The Poster Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 We all go through hard times during our lives. We all have to deal with struggles and hardships. I pray every single night before bed and have been doing so for years. Through good days and bad, I'm always praying, and I'm always thanking God for what I have been blessed with and most importantly, I thank him for what he's blessed my loved ones with. These last four years of my life have been hell. I own up to my part in it, but I've also had some bad luck and I've just fallen on really hard times. An immense struggle and I can't seem to get out of my own way no matter what I try. Just can't ever seem to get any forward movement in life. I have never abandoned my faith, it's always there, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't weary at times through these four years. The reason I'm back posting here is because I thought the girl who just broke up with me after a glorious few months was the turning point I was looking for. She is very much a follower of God as well and it seemed like she was sent to me out of love to revive me. She did help me see some positive things within myself for sure, but that doesn't soothe the broken heart I have had since she walked away. It's really, really painful even though it was a short relationship. Anyway, I've decided to take action and work on myself. Work on personal transformation and strengthening my mentality and my faith as well. I've been doing a lot of reading and meditation and just trying to improve myself any little way I can. I have refreshed faith and trust in God to revive me in the ways he seems fit. I know he will. I know he's going to come through for me as long as I continue to have complete faith and trust. My problem is, sometimes during the days and nights, the anguish and frustration is so strong (mainly from the pain of the breakup, but being so deep in the hole in life is a big part too) that I find my faith and trust dims a bit. Not that it goes away or anything, but it takes a backseat so to speak. I don't want it to, and I am sure to keep reminding myself not to, but it does happen at moments. I don't even know what I'm asking here. Maybe I'm looking for comfort that God won't be upset at me for having moments of weakness in my faith and trust. Or possibly just some encouragement and tips if anyone has any to offer. I'm just a lost soul in desperate need of a miracle. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I'm just a lost soul in desperate need of a miracle. It's called the Dark Night of the Soul. (St. John of the Cross). Almost everyone goes through it in varying degrees. And most folks get over it too. So will you. Also, seeing a doc about this may pull you out of it as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 It's good that you are working on yourself. However, I don't think your motive for improving yourself should come from anywhere except within. It shouldn't be because you feel as if you didn't live up to this girl's standards. The truth is that she probably just didn't see you as a good match. Perhaps she will even find someone who has it LESS together than you but who she feels is a good match for her. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 These last four years of my life have been hell. I own up to my part in it, but I've also had some bad luck and I've just fallen on really hard times. An immense struggle and I can't seem to get out of my own way no matter what I try. Just can't ever seem to get any forward movement in life. I have never abandoned my faith, it's always there, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't weary at times through these four years. The reason I'm back posting here is because I thought the girl who just broke up with me after a glorious few months was the turning point I was looking for. She is very much a follower of God as well and it seemed like she was sent to me out of love to revive me. She did help me see some positive things within myself for sure, but that doesn't soothe the broken heart I have had since she walked away. It's really, really painful even though it was a short relationship. Understandable friend. The soul doesn't measure time, I don't even know what I'm asking here. Maybe I'm looking for comfort that God won't be upset at me for having moments of weakness in my faith and trust. Or possibly just some encouragement and tips if anyone has any to offer. I'm just a lost soul in desperate need of a miracle. God is not going to be mad at you for having weaknesses in faith and trust. When we are unfaithful, God remains faithful. You can trust God will do His part (and ours), even when we cannot. Healing takes time. Keep pressing forward. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Poster Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 It's good that you are working on yourself. However, I don't think your motive for improving yourself should come from anywhere except within. It shouldn't be because you feel as if you didn't live up to this girl's standards. The truth is that she probably just didn't see you as a good match. Perhaps she will even find someone who has it LESS together than you but who she feels is a good match for her. Maybe I wasn't clear, but I'm certainly not working on myself because of her. I'm working on myself because I need to transform myself, especially mentally. Things I should have been working on even before I met her. She did say she didn't think we were a good match though. I personally disagree but if that's how she feels then she has every right to pursue what's best for her. I guess I wish she would have made that decision sooner though. Would have saved me some heartache, but such is life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Poster Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 It's called the Dark Night of the Soul. (St. John of the Cross). Almost everyone goes through it in varying degrees. And most folks get over it too. So will you. Also, seeing a doc about this may pull you out of it as well. If terrible debt wasn't one of my issues, I would certainly seek a doctor. But in the meantime, a lot of reading, mindfulness, meditation and soul searching is my best medicine. Working through the pain is a major challenge, but I'm moving along best I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Poster Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Understandable friend. The soul doesn't measure time, God is not going to be mad at you for having weaknesses in faith and trust. When we are unfaithful, God remains faithful. You can trust God will do His part (and ours), even when we cannot. Healing takes time. Keep pressing forward. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body Thank you for this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 If you read His Word you read about all sorts of people who had doubt: David, Job, Elijah, Jonah, the disciples. The night before Jesus' crucifixion, he wept and sweat drops of blood while saying "If possible let this cup pass from me, However, not my will but yours be done." And then of course there was Thomas who had to touch Jesus' wounds to believe He had risen. God already knows us inside and out so He knows our doubts. I think that those who struggle with doubt and in the end still believe develop a stronger faith than those who sail through life. Just like I think people who have had occasion to understand just how badly they NEED God's grace appreciate it more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time. God never gives us more than we can bear. Sometimes self-improvement can feel overwhelming...Where does one even start? If that's the case, maybe pick one small thing that's achievable and focus on that. Once you've succeeded with that, add another. A more piecemeal approach might be more manageable and can boost your self-confidence. You mentioned having significant debt. Can you work with a reputable credit counseling center to come up with a plan? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Poster Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time. God never gives us more than we can bear. Sometimes self-improvement can feel overwhelming...Where does one even start? If that's the case, maybe pick one small thing that's achievable and focus on that. Once you've succeeded with that, add another. A more piecemeal approach might be more manageable and can boost your self-confidence. You mentioned having significant debt. Can you work with a reputable credit counseling center to come up with a plan? Well, anxiety is first and foremost for me. I've already let it destroy my life enough, I can't let it continue. I have to help myself if I want things to turn around. It's hard living in constant worry and dread. Always thinking the worst is always about to happen. It destroyed my first relationship over 3 years ago, and it played a role in this recent one too. I actually feel like over the years I've become a stronger, more confident person. I've discovered who I am and I've learned to love myself, but I still have a long way to go. There's a person deep inside me that I love and want to be, I've got to find a way to let that person thrive. As for the debt, just being smarter financially will help, it just wil take a while. It just gets really hard to push day after day when there's so much pain. It's overwhelming. I'm not giving up, but some sort of miracle would really help me push myself further along. Edited December 11, 2014 by The Poster Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I don't even know what I'm asking here. ... Or possibly just some encouragement and tips if anyone has any to offer. I'm just a lost soul in desperate need of a miracle. I'm not sure if these are the kinds of prayers/invocations you use, but...I AM free on all seven rays or, Mother Mary's invocation for daily growth There's also one for overcoming a spiritual crisis on this page...though I'm not sure if you feel that's part of what's going on for you. Sending you flood-tides of Light. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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