Avoiding your crush can be a way to overcompensate

[Darren2013]

Sometimes a guy will avoid a woman he has a crush on as a way to overcompensate for the fact that he is obsessing over her in his thoughts. So he is afraid that his obsession will become too obvious.

 

So what does he do? He will try too hard to hide his feelings and overcompensate by avoiding her as much as he can or he may avoid looking at her as much as he can. By doing this he hopes to convince her that he is not creepy and not obsessing over her. He may do other aloof behaviors to fake a low interest level in her. He won't dare ask her out.

 

That's what I did for 3 months with my crush. I couldn't do anything about the fact that I was thinking about her all the time so all I did was think of how to suppress what I was thinking and feeling in front of her. I would behave in the exact opposite way to convey the impression that I don't think about her at all.

 

Now here we are in the 4th month and the obsession has toned down and I feel a little more relaxed. I don't go out of my way to avoid her like I used to but I also don't go out of my way to initiate contact with her either. Now I just act indifferent. Meaning I neither encourage nor discourage interaction with her. If she wants to come talk to me (which she has at times since thanksgiving) then fine I will talk.

 

I will merely reflect whatever she does. If she asks about what I am doing for Christmas like she did about thanksgiving then I will in turn ask her what she's doing. This way it shows I care about her but I also won't be nosy and try to get into her business. When she backs off I will back off. She can't rightly accuse me of being creepy for asking her questions if she is doing the same thing.

[newmoon]

yep, lots of guys do this. rather counter-productive to the goal. childish and bizarre behavior. but it happens often, you're not alone.

[Danda]

The way romance works is that if you pursue someone when they don't want you to, that makes you creepy in their eyes.

 

Showing initial interest doesn't make you creepy. If someone (male or female) accuses their admirer of being "creepy" just for an initial attempt, then that someone is a melodramatic ass. Oh well.

 

But again it's only if you keep pursuing someone after they have made it clear they're not interested, that you become genuinely creepy. But there is nothing creepy about flirting with someone or asking someone out initially to gauge interest in the first place.

 

Plus chances are most guys don't even know the meaning of creepy until they unearth the details of the girl who had a secret crush on them in middle school and all of the stalkerish things she did without ever even saying hello.

 

Women totally creep and obsess when infatuated from afar, don't kid yourselves lol.

 

Not actually being creepy is just a matter of respectfully backing off after someone makes it clear they're not interested.

[Got it]

Yes I think females do that do.

 

I remember doing that . . . . I think I was 16.

[Phoe]

I almost always avoid a crush when I have one. Stay as far away as possible so they don't find out, because when a crush finds out I like them, it's always painful. Yeesh!

[Danda]

Yes I think females do that do.

 

I remember doing that . . . . I think I was 16.

 

I was 13 when I had my full-on stalker-crush experience. But honestly how much really changes about our psychology/emotions when we suddenly become adults? We get more experiences and more responsibility, our hormones settle down a bit and we (hopefully) develop more mature methods of coping with stuff. But I think more often than not the 'core' of it all stays pretty much the same.

 

 

I almost always avoid a crush when I have one. Stay as far away as possible so they don't find out, because when a crush finds out I like them, it's always painful. Yeesh!

 

Like this. I can remember being a middle schooler, confessing (via a folded note, of course!) to my crush that I liked him. Then I hid in the bathroom for the rest of the school day. LOL

 

While I wouldn't confess via a note or hide in a bathroom these days, the feelings are pretty much still the same, as far as sheer terror after a confession.

[Phoe]

 

Like this. I can remember being a middle schooler, confessing (via a folded note, of course!) to my crush that I liked him. Then I hid in the bathroom for the rest of the school day. LOL

 

While I wouldn't confess via a note or hide in a bathroom these days, the feelings are pretty much still the same, as far as sheer terror after a confession.

 

Exactly! Haha. I remember in high school when my crush found out I liked him it felt like the most mortifying experience of my life. I didn't want him to find out! My friends found out by guessing it was him, then immediately went to him and told him and asked if he'd go out with me. He said "no, she looks like a dude".

 

He sat right behind me in history class and the remaining time for the rest of the year sitting there feeling like the back of my head was on fire, I can still recall that feeling so clearly, haha!

[Darren2013]

It is better to show too little interest than too much. The risk of showing too much interest is that it can be interpreted as sexual harassment from the other party if they don't feel the same way. By showing too little interest you run the risk of missing out on opportunities but at least you will stay out of legal troubles and you won't humiliate yourself either. More benefits to reap in showing little interest. Avoiding the person is a way to compensate.

[Gloria25]

It is better to show too little interest than too much. The risk of showing too much interest is that it can be interpreted as sexual harassment from the other party if they don't feel the same way. By showing too little interest you run the risk of missing out on opportunities but at least you will stay out of legal troubles and you won't humiliate yourself either. More benefits to reap in showing little interest. Avoiding the person is a way to compensate.

 

Dude, while your generalized statement ^^ has some truth to it, I don't believe that is the case in your case. Based on what you posted here, your crush gave you the green light on several occasions, but all you see is yellow lights.

 

BTW, while I agree with most of your statement above, I'm finding out that avoiding a person you're interested in or even having troubles with (i.e. a bad coworker) just makes it worst.

 

For one, they can probably tell you're purposely avoiding them...And, the stress that comes with manipulating your movements to avoid them also gets stressful and nerve wrecking. Now, when I have difficult co-workers, I try harder to talk to them rather than avoid them...to decrease the tension and try to "counter" my desire to avoid them. So far, it does sorta work.

 

Before things went horrible with my ex-crush recently, when I'd purposely avoid him, I'd feel a terrible sinking in my throat, heart, and stomach. I'm sure that it probably showed too.

 

I don't know what I'm gonna do now though. While I don't wanna do the avoiding thing, cuz I bet he's gonna sniff that I'm doing it intentionally...Kinda like your post, since he just is repulsed by the sight of me and sees me as someone that just doesn't "get it" that he's not interested, I believe avoiding him will save both of us embarrassment, stress, and he won't have to continue with being friendly as a form of pity.

 

So, over all, avoiding depends on the situation, IMO.