SweetKat Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 He broke up with me early Nov. He cited communication problems. It was impulsive, he was angry. The night before he shut-down after a date with two other couples discussing Thanksgiving, we had been together the longest, a little over a year. When we got alone, I noticed he was not talking, and I was feeling insecure, and started crying at his grumpiness. He got mad. The day before, he was saying he was very happy with me and gave me an unexpected gift (not normal for him). The sex has been amazing all along. A week after the breakup, he asked me to come to Thanksgiving at his parents. We had a few dates, and before we went to his parents he asked e to be his grilfriend. He loves me, etc. I said okay, because the whole break-up seemed impulsive to me, and we almost never conflicted. However I found out he had been trying to be a perfect boyfriend and was annoyed with things without telling me. Huh. ok. He is an introvert. He invited me to Christmas at his parents and took vacation and we will spend time together after Christmas. I feel ambivalent about him now. He broke up, and he has spent less time together, like once a week. He never felt regretful for blindsiding me with the break-up. Maybe I should not be limiting my dating if we are going to a distant relationship.. Last weekend I told him... I want to enjoy the loving feelings, not feel like a wary cat. He enjoyed out time together but I still feel wary. I have never ever reconciled with an exboyfriend.. How can it be done successfully? Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 I have never ever reconciled with an exboyfriend.. How can it be done successfully? Through communication. The exact thing he said wasn't working in the relationship. Tell him your expectations, tell him how you felt when you were discarded, tell him how you feel about him now, ask him what he is expecting out of you. There's not much you'll learn asking strangers about your man's desires. Actually yes, you'll learn much. A lot of speculation. Nothing real. So just... You know... communicate with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetKat Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 Through communication. The exact thing he said wasn't working in the relationship. So just... You know... communicate with him. Amazing how difficult it is to be direct about vulnerabilities and expectations. Neither of us enjoy talking about feelings, which made it easy to keep things light, get together and hang out at first. After a while, it becomes challenging . This is just ironic.. we were both Communications Majors in college. Link to post Share on other sites
Narcolept Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Odd isn't it? I have a friend who is very similar. Despite being in a 3 year relationship she was never comfortable with the idea of sharing her vulnerabilities and expectations with her ex. When I talked to her about them she lashed out at me and said "No one talks about these things!" So you're not alone in finding this difficult. I'm not too experienced with this stuff but this is what I think. Like with my friend and like with you, it doesn't always feel natural. Depending on how your friends and family are, this might be something you're not used to. Like you said, it's much easier to not talk about it. When you're with him, it just feels light and natural so why drag things down by talking about heavy stuff like vulnerabilities and expectations? Because without doing that, you'll run into the same problems as before. Just because you don't conflict doesn't mean things are all going well. You can't read his mind and he can't read yours. When he broke up with you, he felt annoyed over certain things and didn't tell you. Now you're feeling wary around him because you were hurt by his actions and you don't know if you can trust him. So tell him that. Tell him that you'd like to work on communication and that you'd like to start by telling him how you feel. If he's an introvert, then you can make the first move and encourage him to do the same. Based on what he tells you, try to understand his own expectations and vulnerabilities and be considerate of them. If he does the same for yours, then you'll know he understands how he can hurt you and is taking care not to. That will mean a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetKat Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 I do still need input and strategy because wording things in a good way will make it easier to get started Link to post Share on other sites
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