Love and Money Problems

[mimistar]

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 6 months. He has a lot of great qualites that I have been looking for such as smart, educated, responsable, sensitive, caring, fun, popular, and ambitious. The only problem is that he has a lot of school loans and credit card bills and little money to spend on me.

 

Even though I knew that he had a lot of bills, I got the feeling that he was cheap because of his economical and practical ways. Like, I felt that he could have been a bit more generous with my Valentines and Christmas gifts because those are days that come once a year and are worth splurging on.

 

When we started dating, he didn't like the fact that I wore a necklace and bracelet set that my ex got for me. So, on X-mas, instead of getting me a new set, he just got me the necklace; he could have spent the x-tra $100 on the bracelet to make the gift complete. My friends agreed that it seemed like a half present.

 

For Valentines Day, he took me out to dinner, got me roses, and a photoalbum that has a heart shaped cover that serves as a frame that I wanted. He put a baby picture of me and him in the cover that he made on his computer which was cute. It was nice, I thought I would get the bracelet to finally complete the set. Maybe I am being petty, but I feel that on special occasiosn he coudl have gone out of his was a littel more to make everything perfect. For X-mas, I borrowed $ and neglected to get a lot of special people presenst so that I could make his day special b/c its our first X-mas.

 

Perhaps I am being petty, but it is an issue that is effecting our relationship because I do not feel ecstatic or really head over heals in love with him. I feel like things are getting boring already. I deeply care for him, but wish he would be more generous.Like when we go out, he pays for practically everything but always commenting on his budget or prices of everything. I guess I am used to dating guys that wine and dine me more without any comments about budgets and so forth.

 

I do care for him, and at times feel like I love him, but am scared that I will not be happy over the next few years that he is in debt. I don't want to waste my time or his. But I also am scared of losing a great guy who does care for me.

 

THANKS FOR TAKING TIME TO READ THSI ADN HOPEFULLY RESPONDING; I APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE!!!!

[Merideth]

Although it is often difficult to get the full picture of a situation over the computer, it sounds like you are acting a bit selfish and childish. I mean, do you really lose sleep over the fact that he didn't get you a bracelet? From what you were saying, his gifts sounded pretty well thought of and nice. I found your post sorta sad, I mean, is that what relationships have come to these days? Who cares about material things?? I mean, I understand what you were saying about how he is always in debt and stuff..and yeah, I bet it does suck when you go out to dinner and he gripes about dishing out the cash...But you're lucky you have such a great guy that actually takes you out. You don't seem like you like this guy too much? Actually, it seems like you like your little bracelet and necklace better. Why don't you date them instead and stop wasting this guys time?!

[Tony T]

You couldn't convince me in a hundred years that you care for this guy. You know his financial situation. He has invested in his education so his future will be secure (which is what most women really want in a man).

 

I think he has done some really nice things for you...but you want MORE.

 

If you cared about him at all, you'd be happy beyond imagination with flowers he might have picked from the side of the road and given to you for Valentine's Day.

 

You really do need to find a guy who can make you materially happy as well as emotionally fulfilled. If these are your needs, and they are legitimate, you will not be happy...at least in the short term...with a man who has limited funds.

 

When he wakes up and sees this side of you, you won't have the problem anymore anyway because he will look for a girl who is appreciative of what he is able to do and supportive of him in his struggles to get financially stable.

 

Buy your own bracelet.

 

P.S. You got a lot more for Valentine's Day than half the women in the world. There were a lot of ladies who spent that day alone.

[Jen]

You should appreciate the fact that he buys you anything because it shows you that even though he is low on money he will spend what he does have to TRY to make you happy. You should be happy you got the necklace for Christmas, because atleast he thought about you enough to get you something nice. It seems to me that you are expecting too much all the time and that only leds you to be let down. If you really loved this guy, you wouldn't care how much money he had or if he even got you anything for Christmas and Valentines day.

[Miss Mojo]

hi mimistar,

 

When we started dating, he didn't like the fact that I wore a necklace and bracelet set that my ex got for me. So, on X-mas, instead of getting me a new set, he just got me the necklace; he could have spent the x-tra $100 on the bracelet to make the gift complete. My friends agreed that

 

it seemed like a half present.

 

uh, disagreed. it would have been half a present if he had of got you half a necklace. why should your current boyfriend live up to your ex? necklaces and bracelets do not always come as a set. be satisfied that he thought you deserved a token of his affection for you.

 

For Valentines Day, he took me out to dinner, got me roses, and a photoalbum that has a heart shaped cover that serves as a frame that I wanted. He put a baby picture of me and him in the cover that he made on his computer which was cute. It was nice

 

bloody oath it was nice. it was straight from the heart and thoughtful. doesn't that count?

 

Maybe I am being petty...

 

no offence, but yes you are being petty and just a tad selfish. think about how thoughtful he is being and how *realistic* he is being by not going overboard spending. if he doesn't go overboard spending, he pays his debts off quicker.

 

I do not feel ecstatic or really head over heals in love with him. I feel like things are getting boring already. I deeply care for him, but wish he would be more generous. Like when we go out, he pays for practically everything but always commenting on his budget or prices of everything.

 

read what you wrote above - he is being generous while at the same time being fully aware of his financial situation. what's wrong with that? he's not being a scrooge.

 

I do care for him, and at times feel like I love him, but am scared that I will not be happy over the next few years that he is in debt. I don't want to waste my time or his. But I also am scared of losing a great guy who does care for me.

 

look at this way:

 

he knows he is in some serious debt. a lot of people are, but it's not like he's making it worse. be thankful he's not getting more credit cards to buy bracelets and necklaces, and be thankful that he's been nothing but kind and considerate to you, while at the same time being fully conscious of his financial responsibilities.

 

i understand that you're used to the material things in life, but i'd gladly take a guy who treats a girl so well - in debt or not. i feel you're placing too much emphasis on material things to even give yourself the chance to love this guy. if you can't see yourself changing, don't waste his time.

[Allison]

HEY MIMISTAR, WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB AND STOP WHINING! IF YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE A LIFE OF MATERIALISM, THEN FIND A JOB TO SUPPORT THIS LIFESTYLE INSTEAD OF MOOCHING OFF MEN!

MAYBE YOU FEEL SO BORED AND MISERABLE BECAUSE YOU ARE SHALLOW AND EQUATE MATERIALISM WITH HAPPINESS.

 

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND FIND A HOBBY. VOLUNTEER AT A SHELTER OR A SOUP KITCHEN. WHEN YOU STOP FOCUSING ON YOURSELF AND YOUR SELFISH DESIRES, MAYBE YOU WILL LEARN TO APPRECIATE THE KIND THINGS YOUR BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN DOING FOR YOU.

 

THE BEST GIFTS I HAVE EVER RECIEVED CANNOT BE BOUGHT.

[Laurynn]

Your post is really quite unbelievable. Let's go through it here....

 

"He has a lot of great qualites that

 

I have been looking for such as smart, educated,

 

responsable, sensitive, caring, fun, popular,

 

and ambitious."

 

Count your blessings. Sounds like you have a great guy and there are many women out there who are not even close to being as fortunate.

 

"Even though I knew that he had a lot of bills,

 

I got the feeling that he was cheap because of

 

his economical and practical ways."

 

Jesus, give the guy a break already. You already told us that he has fairly substantial student loans. Of course he has to be economical and practical...that's called being a RESPONSE ADULT. In case you didn't know, money doesn't grow on trees. You should respect him for the fact that he's sensible with money, but no..you simply complain.

 

"Like, I felt

 

that he could have been a bit more generous with

 

my Valentines and Christmas gifts because those

 

are days that come once a year and are worth splurging

 

on."

 

Do you have any idea how selfish, arrogant, immature you sound? Where is it written that people should blow their back accounts on Valentine's Day and Christmas? If the guy already has loans and credit card payments, what the hell do you want, him to go bankrupt just to please you? You've obviously missed the boat completely, on what gift giving is all about. Do you know how many men don't even BOTHER to give their girlfriends/wives something for these holidays? Where does this sense of entitlement you have, come from? Are you a spoiled little rich kid who's never had to work a day in your life or something?

 

"When we started dating, he didn't like the

 

fact that I wore a necklace and bracelet set that

 

my ex got for me. So, on X-mas, instead of getting

 

me a new set, he just got me the necklace; he

 

could have spent the x-tra $100 on the bracelet

 

to make the gift complete. My friends agreed that

 

it seemed like a half present."

 

You are a real piece of work. Talk about the epitome of unappreciative and petty. Have you always been the kind of person to bitch about the gifts you get? You might want to look up the definition of "gift" in the dictionary. Since when do YOU decide when a gift is 'complete'? And who the hell cares what your friends think? Do you think it's loyal of you to go bitching to your friends about the gifts (or lack thereof) your boyfriend gives you? That's pretty rude. Maybe the necklace was ALL HE COULD AFFORD?....what do you expect him to do, sell his left kidney to be able to keep you in the style you feel you deserve?

 

"For Valentines Day, he took me out to dinner,

 

got me roses, and a photoalbum that has a heart

 

shaped cover that serves as a frame that I wanted.

 

He put a baby picture of me and him in the cover

 

that he made on his computer which was cute. It

 

was nice, I thought I would get the bracelet to

 

finally complete the set. Maybe I am being petty,

 

but I feel that on special occasiosn he coudl

 

have gone out of his was a littel more to make

 

everything perfect."

 

What he did was extremely loving and thoughtful, not to mention creative. But all you can do is complain that you didn't get what you THOUGHT you should have gotten. While you're looking up "gift" in the dictionary, flip through to the "A" section and find the word "appreciation".....

 

What did YOU do for him? Why is this all about him doing things for you? Why do you seem to think he was put onto this earth to make things perfect for you? Who do you think you are, anyway? If I was your boyfriend, I'd give your butt a boot out the door.

 

"

 

Perhaps I am being petty, but it is an issue

 

that is effecting our relationship because I do

 

not feel ecstatic or really head over heals in

 

love with him. I feel like things are getting

 

boring already."

 

PERHAPS you're being petty? Honey you are the poster-child for Petty. So because he doesn't kiss your ass and give you all you *feel* you deserve, that's affecting your feelings for him, you love for him? So what you're saying is that you equate LOVE with MATERIAL things. Wow, that's not too shallow *rolling eyes* Maybe if things are boring, you should take a look in the mirror. Again, do you think he was put onto this earth to keep you from being bored? Just how 'perfect' are YOu in this relationship? Why is all the responsibility on him? What do YOU do to keep the relationship exciting and new?

 

"I deeply care for him, but wish

 

he would be more generous.Like when we go out,

 

he pays for practically everything but always

 

commenting on his budget or prices of everything.

 

I guess I am used to dating guys that wine and

 

dine me more without any comments about budgets

 

and so forth."

 

Like HECK you 'care deeply about him'....the only thing you care about is what he gives you. It's all about you. You you you. Now you're b*tching that although he practically pays for everything (nothing's good enough for you, hey?), he comments on budgets and prices......maybe because the guy has debts and loans to pay and has to watch his money.....gee, what a toad he is!!! If you're so used to these men who treat you like the princess you feel you are, why don't you go be with one of them....and let your poor boyfriend go, so that he can find a woman who really deserves him.

 

I wonder how your poor boyfriend would feel, if he knew how you really felt about his gift giving and generosity.....how you bitch and complain about the gifts he puts his heart into giving.

 

You want advice? Okay......learn the definitions of: gift, appreciation and true love..........step down from the pedestal you've put yourself on........end the relationship so that this poor guy can find himself a good woman; one who knows the meaning of love, a good man and being thankful for what she has.

 

Shame on you!

 

Laurynn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 6 months. He has a lot of great qualites that I have been looking for such as smart, educated, responsable, sensitive, caring, fun, popular, and ambitious. The only problem is that he has a lot of school loans and credit card bills and little money to spend on me. Even though I knew that he had a lot of bills, I got the feeling that he was cheap because of his economical and practical ways. Like, I felt that he could have been a bit more generous with my Valentines and Christmas gifts because those are days that come once a year and are worth splurging on. When we started dating, he didn't like the fact that I wore a necklace and bracelet set that my ex got for me. So, on X-mas, instead of getting me a new set, he just got me the necklace; he could have spent the x-tra $100 on the bracelet to make the gift complete. My friends agreed that it seemed like a half present. For Valentines Day, he took me out to dinner, got me roses, and a photoalbum that has a heart shaped cover that serves as a frame that I wanted. He put a baby picture of me and him in the cover that he made on his computer which was cute. It was nice, I thought I would get the bracelet to finally complete the set. Maybe I am being petty, but I feel that on special occasiosn he coudl have gone out of his was a littel more to make everything perfect. For X-mas, I borrowed $ and neglected to get a lot of special people presenst so that I could make his day special b/c its our first X-mas. Perhaps I am being petty, but it is an issue that is effecting our relationship because I do not feel ecstatic or really head over heals in love with him. I feel like things are getting boring already. I deeply care for him, but wish he would be more generous.Like when we go out, he pays for practically everything but always commenting on his budget or prices of everything. I guess I am used to dating guys that wine and dine me more without any comments about budgets and so forth. I do care for him, and at times feel like I love him, but am scared that I will not be happy over the next few years that he is in debt. I don't want to waste my time or his. But I also am scared of losing a great guy who does care for me. THANKS FOR TAKING TIME TO READ THSI ADN HOPEFULLY RESPONDING; I APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE!!!!