Transitioning from Emotional Affair(friendship) to seperation and beyond

[TalesoftheWireMonkey]

Has anyone transitioned from an EA to dating during separation?

She is pushing for us to become physical.

I want to wait till she is fully divorced. She has it in the works but can't afford it yet.

I don't feel right about it on a moral/religious ground but also think it's a bad idea till she gets her life more settled.

[FusionCutter]

Has anyone transitioned from an EA to dating during separation?

She is pushing for us to become physical.

I want to wait till she is fully divorced. She has it in the works but can't afford it yet.

I don't feel right about it on a moral/religious ground but also think it's a bad idea till she gets her life more settled.

 

You should definitely take your own advice. If she's pushing for something, why can't it wait till she's available?

 

Don't let her have her cake and eat it too. You deserve someone who's willing to commit to you. Don't mistake her wanting to be physical with you as a sign of commitment... in this case, it would be her actions to become available to be with you. Don't listen to anything else.

[TalesoftheWireMonkey]

Thank-You for those words of encouragement Fusion. I needed to hear something sensible.

 

The temptation to consummate the withheld passion is at moments almost overwhelming but I'm trying to let my head rule my heart , or my loins.

 

I have the fear of losing her due to my inaction but then I have to question how good a relationship can it be if she has no more self-control or long-range vision then that?

[FusionCutter]

Thank-You for those words of encouragement Fusion. I needed to hear something sensible.

 

The temptation to consummate the withheld passion is at moments almost overwhelming but I'm trying to let my head rule my heart , or my loins.

 

I have the fear of losing her due to my inaction but then I have to question how good a relationship can it be if she has no more self-control or long-range vision then that?

 

You're wiser than a lot of people here. Just put yourself in her shoes. If you so desired to be divorced to be free to be with someone else, you would do absolutely everything. Beg, borrow, cheat, steal, get a 2nd and 3rd job. .

 

Don't compromise. Keep living your life and don't "wait" for this person. Big chances are she might not even come around. She still wants the security of staying married with her husband while exploring with you.

 

This is no fair way to treat you or her so called soon to be divorced husband.

Edited December 15, 2014 by FusionCutter

[TalesoftheWireMonkey]

I don't know if it's like that?

 

She works two jobs already and is on the edge financially once she left with a child to raise alone. It's iffy if she keeps the lights on right now. Much less cough up the money for lawyer fees at Christmas time.

 

I don't think she's hanging on to the husband?

He was abusive physically, emotionally etc. I've seen the bruises and witnessed some of the screaming telephone fights at work.

They haven't had any real communication since she moved out.

 

I think her drive to get intimate may be about seeking validation that she is attractive, desirable and intimately cared for after years of being worn down in a toxic relationship.

[FusionCutter]

I don't know if it's like that?

 

She works two jobs already and is on the edge financially once she left with a child to raise alone. It's iffy if she keeps the lights on right now. Much less cough up the money for lawyer fees at Christmas time.

 

I don't think she's hanging on to the husband?

He was abusive physically, emotionally etc. I've seen the bruises and witnessed some of the screaming telephone fights at work.

They haven't had any real communication since she moved out.

 

I think her drive to get intimate may be about seeking validation that she is attractive, desirable and intimately cared for after years of being worn down in a toxic relationship.

 

In any case, it's best if she's totally available. Deep down inside it sounds like you know that's the right course of action.

 

Guard your emotions and your heart. Let's say you get physical with her, get super attached, and she tells you she's deciding to work things out with her husband. Then what?

 

Keep using the head that's on your shoulders.

[TalesoftheWireMonkey]

Trying to do that!

 

It's difficult spending time together everyday at work.

 

The other concern is I don't want to give her husband reason to be abusive again with her or me!

I don't think he cares about her but seems like he might be the kind to start trouble just because.

 

Someone told me it would be alright for she and I to be together if the husband is already seeing someone. She suspects he is.

 

I don't know? I dated someone years ago that was separated pending divorce it never felt quite right to me.