Am I being taken for granted or am I just worried for nothing?

[elco]

Im not good at explaining things so bear with me here.

I love my partner to absolute pieces and she says that she has 'never loved someone as much as she loves me' however I don't know whether to believe that or not and lately I feel like I'm being taken for granted.

the best way I can explain it is by giving examples:

 

 

1. I see her every night of the week and I'm the one 90% of the time that makes the effort to travel to hers (she only really comes over when asked)
   
2. if she does make a 'promise to come over' I usually end up with a text message an hour later saying 'sorry I forgot I had to drive and I've had a beer so I can't drive' - this usually means I have to then come to her.
   
3. when I do see her, its often quite late in the evening and she basically falls straight asleep without really taking the time to at least spend some time with me seeing as I consistently make the effort to she her
   
4. I have bipolar type 2 (exceptionally well managed I might add) but If iam having an off day and tell her as to avoid her thinking Im upset with her or anything she ignores this or simply says 'aww sweetie' which makes me feel like my feelings are invalid or that she doesnt actually want to ask how Iam.
   
5. She asks me to come over to hang out even when she knows she is busy and I spending the majority of my time pretty much acting as a piece of furniture.
   
6. I recently expressed that I feel like I'm being taken for granted and the response I got was 'i love you more than I have loved anyone and you saying I take you for granted is unfair' - this makes me feel like a total arsehole for trying to explain why I feel like that in the first place.
   
7. When I try to express how I feel I get made out to be the bad guy in the end and I ultimately end up apologizing for everything even if it isnt my fault because I don't have the energy to argue or I simply can't be bothered to keep explaining things
   
8. she only ever really tells me how much she loves me when she knows that things are a bit edgy between us, when Ive gone well out of my was to make sure she feels love or if she has had a few drinks.
   

 

 

Don't get me wrong this girl consistently wants me around and does say she loves me however I feel like perhaps she has gotten to comfortable to the point where I feel under appreciated. She very rarely ever opens up and tells me how she feels about me either and the one time she did she said she was 'whipped'.

 

Im well aware that perhaps I'm in the wrong with this all, and that maybe I expect too much or I'm simply over analyzing things so feel free to be as blunt and to the point with what you think or any advice you have as Im willing to take it all on board good or bad! Thanks

[Got it]

So address those feelings with her. We can't tell you what is or isn't. Go over them with her, see what she had to say, and you guys come up with a way to meet in the middle.

 

Talk to her.

[sm2281]

Im not good at explaining things so bear with me here.

I love my partner to absolute pieces and she says that she has 'never loved someone as much as she loves me' however I don't know whether to believe that or not and lately I feel like I'm being taken for granted.

the best way I can explain it is by giving examples:

 

 

1. I see her every night of the week and I'm the one 90% of the time that makes the effort to travel to hers (she only really comes over when asked)
   
2. if she does make a 'promise to come over' I usually end up with a text message an hour later saying 'sorry I forgot I had to drive and I've had a beer so I can't drive' - this usually means I have to then come to her.
   
3. when I do see her, its often quite late in the evening and she basically falls straight asleep without really taking the time to at least spend some time with me seeing as I consistently make the effort to she her
   
4. I have bipolar type 2 (exceptionally well managed I might add) but If iam having an off day and tell her as to avoid her thinking Im upset with her or anything she ignores this or simply says 'aww sweetie' which makes me feel like my feelings are invalid or that she doesnt actually want to ask how Iam.
   
5. She asks me to come over to hang out even when she knows she is busy and I spending the majority of my time pretty much acting as a piece of furniture.
   
6. I recently expressed that I feel like I'm being taken for granted and the response I got was 'i love you more than I have loved anyone and you saying I take you for granted is unfair' - this makes me feel like a total arsehole for trying to explain why I feel like that in the first place.
   
7. When I try to express how I feel I get made out to be the bad guy in the end and I ultimately end up apologizing for everything even if it isnt my fault because I don't have the energy to argue or I simply can't be bothered to keep explaining things
   
8. she only ever really tells me how much she loves me when she knows that things are a bit edgy between us, when Ive gone well out of my was to make sure she feels love or if she has had a few drinks.
   

 

 

Don't get me wrong this girl consistently wants me around and does say she loves me however I feel like perhaps she has gotten to comfortable to the point where I feel under appreciated. She very rarely ever opens up and tells me how she feels about me either and the one time she did she said she was 'whipped'.

 

Im well aware that perhaps I'm in the wrong with this all, and that maybe I expect too much or I'm simply over analyzing things so feel free to be as blunt and to the point with what you think or any advice you have as Im willing to take it all on board good or bad! Thanks

 

Does she work alot? Have Kids? Is she overwhelemed with her life? I could understand if she is tired and busy -- but on the same note, if her life is so overwhelming and busy that she just has time to sleep - then maybe she doesn't have time or energy to put in to a relationship and is emotionally unavailable.

 

 

If you have bipolar and she expresses dismissal, then she is just dismissing a large part of your life and your feelings. That is NOT fair to you.

 

And 3rd if she is dismissing other feelings you are having, especially on her part - this is not healthy either.

 

It sounds to me like she is a narcissist or emotionally unavailable. People who love eachother do things with their partner in mind. . . .

[d0nnivain]

You listed all the things you are giving. What are you getting?

 

If you don't feel fulfilled & appreciated, tell her. But also tell her how she can make you feel more appreciated.

[elco]

Thankyou for the responses and I should have mentioned that I have made several attempts to tell her how it makes me feel or to have a discussion but it just ends up making her mad and making her say that it isnt fair for me to say such things. It's almost like every time I try to open up and make myself heard I come away apologizing and feeling like the most horrible person in the world for opening my mouth. I just end up feeling so guilty

[Got it]

Thankyou for the responses and I should have mentioned that I have made several attempts to tell her how it makes me feel or to have a discussion but it just ends up making her mad and making her say that it isnt fair for me to say such things. It's almost like every time I try to open up and make myself heard I come away apologizing and feeling like the most horrible person in the world for opening my mouth. I just end up feeling so guilty

 

Then that is a big issue. Both parties should be able to speak to their concerns and they are acknowledged and addressed. Why does she say it isn't fair for you to say such things? Why are you apologizing?

 

You are more than welcome to say things in "I" statements. "I feel when x happens I feel like y". "When x is happening, I would love/appreciate/need, y to be done".

 

Couples counseling can help these things but both parties have to be open to discussing the issues. If one, or both, are not open to it then that is the death kneel for any relationship.