Smurf03 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Hey everyone I posted a lot here back in March, when my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. I was devastated and used to fantasize about being able to come on here to write a post like this. We got back together about 6 months ago after being broken up for 3 months. Here are my threads from then: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/471559-ex-depressed-inappropriately-reaching-out-updates Getting back together wasn't the fairy tale everyone claims it should be. My ex got back into contact gradually. The majority of advice on here was to stick with NC, simply because he wasn't opening the conversations with 'I WANT YOU BACK'. He initially said he missed me etc, i said i couldn't be friends with him just now. He then suggested casually chatting and seeing how things went for a couple of months. Against everyones advice i went with it. I was obviously extremely paranoid that this was a major breadcrumb situation. That he was basically using me to get over me. But i went with my gut and we did get back together. I can honestly say that our relationship is so much stronger now, and we both agree our relationship is the best it's ever been. At the time of the break up, i was completely blind-sighted as to what ended our relationship. But now after lots of reflection and a clear mind, i can see that our relationship was not working well enough. We had been near breaking up so often over the years and something drastic needed to happen for something to change. Through talking with him, he says that he, even though he loved me, he felt that he couldn't put me through what he needed of me. He works in a very ambitious and demanding industry, we have been long distance for a year for the sake of his career and he felt it was unfair on me. He also didn't feel i was happy in our relationship, leading him to also be unhappy. There was a lot of pressures in our relationship that were not being positively dealt with. I asked him about how he felt getting back into contact with me. He said for him, getting back together had to be a gradual process. He knew that he still loved me and missed me, but he needed to be sure things had changed. Hence why we stayed in contact for a couple of months - just talking to eachother and being in each others lives without the pressure of our relationship. During these two months we were still exclusive to eachother, even though not officially together. After these 2 months we both could see that things had changed, for the better, and we decided to become official again. I'm not going to lie and say the start of our new relationship was easy. I was extremely emotional, irrationally distrustful and scared he was going to break up with me again. Things were strange and we had to work at it. It wasn't the dream everyone expects reconciliations to be! However now, after lots of emotional conversations and happy times spent together, 6 months on our relationship is amazing. We are so much happier and committed to each other. We both agree the break up was what we needed. I now have no issues, and we are in a much more solid and healthier relationship. Next year we plan to move in together and we are both excited about our futures together My advice is: go with your heart. If i stuck to no contact, i'm not sure we'd be where we are now. However, maybe if i had, reconciliation would have happened sooner?! who knows. I never stopped putting myself first. When he got back in contact i made it clear i was not staying in contact just as friends. I didn't contact him after the breakup was officially done. I focused on myself and maintaining a positive attitude. I went to the gym and socialized as much as possible. I can honestly say i did not expect us to get back together. But it did happen and it does happen. It obviously depends on the people involved, but i'd say take everything with a pinch of salt and go with your heart 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I'm glad your method worked out for you. You worked on yourself and did things in the right order, I hope you continue to be happy with your life and your relationship! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Great! I think NC is not the only option, of course. Just one of many many options that are on the table. Link to post Share on other sites
toffeecream77 Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 (edited) Congrats! Great news. Hope it all works out for you! Your story sounds quite familiar to mine. Do you mind, can private message you on here? Edited December 19, 2014 by toffeecream77 Link to post Share on other sites
Mzakflip40 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Going through something very similar right now with my ex gf. Hoping mine turns out as well as yours! Link to post Share on other sites
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