When should a guy give up on OLD?

[JuneJulySeptember]

How many rejections should a guy go through before just giving up on OLD?

 

My optimism has gone from guardedly high to almost zip.

 

I understand that people are free to choose whomever they want, but when you are the one always soliciting ...

 

"Hey, you seem interesting"

No thanks.

 

"Hey, you seem cool and cute."

No thanks.

 

"I like your profile."

No thanks.

 

I realize I don't know any of these women and that does make the rejections easier, but this kind of repeated rejection does take it's toll. I see a lot that I like, and nobody thinks I'm cute or is willing to give me a chance.

 

So guys WHO ARE IN MY SIMILAR SITUATION, how many rejections does it take to normally receive a response? Right now, I am up to about 30.

Edited December 14, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Danda]

I'm a woman and so this is just extra input on top of the male responses. I get rejected, too, but I also imagine it's different because of the extra pressure on guys to be pursuers, maybe.

 

But I think that if you are feeling bad (deflated, frustrated, low self-esteem, etc) then it might be a good idea to step away from it for a while. In my opinion OLD should feel like a lighthearted "just seeing what's up" sort of thing, like low expectations but a laid back attitude.

 

I don't think you should subject yourself to something that is making you feel bad.

 

I know after I get rejected, if I was harboring any hope against my control, I will usually take some down time for a bit, just to like, emotionally recuperate and brush myself off.

[insert_name]

Take it from someone who knows: your first mistake was to have any optimism at all.

 

I went into it thinking I would get a break at some point and consequently it has taken me a good long while to realise that OLD owes me nothing and to get over the disappointment that I will probably not meet the girl of my dreams via this method. There are simply too many variables at play making the odds ridiculous.

Once you become accepting of this the lack of replies will cease to affect you as you will expect nothing back anyway.

 

I am far happier with OLD now that I am doing my best to open up other avenues that involve meeting people in real life. Now I am not reliant on OLD to meet girls I see it for what it is, a novelty sideshow where I put in minimal effort so if nothing comes back then I have not lost anything bar 30 minutes each week. Not getting a response is not a rejection, god knows I have heard so many people say that they saw girls from OLD in real life and hit it off with them when they got no response online. I have done it myself, a girl I met recently I would probs have not messaged if I had seen her on a dating site. It really does play with your mind and skew your perceptions so not getting a response is no reflection on you.

 

I do wonder about the opening lines you are using (if thats a summary of what you say or actual verbatim). You could try some observational humour but then on the flip side you can end up like me spending ages looking for something awesome to say and its just wasted effort so perhaps keep it generic and minimal.

 

So yeah, don't give up entirely just minimise your time investment expect nothing in return and keep doing things to expand your social circle offline.

Also as I said in another thread, look for ways to take positives from it. I go to the gym every time I send a message without response and I feel pretty good about myself afterwards, so some girl who wasnt interested has actually helped me improve my self esteem.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Take it from someone who knows: your first mistake was to have any optimism at all.

 

I went into it thinking I would get a break at some point and consequently it has taken me a good long while to realise that OLD owes me nothing and to get over the disappointment that I will probably not meet the girl of my dreams via this method. There are simply too many variables at play making the odds ridiculous.

Once you become accepting of this the lack of replies will cease to affect you as you will expect nothing back anyway.

 

I am far happier with OLD now that I am doing my best to open up other avenues that involve meeting people in real life. Now I am not reliant on OLD to meet girls I see it for what it is, a novelty sideshow where I put in minimal effort so if nothing comes back then I have not lost anything bar 30 minutes each week. Not getting a response is not a rejection, god knows I have heard so many people say that they saw girls from OLD in real life and hit it off with them when they got no response online. I have done it myself, a girl I met recently I would probs have not messaged if I had seen her on a dating site. It really does play with your mind and skew your perceptions so not getting a response is no reflection on you.

 

I do wonder about the opening lines you are using (if thats a summary of what you say or actual verbatim). You could try some observational humour but then on the flip side you can end up like me spending ages looking for something awesome to say and its just wasted effort so perhaps keep it generic and minimal.

 

So yeah, don't give up entirely just minimise your time investment expect nothing in return and keep doing things to expand your social circle offline.

Also as I said in another thread, look for ways to take positives from it. I go to the gym every time I send a message without response and I feel pretty good about myself afterwards, so some girl who wasnt interested has actually helped me improve my self esteem.

 

Those are not verbatim lines.

 

It's just an example of women I am somewhat interested in turning me down.

 

Once again, it just doesn't make sense. If a woman turns you down online, why would she accept you in 'real life'?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Take it from someone who knows: your first mistake was to have any optimism at all.

 

I went into it thinking I would get a break at some point and consequently it has taken me a good long while to realise that OLD owes me nothing and to get over the disappointment that I will probably not meet the girl of my dreams via this method. There are simply too many variables at play making the odds ridiculous.

Once you become accepting of this the lack of replies will cease to affect you as you will expect nothing back anyway.

 

I am far happier with OLD now that I am doing my best to open up other avenues that involve meeting people in real life. Now I am not reliant on OLD to meet girls I see it for what it is, a novelty sideshow where I put in minimal effort so if nothing comes back then I have not lost anything bar 30 minutes each week. Not getting a response is not a rejection, god knows I have heard so many people say that they saw girls from OLD in real life and hit it off with them when they got no response online. I have done it myself, a girl I met recently I would probs have not messaged if I had seen her on a dating site. It really does play with your mind and skew your perceptions so not getting a response is no reflection on you.

 

I do wonder about the opening lines you are using (if thats a summary of what you say or actual verbatim). You could try some observational humour but then on the flip side you can end up like me spending ages looking for something awesome to say and its just wasted effort so perhaps keep it generic and minimal.

 

So yeah, don't give up entirely just minimise your time investment expect nothing in return and keep doing things to expand your social circle offline.

Also as I said in another thread, look for ways to take positives from it. I go to the gym every time I send a message without response and I feel pretty good about myself afterwards, so some girl who wasnt interested has actually helped me improve my self esteem.

 

Would you do me a favor?

 

If I send you a PM, will you answer a question for me?

[Rich34]

If you are not good looking, you should not even bother with OLD in the first place.

[kolleamm]

I had a very similar thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/497656-old-how-many-messages-before-you-give-up

[JuneJulySeptember]

I had a very similar thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/497656-old-how-many-messages-before-you-give-up

 

Can you do me a favor if I send you a Private Message?

[insert_name]

Would you do me a favor?

 

If I send you a PM, will you answer a question for me?

 

Yeah fire away.

[insert_name]

Those are not verbatim lines.

 

It's just an example of women I am somewhat interested in turning me down.

 

Once again, it just doesn't make sense. If a woman turns you down online, why would she accept you in 'real life'?

 

Choosing a suitor when you have some still pics and a load of text about them is totally different to having them engaging you in person. Your character is able to come across better, plus the whole thing online is that its online dating, the dating thing is already out there so women online will hold you to the criteria for their ideal man.

 

Meeting women in real life is a bit more insidious, you strike up conversation where there is no mention of a dating context then ramp up your interest. The dating aspect comes into play once they have already had a chance to get comfortable in your company and rapport has been built. Its a major difference to a girl seeing your profile and making a snap judgement whether you are worthy enough to be a romantic partner.

[kolleamm]

Can you do me a favor if I send you a Private Message?

 

Depends what you mean by favor

[PegNosePete]

So guys WHO ARE IN MY SIMILAR SITUATION, how many rejections does it take to normally receive a response? Right now, I am up to about 30.

Then, you're probably doing it wrong.

You need to have a great profile, photos and initial message to get a response.

If your profile and photos suck you will get no responses no matter how many messages you send.

[LookAtThisPOst]

When you've exhausted your options of emails you've sent to the same women you keep seeing on the site. I think I may have reached that point where I've emailed everyone I could have emailed.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Then, you're probably doing it wrong.

You need to have a great profile, photos and initial message to get a response.

If your profile and photos suck you will get no responses no matter how many messages you send.

 

OK.

 

Find a good profile (text part) and show me.

[PegNosePete]

I sent you a few by PM to avoid splashing people's links all over here.

[JohnnyRico]

30 is not a lot. Certainly too soon to be giving up.

 

I had decent success with online dating, I went on 7 dates in the 4 months I was using it. My contact history says I've contacted nearly 400 women, its likely over 500 when you factor in it not counting girls who have since deleted their profiles. In addition 2 of the 7 I dated made first contact with me, so it took me on average more than 100 messages to get a date.

 

My sugestion is to not think too much about who you'd like to date before sending out messages. Send out messages to all the women (except those you find very unattractive), then decide who you'd most like to date from the ones that respond positively.

[PegNosePete]

My sugestion is to not think too much about who you'd like to date before sending out messages. Send out messages to all the women (except those you find very unattractive), then decide who you'd most like to date from the ones that respond positively.

My suggestion is the opposite of this. Quality rather than quantity. Be very selective and tailor your messages to the individual, based on their profile and shared interests. I got around 1 in 10 response rate that way, and almost all of the responses turned into a phone call and a real-life meeting.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I sent you a few by PM to avoid splashing people's links all over here.

 

Thanks for the links dude.

 

Those are pretty remarkable profiles. All the guys do pretty remarkable things, definitely like to show them off, and stand out.

 

So basically you have to have a remarkable profile to attract a response from a female with an unmremarkable profile.

 

Ok. I need to decide if I want to play that game. It'll take some work, on and offline. I do feela little like a fraud doing that.

 

But your links were really helpful.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Been there, done that. Didn't get me a date though.

 

I'd sometimes would throw in a specific question in regards to our common thoughts and hobbies and at best I'd get a response but only answering that question, but no engagement. No follow-up.

 

 

Thanks for the links dude.

 

Those are pretty remarkable profiles. All the guys do pretty remarkable things, definitely like to show them off, and stand out.

 

So basically you have to have a remarkable profile to attract a response from a female with an unmremarkable profile.

 

Ok. I need to decide if I want to play that game. It'll take some work, on and offline. I do feela little like a fraud doing that.

 

But your links were really helpful.

[PegNosePete]

So basically you have to have a remarkable profile to attract a response from a female with an unmremarkable profile.

No. You need to have a remarkable profile to get replies from the remarkable females. Why would you even bother writing to someone with an unremarkable profile? Do you want to date someone who is boring, or too lazy to write a decent profile?

 

Be picky, and you will get much better results than if you "carpet bomb".

[JohnnyRico]

My suggestion is the opposite of this. Quality rather than quantity. Be very selective and tailor your messages to the individual, based on their profile and shared interests. I got around 1 in 10 response rate that way, and almost all of the responses turned into a phone call and a real-life meeting.

 

If OP can't stand the feelings of rejection then... spending ages tailoring messages to individual girls, thinking about what he likes about them and why they'd be good together, only to not receive responses from 90% of them... probably isn't good for his mental health.

Edited December 15, 2014 by JohnnyRico

[JuneJulySeptember]

No. You need to have a remarkable profile to get replies from the remarkable females. Why would you even bother writing to someone with an unremarkable profile? Do you want to date someone who is boring, or too lazy to write a decent profile?

 

Be picky, and you will get much better results than if you "carpet bomb".

 

Because I want an everywoman. Is that so wrong?

 

I'm no spring chicken and I know what I want, and it is a down to Earth, chill girl with as little pretension as possible.

 

I purposely avoid profiles where women have pics of themselves doing improv comedy, are absolutely PASSIONATE about their job, and list Bora Bora and Phuket as 'hot spots'. Nothing wrong with that, it's just not a match for me.

 

I message woman who say they watch sports, movies, and TV, and enjoy dinner and drinks with friends. And my profile says the same and is, I will admit, rather unremarkable (though well written). I am a decent writer (as are most of the males who can't get dates here, ironically).

 

So my question remains. Do I need a remarkable profile to get a response from a female with an unremarkable profile?

 

It's a legitimate question. I'm messaging women who have profiles who could be facsimiles of my own, at least text wise.

Edited December 16, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[solo_flyer]

The whole concept of most online dating sites is set up in a way that just keeps chasing women away and sets most men up for rejection.

 

Please see this article which summarizes the process nicely in a chart:

Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating « OkTrends

 

Fortunately, online dating is just one thing and rejection in that forum has little bearing on rejection in life in general.

[JuneJulySeptember]

The whole concept of most online dating sites is set up in a way that just keeps chasing women away and sets most men up for rejection.

 

Please see this article which summarizes the process nicely in a chart:

Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating « OkTrends

 

Fortunately, online dating is just one thing and rejection in that forum has little bearing on rejection in life in general.

 

Haha. The flowchart. I love it. So true, so true.

[LookAtThisPOst]

If OP can't stand the feelings of rejection then... spending ages tailoring messages to individual girls, thinking about what he likes about them and why they'd be good together, only to not receive responses from 90% of them... probably isn't good for his mental health.

 

Yeah, done the whole "tailor the email thing" with just the same results....little or no responses. Even attempted to ask a couple of questions about a specific hobby, interest, or activity. When it came to outdoors, I would ask what is their favorite state park they like to kayak or a certain scene to a comic book movie (if they notated they love Marvel movies)

 

Still....silence from the other end.