Insecure about my looks, I think my friend is better than me

[Emma1234]

Hey,

 

I am really struggling with self-esteem at the moment. I am single and 20 years old, I'm quite happy being single but I think I'm just struggling with my confidence.

 

People have always told me that I'm attractive, but then I don't know if I find myself attractive. Also, I have a bit of a problem with my best friend. I love her to pieces, she so lovely and caring, but sometimes other parts of our friendship are a bit too much.

 

She's quite a stressy person, sometimes difficult to be around because of this but we are together 24/7 (as we live, study and do everything together). Like I said she is lovely but sometimes I can't cope with the constant talking about tiny things that she finds stressful. She also brings everything back to her and a lot of the time sounds like she's boasting (especially when we're with other people) but I know she doesn't mean it. I'm also going to sound like such a terrible person but basically we've joined a new social group together and although we both get on with everyone, I get the impression all the guys prefer her and this is just making me doubt myself and judge myself even more. I just feel like crying all the time as I don't feel attractive which is ridiculous.

 

I prefer to think of the whole improve yourself and better yourself but I don't even know if I like the way I look. I am blonde with blue eyes whereas i think I actually prefer brunettes with brown eyes (which is what the majority of my friends are) so I feel uncomfortable with myself but I also know I wouldn't suit brown hair.

 

I sound ridiculous but I can't openly admit this out loud. I hope I haven't come across as jealous, I'm just so insecure.

 

Thank you

[angel.eyes]

There will always be people prettier than you, thinner than you, and richer than you. Accept it. Deal with it! Competing will never bring you happiness. Learn to see the positives in yourself and celebrate those. Learn to love yourself...easier said than done since you're struggling at the moment.

[Danda]

Even if you are jealous that doesn't make you a bad person or anything. People can't help what they feel. Genuinely trying to understand your feelings and then make good choices is what matters.

 

I think you need to try to figure out why you're having so much anxiety about your appearance, but without comparing yourself to anyone else. Make it a sort of 'rule' that you must answer the question, "Why am I anxious about my appearance?" without mentioning anyone else you know.

 

If you try to do this, what does your mind come up with?

 

I'm sure you're wise enough to understand already, as well, that your hair and eye color have nothing to do with how attractive you are. So you already know that it's not something like that, that would be the actual source of your low self-esteem.

 

Another introspection thing that can help is "afraid" statements.

 

I'm afraid that ________.

I'm afraid that if I'm not attractive, then ________.

 

What does your mind come up with?

[spanz1]

there is innate beauty--that you deal with what you are born with.

 

 

but then there is attractiveness. THAT you control yourself. How sexy you act, how you dress to flatter your body, if you have a little of a tease in you, if you are bold in starting up conversations. Those things you can learn and use to your advantage.

 

 

Men might be initially smitten with the god given looks, but after a few minutes, it is the playful one that is flirting and humorous that gets their attention

[d0nnivain]

Growing up all my best GFs were hot blondes. I was the smart brunette. Believe me anybody will have self esteem issues in that situation.

 

You simply have to allow yourself to grow as a person. There will be things she does better. There will be things you do Better.

 

Take what you admire from your BFF & tailor it to suit yourself. My friends taught this nerd to put on make-up, style my hair (really big 80s hair was hard to style & required a lot of product) & they gave me the confidence to dress a bit more provocatively (relatively speaking from where I started deep in the heart of geek-dom).