klonclu Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) Hello Everyone! So on Saturday evening, my GF and I were supposed to head to a live music festival, where a friend of hers was playing. She had told me that she knew this guy from back home and that he wasn't really a close friend of hers. She and I were already going through a bit of a phase that evening, but in spite of that we decided to go. She had reached there earlier than I and had already had a couple of drinks. In the past 10 months that we've been dating, we've already had two different incidents where she's gotten drunk in my presence and got a little too comfy with some other guys. On both these occasions, I made it clear to her that it's not acceptable to get so physically comfortable and flirty with other guys. She blamed it on the alcohol and we decided to move on. Now on Saturday night, I had promised to meet some of my friends after this gig, so after the gig got over, I let her know that I'll be taking off to the other place for some drinks. My GF, who usually NEVER leaves me alone on a Saturday night, she insists we spend each and every Saturday night together, decides not to come along. She instead decides to stay there with some of our colleagues (yes, she and I work together) and friends at the same place the gig happened and continue drinking and catching up with this guy friend of hers. While I was waiting at this bar with my friends, for her to arrive, which she never did. So around 2:00 AM, I start calling her and she doesn't answer my calls. So I drive down to the place where the gig happened and I see her vehicle parked outside, so I just turn back and go home. After I reach home, I'm just waiting for her to see my calls and get back to me. She calls me back around 3AM and I'm pissed off at her, so I don't pick up her calls and let it ring. I would have expected her to come around or at least try and contact me, in reply to my 6 attempts to call her earlier. So, time passes by and I'm getting worried as she just cannot hold her alcohol and I'm not keen on her drinking and driving. So I drive to her house to check she's there, I go to the gig place, to check if she's there and then I run around a few other places, trying to track her down, but no contact. So I eventually end up calling one of my colleagues, who was with us at the gig. She tells me that my GF went home ages ago. So I go around her house again, and she's still not there. At 5AM, she starts calling me and I don't answer her calls, coz I'm obviously ****ing pissed off. Then I finally answer her call and she tells me that she went around to meet this guy friend of hers at his resort and they were just sitting on the beach, catching up about where she's from. On the other hand, if I made any contact with another girl, she would rip my head off, but somehow, she thought it was OK, to ignore my calls and spend a Saturday night, drunk, on the beach with this guy. This same guy, who she said wasn't a good friend and just an acquaintance from back home. So after a session of heated arguments, we finally decide to let go and move on. But my gut still doesn't let me rest. I'm thinking again and again, as to what drove this girl to drive all the way to this guys resort in the middle of the night, instead of chasing her boyfriend down. So I start prodding her more on this, and she says, something happened. She says, she kissed him on the beach. She says, nothing more happened and that our fights and arguments pushed her to do this. She was sorry and it was the alcohol but it didn't mean anything. I don't buy any of it. Yes, she ****ing engineered it, she never told this guy she was seeing me, even though she introduced me to him at the gig and she actually went around to his room in the night, instead of coming back home to her BF. She said, they just sat on the beach talking and that nothing more happened. But my gut feeling says there was more to it, than just a kiss. She's begged me to forgive her, she's cried her eyes out and she says she's going to do whatever it takes to make it right. But I don't trust her with alcohol, the moment she has some of it, she just becomes someone else. I just can't work properly now, especially knowing she sits in the same office as me, and we are a small organization. Yes, I called her a whore, a slut and many other names during this session of arguments and truth revealing, and I regret doing that, since I shouldn't be cheap but what she's done, isn't ****ing fair either. Yes, I should walk away that's what my gut tells me. But I'd like to know thoughts from you guys, who can think rationally and tell me your thoughts. Since I'm in the middle of this, my mind is clouded by emotions and hormones. Please advise on this. Edited December 15, 2014 by klonclu Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Listen to your gut; it is rarely wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 What kind of relationship do you have where you won't answer the phone after you called her over and over again?? Then you go driving around like some kind of stalker and bother coworkers in the middle of the night all because you didn't answer your phone? No wonder why she's hanging out with another guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Yes, I should walk away that's what my gut tells me. But I'd like to know thoughts from you guys, who can think rationally and tell me your thoughts. Since I'm in the middle of this, my mind is clouded by emotions and hormones. Please advise on this. Yea I call bs on it just being a kiss as well. I'd be very surprised if more than that didn't happen. You've got it spot on. It's time to walk away and start moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klonclu Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 What kind of relationship do you have where you won't answer the phone after you called her over and over again?? Then you go driving around like some kind of stalker and bother coworkers in the middle of the night all because you didn't answer your phone? No wonder why she's hanging out with another guy. Are you 'seriously' condoning her actions of cheating on me, not answering my missed calls on two occasions in the same night, based on me not answering her "two" calls? Really? That doesn't sound very logical or rational. But thanks for your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Dump her. Work on yourself. Figure out the details later. If you caught her doing this, what else have you missed? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 He's in a band, she tested the waters, he took what he could from her and left, your her back up. Sorry for being so blunt but unless she can prove she was unconscious, she had no reason not to take your calls, that was intentional. Shows absolute disrespect towards you, she knew what she was doing. Link to post Share on other sites
LostInLosingLove Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 One new year's eve I got into a stupid fight with my girlfriend at the time; so I dropped her off at home and just drove around. I ended up picking up two female hitchhikers(which I had never done before) and drove them back to their place. To be honest, in my mind I was thinking this might be my only chance in life to have a threesome and justified it to myself by saying that my girlfriend would forgive me knowing these circumstances. They invited me in for some drinks, I accepted. After sitting in between them on the couch and after a few drinks I knew that the threesome wasn't happening, but that one of them was more than eager to get with me. Long story short, nothing happened except for a kiss. In that moment though, I realized that I couldn't care less about this girl in front of me and could care even less about having sex with her. I just wanted to get things right with my girl again. I bailed, went home to someone I loved, who loved me and was waiting worried. I told her what happened and that I was drunk, stupid and sorry. She didn't believe any of it(the story) and so I dropped it. This whole story seems ridiculous but my point is that if you take away your anger, you know her better than any of us. If she seems truthful and truly apologetic when confessing and has really tried to make things good, is it possible for you to give her the benefit of the doubt? **** happens, your call. Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Don't let her blame alcohol or other people for her behaviour. When bad people want to do wrong they look for any excuse, don't let her **** with you !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Are you 'seriously' condoning her actions of cheating on me, not answering my missed calls on two occasions in the same night, based on me not answering her "two" calls? Really? That doesn't sound very logical or rational. But thanks for your thoughts. You acted like an obsessed person who was being very controlling. I try to offer insight into the person posting rather than the other person but if you want me to say I think she's an attention-grubbing ho then fine...she's an attention grubbing ho who used you because she can't even go to work each day without having someone obsessing over her and that would be you. But just because she acts dysfunctionally doesn't mean that you should too. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) You know they had sex. That's why she was off the radar for hours. 3 incidents in TEN MONTHS?? Hello. She has shown you (3x!!) the type of person she is! Not to mention, she blamed YOU for HER actions! She said fighting with her pushed her to do this? She isn't even accepting responsibility. That shows she DOESN'T GET IT, doesn't REALLY think she was wrong, and will do it again if oh no you have another fight. She's trash. Edited December 15, 2014 by veggirl Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I'm a big proponent of flirting & more often then not I tell people to calm down because it was nothing. This was not nothing. She intentionally went out of her way to meet up with him allowed herself time alone with him in a romantic setting. There was a lot of orchestration on her part. Drunk or not, she had the foresight to put this together. She also left you on a Saturday night to do this. It was planned & deliberate. It was not a situation where you were all together, they bantered in front of you, then he was the aggressor in trying to kiss her while she fended him off. The fact that she would be with him in front of your work colleagues throws more salt in that wound. Next. Link to post Share on other sites
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