Why do a lot of women expect MORE for LESS?

[Maleficent]

While that's a crappy situation for the guy. He's also not a victim because he chose to stick around her.

 

If I was dating a woman who cut off sex for a month without a legitimate reason (and a doctors note) I would drop her without a second thought.

 

 

What bugs me the most about this topic, is that some women actually do cut of sex. Why? If a woman is having great sex with her partner, it seems insane to decide they no longer enjoy it. There has to be a deeper reason.

 

Wait.

If your partner had a medical condition that meant no sex for an amount of time you would expect her to actually show you a medical note???

[sillyanswer]

Could you imagine if we all had accounting ledgers attached to us at the end of each date?

 

"Well it says here that on December 3rd, 1994 that you went out with one Dale Smith and after he bought you two beers, you slept with him. Now, I've just bought you 3 beer so I should at least be getting a handjob! You're 42! Come on!"

 

This has the makings for a zany romcom plot.

[dreamingoftigers]

While that's a crappy situation for the guy. He's also not a victim because he chose to stick around her.

 

If I was dating a woman who cut off sex for a month without a legitimate reason (and a doctors note) I would drop her without a second thought.

 

 

What bugs me the most about this topic, is that some women actually do cut of sex. Why? If a woman is having great sex with her partner, it seems insane to decide they no longer enjoy it. There has to be a deeper reason.

 

And this is the question that I rarely see these complaining guys ask.

 

Granted, it's a passive-aggressive thing to do but I also wonder if passive-aggressiom is the thing in their relationships.

 

I would say in most cases, yes, it is.

 

And this is coming from someone who dealt with this situation.

[somedude81]

Wait.

If your partner had a medical condition that meant no sex for an amount of time you would expect her to actually show you a medical note???

 

You must be great fun at parties.

 

Would adding a somewhere in my post make it better for you?

[somedude81]

And this is the question that I rarely see these complaining guys ask.

 

Granted, it's a passive-aggressive thing to do but I also wonder if passive-aggressiom is the thing in their relationships.

 

I would say in most cases, yes, it is.

 

And this is coming from someone who dealt with this situation.

 

So then it's a way to punish their partner?

 

Overall it just sounds like an unhealthy relationship.

[Maleficent]

You must be great fun at parties.

 

Would adding a somewhere in my post make it better for you?

 

In a party, I would be able to rely on your body language to tell it is a joke.

 

In an anonymous forum, squeezing a joke between two serious opinions will confuse people.

[Gloria25]

Look, Gloria25 better get her post in before this thread either gets locked or too long...

 

BTW, I just KNEW that the female responses here would vary from males...

 

Look, I got a solution...one which for years I said I'd do if I ever got married - which is to: WAIT THREE YEARS AFTER MARRIAGE BEFORE YOU HAVE KIDS.

 

Why? Cuz friends, dating, working together, and/or shacking up are not the same...Now, while you do get to observe things during ACTUAL DATING that may give you indications as to how your partner will act if married - you still need to wait until that ink dries on the paper to see if they'll pull a "bait and switch".

 

But, I agree with the OP. Women now a days want it all. The women's movement is not about equality - it's about women crushing men and having their cake and eat it too.

 

They want marriage and for you to be at their beck and call - but they'll put more energy into their careers. They put the kids in daycare and/or school, won't cook, and are too tired for sex.

 

If you dare say anything to them - you're controlling.

 

When they were single - they were expressing their "sexual liberation", and now that they have kids - they are all "hung up" on how their bodies look and/or now that they're a mommy, they shouldn't be doing those things.

 

Most of them can't even keep a home...literally. They can't cook, they can't budget, and/or can't clean. But, since they have careers - fast food, take out, and/or maid services are in order. I mean, I see all these "maid" services just popping up all over the freakin' place. What's the point of having a career if you have to have "hired help" to do your cleaning/cooking and to care for your kids (i.e. nannies, daycare, schools)? Oh, but your husband getting a prostitute to meet his sexual needs - nooooo way!!!

 

Oh, and despite their lack of ability to maintain a home and/or sexual past - they all somehow think they're entitled to walk the aisle in a white dress. Last time I looked the white dress was a sign of virginity and something to actually "offer" a guy. Now a days, a wedding is just another girl's party that she somehow is "entitled to" cuz she has a vagina.

 

They don't even take care of their bodies. With time and their metabolism slowing down, they'll get chunky. But dare you say anything, you'll be labeled as "controlling", "superficial", and you 'don't love me for who I am'.

 

I could go on and on, but I agree - women now a days want it "their way" - like Burger King.

 

Like some already posted here after you marry and they start showing red flags - get out. Also, IMO, the best thing you can do is keep your eyes open, choose wisely, do not ignore red flags, pre-marital counseling, and no kids three years after you marry.

Edited December 13, 2014 by Gloria25

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I love the hypocrisy. In other threads where I talk about being a PUA and using those tactics to sleep with women.. a lot of women felt I didn't "deserve" to settle down later in life either.

 

Funny how accountability is a one sides thing here.

 

 

No, that was because the tactics you were talking about cause (or could potentially cause) direct emotional harm to others. It wasn't the sex itself that made people believe you wouldn't deserve (or obtain) a serious relationship down the line.

[dreamingoftigers]

So then it's a way to punish their partner?

 

Overall it just sounds like an unhealthy relationship.

 

Overall I think people with P-A tendencies have trouble figuring out exactly what they are feeling and what exactly is stimulating it besides "the other person."

 

When you boil it down, it could be really small stuff that just snowballs.

 

In my husband's case he had (has) real trouble identifying exactly what is frustrating him and how to respond to it.

 

He used to just hold everything inside and then explode.

In his family, everyone helped his mother manage her crazy-ass stress and blowups which ate, sadly, a daily occurence.

 

So growing up, his own expression and realization of feelings was stunted.

But that stuff ALWAYS comes out somewhere. In his case, he becomes withholding and resentful.

 

Something (like clothes left in the bathroom) bothers him. He's irritated by it but won't say anything because he's internally fearful about rocking the boat or upsetting anyone. Internally he has the context that its disrespectful. And he sees it every day and resents it. It snowballs. So the day I, say, "hey let's cuddle" he would blow up about me being too needy and disrespectful etc. Leaving me without the context.

 

It's really messed-up frustrating.

As well, by "not rocking the boat" he creates a partner who (typically) be nervous to ask him things because you never know when things will explode. In essence, he's taken on the aggressive behaviour he's afraid of being on the receiving end of.

 

If there's an issue with sex or even the kitchen sink, it will come up sexually. Often because that is an emotionally charged time. So if there's an emotional disconnect with a P/A person, there will be a sexual disconnect as well. But they'll just end up fighting over the sex.

 

Does that make it a bit clearer?

[CrystalCastles]

But, I agree with the OP. Women now a days want it all. The women's movement is not about equality - it's about women crushing men and having their cake and eat it too.

 

They want marriage and for you to be at their beck and call - but they'll put more energy into their careers. They put the kids in daycare and/or school, won't cook, and are too tired for sex.

 

If you dare say anything to them - you're controlling.

 

When they were single - they were expressing their "sexual liberation", and now that they have kids - they are all "hung up" on how their bodies look and/or now that they're a mommy, they shouldn't be doing those things.

 

Most of them can't even keep a home...literally. They can't cook, they can't budget, and/or can't clean. But, since they have careers - fast food, take out, and/or maid services are in order. I mean, I see all these "maid" services just popping up all over the freakin' place. What's the point of having a career if you have to have "hired help" to do your cleaning/cooking and to care for your kids (i.e. nannies, daycare, schools)? Oh, but your husband getting a prostitute to meet his sexual needs - nooooo way!!!

 

Oh, and despite their lack of ability to maintain a home and/or sexual past - they all somehow think they're entitled to walk the aisle in a white dress. Last time I looked the white dress was a sign of virginity and something to actually "offer" a guy. Now a days, a wedding is just another girl's party that she somehow is "entitled to" cuz she has a vagina.

 

They don't even take care of their bodies. With time and their metabolism slowing down, they'll get chunky. But dare you say anything, you'll be labeled as "controlling", "superficial", and you 'don't love me for who I am'.

 

I could go on and on, but I agree - women now a days want it "their way" - like Burger King.

 

Like some already posted here after you marry and they start showing red flags - get out. Also, IMO, the best thing you can do is keep your eyes open, choose wisely, do not ignore red flags, pre-marital counseling, and no kids three years after you marry.

 

Its weird that you, a woman, are saying these things. Especially all this hate against feminism-type topics like sexual liberation. Why are women not allowed to do the same things men can? Why is sexual liberation for women frowned upon, but it is not for men?

 

You tend to post these posts which have such rage and hate towards women. Why? Are you not yourself one? Do you not want to be regarded as an equal to men? I think that you've posted on here your lack of dating success, so somehow that makes me think that you blame women for your problem. You sound jealous that women, who were sexually liberal in their youth and who..as you put it.."cannot maintain a home" are getting married and you're not.

 

There are many women who can do all those things- be sexually giving and willing to try new things, can maintain a home, can budget, can cook, is kind/loving/faithful etc. I am one of those women. And my female friends are too. Its disgusting that people post posts like this one, and like the OP's. As if women who chose to be sexually liberal are low, unworthy human beings and they shouldn't at all costs get married because they're worthless. Who are YOU to decide that? Who are YOU to pass judgement on anyone's decisions or choices that they make with their body? How does sexual freedom make a woman an unworthy wife?

[somedude81]

She already reeled him in by that point. Look at how hard it is for many guys to get a GF, especially one they have feelings for. A lot of guys aren't so quick to drop a girl they feel they invested in. Now they are married. If he leaves her now, he will have to pay her a crap-ton in alimony. Not to mention she will probably end up owning the house he paid for.

 

Maybe he just doesn't care about sex? So then if he is fine with their arrangement, then so be it.

 

Though if he really does care about sex, and wishes he could have it with her more often, then he's a loser for sticking with her, regardless of how hard it was for him to get a GF.

 

It's ridiculously hard for me to get a GF, but I would absolutely not stick with a girlfriend who thinks of sex as some sort of reward or punishment device.

 

Who knows. Maybe the sex is just mediocre. She slept with a ton of dudes, there are bound to be a lot of guys she has been with that were better than her husband is. Maybe her sex drive has just decreased.

 

I wonder what can cause a sex drive to decrease like that.

[Gloria25]

Its weird that you, a woman, are saying these things. Especially all this hate against feminism-type topics like sexual liberation. Why are women not allowed to do the same things men can? Why is sexual liberation for women frowned upon, but it is not for men?

 

You tend to post these posts which have such rage and hate towards women. Why? Are you not yourself one? Do you not want to be regarded as an equal to men? I think that you've posted on here your lack of dating success, so somehow that makes me think that you blame women for your problem. You sound jealous that women, who were sexually liberal in their youth and who..as you put it.."cannot maintain a home" are getting married and you're not.

 

There are many women who can do all those things- be sexually giving and willing to try new things, can maintain a home, can budget, can cook, is kind/loving/faithful etc. I am one of those women. And my female friends are too. Its disgusting that people post posts like this one, and like the OP's. As if women who chose to be sexually liberal are low, unworthy human beings and they shouldn't at all costs get married because they're worthless. Who are YOU to decide that? Who are YOU to pass judgement on anyone's decisions or choices that they make with their body? How does sexual freedom make a woman an unworthy wife?

 

I didn't say that....

 

I said, lot's of women are sexual before the ring, and after the ring somehow have a "I don't do that anymore" game they play...throwing a 180 if you will.

 

BTW, this work a 9 to 5, kids, keeping a home, and sexing a guy isn't possible. Women usually put "something" on the back-burner. Usually it's the husband and/or kids that get neglected over her career. I don't have kids and working a 9 to 5 and keeping a home isn't small fries.

Edited December 13, 2014 by Gloria25

[Maleficent]

I love the hypocrisy. In other threads where I talk about being a PUA and using those tactics to sleep with women.. a lot of women felt I didn't "deserve" to settle down later in life either.

 

Funny how accountability is a one sides thing here.

 

That only works if the people who told you they felt you didn't deserve to settle down later in life are the same people disagreeing with you in this forum.

 

Having a bunch of women say one thing in one thread and another bunch of women say something different doesn't makes everyone hypocrites.

 

That being said, I have no idea who said you did not 'deserve to settle later in life' because you are using PUA tactics on women so...lol

[elaine567]

Most of them can't even keep a home...literally. They can't cook, they can't budget, and/or can't clean. But, since they have careers - fast food, take out, and/or maid services are in order. I mean, I see all these "maid" services just popping up all over the freakin' place. What's the point of having a career if you have to have "hired help" to do your cleaning/cooking and to care for your kids (i.e. nannies, daycare, schools)?

 

Oh wow!!!

NO point in having a career, when you can spend your time cleaning pots and wiping kids noses, eh??

[dragon_fly_7]

And what exactly is so extraordinary in cooking and cleaning the house? To me they look like basic things any adult should learn.

 

Gloria25,

Sounds like that poster is saying that we should only cook, clean, get married and continue being a reproductive machine...and that going to college is a waste of time. Amazing how this is coming from a woman.

[somedude81]

Oh wow!!!

NO point in having a career, when you can spend your time cleaning pots and wiping kids noses, eh??

 

I think she's right.

 

A mother who isn't there for her kids is doing them a disservice.

 

Why even have kids if somebody else is going to raise them?

[dreamingoftigers]

I think she's right.

 

A mother who isn't there for her kids is doing them a disservice.

 

Why even have kids if somebody else is going to raise them?

 

I have a daughter.

 

I sent her to dayhome during the day and worked.

 

Makes sense. She gets to see her little friends, play and learn some social norms etc instead of being stuck at home while Mom does laundry.

 

As long as we both earn more than the cost of dayhome, it makes sense to send her there.

 

After five (her pickup time) she's all mine for fun, play, bath time, lessons and bedtime. She's also mine all weekend.

 

I love to work. I do. I love to play with my daughter. If I had to do one or the other 24/7 I would grow weary of it.

 

I think a lot of women did.

But no one talks about this to a man. Like, why did you hage kids if you just leave them at home to go work?

 

Plus, you know from your oen family that they don't necessarily stay together. As a woman, then what? Try to go back to work after a ten year hiatus? Put on your resume that you are awesome with Windows 2000? Hah. Good luck with that.

 

My kid needs to eat. I need to be able to feed her.

[sweetjasmine]

But no one talks about this to a man. Like, why did you hage kids if you just leave them at home to go work?

 

Exactly. Men are hardly ever criticized for abandoning their families to focus on their careers. Even if kids never see their dad, it gets justified as him providing for the family even if they family could get by on less and would benefit more from dad actually being around. But when a woman does it, it's self-indulgent and neglectful.

 

My kid needs to eat. I need to be able to feed her.

 

But if you rely on your husband to take care of that for you, you're a lazy, useless, money-grubbing leech, right?

[somedude81]

I have a daughter.

 

I sent her to dayhome during the day and worked.

 

Makes sense. She gets to see her little friends, play and learn some social norms etc instead of being stuck at home while Mom does laundry.

 

As long as we both earn more than the cost of dayhome, it makes sense to send her there.

 

After five (her pickup time) she's all mine for fun, play, bath time, lessons and bedtime. She's also mine all weekend.

 

I love to work. I do. I love to play with my daughter. If I had to do one or the other 24/7 I would grow weary of it.

 

I think a lot of women did.

 

 

Plus, you know from your oen family that they don't necessarily stay together. As a woman, then what? Try to go back to work after a ten year hiatus? Put on your resume that you are awesome with Windows 2000? Hah. Good luck with that.

 

My kid needs to eat. I need to be able to feed her.

 

So then for 5 days week you see your daughter for about 5 hours a day? Assuming either you or her goes to bed at 10. Something about that just doesn't sit right with me.

 

But no one talks about this to a man. Like, why did you hage kids if you just leave them at home to go work?

 

That's because men have always been expected to work and support their family. In the thousands of years of human history, only now are women working and counting on other people to raise their kids and take care of the house.

 

Also, I believe that in the vast majority of cases it's the woman who wants to have children. So it just seems bonkers for me a woman to want kids, and then never spend time with them.

[somedude81]

 

 

But if you rely on your husband to take care of that for you, you're a lazy, useless, money-grubbing leech, right?

 

I have never heard of anybody calling a stay-at-home mom a lazy, useless leach or anything like that.

 

If I ever get married and have kids, I would want my wife to focus her time and effort on the kids.

[sweetjasmine]

That's because men have always been expected to work and support their family. In the thousands of years of human history, only now are women working and counting on other people to raise their kids and take care of the house.

 

Not really true. There's a long history of poor and working class women working and of wealthy families hiring governesses, servants, and nannies to raise children and care for the household. That's not even considering pre-industrial revolution farming, where both men and women worked together.

[Gloria25]

Not really true. There's a long history of poor and working class women working and of wealthy families hiring governesses, servants, and nannies to raise children and care for the household. That's not even considering pre-industrial revolution farming, where both men and women worked together.

 

And how did those kids turn out? What do you do when they call the nanny "mommy"?

 

Sad thing is that it's common place now a days.

 

No one getting paid minimum wage is gonna care for your kids like you do. A gf of mine on more than one occasion complained about school teachers and/or day care doing this or that and I'd just sit in silence.

[sweetjasmine]

And how did those kids turn out?

 

You think children raised by governesses on great estates didn't turn out okay?

 

No one getting paid minimum wage is gonna care for your kids like you do. A gf of mine on more than one occasion complained about school teachers and/or day care doing this or that and I'd just sit in silence.

 

It's a shame you know how to raise her kids better than she does. Maybe you should borrow them and show her how it's done.

[Snaggletooth]

Look, Gloria25 better get her post in before this thread either gets locked or too long...

 

BTW, I just KNEW that the female responses here would vary from males...

 

Look, I got a solution...one which for years I said I'd do if I ever got married - which is to: WAIT THREE YEARS AFTER MARRIAGE BEFORE YOU HAVE KIDS.

 

Why? Cuz friends, dating, working together, and/or shacking up are not the same...Now, while you do get to observe things during ACTUAL DATING that may give you indications as to how your partner will act if married - you still need to wait until that ink dries on the paper to see if they'll pull a "bait and switch".

 

But, I agree with the OP. Women now a days want it all. The women's movement is not about equality - it's about women crushing men and having their cake and eat it too.

 

They want marriage and for you to be at their beck and call - but they'll put more energy into their careers. They put the kids in daycare and/or school, won't cook, and are too tired for sex.

 

If you dare say anything to them - you're controlling.

 

When they were single - they were expressing their "sexual liberation", and now that they have kids - they are all "hung up" on how their bodies look and/or now that they're a mommy, they shouldn't be doing those things.

 

Most of them can't even keep a home...literally. They can't cook, they can't budget, and/or can't clean. But, since they have careers - fast food, take out, and/or maid services are in order. I mean, I see all these "maid" services just popping up all over the freakin' place. What's the point of having a career if you have to have "hired help" to do your cleaning/cooking and to care for your kids (i.e. nannies, daycare, schools)? Oh, but your husband getting a prostitute to meet his sexual needs - nooooo way!!!

 

Oh, and despite their lack of ability to maintain a home and/or sexual past - they all somehow think they're entitled to walk the aisle in a white dress. Last time I looked the white dress was a sign of virginity and something to actually "offer" a guy. Now a days, a wedding is just another girl's party that she somehow is "entitled to" cuz she has a vagina.

 

They don't even take care of their bodies. With time and their metabolism slowing down, they'll get chunky. But dare you say anything, you'll be labeled as "controlling", "superficial", and you 'don't love me for who I am'.

 

I could go on and on, but I agree - women now a days want it "their way" - like Burger King.

 

Like some already posted here after you marry and they start showing red flags - get out. Also, IMO, the best thing you can do is keep your eyes open, choose wisely, do not ignore red flags, pre-marital counseling, and no kids three years after you marry.

 

Yup, that applies to many and I could write a similar post about men. What it comes down to is that people are becoming ever more spoilt and selfish and are more concerned with what they can get than what they can give, More concerned with their "needs" than their partners.

 

I look at my parents, my old man would rather cut his dick off than cheat, look elsewhere or do anything to fail the old goat. The goat would rather walk round in rags and spend her days digging fields with her bare hands than place material or childish/princess demands on the old man. Both would have sacrificed any personal desire or want to keep the family together and provide a stable home. It's not all based on love and joy joy happiness, not for over 50 years, there's a hell of a lot of responsibility, duty, honour and sacrifice thrown in.

 

So many today, they ruin themselves with their greed, selfishness, laziness, lust, "needs", self pity and then expect others to desire them. Expect more for less.

[Mister Zen]

I married a homeless guy.

 

He did have a nice backpack though.

 

Yeah.. and you represent the majority of women since when?