Sweetheart101 Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 Okay- I have this friend, and we are pretty close and really good friends. Well when we first met and up until he has his current girlfriend right now, he asked me out so many times and I always did turn him down. Well go figure, he gets the girlfriend and I want him. I realized all along I really did like him, and now it was too late. Well its been about a year now and he is still with her and we dont talk as much anymore. But when I do see him he always flirts with me and walks by and grabs my ass or something along those lines, you know. to me he still seems interested. So I told him I liked him alot and wanted to be with him. Of course he has a girlfriend now and he said the only thing he can offer to me is having me on the side, and I dont think he meant as on the side dating, I think he meant on the side friends with benefits. I was offended at first, but im thinking about it. Would it be so bad? Could he eventually fall again for me and want to leave her for me? He can't love her like he says if he is willing to do this, but hes says he would only do it because its me, which we do still have a little spark there but..... We are really good friends and I know if we started this, it would be a little hard, yes, because I have tremendous feelings for him but he would treat me good and I know he cares about me. But I am thinking if all he can offer to me is sex right now, what if all those times he asked me out, that was his goal-to sleep with me, I honestly wonder is that spark a real spark? And then I wonder if we start fwb would he just sleep with me one time and say oh well i love my girlfriend and I cant do this, which would mean all along he just wanted to do that and not really be with me like i thought, but if he kept doing it with me that would tell me he doesn't wanna let go yet and theres a chance he can be mine. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 It will be a complete disaster if you offer yourself on the side to him. Even if you would win him over, which you in all probability would not, how would it feel to have a boyfriend who did not offer the decency to his girlfriend of the time, to pursue things with you? You'd be paranoid, and that's because of your own doing. And what "prize behavior" this man shows to you. Would you marry a man who was willing to do a woman on the side? If he wants you, he knows he has to break up with his girlfriend. And you know that. Look for someone else in the meantime. If he wants to be with you, he will make things such so he can be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 FWB need to be FWB and thats all. You can't agree to be FWB with the intention of tricking him to leave his gf for you. And sometimes that spark is just sexual attraction and maybe once he gets it, he will go back to his gf because it comfortable and leaving her for you will be complicated. I mean all just ideas but even if he did leave his gf for you, what makes you think he wont do the same thing to you? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 If you sleep with him I'm guessing you'll get attached to him based on what you wrote. Then he'll either break up with his gf to be with you (unlikely) and you'll began having trust issues because he cheated on her with you. Or, more likely, he won't drop his gf for you and you'll get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 Well, sounds like your getting yourself in the middle of a mess. If you really want to persue friends with benefits then you must be careful. He has been with this girl for a while so, he might not leave her as fast as you thnk he will. He just wants a piece of ass. He must not be having sex with his girlfriend. IF you like him and you are friends I wouldn't go through with it. Reason being is that you like him alot and he sounds like he wants you on the side (sex purposes only). So, you might get yourself hurt in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 I think you might ask yourself what you hope to get out of it with this guy. Are you looking for happily every after, Mr. Right...or just Mr. Right Now? If you think there is chance you really want to be with this guy and and in it for it to turn into something long term and lasting then I would highly advice you avoid the FWB path. You don't want to set a presidence from the beginning with a relationship that it is ok for him not to be 100% committed to you if your goal is to have a relationship with him. A FWB rarely turns into a stable relationship and primarely because from get go it was based on a foundation of dishonesty. I have been done the road for FWB and it only works so long as both people's intensions are that they just want the s*x with no commitment. Sounds like you are hoping for a commitment and you are in for a dissappoint if that is the case. You deserve to have this guy's utt most attention and all eyes on you. It will drive you nuts knowing that when he leaves you he is going to be with her. You will get crazy with envy wondering what he is doing with her and you start to wonder why you are not enough and why he needs both. So my advice is save yourself the pain and frustration and set this guy straight from get go by letting him know that you really do like him and would like to be with him but that you are not about to just be a side dish. Nothing wrong with dating more than one person so don't get me wrong there. But you shouldn't give him the best of you if he is not willing to take the rest also. Trust me this guy would like nothing more to have his cake and eat it too but it is up to you to hold him to higher standard and more importantly yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 Dont do it. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 What d'arthez said. cheater + milk for free = you lose and the catch is even if you 'win' you lose. move on. you deserve better. Hell we all do........although i got an opening for a girl on the side Link to post Share on other sites
angelj Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 no. dont do it or you will waste a good number of days, months, maybe years of your life hoping and wishing and thinking.... even if he leaves her for you, hes been with her for quite some time, hes got feelings. hes gonna have to get over her in order to give you a proper relationship...and hello!! he actually OFFERED you the position of the on the side girl???? do they have applications for that or something? dont do it. save yourself the heartache, bellyache, tears...just dont do it. Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Becoming his FWB is a BAD idea, because you want more. This is why FWB relationships are so dangerous. When the two people are good friends anyway, but just want to hook up for fun and are truly on the same page (and are both not otherwise involved with anyone else), it can be a blast under the right circumstances, but when somoene is cheating on someone, and someone clearly has deeper feelings, but "sex is all [the other person] can offer now", that's just really BAD. DON'T do it. You will feel used (which will be because he IS using you, even if he is using you with your consent), and cheap, and regret it afterwards. After being with him, you will gradually fall for him more and more if your underlying feelings are already there, and you will see him go back to his GF at night and you will know what is going on, and it will tear you up inside. Save yourself a lot of pain and grief. Go find someone who does not already have a GF who wants to be with and spend time with only you - or at least someone who is not involved and has the possibility of becoming that type of good relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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