Boyfriend of 8yrs almost cheated w/a coworker

[Kitcloudkicker]

Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together a pretty long time. I think we are happy, but after our conversation today I'm questioning our entire relationship.

 

Last Saturday, my bf and I went to a holiday party at one of his coworkers apts. the whole night we were going around talking to everyone he knew except one girl and this girl just made me feel strange all night. I felt her eyes on me when I wasn't looking. It was just odd. So, a few days go by and I can't shake the feeling I'm missing something. So, tonight I bring it up to my bf and he says they are friends. He has spoken of her before, but now he's making it sound like they are better friends than he led on. It turns out they have been meeting up in secret at work and talking, mostly about their pasts (both have difficult childhoods) and he even held her hand one night. He says after that he realized he was making a mistake and that he loved me and that maybe they needed to take a break from being friends. Although he seemed very sad about not being her friend.

 

I know this might seem pretty tame, but to me it feels like a violation of my trust and our total relationship. I don't know what to do now. Trust him that he's not going to do anything? Talk to this girl? (Their office Christmas party is on Friday) or just give up on us and move on? Please help!!

[zen2475]

Emotional affairs can be more devastating that just sexual affairs, so I can understand your dismay. You were wise to trust your intuition and talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. I would consider the fact that he was honest with you and told you about the nature of their friendship a very good thing. He values you and your relationship enough to have stopped things with this person before they went too far.

 

I don't think you should throw the baby out with the bath water at this point. Being able to fully trust him again may take a little time, but it can happen. Just realize you will be also feeling a lot of different emotions that you are going to have to deal with, and you need to allow yourself the opportunity to do that.

 

With time and communication, and a lot of demonstrable effort by your partner to regain your trust, you can survive this and become even stronger.

 

I wish you all the very best.

[Diezel]

There is such a thing as "almost cheating"?

 

Sorry, but if you feel like this way now, it's not likely to get any better. He held her hand?

[PegNosePete]

Classic case of trickle truth. I would bet my bottom dollar that there was a lot more than hand holding going on. Your BF is not giving you the full story of what happened. People don't meet up in secret over an extended period to just hold hands.

[d0nnivain]

If all he did was walk to her & hold her hand, I'd find a way to get over it. Yes emotional affairs can be trouble some but imo they are not as bad as physical affairs plus he said he pulled back.

 

 

I would possibly chat with her to confirm you are not getting trickle truth. If it's more than he said & especially if it was physical, then you can consider whether you will be happier if you break up but for now, I'd keep my options open.

[lil hoodlum]

You should have asked her what the heck was she looking at during the party.

 

 

Example, "I noticed that you seem to be staring at me. My name is KitcloudKicker. XXX is my boyfriend. Do I know you?"