fyrwyfe Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Hey guys... do your SO's know you post about your relationships here on LS? Mine is always so curious, I try not to jump online right in front of him, but often he will walk in when I am browsing on LS. Today he asked if I have posted here lately; I gave him a delayed "yes" and then he told me to show him - I said "no". I really don't want him reading any of my posts - that's just be weird, and I'm sure he's have something to say about some of the content too. I feel like this is my forum - the only interest he has in LS is to see what I'm doing on it - is that his business? Am I wrong for not wanting him to read my posts? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I haven't told my boyfriend I post here. If he finds out, no problem, but I am anonymous here and that's why I like it. If I am going to have him read my posts then I will never feel free to write completely openly. This is like a diary. We have a right to some privacy. It's not like were cheating or having cyber-sex with someone. They know everything about us anyway, but they don't need to know our every thought. IMHO, if people don't let you have privacy, you ought to fight for it. Avoid giving too much info if there's a possibility for him to read your posts. He may as well email LS to send the password to your email address so he can login with your nickname. You can drag his attention from LS if you have two usernames and let him know only one of them. Use that one for innocent posts. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I can understand that. This is one place where I am not playing any role but myself: I am not mommy here, I'm not wifey here, I'm not a designer here, I'm not an admin here - I'm just me. I like to have my own little things and hobbies and like to have things that are uniquely mine outside of the context of the other roles I play. This forum is no exception. I expect its that way for you too. Not that you have anything in particular to hide - its just something that is yours outside of the couple context of "ours". Its nice to have your own little 'thing' to do that is uniquely yours. Mr. B and I have plenty of things like that - we are aware of what the other does, but we understand that in order to have a healthy "us" we have to be able to be comfortable doing things individually as well. We don't insinuate ourselves into those things that the other enjoys individually. We aren't barred from it, but we don't invite ourselves in either. I wouldn't care if he read my stuff here, but at the same time - if he participated, it would not be my own special thing I do anymore. It would take on a different context as I readjusted my role from LucreziaBorgia to Mrs. Borgia. Would it be less fun? Nah, just different. If he wants to look, though - he's going to and if you try to get him to not look, he may think you are hiding something, just because of your hesitancy to let him see what you wrote. I dunno, though - maybe he would understand the "its a me thing". Wouldn't hurt to talk to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 before we got the computer hooked up at home, I'd call my husband on a daily basis with the wackiest or funniest -- or most moving -- post I'd read on the 'Shack, which was pretty nice. now that we're online at home, he'll sometimes complain about me coming here to get my rocks off, but I've explained to him time and again that this is my release, where I can have a good laugh or get edumacated on different issues. I still read the funnier or wackier posts to him, but I think he drops in from time to time to see why I'm so hooked on the place. speaking of wackier posts, you've got to check out Hallmark's Hoops and Yoyo characters -- they're hilarious (and they've got a site all of their own)! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 No, mine does not know. I prefer to keep it that way for the reasons outlined by Record Producer and Lucrecia. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Mrs. Moose reads all of mine. She used to post on here too until she was accused of being my alter ego. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Mine knows I post here, and he thinks it is good for me. I honestly can say he is not interested in knowing what I post about, think or reply to on here. Always tells me 'that is YOUR thing you like to do and you enjoy it so go do it.' PS: Moose I didn't know that!!! She should come back! I think it is really neat that a hubby and wifey were posting on LS together. Screw what others thought! Tell her to come back! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 fyrwyfe, if he wants to read your posts and knows your screen name, I'm sure he's beat you to the punch. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 My husband is free to read any post I make anywhere I make it. I'm free to do the same, I'm pleased to say. There was a time when his communications on-line were secretive. These days, we're an open book to one another. If he were to read anything that he didn't agree with here at LS, I think it would be a great opportunity for us to talk about it and reach a better understanding of one another. All in all, I think the Golden Rule would apply here. Do unto him as you would have him do unto you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fyrwyfe Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 All in all, I think the Golden Rule would apply here. Do unto him as you would have him do unto you. I can see it this way, but I also write here like I write in my journal, and I wouldn't want him reading that. There are some things that are private. Yeah I know - this is a public forum... but I don't have a problem with "the public" reading my posts; after all, that's WHY I post here. My problem is with HIM reading them. Honestly I would feel a little violated. I think he would hold stuff he read over my head - he has read my journals before and will continue to bring stuff up, forcing me to talk about my private journal with him. He questions me about why I come to LS; somehow he views it negatively - can't put my finger on exacty why. Maybe it's cause I talk about him, or because he doesn't know what advice I'm getting, or maybe I'm dwelling on our marriage too much... that last one could be it. He thinks I read too much & research too much, just think about our problems too much; I don't think he thinks ENOUGH about them, just kinds sweeps things under the rug & assumes everything gonna get better with minimal effort put in... Don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I have been in this situation with my WTF he is, and he basically explained his POV like this. It pisses him off that I come talk to complete strangers about our life and ask for advice on a one sided story, he thinks the advice here is unvaluable when it comes to him because The "viewers, posters " don't get to see his side of the story therefore I shouldn't take 1/2 assed advice that will come along with a 1/2 assed story It also bothers him that I spend time on here talking about my life when I should be talking our problems out with him. IS he RIGHT, maby will I stop NO because it's comforting and also social, It's nice to know that someone is ALWAYS there to listen to you, plus I am a very social person when I am alone or at work or dont want to watch TV I like to interact with friends and I think that's harmelss Link to post Share on other sites
Author fyrwyfe Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 The "viewers, posters " don't get to see his side of the story therefore I shouldn't take 1/2 assed advice that will come along with a 1/2 assed story I'm sure he feels this way too. If he only knew what great advice everybody has, and how I've seen people change their opinion about divorce and opt for counseling instead based on the way posters have shed light on their situation... It's mostly about the privacy for me. It would feel like he was reading my journal (again). Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Stone and frywyfe, does he know your screen name here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fyrwyfe Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 Stone and frywyfe, does he know your screen name here? He may not remember it at the moment, but he could figure it out. I use this name on other sites, and he posted on LS once in 2003 - I replied, so if he remembers doing that then he coud find it that way too... Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 My bf/h knows that I post SOMEWHERE but he does not know where but he does not mind because he says that it helps me keep my mind off of stupid sh*t. It helps me take my mind off of my problems for a moment and see other people who have it worse. But HELL NO, I would not want him to see what I post either way! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I guarantee he's read them - you know men are such nosey bastards. My husband came on here and posted as another poster! He was asking me weird questions. I love that creep. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by tiki I guarantee he's read them - you know men are such nosey bastards. My husband came on here and posted as another poster! He was asking me weird questions. I love that creep. Oh I remember that one but he was Soooooooooooooo BUSTED!!!!! Never came back did he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fyrwyfe Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 My husband came on here and posted as another poster! He was asking me weird questions. Now THAT sounds like something my husband would do... Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ Oh I remember that one but he was Soooooooooooooo BUSTED!!!!! Never came back did he? But bless his heart, he wasn't even smooth about it. No, he swore to never come back. I thought I had busted him again, this past weekend. This poster reminded me of him. I called him at work - lol. He was like, "OMG, NO!!! I swore to you I'd never do that, I will never ever do that again!!" Whatever. I'll keep my eyes open forever and for always. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 LOL that would suck....My bf knows I go on a 'website' to give people advice and ask for advice. He's never asked me the name of the website or anything but he said its better i filter our problems through there so that by the time they get to him I am more level headed lol Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by fyrwyfe Now THAT sounds like something my husband would do... Keep your eyes open. Men are stupid sometimes, and can be a dead give-away. My husband's posts are a trip. They're still out here. Link to post Share on other sites
CaGirl1980 Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 In my case, I would let my husband read anything he wanted to because I know that if he were posting on a site that he didn't want me to see I'd start to worry and I'd probably make it into something much bigger in my head than it really was. I'm a very open person and absolutely cannot keep secrets to save my life. It's just the kind of person I am so it's easy for me to let him read everything I write on here. He is much more private than I am and it has always been an issue for us. So I can understand why your husband would want to read it. But it mostly matters with whatever your comfortable with, and whether or not it starts to cause problems. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fyrwyfe Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 [size=][color=ingido]I'll watch out for 'weird' posts... I should probably also watch out for him acting real weird, as that may be a sign that he's read them and has his thoughts about it bottled up...[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I personally think that you should let him come here and read away. I've been posting here since Oct, and most of my posts revolve around my wife, and the online EA she had last year, and how I/we've dealt with things since. My wife knows the name of the site, and it would take her about two seconds to figure out who I am, but has never wanted to come here. She's welcome to do so, but I've revealed a LOT about what we went through, her actions and mine, and so I'm sure she doesn't come because she'd be very, very embarassed to see it all in print like that. But at the same time, she knows that I've posted this kind of information here. The bottom line is this...there really shouldn't be any 'secrets' of any kind in a marriage. It's that kind of environment that encourages infidelity to happen...trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 My husband would laugh cuz of what we all talk about in the sex section! Link to post Share on other sites
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