ever lost "everything" but turned it around? happy endings?

[Dobie]

Just wondering if people would like to share stories of a really low point in there life , that they managed to turn around to something amazing ? I'm feeling like I'm at rock bottom so could do with some inspiration

 

 

So this is where I'm at 37 fiance left me out the blue , chance of kids and buying my house feels gone (feel too old to start again)

My father is dying of chronic CPD after a massive stroke that left him bed bound a few years back ... I'm close to broke , overtime and hiring is frozen at work can't go external as I don't have the experience , can't get the experience as work has frozen roles (current role is very junior and was part of me and my fiances plan for the next few years to get my foot in the door) now its more a hindrance for other employers ...put it like this it doesn't look good for a 37 year old man in terms of other employers .

 

 

Don't have many friends and really lack confidence even though to meet me you would think I was a confident guy . family all live far away ...

 

Anyway enough of the pity party just want to hear some inspirational stories

[lauren13]

I'm not sure whether this will be any help, but I will give it a go.

 

I personally, don't like comparing stories from one to another, because everyone is different and everyone struggle is different. However, what has helped me in the past when I thought I hit rock bottom (i.e. unemployed, single, living at friends house, etc.) is to create a clear plan with deadlines. I needed to identify areas of my life that needed immediate improvement (it wasn't just one area) and work on those first.

 

For example; I like splitting my life into 4 major boxes - friends & family, hobbies & myself, career and significant other. Throughout different periods different boxes are more important to me.

 

Now you mention your work a lot and it seems like you think it's a dead end? Were you in the same role until now? Is there a way you could take up some courses/skill-training that would help you develop different skills? There's even a bunch of free online-trainings (e.g. coursera and such) - I know quite a few stories where those helped greatly. What are the things you enjoy doing?

 

You also mention you don't have a lot of friends. Again - what are the activities you enjoy doing? There is a lot of outdoorsy things you could do (that are free), join some meetup groups and make some friends. I'm not sure how your living situation is, but you could think about living with roommates to help with the bills, etc ? - which would also allow you to meet more people. Couple of years back I moved to a big city all by myself and not knowing anyone - it was difficult at first, but now I managed to make few good friends with same interests.

 

Lastly, 37 isn't that old really (especially for a guy). If your BU was recent, you might feel like you don't want to do it all over again, but that could change with time.

 

I'd advise you to figure out what you enjoy doing and what areas you want to work on, then identify some steps you need to take and follow through with them. It's never really too late to turn your life around completely; all you need is 'want' and a plan. Once you start improving one area, other areas will fall into place as well.

[Dobie]

Thanks Lauren , I just need to stay positive and move forward ...

 

I like the annalogy about the boxes .. I.e friends , work etc

 

I'm seeing a therapist soon for some CBT hoping that will help .

 

Need to study as well I'm in the middle of my exams but this BU threw me , motivation and concentration out the window at the min.

[lauren13]

Thanks Lauren , I just need to stay positive and move forward ...

 

I like the annalogy about the boxes .. I.e friends , work etc

 

I'm seeing a therapist soon for some CBT hoping that will help .

 

Need to study as well I'm in the middle of my exams but this BU threw me , motivation and concentration out the window at the min.

 

You shouldn't prioritize BU over school - degrees are forever, it's something nobody can take away from you.. the rest is temporary.

[Danda]

I think it depends on what you value in life. For me, I value experiences, usually involving the 5 senses, the little things in life, so to speak, and I also value sharing meaningful moments with other people. I guess this makes me relatively easy to please.

 

I was homeless for a short while, less than one month total, and while I'd be blowing monkeys out my butt if I said everything about it was fun and wonderful, many aspects of it were.

 

Pretty much every element of the 'rat race' was removed from my daily life. The element of vanity was gone, as well. I didn't worry about losing 'stuff' as I had almost no 'stuff' anymore.

 

There was one day in particular I remember I was exhausted sitting on a bench, the skin on my right shoulder had burnt down so much I had to cover it with gauze/tape and I was very grungy / in desperate need of a shower. But it was a gorgeous day by the water, the world around me had no demands, no rushing around or fretting over bull****. I was comfortable and free, and sitting nearby were two other homeless people I had become friends with, really good, down to earth people who had shown me where to get free apples. An apple is absolutely delicious and refreshing when you've had nothing else but water for over 24 hours.

 

At night we all had to try to find safe places to sleep, which was a sort of warped but humorous game that basically boiled down to hide-and-seek with the LAPD, who never had anything better to do than harass the **** out of homeless people, it seemed. One night 4 of us (including myself) hopped a fence at a water treatment plant and found a cozy, clean spot under some pine trees to huddle up in a ball of bodies and blankets for the night, hidden under the lower branches of the trees. I remember feeling extremely peaceful and content in life falling asleep there, the way it feels good to drift off when one is truly exhausted and surrounded by genuine friends.

 

Now of course such simple and meaningful things in life are still possible for people who are wealthy, who have impressive degrees and nice cars and so on. It wasn't that we on the streets had some magical wisdom and luxury that the 'rich people' couldn't have. It was just that despite not having any money or hardly any possessions, we still had what mattered, we still laughed and had peace.

 

I found those people and had those experiences because I went out of my way to do so. I had packed a large medical kit before I became homeless and spent a lot of time treating minor injuries and listening to people talk about themselves / their stories. I didn't just sit around on the sidewalk waiting for good people to come find and adopt me. I had to be "good people" so to speak in order to find other ones. I had to form bonds, not just wait around for the universe to drop friends into my lap. That's probably the most important thing for anyone to ever understand, the importance of trying to be what you are hoping to find. That is how you find it.

[dichotomy]

I can only offer suggestions.

 

I have over my life dealt with a devastating divorce at 37 (no kids wanted some), Serious medical battles (really hard emotionally), self esteem, cheating betrayals, loss of both parents, and more. Each took time, perseverance, and someone to talk too (family or therapist). There was no easy quick fix - I was hurting. Time and perseverance. But I also remember with each of these loses the moment things started to turn around for me... sometimes in strange and unexpected ways.

 

1) Work. If your employed now, even in a junior role with limited movement, you have something. Your role/title experience can be made (not faked, just explained well on a resume) to sound more/better than it is. Look for ways to take on any side tasks at work, training, or if that is not possible training certification outside of work, and volunteer work (shows nice on a resume). Network! If your not on LinkedIn.... get on it.

 

2) Relationship. As mentioned I got divorced at 37, wanted kids for so long, but it was complicated beyond belief. After a 1.5 years of being messed up over the divorce, I dated and found someone with a kid (who wanted a dad for her kid) who would also try to have one with me. It was a win win (on the kids part at least ). Being an older parent is possible and has some benefits.

 

3) Health and well being. Exercise! Many many choices. Weightlifting, yoga, and MMA are my current mix of things.

 

4) Pending loss of a loved one or parent. Please spent time with that person before they pass. Ask them to share stories of their childhood, parents, what it was like growing up, their dreams loves and losses, and any wisdom or advice they can share. Know them. After the loss of my mom, I spent 6 hours doing this with my dad - kind of an interview or biography on his life. He passed two years later and I am so glad to have understood his life better. Also when I struggle, I listen to the voice of my father in my head, I know what he would say or advise.

 

5) Fake it till you make it. Have a vision or character in your mind - when you face issues. Could be with women, or interviews, or anything. Visualize you being successful and confident - pretend or act the role, till you are that person.

Edited December 27, 2014 by dichotomy