He freaks out when I touch his phone

[Hellomellow]

Hello there! My boyfriend of eight months and I just had an argument and instead of sleeping, I came here to voice my concerns and ask for advice.

 

My boyfriend and I are both 23 and as I said before, we have been together for 8 months. When we first started dating, I noticed he always had his phone with him - basically glued to his hand or his pocket. I didn't think much of it because I didn't notice any red flags; however, about three months in, I started noticing he would never let me touch his phone, not even to check the time or to make a call if my phone had died. He'd snatch his phone out of my hands if I picked it up to move it or something. I thought this was very strange.

 

I asked if he was hiding something and he said he wasn't, just that he hates when people touch his things. It quickly escalated into an argument that ended with him accusing ME of hiding something. I felt like this was a way of making himself feel less guilty - I never hide my phone, always have it out, let him use it whenever. My gut instantly told me something was wrong.

 

So one day when he was in the living room, he left his phone on the bed. I went through it, only to find my gut had been right. He had downloaded social apps where he would flirt with other people and receive pictures - he even set his status to single in these apps. It hurt that he had lied to me and was pretending to be single. I immediately confronted him about it and he broke down, said he was sorry - that he just did it for attention and had no intentions of hurting me.

 

I don't mind who my boyfriend talks to - I want him to have his own friends, but when the conversations are inappropriate and flirtatious, that's where I draw the line.

 

I watched as he deleted all the apps and his profiles. He let me search through every corner of his phone. It was clean.

 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago: the odd behaviors have started again. He freaks out when I touch his phone - I'm not even trying to go through it, I'll be wanting to play a game he has, but he'll snap at me. I just think it's so weird... Tonight I told him his attitude reminds me of before, and he just calls me "crazy, psychotic and paranoid." He threatened to put a lock on his phone, which I said would just make me MORE concerned. I don't get it - if he doesn't like my being concerned, he can just easily let me see what's going on and I will happily shut up about it.

 

I'm not sure, my gut tells me something is up again... Am I being crazy, psychotic, and paranoid?

[CarrieT]

I'm not sure, my gut tells me something is up again... Am I being crazy, psychotic, and paranoid?

Nope, you are not being paranoid. Trust your gut; he's returned to his old ways and thrives on the attention those apps give him.

[ExpatInItaly]

You already know he's dishonest and not trustworthy. You're not being paranoid. He showed you who he really is and what he's really like. I think you know what to do now.

[No Limit]

Your boyfriend is the type of guy that will jump on any opportunity he might get. If you can tolerate a cheating boyfriend, just forget about his phone and get tested for STDs every week. If not, kick him to the curb and find someone who doesn't have self-esteem issues.

[coolheadal]

Just another player in the field of players! He has betrayed your trust in him now! So what do you do about all of this? You can leave him or stay? But if you stay is this the type of relationship your welling to turn a blind eye too his fun?

 

See your his safety-net! His phone is his escape from you where he can be dashing and well just down right playful but not with you with that mysteries women he's talking too an etc behind your back!

 

Still cheating in my book! Because if focus an attention has changed away from your relationship when he's on his cell phone being A Player!

 

Wake-up! Pack your things and get out of there now before you start to panic in your mind! But you have already started to freak over this behavior of his. He won't change his addiction!

Edited December 15, 2014 by coolheadal

[elaine567]

Big red flag.

Ignore it at your peril.

[Hellomellow]

Thank you all for your responses. I know he is not physically cheating - he is with me a lot and I tend to know his schedule. His sisters also tend to keep an eye on him.

 

But I do think something is up, he is most likely talking to people and being flirty again, emotionally cheating. Sigh. I will confront him and tell him to either fess up and show me or I'm done.

 

Although I'm basically done no matter what.

[d0nnivain]

There are two problems here:

 

He's overly concerned about his stuff. He can't share. That level of stinginess is problematic.

 

Second, you know he's flirting & generally being sneaky behind your back. This isn't like porn where it's fake. These are real people who he could potentially meet up with. Listing his status as "single" also makes him a liar.

[coolheadal]

Thank you all for your responses. I know he is not physically cheating - he is with me a lot and I tend to know his schedule. His sisters also tend to keep an eye on him.

 

But I do think something is up, he is most likely talking to people and being flirty again, emotionally cheating. Sigh. I will confront him and tell him to either fess up and show me or I'm done.

 

Although I'm basically done no matter what.

 

Cheating is cheating no matter what he is doing on that phone without you! We all are using the internet to communicate. Here you have come to this forum to ask us what you should do? Of course we're all over the world. Can't see us unless we do skype. But still the truth is your situation is with him is not healthy.

 

Please understand what is happening here with you and him. But I can see at your last line there you have finally understand what needs to be done!

 

Remember we're 100% behind you on the action your embarking on to solve this matter!

[shet]

Point of order: His sisters "watching him" means bugger all. Blood is thicker. I have a cheating friend who is married, and he has cheated on his wife, with a friend of his sisters, who has kept quiet about it, because that sort of disrespect for people is part of their heritage and family upbringing. Sister was a bridesmaid at their wedding and now a godparent to their child.

 

Incidentally, this friend of mine is also permanently on his phone, non stop, and refuses to let anyone else touch it. Now and then he'll show us, his guy mates, the sexts he receives from his women on the side.

[RemainUnchanged]

you should stay with him Op, just stick it out.

 

 

im sure he'll change

[me85]

This is a major red flag. My ex never wanted me touching his phone and it was because he was cheating on me.

 

He's hiding important things from you.

Edited December 15, 2014 by me85

[Hellomellow]

Again, thank you all so much for your responses - you are allowing me to realize I'm not crazy and paranoid, that I have a legitimate reason to be concerned.

 

RemainUnchanged: I would stay with him and try to work things out but this relationship is only 8 months old - I don't want to think about what could happen in a few years if this much drama is already happening now.

 

I confronted him this morning and let him know I was genuinely concerned - that I didn't trust him. He just said the same responses over and over: I'm being annoying, he's not doing anything, blah blah blah - but STILL refusing to show me anything.

 

So I left to run a few errands and cool off - I was pretty annoyed.

 

When I returned, he said I could look through his phone - I guess he could tell I was going to break up with him.

 

But I didn't trust him when he said I could look, to be honest. I mean, he could have easily deleted everything when I was out, you know? He wouldn't show me this morning or last night - but as soon as I am out of sight and return, THAT'S when he decides to let me look? I'm not falling for that.

 

What hurts the most I guess is that he doesn't seem to care that I don't trust him. He isn't looking to remedy that - he says it's MY problem that I don't trust him.

 

That was the breaking point for me. I told him to get out of my place or I'd call the police.

[Dontfindme]

again, thank you all so much for your responses - you are allowing me to realize i'm not crazy and paranoid, that i have a legitimate reason to be concerned.

 

Remainunchanged: I would stay with him and try to work things out but this relationship is only 8 months old - i don't want to think about what could happen in a few years if this much drama is already happening now.

 

I confronted him this morning and let him know i was genuinely concerned - that i didn't trust him. He just said the same responses over and over: I'm being annoying, he's not doing anything, blah blah blah - but still refusing to show me anything.

 

So i left to run a few errands and cool off - i was pretty annoyed.

 

When i returned, he said i could look through his phone - i guess he could tell i was going to break up with him.

 

But i didn't trust him when he said i could look, to be honest. I mean, he could have easily deleted everything when i was out, you know? He wouldn't show me this morning or last night - but as soon as i am out of sight and return, that's when he decides to let me look? I'm not falling for that.

 

What hurts the most i guess is that he doesn't seem to care that i don't trust him. He isn't looking to remedy that - he says it's my problem that i don't trust him.

 

That was the breaking point for me. I told him to get out of my place or i'd call the police.

 

Good riddance!

[RemainUnchanged]

Again, thank you all so much for your responses - you are allowing me to realize I'm not crazy and paranoid, that I have a legitimate reason to be concerned.

 

RemainUnchanged: I would stay with him and try to work things out but this relationship is only 8 months old - I don't want to think about what could happen in a few years if this much drama is already happening now.

 

I confronted him this morning and let him know I was genuinely concerned - that I didn't trust him. He just said the same responses over and over: I'm being annoying, he's not doing anything, blah blah blah - but STILL refusing to show me anything.

 

So I left to run a few errands and cool off - I was pretty annoyed.

 

When I returned, he said I could look through his phone - I guess he could tell I was going to break up with him.

 

But I didn't trust him when he said I could look, to be honest. I mean, he could have easily deleted everything when I was out, you know? He wouldn't show me this morning or last night - but as soon as I am out of sight and return, THAT'S when he decides to let me look? I'm not falling for that.

 

What hurts the most I guess is that he doesn't seem to care that I don't trust him. He isn't looking to remedy that - he says it's MY problem that I don't trust him.

 

That was the breaking point for me. I told him to get out of my place or I'd call the police.

 

 

don't worry, I was being sarcastic.

 

 

in my experience, childish, petulant people like your (ex) boyfriend don't really ever change.

 

you made the right decision... tho threatening to call the cops sounds a little dramatic.