Would meetup.com work for a shy person looking to make friends?

[LisaSmith_1970]

Your thoughts? I've been curious to do it, meetup for happy hour or some activity-they usually have some dinner thing. However, I'm way too shy for that, seeing that everyone will be very outgoing and I will just sit there and not speak as usual.

[Mirages]

I've been in 2 groups. Each has about 100 members. One can be considered social, the other sporting. In the past year I have found more people with agendas there than I care for (not a singles group bear in mind)... It is getting where the ones I meet are ultra liberal activist types, on a mission. So that covers 1/2 of them, the rest don't show up. I believe in larger cities you can find traction with meetup, but currently in my prairie near nowhere, it is like they don't have friends because they are the "ultra liberal activist," and end up on meetup. Just my take on recent times there.

 

I am not anti-liberal, have friends that are such, but when their agenda is to foam at the mouth with it as a condescending identity, get lost, I can out brain them any day.

[salparadise]

I've seen it go both ways... if it's a fairly organized group and you contact the leader ahead of time, maybe explain that you're a bit uncomfortable coming alone and ask if the group is outgoing and inclusive, then perhaps they will take extra measures to help you integrate. I went to one group (but it wasn't purely social- it was instructional) and ended up making a bunch of nice friends. I found that people were a little hesitant to approach but if I made even the slightest effort then they'd always reciprocate.

 

However, another one I went to once (a hiking group) the people were already separated into little clicks and no one felt any inclination to make an effort. I think at a minimum you have to be willing to smile, extend your hand and say, hi my name is Lisa. Do that 3-4 times and you're in.

[EngnimaticResponse]

Your thoughts? I've been curious to do it, meetup for happy hour or some activity-they usually have some dinner thing. However, I'm way too shy for that, seeing that everyone will be very outgoing and I will just sit there and not speak as usual.

 

Is that the only one you can join? I am used to more urban areas so groups are not in short supply. I used to be very shy when I was a kid. Moving away to attend college changed that. I am still am more of a listener then a talker, but I've come out of my shell a bit. I try to find groups that have a range of things going on. My current one does bar trivia every Tuesday night. (More likely to talk if you know the answer). We're a somewhat nerdy bunch. One holds Anime Night at his place(I went tonight), we saw Big Hero 6 Wed, and another had a big party at his house when I first got here(pot luck, he grilled burgers and dogs, sat around the fire-pit and roasted marshmellows and played drinking games, inside for wii and boardgames when it got too cold out.) Fun times.

Edited December 13, 2014 by EngnimaticResponse

[LookAtThisPOst]

Believe it or not, in my area there exists a (and this is not a joke), "Shyness & Social Anxiety Support Group"

 

If you can find a group like that, then you're gold. Though I kind of chuckle if anyone shows up at those Meetups or even talks to each other. The title is ironic. :-)

 

But anyhow, with the typical Meetups, I had to dive right in and introduce myself. Esp. to the ones that appeared just as new as I was...those that hadn't yet struck up a conversation with anyone at the event. Just dove right in.

 

Yeah true, 100's of people are members of Meetups, but never go to a single event. That's why I just contact them through the messaging system to get to know them.

 

Been talking to this one rather attractive woman who lives in my area, says she's been busy lately traveling for work and moving...so hasn't had time to attend events lately. Said she is tired of the online dating scene and would like a more organic way of meeting people.

 

We'll more than likely wind up going on a date as a result than actually seeing each other at a Meetup event. LOL.

 

 

 

Is that the only one you can join? I am used to more urban areas so groups are not in short supply. I used to be very shy when I was a kid. Moving away to attend college changed that. I am still am more of a listener then a talker, but I've come out of my shell a bit. I try to find groups that have a range of things going on. My current one does bar trivia every Tuesday night. (More likely to talk if you know the answer). We're a somewhat nerdy bunch. One holds Anime Night at his place(I went tonight), we saw Big Hero 6 Wed, and another had a big party at his house when I first got here(pot luck, he grilled burgers and dogs, sat around the fire-pit and roasted marshmellows and played drinking games, inside for wii and boardgames when it got too cold out.) Fun times.

[LookAtThisPOst]

In the past year I have found more people with agendas there than I care for (not a singles group bear in mind)

 

Yeah, that's pretty much the agenda of most any SINGLE people in these meetups, though a lot are not labeled with "Singles" in front of the title....most of these "Social" groups or even outdoors groups have 90% singles in them.

Some won't attend events if the RSVP list is full of people they don't find attractive.

Sure they'll short themselves a good time at outdoors hike for the sake whether or not they'll meet someone "cute".

[solo_flyer]

Your thoughts? I've been curious to do it, meetup for happy hour or some activity-they usually have some dinner thing. However, I'm way too shy for that, seeing that everyone will be very outgoing and I will just sit there and not speak as usual.

 

If you're going to sit around and not speak as usual, the problem is not the people around you but your own actions.

 

There's undoubtedly groups for "shy" or socially awkward people in which you might feel comfortable.

 

You have to realise that most people who go to "social" type meetup groups have some kind of irregularity themselves which has excluded them from being in social circles without the catalyst of something like meetup. It's mainly the sports type meetups that have the most "normal" people. And while the previous statement may come across as an insult, I should mention that I have been to probably 50+ meetup events, so this applies to myself as well.

 

What's also through is that I met a lot of people and made some great friends (and enemies!) though meetup.

[kolleamm]

Meetup is great, if anything I was really shy at first, but the atmosphere it creates makes you more outgoing. Definitely try it, you have very little to lose and everything to gain!

[FitChick]

If you are shy then an activity type meetup would be easier for you. Happy Hour requires you to talk as there is nothing else to do besides drink.

[shet]

It's very good provided you can tap into a city area. Between metropolitan centres all you get is pub quiz groups or old retiree walking associations.

 

Like fitchick says, consider the nature of the events a group offers. Waltzing into a bar social is hard. Going to run or cycle isn't particularly social for a newcomer. But joining a hike, or indoor climbing, or a soap making day etc, means time to float around and socialise comfortably.

 

My favoured group is based under an hours drive away, often with events far closer, has about 800 members but a regular roster of perhaps 75 - these figures grow month by month, it's doing very well. I favour outdoorsy stuff and those events average maybe 15 attendees at this wet cold time of year. The main selling point of the group for me is the demographic; a very healthy male/female ratio, around my age, and mostly educated. They're also just good people.

[LisaSmith_1970]

Go figure! I just found a group for shy people in my area! I'll try that one out.

[FitChick]

My favoured group is based under an hours drive away, often with events far closer, has about 800 members but a regular roster of perhaps 75 - these figures grow month by month, it's doing very well. I favour outdoorsy stuff and those events average maybe 15 attendees at this wet cold time of year. The main selling point of the group for me is the demographic; a very healthy male/female ratio, around my age, and mostly educated. They're also just good people.

Do you belong to Spice UK? I'd join something like that if I lived there. Sounds like fun.

 

Can you recommend any groups in Hampshire? My friend (male) has been discouraged with the quality of women he's been meeting. He is educated and very fit.

[shet]

Do you belong to Spice UK? I'd join something like that if I lived there. Sounds like fun.

 

Can you recommend any groups in Hampshire? My friend (male) has been discouraged with the quality of women he's been meeting. He is educated and very fit.

 

Having just looked, if you mean the Spice activity group, they appear to operate hundreds of miles from me, so no. Activity groups more local to me is what I'm a member of though.

 

Hampshire is only one county over but that's still a couple hours drive. I know the UK seems laughably small to Americans. I'm in West Sussex, so London/Brighton is my bailiwick. There is no shortage of anything within that range, including quality women.

 

Tell him to go hang out in Southampton bars, the medical college student girls are pretty, hard drinkers, oversexed, and studying to be doctors. The meetup scene between there and Portsmouth can't be too bad.