earlymorningshakes Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Hey everyone. Supportive answers only, please. I've been seeing my MM for about 6 months now and have known him for longer than that. I don't think either of us intended to fall in love (like everyone says), but we rolled down that hill pretty fast. He started talking about leaving his wife (they do not have children together) and soon after that was saying ILY. This was about 2 months ago that he started seriously talking about leaving and what would happen after that. After a month of nothing, I expressed my concern that he was stringing me along. He promised he was not, he will make the move soon, it's not that easy. blah blah blah. I know it's not that easy because I left my husband 8 months ago and it took a year+ for me to do that. Anyway, he said he planned to be done by the end of the year. Clearly that is not happening. I have a trip planned in January and he was maybe going to tag along - nope, that's not happening either. I see no end in sight and I am really struggling with the waiting. I don't want to walk away just yet. I love him, but I'm also not going to sit around forever and let him be a cake-eater. What I really want is something to invest my time in right now, so I can quit being consumed by him and this situation over the next month. I've started exercising on a regular basis, trying to pick up some at home jobs to consume my time so I won't constantly check my phone but it isn't enough!! What do you guys do to keep busy and keep your mind from focusing on the negative? Link to post Share on other sites
mitzimojo1 Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Try it. I know lots of people who have been in your position and they have tried yoga and it has helped tremendously! Yoga breathing and poses are really good at helping you rid your body of those negative feelings you are harboring. For the hour and half of your class you will stop those negative tapes that are running through your head because you will be so focused on the yoga. And you will leave the class feeling refreshed and calmer. And you will get in excellent shape. And you will leave your phone in the car for an hour and a half. And you know that you should just walk away from this guy until he leaves his wife. If he can have you both he will take his time. It took my mom's guy 10 years to leave his wife. 10 years.... Just sayin. Try the yoga. Seriously! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Yes! Yoga is wonderful for calming your mind and thoughts. It also leads you towards a healthier lifestyle which has got to be a good thing. I don't know where you live, but if you can, try sailing. Getting out on the water works for me! Too busy racing to worry about anything else. Golf is good too. Anything that makes you pay attention and forget all the other stuff is what you need. An affair with a married man will most likely leave you alone and lost. The most important thing you can do is develop your own life and interests so you have something that is yours and that you can fall back on when it all goes to he!!. Believe me, I am living it. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Date available men...I'm serious....you may start to realise what you're missing by investing in someone who puts you at the bottom of the list of priorities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine008 Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Keeping busy is the thing to do now. But also remember, you will still be thinking of him. Have you thought about giving yourself a deadline (in your head) for him to finally do something? And if he doesn't, you take a break. Deadlines help because then you know there is "relief" in sight. Just a little thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author earlymorningshakes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Keeping busy is the thing to do now. But also remember, you will still be thinking of him. Have you thought about giving yourself a deadline (in your head) for him to finally do something? And if he doesn't, you take a break. Deadlines help because then you know there is "relief" in sight. Just a little thought. Thank you for your words. Yes, I have given it thought. I was originally planning to move my deadline until the end of January, but I don't think I can torture myself much longer. I think I'm going to have a phone conversation with him this evening and tell him that I need proof, not just words, if he expects me to stand by waiting. I need action, no more unknowns. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Have you tried dancing salsa, bachata, tango or something similar? Dance is a great way to clear the mind (sometimes better than yoga, in my experience), and it's also a great way to meet people. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Has he moved out of the bedroom with wife,asked for divorce and filed?Its wrong to expect a man to leave his wife. An affair is about cheating not about finding another wife he has one. What makes you think you will be treated any different if you are with him.You could be in wife's shoes and a OW may want him to leave you someday. You know he is a cheater but yet you want him. I say find someone single and run you deserve better and so does his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Date available men...I'm serious....you may start to realise what you're missing by investing in someone who puts you at the bottom of the list of priorities. Love it! Yoga is great, running, cycling basically any form of physical activity. Enrol in a class or learn a new skill. Go mad and try something random you have never done before. Anything but calling him. I actually think you just need to stop calling him. No more deadlines or dates just stop. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Volunteer somewhere. What do you care about? Politics? Animals? The homeless? eradicating a particular disease? your community in general? There are organizations which address all of those concerns & many more. Pick what moves you & roll up your sleeves. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 What do you guys do to keep busy and keep your mind from focusing on the negative? A couple decades ago, back during OM times, aligning with your exercise idea, I took up endurance cycling to get that anaerobic hit that made the brain fuzzy and took all thoughts of MW right out the window. After about two years of that, true to the reality that one can't make stuff up, I was on a 70 mile training ride one day and, having no idea what had become of the MW, I happened upon her walking out of a business she had apparently gone to work for in the interim. That kind of messed things up but the training regimen had changed me so was able to manage the situation better after and was able to do a final 'goodbye' in a healthy way about six months later. The main benefit was really feeling good physically and having a sense of accomplishment away from work stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 What I really want is something to invest my time in right now, so I can quit being consumed by him and this situation over the next month. Isn't that what happens in affairs? We become consumed by all of it. The drama, the pain, the joy, the questions, the waiting, the disappointment, the yo yo , the roller coaster ride...we eat it up. It's our drug. Anything that consumes us cannot be healthy, but I only get that now after being consumed and swallowed whole by my affair. What we fail to see, while we are in it is how the affair will impact us emotionally for years to come. Try meditation to start. Get quiet and still. Seek some answers there. Become comfortable in your own skin and ask yourself what you truly need to be happy. Waiting around for someone and being consumed by someone does not lead to true happiness very often. All that other stuff is just masking or distracting you from the truth. I wish you the best and peace in your heart, RL Link to post Share on other sites
Author earlymorningshakes Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Love it! Yoga is great, running, cycling basically any form of physical activity. Enrol in a class or learn a new skill. Go mad and try something random you have never done before. Anything but calling him. I actually think you just need to stop calling him. No more deadlines or dates just stop. Yes. Well...I did it. And it's hard. I pretty much "broke up" with him yesterday and told him that until he changes his situation, I'm done. Going from talking to someone all day long to nothing at all is tough. I feel like I'm going through withdrawals. Now to look for a class or something... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Going from talking to someone all day long to nothing at all is tough. I feel like I'm going through withdrawals. Now to look for a class or something... One day at a time here. Get support. He's likely to try to keep contact alive. Stay strong and yes, go through the withdrawals. It will eventually get easier, but still hard at times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author earlymorningshakes Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Thank you!! This board is my support. I really appreciate the encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
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