divorced but still together

[Mark Rich]

The other day I met this beautiful 31 year old at the gym. It was love at first sight and the feeling seemed mutual. She told me she was 31 and has two kids aged 11 and 9. She got married at 17 and says she divorced 4 years ago but is still living with the guy. Said they had an understanding and were both free to do as they want.

 

I took this as my cue and several days later I walked her to her car and asked her out. She gave me her cell number and told me that she would call me on Saturday or Sunday. She asked me to keep things low profile around the gym and we agreed on the best times for me to call her.

 

I have met her husband before at the gym and on Saturday morning they both showed up. I shook hands with him and she seem surprised that I knew him. On Sunday they both showed up again and I kept my distance and so did she. She did not look at me or kiss me hello and goodbye like on previous days.

 

She did not call me over the weekend. I really like her and want to pursue things more. I also want to know what the hell her situation is. Should I call her? I don't think I should. Should I ask her why she did not call next time that I see her? Should I ask her out again? As I see it, the ball is in her court and I don't want to blow it.

[Tony T]

You can probably write this one off. The only place this may "work out" is at the gym.

 

The minute she found out you knew her ex husband, she felt uncomfortable. She still lives with the guy and probably depends on him fiancially for support of her children and other things.

 

While she may be divorced from him, she still has to be sensitive to certain things since she is right there in the same house. It is extremely awkward for most decent women to date someone an ex knows, friend or not.

 

She does not want to date a man who knows her ex husband and particularly while he is still living with her. There is NO other reason she wouldn't have called you, unless she was ill.

 

Don't call her and don't EVER ask any woman why she didn't call. Assume either something happened or it was just rudeness. Minimize your contact with her when you see her and if another move is to be made it is, as you said, in her court now.

[Mark Rich]

Thank you Tony, I hear you. It's a shame because I have not felt this much electricity in a while. I could sense that she was head over heels for me and I felt the same. She's also one of the most gorgeous women I have ever met.

 

Should I still approach her and say hello at the gym? I used to help her out w/some excercises. Should I continue to do so?

You can probably write this one off. The only place this may "work out" is at the gym. The minute she found out you knew her ex husband, she felt uncomfortable. She still lives with the guy and probably depends on him fiancially for support of her children and other things.

 

While she may be divorced from him, she still has to be sensitive to certain things since she is right there in the same house. It is extremely awkward for most decent women to date someone an ex knows, friend or not. She does not want to date a man who knows her ex husband and particularly while he is still living with her. There is NO other reason she wouldn't have called you, unless she was ill.

 

Don't call her and don't EVER ask any woman why she didn't call. Assume either something happened or it was just rudeness. Minimize your contact with her when you see her and if another move is to be made it is, as you said, in her court now.

[Tony T]

Be nice, be cordial...relate to her in exactly the same way that you have. But DON'T bring up doing anything outside the gym with her.

 

It is really odd to be divorced from someone and still have them living with you four years later. People are weird...but this is the new millenium, I guess.

 

One day, perhaps she will feel a little better about this and approach you again about doing other things. Meanwhile, just be your normal self around her and relate to her exactly as you always have...unless she seems uncomfortable even with that. Then, just back off totally.

 

Yes, it is ashamed. But stranger things happen in this world.

[Mark Rich]

To shed some light on her situation, I gather they stayed together because of the kids. They moved here from another country about a year ago in search of a better life for themselves and their children. They have overstayed their tourists visas and he is still trying to find a job in his field. It's probable that if he lands a job he will have to relocate out of state thus leaving her alone. She currently spends her days learning english, going to the gym and taking care of the kids. They have a nice home and two cars but I know there's a mortgage and she obviously has to be looking at her options.

Be nice, be cordial...relate to her in exactly the same way that you have. But DON'T bring up doing anything outside the gym with her. It is really odd to be divorced from someone and still have them living with you four years later. People are weird...but this is the new millenium, I guess. One day, perhaps she will feel a little better about this and approach you again about doing other things. Meanwhile, just be your normal self around her and relate to her exactly as you always have...unless she seems uncomfortable even with that. Then, just back off totally. Yes, it is ashamed. But stranger things happen in this world.