Author Monicaxxx Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 Well it's for the best then. If some betrayed spouses with agendas can scare you away from him that easily, then you didn't love him that deeply. You must have been really hurt. I'm sorry to see that whatever happened to you, you are still not over it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Op, how about looking at the situation from a slighly different perspective. In a way, you have been given a gift. A gift of time and distnace to take stock of your life and see if he even has a place in it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Look, from your very first post when you commented about his childish and selfish reaction to getting caught and how unfair it is that now he can't be with the one person who makes him happy, the evidence is that he doesn't know what real love is. A person who truly loves, their worst nightmare is bringing misery to those he loves. He's quite selfish. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sssn Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Monica, I've been right there in your shoes. Hang in there. I was always amazed at how much lighter and happier I felt if I stayed no contact for a week or more. It's those first few times, those first 48, 72 hours of desperation… imagining him making love to W, imagining him carrying on as if I never existed. Don't play those mind movies. Or, let the movie play for a bit. And observe how you feel when you let these thoughts take over. Eventually you will be in better control of your mind by being the careful observer. Hang Tough! Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 (edited) This MM is no prize. He goes home to eat crow and suck up to his wife while expecting the OP to stay silently waiting for him to contact her in a month or so. His desire is for her to lay low and stay hidden while he convinces his wife that Monica means nothing to him, she was a big mistake, he won't talk to her anymore, blah blah blah. He wants to stay home, lie to his wife, lie to his kids and then when he has his family right where he wants them he will expect Monica to pick right up with him only he will have even less to offer her because he will be paranoid about getting caught again. He is disgusting. If he seriously wanted to end his marriage then he would do so. He wouldn't require Monica to give him a place to stay and if he really loved her he wouldn't expect her or want her to be part of his ugly separation and divorce. It's outrageous to me that you would tell her that she didn't love him enough. It sounds just like something a narcissistic MM would say. As if a woman has to abandon herself to prove she loves a man. How much she loves him has nothing to do with this. She has a right to protect herself and to respect herself. If loving a man means you have to kiss your own self respect goodbye than you have a warped view of love. If you think you don't deserve anything better in this life than to be an OW and you want to spend your life waiting on an MM who is not leaving his wife then that is your choice, but don't try to pull Monica back into that dark pit with you. This is her chance to break free of this go nowhere relationship. She is a young woman who deserves a man who can openly love her and commit to her. If she wants a family some day then she deserves to have a man who can give that to her. She is free of this hopeless relationship and people should be cheering her on, not taking digs at her with snide comments about not loving her MM enough. Please, the MM is all about protecting and loving himself, he is madly and crazy in love with his own reflection and he thinks he's such a gift to woman kind that he's entitled to play these games with the OP and his wife and his own kids! Monica please see this guy for what he. A lying deceiving middle aged man with a bunch of baggage who doesn't think you deserve to have everything that he already has. He got to be married, to build a life, to have children to enjoy having a family, and yet he thinks you should be content to waste the best years of your sneaking around with an old married man. If he loved you he would be telling to forget about him. He would tell you that he can't give you the experiences that he has already had and that you also deserve to have. He would set you free instead of sending you lame "I miss you" messages in his feeble attempt to keep you hoping and waiting. But he is selfish. He wants his wife, his kids, his home, his family life, his status, and his mistress and what do you get? He doesn't care that you don't have any of those things. You need to care about you because he doesn't care about anyone but himself. Edited December 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to deleted post redacted 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 Can't sleep. Thinking about him and all that lovely time we spent together. Miss him so much now and it hurts that he chose to leave me. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Monica please see this guy for what he. A lying deceiving middle aged man with a bunch of baggage who doesn't think you deserve to have everything that he already has. He got to be married, to build a life, to have children to enjoy having a family, and yet he thinks you should be content to waste the best years of your sneaking around with an old married man. If he loved you he would be telling to forget about him. He would tell you that he can't give you the experiences that he has already had and that you also deserve to have. He would set you free instead of sending you lame "I miss you" messages in his feeble attempt to keep you hoping and waiting. But he is selfish. He wants his wife, his kids, his home, his family life, his status, and his mistress and what do you get? He doesn't care that you don't have any of those things. You need to care about you because he doesn't care about anyone but himself. Wow. This can be applied to any MM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) As you know, he sent me a message a few days ago that he misses me, to which I didn't reply. Just came home from work and found a card and a present. I opened it and it was a card from him for Xmas. He wrote: To my lovely... Hope you will have a lovely Xmas, thinking about you, xxx It wasn't sent by post, he must have posted it through my door so he was here when I was at work. What should I do? Should I send him a message to thank him for a present and wish him him happy Xmas? I forgot to add that the present was a dvd of a film we saw together at the cinema. It's a comedy as a sequel to a Tv series that he loves and I watches those series because of him and liked it too... still, I've already seen the film. Edited December 23, 2014 by Monicaxxx Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 As you know, he sent me a message a few days ago that he misses me, to which I didn't reply. Just came home from work and found a card and a present. I opened it and it was a card from him for Xmas. He wrote: To my lovely... Hope you will have a lovely Xmas, thinking about you, xxx It wasn't sent by post, he must have posted it through my door so he was here when I was at work. What should I do? Should I send him a message to thank him for a present and wish him him happy Xmas? I forgot to add that the present was a dvd of a film we saw together at the cinema. It's a comedy as a sequel to a Tv series that he loves and I watches those series because of him and liked it too... still, I've already seen the film. Throw it away (too many memories) and don't respond. He is trying to hook you back in. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Donate the DVD to a library. Not that I think your situation will end up the same, but it reminds me of the line: "I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Donate the DVD to a library. Not that I think your situation will end up the same, but it reminds me of the line: "I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen." I actually thought that maybe I could send him a message to say thank you? Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I actually thought that maybe I could send him a message to say thank you? Nope. It would just feed his ego, let him know you're still on the hook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I actually thought that maybe I could send him a message to say thank you? No. Let him stew. He requested time/space, correct? Give it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I actually thought that maybe I could send him a message to say thank you? Do you want this to be over? If so, do not contact him anymore for any reason or in any form. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 No. Let him stew. He requested time/space, correct? Give it to him. But it Xmas and it would be nice to say thank you, wouldn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 It is Christmas, yes. In the spirit of the holiday, give yourself a gift and don't contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Do you want this to be over? If so, do not contact him anymore for any reason or in any form. Well, I don't want to be his lover any more if he chose his wife but at the same time I want to be in touch with him... maybe not now but at some point in the future. We had a really good time together and he supported me a lot when I needed him. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Well, I don't want to be his lover any more if he chose his wife but at the same time I want to be in touch with him... maybe not now but at some point in the future. We had a really good time together and he supported me a lot when I needed him.~ YOU are faltering. Before you know it, you will be back and he will again be having his cake and eating it too. Are you mad? He dumped you at the first opportunity, he sends you a sh*tty little DVD with a silly little note "To my lovely... Hope you will have a lovely Xmas, thinking about you, xxx" No mention of loving you there, didn't even call you by your name. AND now you are putty in his hands... Wake UP!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 ~ YOU are faltering. Before you know it, you will be back and he will again be having his cake and eating it too. Are you mad? He dumped you at the first opportunity, he sends you a sh*tty little DVD with a silly little note "To my lovely... Hope you will have a lovely Xmas, thinking about you, xxx" No mention of loving you there, didn't even call you by your name. AND now you are putty in his hands... Wake UP!!!!! He did call me by my name, he actually used the sweet one that he always called me. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 He did call me by my name, he actually used the sweet one that he always called me. It is probably the same sweet name he calls his wife, in case he mixes the two of you up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 ...plus if I don't send him any massage for Xmas, I will waste maybe the last chance to ever be in touch with him. I don't want him completely out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 It is probably the same sweet name he calls his wife, in case he mixes the two of you up. Oh no, it's my real name but said in a cute way that only the two of us know. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 ...plus if I don't send him any massage for Xmas, I will waste maybe the last chance to ever be in touch with him. I don't want him completely out of my life. YOU are faltering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 YOU are faltering. I've managed not to contact him at all since our last conversation. If I'm faltering it's because I still love him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monicaxxx Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Also, he lives quite far from my place but he drove here just to post it through my door. He could have just sent it through post, why did he bother then to drive all the way down here and back? He knew I would be at work at that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts