Would it be a good idea for a woman to go to a bar alone?

[spanishchick00]

would it be weird for a woman to go to a bar alone? I mainly want to go there to possibly meet new people or meet guys, however I don't have friends that are interested in going. The bar that I'm thinking about going to has a dance area, so it's not just a bar.

[No Limit]

From what I gather from other posts America is too dangerous for a woman to be out alone after dark. Well I've been away alone a good amount of times already and wasn't bothered or threatened by anyone.

[Shining One]

America is a huge place. It varies from area to area. You'll have to use your best judgment.

[Gloria25]

I've gone alone...I'm my best company.

 

One time I was waiting for a movie to come on at a theater. I had like an hour to kill. So, I went to this seedy, really creepy biker like bar. Eh, I just ordered a beer and sat around like I had no fear and was a regular.

 

Yeah, going out on your own and being comfortable in your own skin takes getting used to. But I'm a lone wolf. Kinda am used to it.

 

But yeah, you gotta watch your butt out there.

[Just1ofThoseDays]

No you shouldn't go alone. You should come over, let me pick you up, and I'll take you.

[Gloria25]

No you shouldn't go alone. You should come over, let me pick you up, and I'll take you.

 

I don't know about that...I was listening to a chick the other day say she got raped from a guy she met on OLD. He came over to her place to pick her up for their first date, pushed his way into her place and raped her.

 

That's why with OLD, and pretty much any new guy you're seeing, first meetings should be in public and not taking him up to your place....too many creepos now a days.

 

But, maybe doing some online creeper detective work before a date can also help. But, better even is to get to know his circle of friends - so you can get a feel for him and if he's a creepo he'll probably think twice of taking advantage of you cuz you met his friends and stuff. Hopefully he'll move on to creep on someone else.

[Danda]

I don't know about that...I was listening to a chick the other day say she got raped from a guy she met on OLD. He came over to her place to pick her up for their first date, pushed his way into her place and raped her.

 

That's why with OLD, and pretty much any new guy you're seeing, first meetings should be in public and not taking him up to your place....too many creepos now a days.

 

But, maybe doing some online creeper detective work before a date can also help. But, better even is to get to know his circle of friends - so you can get a feel for him and if he's a creepo he'll probably think twice of taking advantage of you cuz you met his friends and stuff. Hopefully he'll move on to creep on someone else.

 

You can also carry protection for yourself. It's not a guarantee but it can make a significant difference IF you invest the time and effort in getting comfortable with your self-defense method of choice. It can also increase your confidence, which will be reflected in your body language, and predatory mentalities look for that kind of thing and try to prey on the timid.

 

Personally I like the S&W .357 Magnum. It's small enough for CC but heavy enough to have very gentle recoil. The hollow points it takes will put a small crater in an assailant, so all you have to do is center-of-mass that ****.

 

For knife people I usually recommend a Spyderco folder, probably the Delica if you want to keep it legal, but I love the Civilian if you're gonna be in a bad part of town and are more afraid of psychos than the cops.

 

Then you've got whatever else your area allows/sells, like pepper spray and stun guns.

 

Another good trick is to get a very small but powerful flashlight. If your adrenaline kicks in and your fine motor skills shut down, you can pull out the flashlight first and blind them for a bit (tested this with a former friend, it actually works pretty well if it goes down in a dark/dim setting where their pupils would already be dilated). That buys you some time to fumble for your self-defense weapon if you're struggling through a 'freeze' response.

[Gloria25]

You can also carry protection for yourself. It's not a guarantee but it can make a significant difference IF you invest the time and effort in getting comfortable with your self-defense method of choice. It can also increase your confidence, which will be reflected in your body language, and predatory mentalities look for that kind of thing and try to prey on the timid.

 

Personally I like the S&W .357 Magnum. It's small enough for CC but heavy enough to have very gentle recoil. The hollow points it takes will put a small crater in an assailant, so all you have to do is center-of-mass that ****.

 

For knife people I usually recommend a Spyderco folder, probably the Delica if you want to keep it legal, but I love the Civilian if you're gonna be in a bad part of town and are more afraid of psychos than the cops.

 

Then you've got whatever else your area allows/sells, like pepper spray and stun guns.

 

Another good trick is to get a very small but powerful flashlight. If your adrenaline kicks in and your fine motor skills shut down, you can pull out the flashlight first and blind them for a bit (tested this with a former friend, it actually works pretty well if it goes down in a dark/dim setting where their pupils would already be dilated). That buys you some time to fumble for your self-defense weapon if you're struggling through a 'freeze' response.

 

Well, while I do have a gun at home (and plan to get a shotgun) I would not feel comfy in carrying it in the streets. I mean, unless I'm like some guy in an action movie where I know I can control the situation, I'd be afraid something would go wrong.

 

Now, about the sprays and knuckle stuff and all that. Gotta look at the laws in your state, cuz some of those things are considered illegal and weapons. Also, a lot of establishments will not allow you to bring them in. And, ultimately, just like a gun, you better be prepared and ready to use it.

 

I agree with the flashlight though. I try to do that, I try to keep things with me and/or pick up something around me (i.e. a broken bottle on the floor) to defend myself. Always vigilant and ready to use what's at my disposal.

 

Digging out eyes, bitting his penis, and other things are also things you can consider doing that you don't necessarily need a weapon for. But, if he's high on drugs, he might not feel a thing and may get agitated.

[Danda]

Well, while I do have a gun at home (and plan to get a shotgun) I would not feel comfy in carrying it in the streets. I mean, unless I'm like some guy in an action movie where I know I can control the situation, I'd be afraid something would go wrong.

 

Now, about the sprays and knuckle stuff and all that. Gotta look at the laws in your state, cuz some of those things are considered illegal and weapons. Also, a lot of establishments will not allow you to bring them in. And, ultimately, just like a gun, you better be prepared and ready to use it.

 

I agree with the flashlight though. I try to do that, I try to keep things with me and/or pick up something around me (i.e. a broken bottle on the floor) to defend myself. Always vigilant and ready to use what's at my disposal.

 

Digging out eyes, bitting his penis, and other things are also things you can consider doing that you don't necessarily need a weapon for. But, if he's high on drugs, he might not feel a thing and may get agitated.

 

Well there are two things to keep in mind:

 

1. Almost nobody starts out comfortable with a firearm, and that's a good thing. When you are wielding a device that is easy to set off and can quickly take someone's life, you should be nervous until you have mastered it. That nervousness is a sign of respect for human life, and respect for the weapon you're holding. This is why firearm safety classes and lots of practice at a gun range are so, so important. People should be practicing until their firearm feels like an extension of their body, and until things like finger-off-the-trigger-until-ready-to-fire and keeping the firearm pointed in a safe direction at all times are just mindless second nature. I would never expect anyone to carry (legally, of course) without having invested a lot of time in training/practice.

 

2. If a person actually gets attacked, it's not anything like what most people imagine it to be.

 

While there is certainly room for misc constructive criticism for the material in this video, I think it demonstrates very well how theory and reality are often worlds apart:

 

 

I always encourage people to consider this factor when thinking of self-defense methods.

[spanishchick00]

Whoa! I had no idea it was that dangerous to go alone! You mean that there are creeps that are keeping an eye on women that are by themselves? I need to buy a gun, cuz pepper spray alone can't do much.

[d0nnivain]

Whoa! I had no idea it was that dangerous to go alone! You mean that there are creeps that are keeping an eye on women that are by themselves? I need to buy a gun, cuz pepper spray alone can't do much.

 

If you had no idea that it was dangerous to go out alone, you should definitely not go out alone. Where ever you are, for your own safety you need to be attentive to your surroundings & vigilant.

 

Yes, there are predators who prey on vulnerable people -- women, men, alone, separated from a group, too drunk to pay attention etc.

 

You should NEVER mix firearms & alcohol. Buying a gun makes you more at risk then not having one if you are not properly trained it it's use. It's more than point & shoot. You can't bring a gun into most bars anyway.

[preraph]

I mostly went to bars alone (to hear bands). I think it depends how you carry yourself, frankly. I live in Texas. I didn't feel I was in danger. I had one time later on where a group of guys were sort of leering as I went to my car, but I shot them down before they could even get started. It's the only time I remember feeling at all threatened. The most dangerous time is walking to your car, so just go to a club that has valet parking and use it, or call a cab and stay by the doorman until it gets there. Just use your common sense. The single most important thing is that you are able to say "no" to men and aren't one of those girls who feels uncomfortable rejecting or saying no. If you are, then you're going to end up in a stranger's car. So think about whether some guy could guilt you into going with him by playing on your sympathy or just intimidating you. If you are, it's not for you. If you are good at just saying no and moving on, then unless you are in some area that's just known for street violence, you should be okay. I didn't even have a cell phone when I was doing all that. They didn't exist.

 

And one more tip is do NOT stay until closing. Leave at least 30 minutes before closing. Guys just start swarming on the drunkest girls trying to move in on them when it's near closing time. Get out early.

[ascendotum]

Whoa! I had no idea it was that dangerous to go alone! You mean that there are creeps that are keeping an eye on women that are by themselves? I need to buy a gun, cuz pepper spray alone can't do much.

 

I guess it depends what city you live in or these other women live that carry guns with them. In the cities I have lived in I cant imagine a woman needing to carry a gun when she goes out alone. Random rapes are no not that common and most sexual assaults are with perps that knew the woman. You should be okay if you are not going to seedy pubs/bars on the outskirts of town or in the rougher neighborhoods. Go to a popular spot where there are lots of people around (good M/F ratio) and security and cctvs if you are worried. Just be wary of a guy buying you a drink when you don't always have the drink in view (possible spiking). I thought your bigger issue would be with persistent jerks who are hitting on you and don't take the hint you are not interested in them, or other guys (non jerks) that you are not interested in but they will desperately try to monopolize your company. A woman on her own will definitely catch the eye of all the guys in the place looking to score. You'll need to be good at be able to politely brush off the guys that don't interest you.

 

Pretty women sitting alone at a bar, is something you see in movies/tv shows more than real life imo.

[Phoe]

I did it twice. One time I ran into friends end ended up joining them. The other time, an older woman started gettin right nasty with me. she was very drunk and I assume she mistook me for someone else. I still have no idea what that was about. I was just quietly sitting at the bar drinking my drink. I ended up leaving shortly, lol.

[spanishchick00]

Well, where I plan on going to is an entertainment district, where there are a bunch of bars/clubs/restaurants, so its pretty packed on friday/saturday nights. Plus there are quite a few bachelorette parties, and lot of good-looking girls, I do consider myself as cute, but I doubt that I will get unwanted attention from guys, so there will be competition, who knows, there might just be guy there that I will meet.

[spanishchick00]

I don't know about that...I was listening to a chick the other day say she got raped from a guy she met on OLD. He came over to her place to pick her up for their first date, pushed his way into her place and raped her.

 

That's why with OLD, and pretty much any new guy you're seeing, first meetings should be in public and not taking him up to your place....too many creepos now a days.

 

But, maybe doing some online creeper detective work before a date can also help. But, better even is to get to know his circle of friends - so you can get a feel for him and if he's a creepo he'll probably think twice of taking advantage of you cuz you met his friends and stuff. Hopefully he'll move on to creep on someone else.

 

Does this mean that I should be more careful when a guy from OLD goes to the bar and gets my drink? I usually don't look at my drink when he's up there paying for it. What kind of guy would spike a girls drink even he knows I find him attractive anyway?

[Gloria25]

Does this mean that I should be more careful when a guy from OLD goes to the bar and gets my drink? I usually don't look at my drink when he's up there paying for it. What kind of guy would spike a girls drink even he knows I find him attractive anyway?

 

It means you should watch your drink...PERIOD.

 

Creepos violate women for reasons that don't necessarily mean they want to get laid. Some do it cuz they have weird fetishes, some do it cuz they enjoy the power that comes with violating women.

 

Ted Bundy was considered an "attractive" man and even had a woman - didn't matter. He was all about violating women.

[spanishchick00]

It means you should watch your drink...PERIOD.

 

Creepos violate women for reasons that don't necessarily mean they want to get laid. Some do it cuz they have weird fetishes, some do it cuz they enjoy the power that comes with violating women.

 

Ted Bundy was considered an "attractive" man and even had a woman - didn't matter. He was all about violating women.

 

Never thought of it that way. I guess since I see my dates as somewhat attractive, educated, have a decent job, I would never think they would do that. Guess I gotta be more careful.

[preraph]

Does this mean that I should be more careful when a guy from OLD goes to the bar and gets my drink? I usually don't look at my drink when he's up there paying for it. What kind of guy would spike a girls drink even he knows I find him attractive anyway?

 

Yeah, you need to buy your own drinks and even then, there are bartenders who will roofie you just to make some guy happy. I've been roofied twice (before it was actual roofies that completely konked you out). I think one was by a guy who was stalking me before I knew he was stalking me. The other was a guy I rode motorcycles with on a working team. I'm happy to report I'm harder to take down than a horse, so on one I got very sick and a harmless guy acquaintance took me home and took care of me. On the other one, I got all the way to the coworker's house and then threatened him with death if he touched me.

 

So drink something you're familiar with, like wine, watch the bartender as he pours it, don't lay it down -- keep your eyes on it. If it tastes off, don't drink it. One of the times mine was doctored, it tasted like really badly mixed hard liquors and I shouldn't have drank it at all. The other, I'm still baffled about. I hadn't drank that much and didn't notice anything and then all of a sudden, I was just sick. But getting roofied can happen whether you're there alone or with a crowd. Just be very vigilant and keep an eye on your glass from start to finish.

[salparadise]

Personally I like the S&W .357 Magnum. It's small enough for CC but heavy enough to have very gentle recoil. The hollow points it takes will put a small crater in an assailant, so all you have to do is center-of-mass that ****.

 

For knife people I usually recommend a Spyderco folder, probably the Delica if you want to keep it legal, but I love the Civilian if you're gonna be in a bad part of town and are more afraid of psychos than the cops.

 

Interesting. I have a S&W .357, stainless model 686. It's pretty hefty for concealed carry but it do pack a punch and handles very nicely. And the Delica is my favorite for everyday carry. The Endura is a nice size- larger than the Delica and still compact enough. Both available in ZDP-189 which costs a few bucks more but worth it. If I was going to get sliced up by a woman, I'd definitely prefer she have the ZDP-189 version. I like a woman who knows her hardware.

[Just1ofThoseDays]

You really should not even be thinking of this.. Meet THE RIGHT guy. If they ain't out there, go call Hollywood. Protest. They caused it. I'm right f***king here. Now I'm going to assume every girl I (probably never) will meet but if I did, is carrying mace or a shotgun. Or having her friend on alert at home ready for her txt, to gang swarm in protective mode. It's just dumb. It's like all these people now are doing things we did as kids for free. And it was "cool" then.. it's not cool. It's paranoia

Edited December 18, 2014 by Just1ofThoseDays

[Ebelskiver]

I've gone to bars a number of times alone. I've never had anything untoward happen. Somethimes I'm looking to meet new people and other times to check out a band. Just be smart. Don't be so scared of the outliers (rapes, druggings, muggings, etc) that you miss out on living your life. I've met some really great people at shows that I ended up going to alone. I always drink in moderation and keep my wits about me. I don't do it so much now as I'm 38, but throughout my 20's I did it fairly frequently.

[spemat]

My girlfriend is from Switzerland, know's Aikido and carries... she can hold her own but she likes me to be the more male role also so it depends on where. She and I are both separatist bisexuals and will not give the time of day to any straight, gay or bisexuals who date outside their own or have more than 5 people in general so we aren't worried about it, sex wise or "hate crime" wise unless we rejected them.

 

We'd be more apt to go to a pub. When I go to Germany, I wouldn't because she's Swiss and speaks French and she can't speak German but my dad and mom's parents are Bavarian and I am a dual citizen so I am fine,

[Toodaloo]

Dear lord...

 

I am so glad I am in the UK when I read stuff like this...

 

Its simple over here. If you are carrying a gun you are using it for pest control/ hunting or are a gang member.

 

Even then The first two have very strict rules. In general guns are not put in handbags or carried around by guys "in case there is a whacco"...

 

I actually find it quite frightening that a conversation about going to a bar turns into how to get trained to shoot...