girly Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 My boyfriend of 4 and a half years just broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He was the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. Things were great for the first while but over the last year, things had been tougher. We had almost broken up a couple times, but managed to stay together and 'keep trying'. He says that he thinks we've both changed since we started going out and that he wasn't sure if we would be able to make it. I had been asking for reassurances about us, but he didn't know if he could give them to me, and didn't think it was fair to make me wait. He was my first love and I was his. (We are 24 and 28). I think a lot of why he wasn't happy in the relationship is because I don't have the greatest self esteem and was always looking to him to reassure me of things, and at times I would get a little jealous about him going out places without me...I knew it was stupid of me at the time too, and I was working hard on it, trying to change that part of me for the last while. I did trust him and he never gave me a reason not to. He never treated me badly or anything either. Early last week, I caved in and emailed him to see how he was doing and I told him that I have learned a lot about myself in the last week. He wrote back saying that he missed me too and that he just wants me to be happy. He totally broke my heart, but I'm not angry at him, just hurt. We left on good terms...big hugs at the door, a few really nice kisses and lots of tears from both of us. He said that hurting me like that is the hardest thing he has ever done. I really think I've changed through all of this....almost like him leaving turned on some kind of spotlilght on myself, letting me see where I went wrong and how I can fix those things. Does anyone think that there's a chance that we can work things out between us? I would love the chance to talk to him about what happened, but I don't want to do it too soon and push him away. I also don't want to wait too long either. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 first, you need the real reason why he left, or at least tell us more info. How have you two changed? what is soo different that he cannot work through it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girly Posted March 22, 2005 Author Share Posted March 22, 2005 Thats where it gets tricky....I'm not even sure on all those things. I'm thinking that ultimately, it was my insecurities....even though he said that it wasn't. He was never one to blame me for things, and I think he was trying to protect me by saying that. Problem is, I'm driving myself a little nutty trying to figure things out on my own. I come up with all sorts of scenarios. I know I need answers, and I am ready to hear what they are....good or bad, because I need to put my mind at rest. I think it would be better to see him in person to talk about what happened, rather than asking for answers in an email or on the phone....good idea? I don't want to seem like I'm being annoying and harrassing him about it though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girly Posted March 22, 2005 Author Share Posted March 22, 2005 Thats where it gets tricky....I'm not even sure on all those things. I'm thinking that ultimately, it was my insecurities....even though he said that it wasn't. He was never one to blame me for things, and I think he was trying to protect me by saying that. Problem is, I'm driving myself a little nutty trying to figure things out on my own. I come up with all sorts of scenarios. I know I need answers, and I am ready to hear what they are....good or bad, because I need to put my mind at rest. He has said that there is nobody else though, so I guess thats good.... I think it would be better to see him in person to talk about what happened, rather than asking for answers in an email or on the phone....good idea? I don't want to seem like I'm being annoying and harrassing him about it though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girly Posted March 22, 2005 Author Share Posted March 22, 2005 oh man....sorry about the double post... I tried to add one sentence, but messed it all up.....oops. Link to post Share on other sites
davecity Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 girly, Since you guys just broke up, you need to give him a little time to sort out his issues and let him figure out what's going on in his own mind. He probably is very confused right now so I wouldn't try to ask him what the reasons for breaking up were but simply act as a "i'm here if you need me, but I'm not goign to wait hand and foot on you." I know that you are facing some tough times right now, especially because you want answers and you mind begins to wander with a million different scenarios but the best thing you can do is be patient. It took my ex 3 months to finally tell me what was going on in her mind when we broke up. I'd give it about a week of no contact and then maybe drop him an email saying that you are here if he needs you. Don't bring up any questions about the relationship and keep it light. I think that because of the length of your time as a couple he will eventually tell you what exactly is on his mind but if you hound him now he will simply get annoyed and perhaps may not tell you. hope that helps! david Link to post Share on other sites
Author girly Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 So I sent him an email asking if maybe we could talk one day....nothing too serious, just maybe meeting one evening and going for a walk. He wrote back saying that the last 2 weeks have been really difficult and that he's worried that us seeing each other now would just be really tough emotionally and would reopen wounds that are still very fresh. He says though, that he is certainly willing to answer my questions and talk to me more, but that maybe we should wait for a little while first. I know in my head that he's right. I'm not sure if I'd be able to keep it together enough to have a normal conversation with him, but I just want to work things out so badly. Part of me thinks that maybe if we talk now and see how painful this has been for both of us then we'll end up giving it another shot. Thats probably not the right approach though, right? It would probably be better if we take more time to sort ourselves out and then get together to talk when we're both ready. I keep telling myself to just stay strong, give him space and work on myself right now. Thats hard to do though, but I'm trying. I know there's not really a big question in here to answer, but, any thoughts? Think there's still a chance? Link to post Share on other sites
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