiles/ads like that, and they turned out to be nuts. I think more often it has been a guy getting to know me, and insists very heavily to me early on how wonderful he is, how every other women has taken him for granted and just this whole thing that almost seems scripted after a while, and then they turn out to be totally nuts.

 

I'm wondering if there is a female equivalent of this that men see when they are browsing profiles/ads?

 

I also wonder if there are some people out there who are not psychos but who put this sort of thing in their ad/profile anyway for some other reason(s).

 

Thoughts?

 

Typical. A guy who actually is kind, nice, patient, respectful, good, honest gets branded as a creep by default.

[Danda]

Typical. A guy who actually is kind, nice, patient, respectful, good, honest gets branded as a creep by default.

 

Not sure I know how to take your comment, sent you have the rolly-eyes heh.

 

But I just figure that someone who is inherently a decent person (kind, honest, respectful, etc) doesn't come out the gate trying to insist to you that they are. They just.. are. Because it's inherent for them, and they expect the same in return from you.

 

And a profile or personals ad is basically a way of introducing yourself to possible mates, people who are browsing, basically.

 

So it comes across to me like they are coming right out of the gate like, "I am a good person and you should totally trust me."

 

If someone introduced him/herself to me that way in-person I would be creeped the **** out.

[FitChick]

I tend to bypass men who don't know how to describe themselves. Shows lack of self-awareness. Generic words just bore me. Don't say you have many interests, tell me what they are. Don't say you are caring, tell me a story about how you recued a deer caught in barbed wire or nursed a sick puppy back to health.

 

I don't say I am affectionate and like to see new things, I say something like "I will run my fingers through your hair while you drive us through the countryside to a stately home for a romantic weekend getaway. I will hold your hand as we stroll along the Thames after spending Sunday afternoon at Tait Modern."

 

Paint a verbal picture for the reader so s/he can imagine themselves with you.

 

I recently found out that Match offers a profile writing service. Now when I read a well written profile I become suspicious. Is the guy that interesting or is he a boring dolt who paid someone?

[Phoe]

I don't view it in any particular way.

 

It doesn't creep me out, but there's no way to know whether it's truthful or not. Same with ANYTHING written in a profile.

 

I'd be more attracted to a profile that said those things than a profile that talks about the guys big prick and how he knows how to please the ladies. Blegh!

[GravityMan]

I think online dating profiles are just mundane, period. This goes for both sexes.

 

This. Most profiles are samey, bland and boring.

 

A lot of people seem to have difficulty describing themselves. They have a hard time answering the questions: "who are you?" "What do you do?"

 

A good chunk of their profiles feel like space-wasting filler. They remind me of people who use fancy vocabulary and synonyms to try and come across smarter than they really are.

 

They try too hard to impress and it usually backfires.

 

Salparadise has it right...the good profiles are usually demonstrative in a genuine way. They actually ARE funny or creative or thought-provoking. They may share a relevant interesting life experience. They tend to be concise, and leave some things to the imagination. You feel like if you were to ask them in person to describe themselves...their answer would be similar to what they'd put in their profile...AND they would spit out that answer promptly, with little or no hesitation, and also without the answer seeming rehearsed or practiced.

 

I'm also a little wary of profiles that seem "too good". There a good chance that they either spent 45 minutes writing their four paragraphs, or had a professional write their profile for them. In both cases the person's probably desperate and is taking online dating a bit too seriously. Dating is supposed to be fun.

[Danda]

I don't view it in any particular way.

 

It doesn't creep me out, but there's no way to know whether it's truthful or not. Same with ANYTHING written in a profile.

 

I'd be more attracted to a profile that said those things than a profile that talks about the guys big prick and how he knows how to please the ladies. Blegh!

 

So far my favorite profiles are the ones with sarcastic tangents about online dating itself.

[Danda]

A lot of people seem to have difficulty describing themselves. They have a hard time answering the questions: "who are you?"

 

IKR. Trying to write mine feels like that Anger Management scene lmao.

[Phoe]

So far my favorite profiles are the ones with sarcastic tangents about online dating itself.

 

The "no one will even read this and no one ever responds to me and I'm tired of the fake bitches so I don't care if you want me message me!!!" profiles.

 

Really?!?!

[Danda]

The "no one will even read this and no one ever responds to me and I'm tired of the fake bitches so I don't care if you want me message me!!!" profiles.

 

Really?!?!

 

Yeah but I have a really warped sense of humor, and I'm also really chill and passive about dating in general. So for me when I'm browsing profiles it feels more like entertainment than pursuit of a lover or something.

 

When I see a profile that I actually find potentially appealing, I just convince myself that they wouldn't be interested in me anyway and keep going.

 

I'm really not cut out for dating at all, but at least I'm somewhat self-aware.

[neowulf]

Thoughts?

 

You bring up good point. It almost seems a little redundant to run around "Saying" you're a good person. Hardly something you'd open with in person.

 

However, here's the thing.

 

I think women generally don't appreciate how honestly "literal" some men are by nature.

 

They're struggling to communicate value. They've read stories, heard about the words that "tick the boxes", so they use them, in attempt to show that they're decent men.

 

Online dating, by virtue of the written profile, puts a lot of men on the back foot.

 

My own father is a great man, but horribly stilted and formal when it comes to writing. He's simply not comfortable communicating that way. He's actually very well spoken face to face.

 

I can understand why it might creep a woman out, but sometimes I feel we (both men and woman) could be served by being a little more understanding with each other.

 

Some men just aren't the best communicators. They're litteral, straight forward, uncomplicated. They've heard women like these qualities and so they just say they have them. It's clumsy for sure, but it doesn't automatically make them creeps.

[Exb]

Not sure I know how to take your comment, sent you have the rolly-eyes heh.

 

But I just figure that someone who is inherently a decent person (kind, honest, respectful, etc) doesn't come out the gate trying to insist to you that they are. They just.. are. Because it's inherent for them, and they expect the same in return from you.

 

And a profile or personals ad is basically a way of introducing yourself to possible mates, people who are browsing, basically.

 

So it comes across to me like they are coming right out of the gate like, "I am a good person and you should totally trust me."

 

If someone introduced him/herself to me that way in-person I would be creeped the **** out.

 

It's an online ad. But whatever. These qualities are not valued by the ladies and in fact they creep out the ladies. Guys are better off being just the opposite.

[guest569]

I wouldn't say I don't trust someone because they come out with these descriptions but it just doesn't mean anything to me until I get to know them for myself. Maybe honesty is the most important thing to them so its worth including, I don't know.

[FitChick]

Sometimes I get the feeling that the list of descriptors is the opposite of what the man's ex wife said about him.

[Danda]

It's an online ad. But whatever. These qualities are not valued by the ladies and in fact they creep out the ladies. Guys are better off being just the opposite.

 

I think you're just venting in my thread, which is okay. Been there myself. Will just let you be.

[Danda]

You bring up good point. It almost seems a little redundant to run around "Saying" you're a good person. Hardly something you'd open with in person.

 

However, here's the thing.

 

I think women generally don't appreciate how honestly "literal" some men are by nature.

 

They're struggling to communicate value. They've read stories, heard about the words that "tick the boxes", so they use them, in attempt to show that they're decent men.

 

Online dating, by virtue of the written profile, puts a lot of men on the back foot.

 

My own father is a great man, but horribly stilted and formal when it comes to writing. He's simply not comfortable communicating that way. He's actually very well spoken face to face.

 

I can understand why it might creep a woman out, but sometimes I feel we (both men and woman) could be served by being a little more understanding with each other.

 

Some men just aren't the best communicators. They're litteral, straight forward, uncomplicated. They've heard women like these qualities and so they just say they have them. It's clumsy for sure, but it doesn't automatically make them creeps.

 

Good point, hadn't considered that perspective. OLD is so awkward for me, I try to feel people out from their profiles but I usually feel unsure/lost regardless. I think I tend to experience it as though they were speaking in person, which can probably make things weirder than they really are sometimes.

[Danda]

Sometimes I get the feeling that the list of descriptors is the opposite of what the man's ex wife said about him.

 

That's how it comes across to me, actually. Like it's a defensive insistence. Probably why it weirds me out.

[preraph]

Certainly there will be people who put that who aren't ; but interestingly, if a person volunteers that they are honest, they usually they are. An old boss of mine who gave me a jump-start when I was young told me that was why he went ahead and hired me.