sarah12 Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Do you ever feel that there are people in your life who bring you down because they don't want to see you doing well in life? Generally, most people who meet me, really like me because supposedly I am a very nice and friendly girl. I believe this, although I think there are many people out there who are like me. Friends think the world of me, and I am very grateful for that. I try to be there for them when I can, and I have been told that I have a very caring nature and I am really sweet. In fact, some people have an unusual attachment to me and have told me this, that I am almost like a drug addiction (guy friends mostly). I have also been told that I am a very good looking woman and am very intelligent, so I've had my share of offers from the men, but as it stands today,I haven't had a boyfriend in a couple of years. Anyways, I'm not trying to brag about myself here, in no way am I close to perfect, but Im just trying to paint the picture for what's coming up next. I like to think of myself as a work in progress so I am always looking to improve myself as a person, in any way that I can, and so I do like to hear constructive criticism when I can get it. So aside from these people who think highly of me, there are a few people in my life who like to continually bring me down. Guys and girls both have tried to bring me down, destroy my reputation, or try and take stabs at me when they can. I've been called a drama queen with no justification by one guy and ridiculed in front of friends by another guy, girls have tried to make up stories or lies about me to tell guys or just plain embarass me in front of friends or guys usually. Giirls who like the guys I've dated will give me evil looks and one actually called me nasty names and wanted to start a fight just because I dated a guy she liked. I've had to write off quite a few people in my life due to this kind of behaviour because I will not tolerate it. Yes, I do admit I probably have a high standard when it comes to friendships, and it's unfortunate that it has come to that, but I really couldn't be bothered to waste time on people who take stabs at me for fun because they are jealous or what not. Fortunately I have enough self-confidence that it doesn't hurt me too much but it does when it comes from people who I thought I was close with. My question is, am I right for writing off those people/friendships? I mean, I just dont think that friends or people should be doing that to each other. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't me who was causing people to be like this, it is jealousy or just the fact that some people find pleasure in bringing others down, as disgusting as that sounds. There isn't enough time in this world to please everyone, am I right? or am I just being a bitch? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 If friends stab you in the back you are right to cut them out of your life completely. That is not being a bitch, that is being assertive. You have better things to do, than attend to people who don't appreciate you, and reward you with stabs in the back, causing you embarassment in front of friends et cetera. I had to do that 3 times in the past 8 years. I miss the friendships at moments, and moments only, but never regret my actions. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Wow, Sarah, you sound exactly like me! I've dealt with girls' jealousy so many times that I now stopped making any friendships with women. I lost a few friends for unknown reasons and no matter how much I am trying to figure them out, I just can't. The last two (they are sisters) just cut me off when I most needed them. They would also make comments about my face, body, and other things that they were jealous of about my life. I just don't trust women anymore. The situation with men is like this: they always hit on me sooner or later so no friendship is possible. They only want to f*ck me so if they don't care about being friends with me, if the tiny little chance they hope they might have to have sex with me is more important than being friends then I don't need any friends. Naturally when I reject them, men start hating me. The concept of friendship is not something I value highly because of so many awful experiences. My parents are my only true friends. I know I haven't been a bitch to anyone and I continuously encounter this hate on the first sight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted March 25, 2005 Author Share Posted March 25, 2005 how much should we forgive people though? I mean, one of the friends (who asked me out but feelings were not mutual) was so mean and picked on me all night long at this dinner at my house, in front of all my friends and his, and of course I was extremely mad. He's apologized and I forgave him but how do you become any kind of friends with someone who does that to you? I understand he was angry at me for not liking him back, but how much am I supposed to take that into consideration? I am caught in the middle about this one because I don't care to be friends with someone who treats me like that, but I also feel bad for hurting his feelings even more by not being able to be real friends with him (i.e. calling him outside of making plans to go out with mutual friends). Any idea? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 You did hurt his feelings by rejecting him, but he should have taken it as a man: accepted it. Not by picking on you. He can want your friendship, but he should have acted as if he wanted it. Not as a small kid. He is angry with you for not liking him back? Do you have a say in this? Of course. And you are not obligated to like him, just because he asked you out once. Don't make friends with him. He is not worth it. His behavior has shown that. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 "Fortunately I have enough self-confidence that it doesn't hurt me too much but it does when it comes from people who I thought I was close with. My question is, am I right for writing off those people/friendships? I mean, I just dont think that friends or people should be doing that to each other. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't me who was causing people to be like this, it is jealousy or just the fact that some people find pleasure in bringing others down, as disgusting as that sounds. There isn't enough time in this world to please everyone, am I right? or am I just being a bitch? The amount of time si have been betrayed by people who i thought were my freinds amounts. If you can count on your hands 10 good freinds you are a lucky person. There is a major difference between aqaintences and true freinds. Freinds dont talk bad about each other. It sickens my stomnach and soul to hera that there are more people out there who get off on trying to climb over or bring peolpe down. Do not associate with manipulative snobs Link to post Share on other sites
goodnbad Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Nope, you're not being a b*tch. You just want to be happy and it's pretty darned hard to do that when you surround yourself with unhappy people. They will bring you down, like that old saying, "misery loves company". If they were happy with themselves and not wallowing in jealousy, then they wouldn't feel the need to get on your case. It just irks them that you can be so happy, why can't they? You are better off to have a few true blue good friends than a large group of friends that aren't friends at all. Why should you make yourself unhappy? I totally understand. At 40, I finally realized that I had to distance myself from some of my so-called friends, and also some co-workers and family, since they wallow in self-pity or negative thinking, and feed on anything negative they can dredge out from others. I am a much happier person now that I have learned that lesson. If people make you feel miserable, get some distance. YOU are the one that has a choice to be happy or not. Don't feel guilty for doing what you have to do to feel happy, it has nothing to do with selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Reminds me of what Morrisey said in one of his songs: "We hate it when our friends become successful." I have very few real friends these days; in fact, I don't have any real friends at all. They're just acquaintances I hang out with every so often. Too much negativity to put up with on a regular basis, plus they're always looking to hear the bad news so that they'll feel better about themselves. Misery loves company... what else can I say? Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 "Dont let the bastards grind you down!" BONO Link to post Share on other sites
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