LOST IN INDECISION - urgent!!!

[wobbles]

This is so hard. I finally left my wife three months ago but my sense of duty to my kids is crippling and confusing me...

For the first month or so I was waking early each morning feeling a huge urge to return for the good of the kids. I think they are doing surprisingly well but it is obvious that having both parents together would be preferable. Anyway, these urges have lessened lately but with xmas approaching its all become a bit raw again. i face spending xmas and new year without them Also Family members are questioning my decision and as much as I tell them to butt out they only have mine and my kids interest at heart and I find myself being swayed by their concerns. How can I be so uncertain of my feelings on something as fundamental as this? How can I , within the space of one afternoon, go from being sure that staying separated is the sensible choice to then feeling that I simply must try again and that perhaps it could all be OK?

When i am alone I am doing ok - I certainly don't miss the wife but I absolutely do miss the family unit and the kids. I went round to put the kids to bed last night and for a chat with the wife on her request, on my way i wasn't sure if it was a good idea and i still don't know if it was or not, but I guess when she called me I was feeling receptive to the idea of going round and trying again with her because of what had happened during the day .

I worry I am leading her on and giving her false hope. When I say this to her she says she would rather know what I am feeling minute to minute than be in the dark. She obviously loves me and wants me back but Im being terribly wreckless with everyones hearts.

If only I could stop time until I know what I want...

Please someone. tell me what to do. I have a deadline of sorts because the wife and kids are flying off to germany on the 23rd Dec for xmas and new year. I have a ticket to join them for a few days but I just don't know if I should go... I would need to call her family over there first to get their approval of sorts anyway....

[Ronni_W]

wobbles, you do KNOW what is in your own highest good to do! And you do know that it's NOT about what anyone else is telling is in your own highest good to do.

 

For me, it was the same. In fact, if I polled everyone right now (15 years later), they'd tell me again to go back to my ex - my family AND his, that is. And he would want me back, too...at least, I'm pretty sure of this.

 

My divorce, my own decision to get divorced, was the most difficult thing...and I can still get sad about the fact that it happened. But, through it all, I just really, really knew that it was the "right" decision for me. At that time, and now. Even though my life at present isn't either how I ever envisioned the life that I could end up experiencing. Only at the deepest, deepest level is it better. Outer appearances...it can be said to look much worse.

 

My point is: trust your own deepest, gut-level instinct. And just stay strong and loyal to that. Don't let others sway you, and don't let guilt sway you, either. (I'm not saying do not go back and try again. I'm saying *IF* you're going to do that, do it from your own heart and instinct.)

 

Hugs, and best.

 

PS: If YOU think that going to Germany will help you -- which means ultimately helping the whole "unit" of you -- then do that. You do know; trust your own Self.

[wobbles]

thankyou Ronni W

my deepest gut level instinct says to leave but how can I do that to my children?! I need more time. I feel that this germany issue is forcing my hand when what I really need is space.

Can i ask why you chose to divorce? On the surface me an d the wife look like a perfect match but I just have zero feelings towards her...

thanks again

[Ronni_W]

Then don't go to Germany, wobbles. If you feel that it is an external force, then it is NOT in your long-term best interest...and therefore, not in the long-term best interest of your children.

You KNOW that you need the space (time/emotional distance) that you need, so trust and follow and stay loyal to that knowing that is coming from inside of your own self.

 

Can i ask why you chose to divorce? On the surface me and the wife look like a perfect match but I just have zero feelings towards her...thanks again

I chose to divorce for the same reason that you are choosing it, wobbles. Because, in my heart of hearts, I just knew that it had to get done. To have not done it, would have been the coward's way out...for me.

 

We were also the "perfect couple" and, little did I know it at the time, but I "disappointed" a lot of our friends at the time, with my decision to end my marriage...disappointed, disillusioned, whatever. However, it was never my role or intention to hold up for them some ideal of what marriage can or "should" be and look like.

 

I can't say that I had "zero feelings" for my husband. But my feelings towards him had morphed into...not romantic or wifely. I cared about him deeply...more than any other person, perhaps...or perhaps not any more than my mom and brother.

 

Now. We didn't/don't have children. I honestly would like to think-believe that my decision would have been the same, regardless. As best I can determine (without being able to know for sure), having children would just have compounded my already-present guilt and profound sense of loss and failure. That is, I would like to think that I would not have used the presence of children to shirk the responsibility that I felt to myself; that I still feel to my Self.

 

Not sure if this is what you're looking for...feel free to ask more questions, if that'll help.

 

EDIT TO ADD: Even to this day, 15 years later, on paper, we are STILL the "perfect couple". I STILL cannot really figure out that it just did not work.

Edited December 15, 2014 by Ronni_W

[wobbles]

Thanks Ronni_w

I think in all honesty if there were no kids I may have left her sooner.

She's not a bad person at all - she is beautiful and intelligent its just that we do not click. we are not compatible enough- we find pleasure in different things - all this is difficult to explain to outsiders without sounding petty and shallow but after 10 years it really matters!

When we married we obviously felt enough for each other to do so, but on my side these feelings dropped away quite quickly. If i am to walk away from this marriage I need to be 100% absolutely confident that I am doing the right thing and that I have tried and tried again to rekindle the love. For my kids I want to make it work but when I am with her I find it so very difficult to show any feelings whatsoever.

[Ronni_W]

When we married we obviously felt enough for each other to do so, but on my side these feelings dropped away quite quickly.

Are you going to stick with it that, right up to the "I do", YOU truly felt enough to say those words? I mean, if you get really, truly, deeply, seriously honest with yourself...you should have said those words?

 

If i am to walk away from this marriage I need to be 100% absolutely confident that I am doing the right thing and that I have tried and tried again to rekindle the love. For my kids I want to make it work but when I am with her I find it so very difficult to show any feelings whatsoever.

Um, okay. So, is it okay for me to call you on your self-bollshyt?

 

If the answer to that is 'no'...PLEASE do not read any further.

PLEASE. DO. NOT. READ. ANY. FURTHER.

Because I have no interest in triggering you, or making you feel down on yourself, or judge yourself harshly.

 

You are talking about trying to "rekindle the love" that you already know for absolute sure is not there to rekindle.

And you're saying that you have, or are going to, or might want to, or are willing to do this for your children???

 

wobbles, isn't that just you starting to tell yourself that you might just martyr yourself for your children? As if that's what THEY want you to do?

 

In my case, we had enough in common; enough common interests. He is a GREAT person; would give the shirt off his back to...just about everyone (else) on the planet.

 

So, next. You can just ignore this. Or post that I'm a biatch. Or...keep the conversation going. I am NOT here to trigger you or mess you up any further than is already going through your head and heart...so, if I'm doing that, then I want to stop.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks Ronni_w

I think in all honesty if there were no kids I may have left her sooner.

She's not a bad person at all - she is beautiful and intelligent its just that we do not click. we are not compatible enough- we find pleasure in different things - all this is difficult to explain to outsiders without sounding petty and shallow but after 10 years it really matters!

When we married we obviously felt enough for each other to do so, but on my side these feelings dropped away quite quickly. If i am to walk away from this marriage I need to be 100% absolutely confident that I am doing the right thing and that I have tried and tried again to rekindle the love. For my kids I want to make it work but when I am with her I find it so very difficult to show any feelings whatsoever.

 

Then make it clear to your wife that you are not coming back but you two can be the best two co parents together to your children. You can still be on good and friendly terms with your (ex) wife, in fact you two may get along much better and have a mutual respect for one another once you DO divorce.

 

Everybody is going to have to adjust, it won't be easy but don't let fears of the unknown throw you backwards.

 

I'd let them go and when your kids come back, do something special with them. Going is gonna confuse them and her family may be pissed at you for leaving them, so it's best for the kids to have calm and no fighting during the holidays.

 

May I ask, is there someone else in the wings or did you leave your wife because you two just aren't a long term match and couple?

[GirlStillStrong]

IDK how old you are but your question really is do you want to be feeling this and going through this same exact issue 5 years from now? 10? 20? And more? Because it is not going to go away. The only way to step off this rollercoaster is to STEP OFF. Marriage is FOREVER. That is, if you decide to stay married to this person forever. If you don't want to have this same problem for the rest of your life, then it's time to learn how to let go.

 

If you are worried about your children and worried about missing out on their growing up, then work instead toward the most amicable separation and divorce you can. You can start doing this now by really opening up to the person you married and telling her how unhappy you are inside. Make it about YOU, not her. If you share your feelings with a woman, she will generally understand (unless she's got some mental disorder or something).

 

Some people divorce and live in the same neighborhood so they can really co-parent their children. There are many ways to do what you want to do (leave your marriage) and still be awesome, happy parents with well-adjusted kids. You need to start learning ways people have done this.

[wobbles]

Ronni_w - don't worry about speaking freely with me. I need honesty. You are right - that is exactly what I am proposing; martyring myself for my kids. is that wrong?!!

whichwayisup / girlstillstrong- thank you both for the advice. But marriages aren't easy are they? And you need to work and put effort in for them to have any success surely?

 

I have a development of sorts and I'd welcome some input - Ive just been for dinner with her. I didn't know what else to do and needed to try a new way to help me find clarity. I approached the evening determined to open up and be willing to go with the flow rather than be distant and dismissive as I no doubt had been nearing the end of our marriage before I left. The evening was pleasant enough. She tried so hard and was full of conversation. She looked beautiful I suppose but she irritated me. Saying that sound so petty but she takes herself so seriously and can be judgemental. She linked arms with me as we left the restaurant. I can't say i was very comfortable with that but i let it go. And then now just as I get home, she called for a chat about a few things - I didn't really want that and kept it brief. I got nothing from the evening in terms of clarity apart from confirmation that when she makes advances I find myself backing off. why is that?

 

I find myself comparing her unfairly to other women. Three years ago I had a brief emotional affair. It ended a long time ago but we connected (albeit in the artificial intensity of an affair) with a passion I never experienced before and the memory of this lingers on. and on. and on... I'm not sure I will ever really get over the brief liaison and I think I may forever wonder what it could have become if it were allowed to be. How can my wife ever hope to compete with something like this? The AP has lived in my head for three years and become some sort of perfect goddess ( I know she's not. I know the reality is v. different - I have learnt to live with the dream, knowing that it was but an unachievable and unrealistic dream!)! Also I have been on a couple of dates since leaving the wife. Not with the intention of getting into anything serious; more just for a distraction. It soon became clear that I absolutely am not ready for serious dating but i have very much enjoyed meeting people and the conversations. One lady in particular I clicked really well with and the text messages / emails bounced endlessly between us every day. We were on the same wave length in a way I most certainly am not with the wife. The chat came easy. It doesn't with the wife.

 

What does all this mean? I realise the grass is not always greener. I realise that to many the wife is an amazing catch - she is beautiful and intelligent and full of class but we don't have what i'm looking for. Is that wrong?! Am I being unrealistic? not sure if it is relevant but I am 40, wife is 38.

[tippydog90]

While I believe everyone has a right to be happy in life, I am disturbed to see how acceptable it is now to just discard a spouse when we "fall out of love". It seems as though true commitment is almost a thing of the past. While there are obviously circumstances where divorce is necessary, it seems to be the easy way out now.

 

My husband walked out on me and our three year old daughter 5 months ago for the same reason you left your wife and because he wanted his freedom. I am also pretty, smart, educated and loving, just like your wife. My ex knew he had a wonderful woman and he didn't care either. Let me tell you I have never had anything so devastating happen in my life, ever. It shattered my self esteem, my emotional well being, my trust, and brought immeasurable feelings of guilt for what it meant for my daughter. I think he acted in an incredibly selfish manner because he made little attempt to help our marriage, he just bailed. And my daughter and I will live with the consequences of his actions.

 

Believe me, your wife will feel the pain profoundly more than you. And while you will be free to find someone else to spend your time with, how easy do you think that will be for your wife? Suddenly becoming a single mom of 3 children at 38? What about her right for happiness and love? You see i just turned 50 and have a 3 year old, how many men will be beating down my door to ask for a date? I will likely spend my life alone. My life is exponentially harder now, in so many ways. Sorry if i sound angry, but you need to think about the repercussions to the woman you married and created a family with as well, not just your own desires. Is there perhaps more you can do to create a happy marriage? When was the last time you took your wife somewhere for a romantic weekend or tried to share other special moments with her. Sorry, but i just think everything is now disposable in our society, including marriages.

[kenmore]

Tippydog, I am in the same position you are. My wife just wants to end the marriage on what seems to me to be a whim. Sure we are having problems now and they are financial. There was no cheating, no abuse, no lack of love (that I could see), just money trouble, but she feels the best thing is to just give up on us.

 

We are living apart and have been for five months while I get myself "on my feet", and I'm totally OK with that. What I am not OK with is ending our marriage because of impatience, anger or lack of communication. I completely agree, if you make the vows, stick with them. If you can't, don't make them.

 

I wish you the best.

[LifeNomad]

Lifewobbles

 

 

think about the big picture, and that is, that eventually, she will find someone who appreciates her and loves her for who she is, and once that person appears she will fall in love with him, and once she falls in love with him, you wont stand a chance, once she realizes you left her at the time she needed you the most, she will grow stronger and thank you for it later, and then it will be too late for anything, she will live with him, and he will be involved in your kids life whether you like it or not.

 

 

its like they say, sometimes you don't know what you have until its gone. Think about everything good and hard man, and trust yourself, and realize the goods and bads of whatever decision you make, the repercussions, the ripple effects, there will be unintended consequences unfortunately.

 

 

Im in a similar situation, but opposite, my wife left me, we grew out of love, i cried, begged, felt lost, miserable, it took me some months but eventually I found a girl who took all the pain away, just like that. She was also in a similar life changing situation and after we talked about our lives with each other, its very weird how the same times I was having these life changing events take place, she was having her own life changing events, and it seems had we met each other even a day earlier we would've never clicked. Life is strange, the coincidences we sometimes don't realize.

 

 

And now that I reflect back on it, I wouldn't have had it any other way, Im glad my wife left, im glad she was stronger than I, because I wouldn't have left her. But now I reflect and see how unhappy I really was, how I didn't trust her after lies, doubting her words and her so called friends and co workers. And Im not perfect, I messed up too. We both did, but I know that at the end, I did and tried everything I could to keep us together. The first 3 months she left, I was lost. I was upset at myself, I am not religious, but I looked for god, I guess at the time when I felt all hope was lost, I prayed, and I was angry, I was upset at god too for a moment, but like they say, its all part of a grander plan, and I see that now, and im happy I went thru it, im so happy it happened, I feel stronger.

 

 

And I have 3 kids. I see them Monday nights, Wednesdays, Fridays and some Sundays. I make the best out of it because I didn't have a choice. But it still hurts sometimes.

 

 

I guess what Im trying to say, is whatever choice in life you make, do it with no regrets and expecting the worse yet hoping for the best. She will overcome it also and she will stop hurting too, she will become stronger without you man.

Edited December 16, 2014 by LifeNomad

[Ronni_W]

Ronni_w - don't worry about speaking freely with me. I need honesty. You are right - that is exactly what I am proposing; martyring myself for my kids. is that wrong?!!

wobbles, you ALREADY KNOW the answer to that . But...

Let's not talk "wrong" or "right". But, if it was an uplifting, inspiring, positive thing that you'd be doing, then you'd have no problem explaining - now or in the future - your perspective, choice and decision to your children. Right?

 

So, then. How do you feel about telling your children, at any point in life, "Hey kids, yeah...I totally did it all for you! Gave up, sacrificed all my own foreseeable happiness, joy, fulfillment...just for you! Stayed with your mom who, by then I'd really grown to dislike quite intensely -- honestly, kids, no matter what she did, it just bugged me on some or another level -- but...I stayed in that toxic-to-me situation...just for you!"

 

What would you expect from them, at whatever point you tell them that? ("Golly-gee-whiz, dad...you sure are the greatest ever. Thanks so much!" ???)

Versus. What is your own, personal pay-off NOW, to set yourself up as a victim and a martyr???

 

The evening was pleasant enough. She tried so hard and was full of conversation. She looked beautiful I suppose but she irritated me. Saying that sound so petty but she takes herself so seriously and can be judgemental. ... I got nothing from the evening in terms of clarity apart from confirmation that when she makes advances I find myself backing off. why is that?

I do the same thing, wobbles, when people I have little to no interest in, or not much in common with, or just passively don't like or actively dislike for whatever reason, try to "make advances" with me.

 

It has nothing to do with "grass is greener", nor your wife's natural and learned gifts, talents and skills. (It comes across that) She just is not someone with whom you would choose to spend very much time in CURRENT DAY...nevermind a woman you'd choose to marry, and commit to building and spending a life with, and love and cherish. She may have been that person at some point in the past, but she isn't anymore.

 

It just comes across that you don't really even like her very much (if at all), current day.

It's not "unrealistic" to come to such a realization (if how it's coming across here is, indeed, how it is, for you.)

 

If you want to confuse and discombobulate yourself even further...then go ahead and reinforce it within your own head and heart, that your feelings towards your wife have also - or only - something to do with you comparing your wife to someone else. (So that, if you just stopped that comparison then you'd find the "love" with your wife, and maybe be able to "rekindle" it...which just does not come across that there is any of that -- genuine, deep love, gratitude and appreciation for your wife -- in your heart, current day.)

 

BIG hugs, wobbles. I know that it ain't no piece of cake.

Edited December 16, 2014 by Ronni_W
spelling

[wobbles]

Thanks Ronni_W. Truly. you have helped immensely xxx

[wobbles]

i awoke this morning feeling that I simply have to try again. yes she irritated me last night but she's not a bad person. She's not a person I would choose to spend a lot of time with as Ronni_W pointed out (great point!) but she is not at all offensive, she has a good heart and she is a good mother. Im not a religious man but I said a little prayer yesterday asking for clarity. Not sure why this feeling of needing to try again has stuck with me (god given?!) but it has through most of today. To the point where I was considering going to germany and being amongst her (angry/dissapointed) family to spend xmas with the kids.

But then tonight, Im almost back where I was. why on earth would I go back if i don't particularly like her?!

If my motivation for returning is the kids (which it is) then I must research more around the affect of separation on children... maybe I can find clarity this way instead,

[Ronni_W]

I'm not a religious man but I said a little prayer yesterday asking for clarity. Not sure why this feeling of needing to try again has stuck with me (god given?!)

The thing about asking for clarity...I've been looking for a tool to help with that, as well, and just yesterday saw #10 on this list...although I've been using #13 for about a month (with very interesting 'results'). I also don't think of myself as "religious", but I am spiritual. If this stuff doesn't fit in with your own beliefs/personal philosophy, please just reject and ignore the whole of it.

 

As long as you don't have any notions that guilt or fear or cowardice is, or even might be, "god given".

Separation on kids is not easy. But using kids to avoid taking adult responsibility for -- and thereby only compounding the effects of -- one's own past mistakes is a far worse act against them, IMHO. It's just really scapegoating them for lack of having courage to make your own difficult decision.

 

At least...perhaps spend equal (or more) time on researching how to properly help them through it, including preparing them for it. Go and speak with a family therapist, if that's what it takes.

The only title I have, on the legacy of divorce, is titled, er, 'The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce' by Wallerstein, Lewis & Blakeslee. The customer reviews at Amazon will help you decide if that's what you're looking for.

 

More hugs,

R

Edited December 17, 2014 by Ronni_W
forgot to include the authors' names

[GirlStillStrong]

I hate to break the news to everyone, especially to the rightfully heartbroken because they have been dumped, but we are ALL alone. Even those of us who are married long-term. Even those of us who get along with and like our partners. I think in marriage and in couplehood, we believe that because we do things together or at some point have the same hopes and dreams, that we are somehow immune to independence and individuality. This makes it so much harder when our partner changes and decides to try something new in life without us. Our dreams, our illusions really, are shattered. At least that's the way I've come to understand it. There is no perfect partner and no perfect partnership so it is best to be realistic and grounded in the truth that we are all imperfect partners and nothing is guaranteed. If we are lucky we find a person who likes to be with us, and with whom we also like to spend our time, but we still have our own lives to live separate from one another.

 

Mr Wobbles, I think you are right to give it another try with your spouse. I have been in many relationships and can assure you that no one is going to be the perfect partner for us. EVERYONE has strengths and weaknesses. Each of us is unique. So while you can, for example, find 3 pros and 3 cons to your present relationship, you will find an equal amount of these for ANY relationship. If I could I'd like to take all the great things I enjoyed about each of my old relationship partners and roll them into one person. Then wouldn't I be happy? NO! I wouldn't, because even that person would have some things about him that I did not like or that made for a less than ideal relationship. The trick, I'm learning, comes from within. And has everything to do with my own spirituality (not religion). So two things I have been working on that have been helpful are: 1. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude, and 2. Learning to eliminate ANTs (Automatic Negative Thinking). Google both and you will see. Start practicing them every single day and I promise you will benefit. And I bet you slowly become a little less wobbly.

 

PS Research has shown that as long as you have not reached the point where you feel actual contempt for your spouse, the marriage is still salvageable. You can google that too, for more information.

 

PPS I have the idea from reading your posts that perhaps you have difficulty stating what you want in relationships, or maybe difficulty feeling that you are heard. You may want to explore that with a third party trained to assist people with those sorts of things.

[wobbles]

Everyone. I am back. And still in the same position. Thankyou all so much for your invaluable advice last month.

The wife went to Germany with the kids without me. The decision was taken from me as her mother (the host) made it clear I was not welcome.

Just before she left we had a reconnection of sorts whilst wrapping Xmas presents for our kids. I decided i had to try again and told her this, that I hoped we could build speak strong new roots in the sh*t I had created.

She left for Germany very happy.

BUT I couldn't hang onto the desire to try again. Partly because unexpectedly the lady I had the brief emotional affair with suddenly popped up. I was and am surprised quite how her re-appearance has made me question my decision to try once more with the wife. She is like a delicious forbidden fruit and whilst I should be able to separate the two issues I cannot! Anyway the wife was out of sight and out of mind and I avoided contact with her. We spoke on the phone and I apologised (again) and made it clear that I was wobbling again and I did not believe we had a future.

I seem incapable of sticking to my decision. I had my kids last night for the first time since they returned from Germany and they have grown, I felt so sad that I can't be with them full time and that they won't have both parents around 24/7.

I invited the wife round for dinner last light with me and the kids on the understanding we wouldn't talk about what needs to be talked about. I just wanted the kids to have us both around. She came round we didn't speak much and then she left at the kids bed time.

But then today she calls and gives me an ultimatum. Her love for me is quickly being used up (understandable IMO) and if I even just slightly might want to save us I should go round there and talk because she is feeling a a change and a new found strength to get in control (and cut me out) and move on.

I am stuck in indecision ONCE AGAIN! Why can I not stick by a decision whatever that may be?!

I want a traditional family set up for my kids. I believe that would be preferable. I want to be able to try for that but I can't seem to.

Please everyone. Help me find clarity. Once and for all. Is it simply a case of finding the balls to stick with the decision to leave her? And to trust that with due attention my kids will still thrive?

Thankyou. Much love x

[Angies100]

Don't come back for the kids sake. Children are resilient. They can recover long as both parents are there to support them though the difficult times. They will grow stronger as the result. I know mine did. We all did. Once you understand why you want out of the marriage then make the decision and have the courage to carry it through. Changing your mind on a daily basis will cause a lot more pain in the long run to both you, your wife and kids.

 

My dad never married again after my mum past away because he did not want us to have a step mother. He sacrificed his happiness for us. We grew up without a mum and help each other and my dad. But We always wanted him to go ahead to remarry and have his own life rather than depending on us for his own hapiness in later life.

[Crossroads66]

Hi Wobbles! Our stories are almost identical. You should check out mine in "25 years and out". We should start our own club.

 

One point on the whole "staying for the kids" thing. No, you shouldn't stay in a bad marriage simply for the kids. I think we're all agreed on that. But there's no getting away from the fact that if there are kids involved, your threshold for leaving a marriage is that much higher. Because leaving causes the kids pain. And ultimately, selfishly, the kids' pain is *your* pain too - and having kids in pain will detract from your own happiness.

 

So there is the problem. If we could identify that we'd leave a marriage if the kids weren't there, but still don't leave........ does that mean you're staying "just for the kids", and it's also the worst option for you??? I'm not sure...... and I've been wrestling with this one the past five months.

[wobbles]

crossroads666, I feel for you man. Ours are very very similar stories.

if there were no kids in the equation then i would have left by now. No doubt. but there are and like you say this ups our threshold for what is considered bearable.

However and very tellingly - It was once pointed out to me that i am married to lady that i wouldn't normally even choose to be a friend or spend time with nowadays such are the differences between us.

This is inescapable. I have just had a very difficult and final meeting with the wife. its so unbelievably hard but this realisation has helped me accept what i was doing is for the best.

bon courage

[wobbles]

thanks Angies100

you talk of courage - i have lacked this and ultimately prolonged the hurt for all as a result. you speak sense.

x

[Crossroads66]

thanks Angies100

you talk of courage - i have lacked this and ultimately prolonged the hurt for all as a result. you speak sense.

x

To an extent - perhaps - you and I both lack courage; but this is also a journey of seeking clarity.

[kenmore]

Once you lose her, you will want her and it will be too late.

[Mr. Lucky]

if there were no kids in the equation then i would have left by now.

 

Then there's the answer. No one is a good enough actor to fake it for decades on the kid's behalf. Sadness, resentment, anger - all strong emotions that will eventually surface. Staying to rebuild sustainable and desirable qualities in your marriage makes sense. Staying after trying everything to reconnect to your spouse does not...

 

Mr. Lucky