Are relationships really worth it?

[ponchsox]

Maybe it's just me being a cynic but I was thinking about this today. For all the time, money, and stress that people put into trying to find relationships, keep relationships, and get over broken relationships, are they really worth it? I understand that in many ways it's an instinctive human thing to desire the opposite sex, want companionship, etc. but if you could choose to shut off your desire for a relationship would you?

 

I might not be the best person to ask this question. I've only had two relationships in my life so far (I'm 23), both short, both failed, and both making me miserable after the fact, so I'm definitely coming from a biased point of view. Still, interested to hear some other opinions on this.

 

No they're not, yet I keep spinning my wheels trying to find them.

[ltjg45]

Marriages are getting stronger and divorce rates are going down since people have begun marrying for love rather than traditional roles:

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=1

 

A bad relationship is NOT worth it. But as we get older and wiser, it should get easier to avoid bad relationships. Great relationships are still tricky to find, but well worth the patience

 

No offense but that is only because people is marrying less. If people was marrying as much as they have back in the 1970s here in 2014, I am sure it would still be a 50% or higher divorce rate.

 

It should be expected that when people is marrying less that the divorce rate will drop as well. Another thing to add from it is that people is also marrying later which only reduces the number of potentially bad marriages that could have happened.

[apedrerov]

Yes, as much as many other things which are worth it in this life.

Edited December 16, 2014 by apedrerov

[Quiet Storm]

It's worth it. I have someone that really loves me and gets me, flaws and all. I have someone who I made three awesome people with. I have someone to create a legacy with. He's my man- lover, friend, partner, helper, protector. He's been by my side since 1991. He makes me smile, he makes me think, he makes me laugh, he makes me cum.....I love him. He's definitely worth it. Even if he divorced me tomorrow, it would be worth it.

[coolheadal]

I believe more in a good relationship then anything else, because of the way things are today. So much distrust in both men and women. The reason for this is because there has been a lot of messy dating habits. So by the time you finally meet that girl or guy? You would hope you can share the rest of your life with them before it would ends up in a disaster! The past does follow most and that's the biggest problem today!

 

I look for a woman I feel she has the values I am seeking. Say you want to sit down and cuddle to watch a movie you have rented or purchased. I find most women today won't even do that! They would say "I don't want to watch any movie right now! Maybe one day it can happen?" What!

 

So say you take her out for dinner and you pick the time and place. You drive and pick her up. You get out and walk up to her door. Then you ring the bell. She comes out you had her some flowers. She should say" Ah that's so nice of you too bring me some flowers" What I've hear mostly goes like this "Nah! You didn't have to do this, really I am fine with out the flowers!"

 

Even worst if you open the door of the car for them they won't be too happy about it. See those type of women don't understand the meaning of manners.

 

I like opening doors for women and the elderly that's the way I was raised. I did that the other night and and women said out loud "THANK YOU! SUCH A GENTLEMAN!

 

So again this women wasn't expecting this, but in all that's what I do. More of men need to treat the person who we have selected to take out with more respect. Don't take them for granted! If you do it can backfire on you one day!

 

Relationship should mean something to everyone. It's start in the right direction. Just don't want to jump in the water, you need to know who your dealing with first. See if there is a connection between you two? If not then you shouldn't be in the relationship because later on down the road the arguments will develop. Even worst name calling and put downs.

 

Before it's too late the end of the relationship will follow soon!

[Toodaloo]

I believe more in a good relationship then anything else, because of the way things are today. So much distrust in both men and women. The reason for this is because there has been a lot of messy dating habits. So by the time you finally meet that girl or guy? You would hope you can share the rest of your life with them before it would ends up in a disaster! The past does follow most and that's the biggest problem today!

 

I look for a woman I feel she has the values I am seeking. Say you want to sit down and cuddle to watch a movie you have rented or purchased. I find most women today won't even do that! They would say "I don't want to watch any movie right now! Maybe one day it can happen?" What!

 

So say you take her out for dinner and you pick the time and place. You drive and pick her up. You get out and walk up to her door. Then you ring the bell. She comes out you had her some flowers. She should say" Ah that's so nice of you too bring me some flowers" What I've hear mostly goes like this "Nah! You didn't have to do this, really I am fine with out the flowers!"

 

Even worst if you open the door of the car for them they won't be too happy about it. See those type of women don't understand the meaning of manners.

 

I like opening doors for women and the elderly that's the way I was raised. I did that the other night and and women said out loud "THANK YOU! SUCH A GENTLEMAN!

 

So again this women wasn't expecting this, but in all that's what I do. More of men need to treat the person who we have selected to take out with more respect. Don't take them for granted! If you do it can backfire on you one day!

 

Relationship should mean something to everyone. It's start in the right direction. Just don't want to jump in the water, you need to know who your dealing with first. See if there is a connection between you two? If not then you shouldn't be in the relationship because later on down the road the arguments will develop. Even worst name calling and put downs.

 

Before it's too late the end of the relationship will follow soon!

 

I think I love you already

 

Seriously though while this is what women want and would love... we just are not used to it any more. That is why we struggle with it.

 

I want to put on a pinny and bake you cakes and massage your feet now...

[hotpotato]

In modern times relationships are usually not worth it for men IMO. I would say they are totally worth it for women though.

 

In most cases men have a lot to lose and little to gain. Usually the man gets the most out of the relationship during the stage when he is sleeping with the girl but has not committed yet. This is when she is on her best behavior.

 

Once he commits.. he is ironically punished for doing so as his girlfriend or wife becomes more demanding while offering him less affection, respect and sex.

 

Confused by this.. the man will feel guilty and try to offer more to his partner.. believing he is suppressing all her worthwhile qualities, which are, in fact, nowhere to be found.

 

Actually, a lot of women complain about the same. That's a strawman, because a lot of the times the man doesn't want to bonk his wife/gf anyway.

 

 

To answer the question, I'd say no. It's not worth it. I can't imagine anything better than doing what I want, when I want. Relationships generally are not worth it to me. Every few years I end up dating, just to have it all crashing down...again. I forget how bad dating was after about 2 years, then

[hotpotato]

Yeah, I think they are worth more for women than men. Men don't care about relationships, their dream life are to be with different women/escorts/prostitutes, etc, etc. Men can be single and not worry about anything. Women need protection from men.

 

Yup. Or he'd like to have the wife at home and have a bunch of gfs on the side. Ideally, his wife/gf at home would be 100% faithful to him and fine with his dalliances.

 

Also, as a woman you have to carry the emotional aspects of the relationship. Doing all the relationship work gets old.

 

I do disagree with the last statement. Women can get around needing a man for protection. Learn archery, how to shoot, carry weapons and be willing to use them, go boxing, learn mma, etc. I mean real mma and fighting not just defensive stuff. I know a girl who did a good job fighting not one but two men at a time.

[ltjg45]

Actually, a lot of women complain about the same. That's a strawman, because a lot of the times the man doesn't want to bonk his wife/gf anyway.

 

 

To answer the question, I'd say no. It's not worth it. I can't imagine anything better than doing what I want, when I want. Relationships generally are not worth it to me. Every few years I end up dating, just to have it all crashing down...again. I forget how bad dating was after about 2 years, then

 

Yup. Or he'd like to have the wife at home and have a bunch of gfs on the side. Ideally, his wife/gf at home would be 100% faithful to him and fine with his dalliances.

 

Also, as a woman you have to carry the emotional aspects of the relationship. Doing all the relationship work gets old.

 

I do disagree with the last statement. Women can get around needing a man for protection. Learn archery, how to shoot, carry weapons and be willing to use them, go boxing, learn mma, etc. I mean real mma and fighting not just defensive stuff. I know a girl who did a good job fighting not one but two men at a time.

 

While I am not the most positive person on this site, I can't help but to notice that hotpotato just doesn't see the value of having a guy in her life anymore, which I understand, since I have a hard time thinking I would find a compatible woman here in the United States.

 

However, I don't understand what you are hoping to gain with statements like this. Are you also trying to get other women here to think just like you?Because, if so, that only makes the divide from men and women even worse if that's the case.

 

I have seen other women say the same thing IRL and it has certainly killed what little desire I have to approach them for any reason. I even avoid co-workers completely who have this mindset since, apparently, I have no value to them because of my gender. I don't even bother to ask them for help. I would sooner get injured on my own instead.

 

What are you hoping to gain with these responses? I am certainly quite curious.

[Els]

Meh, I disagree with both hotpotato and Lisa. Sure, a woman doesn't 'need' a man in this day and age. But I'm not with my SO because I 'need a man' (which also implies that any man who fulfills the role will do!). I'm with him because I want to be with him.

[hotpotato]

Maybe it's just me being a cynic but I was thinking about this today. For all the time, money, and stress that people put into trying to find relationships, keep relationships, and get over broken relationships, are they really worth it? I understand that in many ways it's an instinctive human thing to desire the opposite sex, want companionship, etc. but if you could choose to shut off your desire for a relationship would you?

I might not be the best person to ask this question. I've only had two relationships in my life so far (I'm 23), both short, both failed, and both making me miserable after the fact, so I'm definitely coming from a biased point of view. Still, interested to hear some other opinions on this.

 

There are plenty of things that will yield results if you work at it. Dating isn't necessarily one.

Luckily, my desire is waning after years off and on in the dating game.

 

While I am not the most positive person on this site, I can't help but to notice that hotpotato just doesn't see the value of having a guy in her life anymore, which I understand, since I have a hard time thinking I would find a compatible woman here in the United States.

 

However, I don't understand what you are hoping to gain with statements like this. Are you also trying to get other women here to think just like you?Because, if so, that only makes the divide from men and women even worse if that's the case.

 

I have seen other women say the same thing IRL and it has certainly killed what little desire I have to approach them for any reason. I even avoid co-workers completely who have this mindset since, apparently, I have no value to them because of my gender. I don't even bother to ask them for help. I would sooner get injured on my own instead.

 

What are you hoping to gain with these responses? I am certainly quite curious.

 

I don't follow. My responses are the equivalent to the female bashing ones in this thread. I'm just being real. I doubt anything I say would make any significant differences regarding male-female relationships. The dating world already does that.

 

I can understand why a man would think he couldnt bring anything to my life. I understand that some guys will avoid me or dump me because of this. I am who I am. However, there are things a man can bring to me life. That being said, dating for me is a lot of time and effort and little reward. Who would want to pour their energies into something that wasn't working out?

 

I don't believe a man has no value because he's a man.

[carhill]

I might not be the best person to ask this question. I've only had two relationships in my life so far (I'm 23), both short, both failed, and both making me miserable after the fact, so I'm definitely coming from a biased point of view. Still, interested to hear some other opinions on this.

 

IMO, you're probably a bit too young for the pessimism that may result from repetitive negative experiences over a long time. 23 is a time to be adventurous, optimistic and looking forward to the fruits of a long life.

 

At the other end of the trail, I can take it or leave it. I enjoy my friendships for the opportunity to love folks and share good times with them, and certainly enjoyed at least some of life while married but neither holds any special place anymore. BTDT. I do feel far healthier, both physically and psychologically now at 55 and having no romantic relationships than I did at 50 being married, and probably at any time prior, allowing for the infirmities (aches and pains) which attend to aging. The body may be older but the outlook on life in total is far more optimistic. People, in general, simply don't matter as much anymore. They're around and I enjoy moments as they arise but it's not a mission anymore. They can go to.

 

OP, you'll find your path. It's unknown what tomorrow will bring. Personally, I wouldn't throw the towel in yet but that's up to you. Good luck!

[hotpotato]

Meh, I disagree with both hotpotato and Lisa. Sure, a woman doesn't 'need' a man in this day and age. But I'm not with my SO because I 'need a man' (which also implies that any man who fulfills the role will do!). I'm with him because I want to be with him.

 

Well, i certainly wouldn't say that any old man will do. I myself have to have certain kinds of men.

 

I assure you that everything I've said is true. Women just don't want to acknowledge it.

[Els]

Well, i certainly wouldn't say that any old man will do. I myself have to have certain kinds of men.

 

I assure you that everything I've said is true. Women just don't want to acknowledge it.

 

Yes, yes, neither women nor men want to acknowledge it - but of course, you and you alone know the truth about what goes on in the lives and minds of everyone else on the planet.

[hotpotato]

Yes, yes, neither women nor men want to acknowledge it - but of course, you and you alone know the truth about what goes on in the lives and minds of everyone else on the planet.

 

I actually come into contact with a lot of guys. You'd be surprised.

A lot of men will acknowledge this, just not normally around womenfolk.

[Els]

I actually come into contact with a lot of guys. You'd be surprised.

A lot of men will acknowledge this, just not normally around womenfolk.

 

"Lots of men in your social circle think this way" does not really equate to what every other man thinks or does. There are men who actually *gasp* want to be in relationships! A few of them are even on this thread, the most unlikely of places - ask them yourself, why don't you?

 

I'm not sure whether it's arrogance or condescension, that leads some people to believe that everyone of the opposite gender thinks, acts, and prioritizes the same way. I'm sorry if you haven't met genuinely good men, but they do exist.

[todreaminblue]

all relationships are important and good to have....the good ones are wonderful the bad ones well, they make you appreciate the good ones..and when you have had both good and bad you realize the difference between them...deb

[Phoe]

I have no experience with one, but I believe good relationships are worth it.

 

Now, if I could happily choose to not have a relationship and be single for the rest of my life, and be totally excited about that choice, I would do it. But that's not a choice I'm excited about.

 

So I will wait and hope that one day it's worth it.

[hotpotato]

"Lots of men in your social circle think this way" does not really equate to what every other man thinks or does. There are men who actually *gasp* want to be in relationships! A few of them are even on this thread, the most unlikely of places - ask them yourself, why don't you?

 

I'm not sure whether it's arrogance or condescension, that leads some people to believe that everyone of the opposite gender thinks, acts, and prioritizes the same way. I'm sorry if you haven't met genuinely good men, but they do exist.

 

It's not just men in my social circle, not by a long shot. Heck, you can go just about any male dominated site, and guys will say pretty much what I've said.

 

I don't recall saying a man wouldn't want to be in a relationship. What I said is, many are unfaithful. It truly is a struggle for a lot of men. I've already said why I don't want to be in a relationship-lots of work relative to the benefits. It's a lot of work with little success. Unfortunately, i've recently found some kind of mojo that I would gladly give away to many of the men on LS.

 

I don't think every man is like that. I think I've met one man who I thought wouldn't cheat. So now, it's not every man.

[Woggle]

Cheating has nothing whatsoever to do with gender. People who think that need to see reality.

[GoodOnPaper]

I might not be the best person to ask this question. I've only had two relationships in my life so far (I'm 23), both short, both failed, and both making me miserable after the fact, so I'm definitely coming from a biased point of view. Still, interested to hear some other opinions on this.

 

You're still too young to throw in the towel -- either by quitting to try to get into relationships or by committing to someone just to avoid being single, like I did. If you really are relationship-minded, you have to realize that at your age, girls are like kids in a candy store when it comes to dating. No matter how good their intentions are, every few weeks or months a new guy is going to catch their eye and they will monkey-branch to him. Being relationship-minded is actually a huge disadvantage when young. It is worth having enough patience to wait and see what happens when the girls' maturity catches up with yours.

[hotpotato]

Cheating has nothing whatsoever to do with gender. People who think that need to see reality.

 

I'm not saying that women never cheat. I cheated on my ex (after years of him cheating on me and emotionally abusing me and on the verge of hitting me). I'm just saying, many men have a very difficult time being faithful. I don't know if I've seen a faithful man, aside from the one I just mentioned.

[Woggle]

I'm not saying that women never cheat. I cheated on my ex (after years of him cheating on me and emotionally abusing me and on the verge of hitting me). I'm just saying, many men have a very difficult time being faithful. I don't know if I've seen a faithful man, aside from the one I just mentioned.

 

I never had an issue with it and it is not because I lack opportunity. I have had offers out of town where I would never get caught but still said no.

[hotpotato]

I never had an issue with it and it is not because I lack opportunity. I have had offers out of town where I would never get caught but still said no.

 

So now we have 2

[Danda]

Yeah they are, in my opinion.

 

My ex and I were together for a bit over 3 years. In many ways that relationship was awful. He never wanted sex. He was high almost all the time. He had the maturity level of a 6th grader and could be such an ass sometimes. I hadn't even started therapy until the relationship was over, so I had a boatload of issues, myself. We fought a lot and some of those fights were crazy as ****. I think sometimes we were both certifiably crazy as ****. He cheated on me with my coworker and then we broke up for good.

 

But frankly, I got a lot of good memories out of that relationship, too. I learned a lot from it. There were several experiences we had together that I'm grateful for, just as part of my life, a couple might make it on my highlight reel at the end of all things heh. And I'm sure that to this day years later if I ran into him and he gave me that smirk I wouldn't be able to help but smirk back.

 

Relationships are full of good and bad, and you can get a lot of growth out of them. Just like with most significant parts of life.