Online dating journal, a womans journey

[thecrucible]

thecrucible thanks for following my posts, a second date for you isn't a bad idea but I agree if you have no desire to kiss him by 3rd date its prob cuz nothing is there. Let me know how it gos!

 

 

Of course. I enjoy reading your posts . We are going through something similar with the whole minefield of dating so it's really good to read about your experiences and see how you get on too. I hope we both find an awesome guy and what we are looking for.

 

 

So I just got back from my date...

 

 

We had a good date. It was quite good to just talk to him and interact without alcohol being involved. I enjoyed myself. It was a good day. Beyond that, I just don't know. I mean I enjoyed my time with him in the moment but there wasn't a particularly emotional connection or romantic desire to know more about him - that je nais sais quoi.

 

 

I got the feeling that we have different mind-sets as well. I've been in three relationships before and have been in love. In my mind, I want to focus on building a connection with someone and see where it goes, hopefully to form something long term in the long run - but I want it to feel natural and genuine so I'll be trying to form that connection and not thinking about where it might lead or getting ahead of myself. I interpreted him as being more about going through the motions and treating it as something to experience. I don't think he wasn't listening to me or after only sex or anything like that but it felt like he was more focussed on the idea of a relationship. I could tell he was inexperienced...and I don't know...I don't want to judge but maybe I can relate to someone better who has had relationships before..

 

 

 

 

Anyway that's so TL; DR. To cut things short, we kissed at the end of the date but I wasn't really feeling a spark. It felt more like kissing a friend and there was no romantic build-up (I completely was not expecting it, he just kind of did it) and I pulled away fairly quickly and awkwardly said "Thanks for everything. I had fun today. It was good" and then said goodbye.

 

 

Not sure what to do now but I'm going to sleep on it.

 

[/url]I did hear back it's been a long time since ive liked a guy that ive spent time with and hoped that it kept on going I mean ive been on dates but never been blown away as I was last weekend I guess its turning me into that silly worrisome overly hopeful girl.....ew lol good thing I don't let on.

 

 

I totally see where you are coming from with this because getting that feeling about someone is so rare; feeling that hopeful longing and that you really want to see them..so that's a good thing that you felt that because it means there's no doubt from your side.

 

I haven't done a flirting text yet, I don't want to scare him away

 

 

Yeah don't haha. I totally made that mistake with the last guy.

 

I left things as they were and didn't recontact or bother him and kinda went the method of will be will be and I only heard from him once yesterday, and the day before there was no short conversation between us so I really was preparing for the reality that he is slowly going to go out of contact by the end of last night I accepted it, but as soon as it hit 7 am this morning I was awoken by a text of him saying hes sorry he's been very busy and tired and that he's coming to get me right after work.

 

So that's good!

 

 

That's really good. Definitely. And you stayed calm and didn't overreact or anything or flood his phone with texts so now he knows you're a 'babe in total control of herself' (to quote that book lol).

 

 

Keep me updated

[thecrucible]

My latest update

 

With the guy I wasn't quite sure about after 2 dates, I ended up sending a text saying I didn't think we were a match and I was really sorry about that but I really enjoyed our time together.

 

 

I found that really hard but then he actually called me and we talked on the phone for 1 whole hour afterwards. We cleared up any misunderstandings we had about it and had a little laugh. I felt so much more comfortable talking to him on the phone - there was more of a connection in that phone conversation then there was on the dates themselves. We agreed to keep hanging out but informally as friends with no expectations from either side (he was keen to tell me that he wasn't being friends because he necessarily wanted something to happen, but he genuinely liked me enough to do this).

 

 

He said these nice things about me and I felt warmed by it because he'd never given me these compliments before. I gave him some compliments too. I told him he had done nothing wrong, I just didn't feel there was much of a connection. But after talking on the phone, I'm seeing the situation differently and I'm more favourable to him even if I'm still unsure. I'm still glad I was honest about how I felt after we kissed that time.

 

 

He did tell me that I come across as a bit of a challenge and that I have a bit of a wall - like I'm slightly reserved and I don't give much away - he was trying to figure me out. I think this was because I wasn't sure whether I felt an attraction so I was biding my time with it.

 

 

But he has taught me a valuable lesson - that I can be mysterious to a guy and still show some interest. Another thing is that for me phone calls and deep conversation really floats my boat and builds the emotional connection I desire. I kind of wish I had given him more clues about what attracts me. I am going to do this in future with guys because whilst I don't want to give it all away up front, I don't want to make it impossible for the guy to figure out either.

 

 

What do you guys think? Can I feel positive about this? I'm slightly disappointed with how it didn't progress how I wanted it to but I'm actually happier that we have scaled down the pace. As I said, I haven't 100% ruled him out but I can't keep a guy hanging so I'm keeping it to friendship at this point in time.

 

 

I think I have reached a turning point in my emotional maturity. I used to run away from reality and my true emotions about a situation and now I am learning not to and I feel this will help me build respect for others and not dismiss guys too soon. If I had carried on with this guy and lead him on when I wasn't quite feeling it, I just think the situation would have ended a whole lot worse than it did.

 

 

This is coming up to be a promising start to my 2015 dating resolution "I want to be 100% up front and honest with guys about how I feel at all stages. I will play no games and I will be myself and not follow any arbitrary rules. I will be completely myself and not try to be someone I'm not"

Edited January 26, 2015 by thecrucible

[Omei]

My latest update

 

With the guy I wasn't quite sure about after 2 dates, I ended up sending a text saying I didn't think we were a match and I was really sorry about that but I really enjoyed our time together.

 

 

I found that really hard but then he actually called me and we talked on the phone for 1 whole hour afterwards. We cleared up any misunderstandings we had about it and had a little laugh. I felt so much more comfortable talking to him on the phone - there was more of a connection in that phone conversation then there was on the dates themselves. We agreed to keep hanging out but informally as friends with no expectations from either side (he was keen to tell me that he wasn't being friends because he necessarily wanted something to happen, but he genuinely liked me enough to do this).

 

 

He said these nice things about me and I felt warmed by it because he'd never given me these compliments before. I gave him some compliments too. I told him he had done nothing wrong, I just didn't feel there was much of a connection. But after talking on the phone, I'm seeing the situation differently and I'm more favourable to him even if I'm still unsure. I'm still glad I was honest about how I felt after we kissed that time.

 

 

He did tell me that I come across as a bit of a challenge and that I have a bit of a wall - like I'm slightly reserved and I don't give much away - he was trying to figure me out. I think this was because I wasn't sure whether I felt an attraction so I was biding my time with it.

 

 

But he has taught me a valuable lesson - that I can be mysterious to a guy and still show some interest. Another thing is that for me phone calls and deep conversation really floats my boat and builds the emotional connection I desire. I kind of wish I had given him more clues about what attracts me. I am going to do this in future with guys because whilst I don't want to give it all away up front, I don't want to make it impossible for the guy to figure out either.

 

 

What do you guys think? Can I feel positive about this? I'm slightly disappointed with how it didn't progress how I wanted it to but I'm actually happier that we have scaled down the pace. As I said, I haven't 100% ruled him out but I can't keep a guy hanging so I'm keeping it to friendship at this point in time.

 

 

I think I have reached a turning point in my emotional maturity. I used to run away from reality and my true emotions about a situation and now I am learning not to and I feel this will help me build respect for others and not dismiss guys too soon. If I had carried on with this guy and lead him on when I wasn't quite feeling it, I just think the situation would have ended a whole lot worse than it did.

 

 

This is coming up to be a promising start to my 2015 dating resolution "I want to be 100% up front and honest with guys about how I feel at all stages. I will play no games and I will be myself and not follow any arbitrary rules. I will be completely myself and not try to be someone I'm not"

 

 

Wow, well that's too bad at least you made a friend for now.

 

Are you still talking or did it fizzle out?

 

 

 

 

My weekend was good, seeing him again next weekend for date 3 hes really nice ive had him over to my place we seem to spend the entire weekend doing things together he did my dishes, and payed for my date this guy is a romance bomb lol

Edited January 27, 2015 by Omei

[thecrucible]

Wow, well that's too bad at least you made a friend for now.

 

Are you still talking or did it fizzle out?

 

My weekend was good, seeing him again next weekend for date 3 hes really nice ive had him over to my place we seem to spend the entire weekend doing things together he did my dishes, and payed for my date this guy is a romance bomb lol

 

 

We have decided to stay in touch. I'm going to send him a text in the next few days and see if we can arrange to do something together. He's left the ball in my court basically.

 

 

I do feel a bit bad I didn't give him more of a chance but I need to learn my lessons from the decisions I make. I didn't do that before. I would just act wishy washy hoping that magically things would change. I couldn't relax because I was holding back my real feelings. I had a guy who made me shed loads of tears last year because he wasn't ever in the relationship with both feet and just used me for sex and company. Now I can't treat anyone anything like that 'cause I think about what happened to me.

 

 

Anyway, glad to hear your weekend was good . He sounds like a keeper. It's really lovely that he even did your dishes for you. He sounds really promising!

[Omei]

 

 

Anyway, glad to hear your weekend was good . He sounds like a keeper. It's really lovely that he even did your dishes for you. He sounds really promising!

 

Yeah but there is just one thing that really bugging me once we get to my place he never wants to go anywhere or do anything ive been letting him sleep over and he says hes always tired because of his two jobs

 

My weekends are my only time of freedom besides work im bound to my place with my child we don't really go to places much because its mid winter and I live on the edge of town, weekends are when im free hop a bus and go places I don't normally get to go to.

 

Once he's here after the date he just sleeps all the time day and night last weekend I woke him up at 12pm and said look if you're just gonna sleep all the time and I have to pay to feed you while you stay here, if you're not even gonna spend time with me and talk to me sleep go to your own home now please because im starting to feel like you're taking advantage of me.

 

He said sorry sorry and cuddled me and promised he would order dinner to pull his end and he did.

 

He lives on the other side of town and doesn't drive so I let him stay so we can be together more, we've gotten that close our relationship moves very fast, that doesn't bug me im older and don't drive him (25) me (28) and I do like him being here when hes awake like I said he helps out around the house hes sweet and romantic his home life isn't too great he staying with two room mates downtown and one of them is bipolar he says staying there is horrid, he never gets sleep between his one roomate blasting music and the other having anger fits, as I said i don't mind him being here but I hate being bound to my apartment all week then all weekend.

 

He said we would do many things this weekend if we get here again and he says he wants to stay in for the entire weekend we're going to have issues, I want my partner to experience things with me I want memories and to go places and share things together, I don't want someone who is just gonna sleep all the time in my bed cuddle me be sweet and then think im all good I get that he works two jobs and that it's really heard esp when you work from like 5 am- 7pm and both jobs are very taxing but id rather he just not come so at least I could be within my place without having to be quiet all the time.

 

If he does this again it will be hard not to give him the boot I will not have someone squat in my place. I mean im glad to have him but only if hes spending time with me.

 

Am I being a relationship killer? The guy is real nice mega sweet and he likes me and I like him and he's not trying to do it on purpose its so hard for him to stay awake once he sits down.

 

I don't want to just be his escape

 

(ps I don't drive because its one of my biggest fears I may never get a license in my lifetime I have a bike and I love it, he has a license and is currently thinking about buying a car)

Edited January 28, 2015 by Omei

[Omei]

I have been getting high's and low's

 

Sometimes I feel like our first date was so great I wanna see that again and waiting for the chance (he says hes tired from work all the time) but it hasn't been that way again hes been nice he's not a bad guy but he doesn't show very much interest in me just interest in my huge apartment

 

Other times its like I just don't wanna continue

 

I barely get responses to my text's so ive just given up on sending them now there's no communication when we're apart he could be seeing other girls who knows.

 

Im seeing him again this weekend

 

If we don't go anywhere and he just sleeps around all the time and squats in my place and thinks a few cuddles is enough im prob gonna discontinue this entirely.

 

And then im going to take a break from dating for a few months

 

I don't think it should feel this difficult so soon I haven't learned much about him since the first date because he's always sleeping.

Edited January 29, 2015 by Omei

[Omei]

I just gave up it's clear this guy doesn't have time for a relationship as serious as I want, there isn't any communication besides the first day we met.

 

Haven't even heard from him today and im not going to spend the rest of the week wondering if hes going to crash on our time together.

 

I told him he was nice and that im looking for something different.

 

There used to be an argument here from receding hairline guy complaining that only hot dudes get girls and we're shallow.

 

Men, take note being hot doesn't do anything to keep a woman maybe for a young girl, and this guy was hot as hell it's a shame.

 

I gave it three weeks I haven't felt like he was invested in learning about each other cept for that one day I think it's enough it all may seem sudden and too soon given my posts but ive been thinking about it since the first time he came over three weeks ago.

 

I am taking a break from dating i'll find something else to do.

Edited January 29, 2015 by Omei

[ascendotum]

but you chose the hot guy. the hot guy had other girls guaranteed. he didn't want you anyway. this is why i spend upwards of an hour daily in the gym. to be hot.

 

if the guy was fat and losing hair he wouldn't have even gotten a hi.

 

No being hot doesn't do anything to keep many woman...for a LTR, but for many hot guys its still an okay outcome even if he doesn't go the distance and he just gets a fling. There will soon be a new prospect, but end of the day for the right woman, they'll pull their finger out and make the proper effort. Plenty of notches to be enjoyed on that quest.

 

Sorry it didn't work out OP, but Its still early days on OD and you should still be enthusiastic on your prospects

[Omei]

I didn't wanna talk about it yet because for whatever reason but here we go

 

the guy I was seeing was nice and kind but as said before I wasn't getting much out of him and I told him I didnt think it was going anywhere he asked for me to give him a chance longer because things suddenly got so hard with work and I did because he was really a good guy after all. Of course he made real efforts to spend time with me and it was great, romantic even but somewhere in all that he told me he was quitting his job so he could go back to selling blow and that was the end right there I said I couldnt see him anymore.

 

I didn't even picture him as someone who's into that I was shocked, I guess he thought I was the type to accept this?

 

I didnt say this part here but id never let him meet my daughter, my family or even come back inside my place.

 

Now I know more than ever hes not for me and I should of stuck to my reasons the first time around this new reason is just a total relationship killer.

Edited February 3, 2015 by Omei

[thecrucible]

I didn't wanna talk about it yet because for whatever reason but here we go

 

the guy I was seeing was nice and kind but as said before I wasn't getting much out of him and I told him I didnt think it was going anywhere he asked for me to give him a chance longer because things suddenly got so hard with work and I did because he was really a good guy after all. Of course he made real efforts to spend time with me and it was great, romantic even but somewhere in all that he told me he was quitting his job so he could go back to selling blow and that was the end right there I said I couldnt see him anymore.

 

I didn't even picture him as someone who's into that I was shocked, I guess he thought I was the type to accept this?

 

I didnt say this part here but id never let him meet my daughter, my family or even come back inside my place.

 

Now I know more than ever hes not for me and I should of stuck to my reasons the first time around this new reason is just a total relationship killer.

 

Hey Omei,

 

 

Sorry to hear that didn't work out But as I've been reading, I've also been thinking that you clearly have your head screwed on and you won't be floored by superficial offerings of a guy who obviously might rely on his ability to generate interest from many women.

 

 

Don't feel too bad for giving him one more chance - you didn't really lose anything by it, just some hours of your time. Plus it means that next time, you'll have to do less to confirm your instincts. And you've kept your dignity and followed your gut so you should be proud Another thing is that you gave him another chance and it shows you're a good person. I had a phase when I was too dismissive of guys and I'm trying to get out of it. I think your situation bodes well for the future. I would take the positives from it anyway.

 

 

Have you come across any more interesting guys on the horizon?

 

 

With R, we had another phone conversation and we are going to meet again next weekend and not treat it so much as a date (we mutually agreed this)...we are just going to see how we get on. We're both not sure whether to keep this as friends or not...but I'm going to be honest with him throughout about where things stand and him with me. We're great at talking on the phone (we talk for about 1 hour) but it felt different in person. I'm just going to see what it's like the next time round. He told me to not feel obligated so he seems like a really emotionally mature guy and I've warmed to him more because of how he took it when I explained how I felt about things. I'd love to be friends with him if it doesn't work out otherwise.

 

 

I'm not sure whether to go back online yet. I like to draw a line under things and not talk to many guys at once. I never feel I give it a proper chance otherwise.

[Omei]

I haven't gone back online yet.

 

Or looked for men for the last two weeks straight ive been dreaming about my ex about still being together im not sure if thats normal or unhealthy but its def effecting me

 

I just wanna be alone I haven't been into dating or thinking about it much.

 

 

Good that you've at least made a new friend never know what the future holds.

[thecrucible]

I haven't gone back online yet.

 

Or looked for men for the last two weeks straight ive been dreaming about my ex about still being together im not sure if thats normal or unhealthy but its def effecting me

 

I just wanna be alone I haven't been into dating or thinking about it much.

 

 

Good that you've at least made a new friend never know what the future holds.

 

I'm so scared to go back online dating. I momentarily get freaked out by it and the past month or so has been one of those. I might join meetup.com and see what clubs are out there that I can meet people as friends. But that is more easily said than done as my job and voluntary work keeps me busy.

 

 

I understand how you feel about the ex. It's good you are aware of it. It sounds entirely normal since you really liked him. Given time, the strength of feelings should fade though. And I think it's good to know you're fully over someone before you start dating again.

 

 

I just came back from a night out with friends (who are both couples). I didn't feel left out, well not until I got quizzed on how the dating is going (euurghh) haha. They really do mean well I know but their quizzing can feel 'in your face' as if you're a single person, you don't really want to be reminded all the time. Sucks as there's a lot more to me than what man I might have attached to my arm at any given time lol. And since most of my friends have boyfriends, I don't have a person I can relate to as much.

 

 

Hope to see your updates soon. I feel I want to show my support virtually 'internet wise' and I hope we both maybe get swept off our feet by a dashing man soon

[Omei]

Its been over two years of me being single I def know im ready to date and I have no contact etc but I still love him as much as day one and hate him as much as I love him it's hard to explain but over this long of a period im now certain my feelings will not go away and that's why I have haunting dreams of both togetherness and breakups there is a very strong side to me that wishes he will suffer the pain I did I have always been a revengeful person. But I am def ready to fall again. I remember with my first boyfriend who was the abusive one my feelings of betrayal didn't diminish until I moved on with another partner, I have major issues losing that hate feeling def the type to be scorned and jaded till then.

 

I brought up my online profile again but on just okc, I remember PoF being just too terrible for looks only men hardly messaged me there.

 

I am no longer going to do dates so soon or check the site so frequently my experience with online dating has been bad all around every single man I have ever dated more than once off there had in the end turned out to be depressed and seriously upset with their lives.

 

Don't worry about your friends it's fun to be single! Enjoy it! plus I know more about myself everyday

Edited February 11, 2015 by Omei

[Omei]

I just don't get it, how can men like this have no problem finding women to date while I can't even seem to get started?

 

There is nothing wrong with me - I make stupid money for my age, am very generous, have a fantastic lifestyle, zero baggage, I am intelligent, masculine, fun, easy to get along with, very supportive and caring towards people I love, decent looking in the face and muscular in the body. I wouldn't do any of the things your guy is doing.

 

There are men who have lots and lots of problems who have no problems getting dates while I've worked SO hard to make myself the best catch possible, I just don't get it.

 

edit: I'm not depressed or anything. I'm pretty happy and grateful to be where I'm at in general

 

If you read on you'll see I dumped him pretty quickly once his best behavior and best foot forward stopped, once he had me he got too comfortable his looks surpassed mine (maybe i find myself a better catch now mentally and looks wise) but that didnt save him he ended up being very unhappy no doubt all the sleeping was depression, I wanted out for an entire week the moment I got a reason I left.

Edited February 11, 2015 by Omei

[Omei]

I'm glad you're at least being honest in this thread. Women are seemingly more shallow about appearance nowadays than men are. A true great looking guy can be a loser or an idiot and have plenty of success dating.

 

At least you dumped him, most women won't even dump him, they'll keep tolerating his atrocious behavior to say they date a hot guy

 

I edited my last post I dont find him attractive as I once did in the beginning, to be honest I think im the hotter one now his looks faded with his personality.

 

Well those are girls I guess im a woman looking for my partner a possible life parter I hope to marry I want to settle down and have another child, I am not going to just settle for some guy because he's hot I want to be truly happy, so it might be that girls your around are still for casual dating.

 

You say you have a lot going for you maybe you're approach isn't all too great.

[Mangina]

Lots of OLD threads get to the point where we realise women like attractive men and men like attractive women... Not exactly news. If you are male and are having trouble getting replies from online dating then you are rating yourself too highly and you need to start messaging less attractive women, sorry.

 

Sorry but I do not think you have read this whole thread. You should read through it and rethink what you wrote here.

 

Omei is very nice out of respect for her I won't go into detail. But you are very inaccurate in what you said about dating sites and your understanding of the situation here.

[Omei]

Sorry but I do not think you have read this whole thread. You should read through it and rethink what you wrote here.

 

Omei is very nice out of respect for her I won't go into detail. But you are very inaccurate in what you said about dating sites and your understanding of the situation here.

 

Thanks for saying im nice, that makes me feel good. lol often here when you gotta be truthful sometimes I feel not so nice Lol