elaine567 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Is it normal for a guy to not say I love you for over a year... Stonewall you when you want to bring up future, & then sneak to meet up w other girls and ask them for pics behind your back.... Delete texts or save them under a guy friends name... Then when you confront & say you're hurt he still later tells the girl yes, he will "definitely" come over her apt for drinks next time she's back in town? Is it normal that he declares work is his priority over me, and he doesn't spend even half an hour a night with me, doesn't care to plan dates even if it's "how about a quick walk around the block tonight"? Shows little interest in my family, seeing them only once a year on a holiday where he "has" to? Doesn't really listen to my stories - never responds with questions or comments, just always "cool"? What happened to you and your self esteem, that you accept this dreadful man and anything he throws at you, not with a healthy desire to avoid him like the plague, but with an unhealthy devotion? There are deep issues here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Is it normal for a guy to not say I love you for over a year... Stonewall you when you want to bring up future, & then sneak to meet up w other girls and ask them for pics behind your back.... Delete texts or save them under a guy friends name... Then when you confront & say you're hurt he still later tells the girl yes, he will "definitely" come over her apt for drinks next time she's back in town? Is it normal that he declares work is his priority over me, and he doesn't spend even half an hour a night with me, doesn't care to plan dates even if it's "how about a quick walk around the block tonight"? Shows little interest in my family, seeing them only once a year on a holiday where he "has" to? Doesn't really listen to my stories - never responds with questions or comments, just always "cool"? No hon it's not normal at all....it's horrible! I told you this before. He is a bonafide douchebag. Him being that way is NOT your fault.....it is just who he is and he will be the same way with every girl he is with. The ONLY thing that is your fault is choosing to stay with him and twisting yourself into a pretzel "getting" him to love you and treat you like the beautiful woman that you are. This bozo is incapable of love....with ANY woman. You deserve WAY better, pls take steps to get stronger and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 He is planning a trip this summer to see them -- You stop nagging him about this until after the trip and then you give it a little more time to see if he does ask you to marry him. He told you what his plan was and you kept on pressuring him. You've been together this long, waiting until the summer wouldn't be a big deal. Um right, because he agreed I could message his sister on Facebook & get to know her a bit since family is so important to me... And she said she has zero idea who I am and feels my BF has forgotten her and the rest of the family Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Sure can be upset he was talking to another girl. Just if I said love you for the first time and was starting a conversation of future together...and you left cause had plans with a friend.....I would probably start talking to other women as well. Dude, he shouted ILY at me. All I did "wrong" was say I wasn't sure if we were on same page bc I was thinking I wasn't really interested in waiting years & years before marriage. After he said ILY I totally gave him a hug... Then said "well u know I had plans with my best friend..." I did NOt storm out. And even if it was a tense convo why did he have to keep flirting with that girl for weeks, then secretly agree that he'll go over her apartment and drink with her once she's back in town? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 1 other thing: And 1 other thing, he'd tried to break up with me multiple times before saying things like "I don't value the same things you want, getting engaged and married." Was always so quick to say I should just leave him of getting engaged anytime soon was a priority for me. How special did he think I was when he'd always invite me to leave? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 1 other thing: And 1 other thing, he'd tried to break up with me multiple times before saying things like "I don't value the same things you want, getting engaged and married." Was always so quick to say I should just leave him of getting engaged anytime soon was a priority for me. How special did he think I was when he'd always invite me to leave? Sweetie, you DON'T need to defend your actions. Those posters posted those comments before they knew your whole story. You have done NOTHING wrong. Nothing to deserve the deplorable way he treats you. After you leave this douchebag, do you have any friends or family you can move in with until you get settled in on your own? I don't really see how you have much choice....you simply cannot go on this way any longer. It is not gonna get any better, only worse. He may even start physically abusing you....that's how it goes with abusers. It escalates from emotional abuse to physical abuse. I don't want to scare you, but it's true. I would hate to see him deform that beautiful face of yours. PLEASE take care of YOU!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Thanks Katie. Wish I could hug you. I do know exactly how it goes. I was physically abused by my ex and it started after years of verbal abuse. Know what my BF would say? "I can understand why he beat the sh*t out of you, you're lucky I have self control." Then, "you're so pathetic that you couldn't even leave him until months after he started beating you up." Then laughs that I take Anxiety meds for my ptsd Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Thanks Katie. Wish I could hug you. I do know exactly how it goes. I was physically abused by my ex and it started after years of verbal abuse. Know what my BF would say? "I can understand why he beat the sh*t out of you, you're lucky I have self control." Then, "you're so pathetic that you couldn't even leave him until months after he started beating you up." Then laughs that I take Anxiety meds for my ptsd Yeah well he's a piece of shyt -- we have pretty much established THAT...now haven't we. Let's forget about him though...you need to take care of YOU. Friends, family....I wish you would pack your things and leave this clown today -- write him a note. Tell him it's been a slice but you're moving on. That's it! Would you just love to see the look on his face? LOL Idiot. Please look into alternative shelter hon. I think you're getting it now -- you don't deserve this crap.....from ANY man. And then seek some therapy for your low self-esteem so this NEVER happens to you again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Please help me. Doesn't he have a soul that he looks at my suffering and walks out Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Please help me. Doesn't he have a soul that he looks at my suffering and walks out I wish I could hon! Please call a domestic violence hot line in your area. THEY will know how to help you...they are experts at helping women in your position. Whether it's emotional abuse, physical abuse, they will know how to help you....I promise. PLEASE do this for yourself NOW! There is nothing any of us can do from across a computer screen unfortunately. ((((hugs)))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 You're right but please help Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 So why are you going out with him???? 1. She desperately wants to get married / have kids and doesnt care about the details. 2. She likes the drama in a relationship, she is under the false impression this is how a relationship should be. 3. She hasn't been through the "bad boy" syndrom yet. She likes her man tough. 4. She has low self esteem and thinks she can't find a better man. ......etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 I just decided based on how well he dresses and how high status his job is (it's the same as mine), that's the person I need to marry bc I don't want to sell myself short. I shouldn't have to downgrade when I worked so hard for my own job. So if he isn't emotionally "all there" and doesn't really spend much time with me or makes me feel super secure, it's fine. I genuinely prefer the feeling of the chase, because I know he'll never get closer to me than in comfortable with. I panic when a "good guy" shows real interest in getting close to me. I just want this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I just decided based on how well he dresses and how high status his job is (it's the same as mine), that's the person I need to marry bc I don't want to sell myself short. I shouldn't have to downgrade when I worked so hard for my own job. Really? you don't think being with a man that has no respect or love for you is not selling yourself short? You think a good job and good looks is the only thing you need to maintain a marriage with a man? One day you'll be home alone with a couple of babies crying in the middle of the night while he's out screwing another woman. How is his good look and good job gonna help you then? If your definition of happiness is always being chasing after a man that don't care if you live or die, then have a good life but don't come crying about it though. Why this thread if you're happy chasing him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 He doesn't care that I'm hurting. He said so. What kind of man says that? I said "I do not believe that you actually care so little for me when you just recently said you wanted to marry me." He said "stop texting me, or I'll block your number." Why??? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 He doesn't care that I'm hurting. He said so. What kind of man says that? I said "I do not believe that you actually care so little for me when you just recently said you wanted to marry me." He said "stop texting me, or I'll block your number." Why??? Please go and get help from a therapist or doctor ASAP. YOU are apparently losing it. I hope your job doesn't involve life or death with other people's lives. Please get help, you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Losing it? I'm reacting to how cruel he is to me! Please tell me why I deserve this Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Losing it? I'm reacting to how cruel he is to me! Please tell me why I deserve this YOU don't, but if you were thinking rationally, you would be running for the hills away from him, the fact you are not, and the fact you keep on and on defending him, means you need help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) I don't know. he never seemed to want to really get to know me. Didn't tell me about his family, feelings about ANything, past relationships. Didn't ask me questions about any of those. And after a year he'd never said "I love you" back. And when he finally did I have him a hug and everything before going out but he immediately tried to sneak out w another girl and kept flirting with her. even once he knew how it hurt me, he told her he'd definitely come over her apt to drink with her. So did he just never love me and I never had a chance with him? I mean he dated another girl before me 3 years then dropped her despite a good relationship and good times (he said) bc she wanted to get engaged. And he's tried to break up w me multiple times saying he doesn't value what I want, marriage, and doesn't want to hold me back. He went 12 years without traveling to see his family , and when i talked to his sister she said she feels he's forgotten the family, and he declared he'd "never " live in the state where mine live so Edited July 18, 2015 by rams10 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 He said "stop texting me, or I'll block your number." Why??? So why are you still chasing him when he obviously doesn't want to be with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 HOw could he not want me anymore? How can he never care to talk to me again? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 HOw could he not want me anymore? How can he never care to talk to me again? He's not in love with you. You are not important to him. That is how he is capable of treating you this way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 HOw could he not want me anymore? How can he never care to talk to me again? People change. What they want and desire change. You might occasionally get him to have sex with you, but that is not love. That is using you and your body to get off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) I don't know. he never seemed to want to really get to know me. Didn't tell me about his family, feelings about ANything, past relationships. Didn't ask me questions about any of those. And after a year he'd never said "I love you" back. And when he finally did I have him a hug and everything before going out but he immediately tried to sneak out w another girl and kept flirting with her. even once he knew how it hurt me, he told her he'd definitely come over her apt to drink with her. So did he just never love me and I never had a chance with him? I mean he dated another girl before me 3 years then dropped her despite a good relationship and good times (he said) bc she wanted to get engaged. And he's tried to break up w me multiple times saying he doesn't value what I want, marriage, and doesn't want to hold me back. He went 12 years without traveling to see his family , and when i talked to his sister she said she feels he's forgotten the family, and he declared he'd "never " live in the state where mine live so You're ignoring what he's trying to tell you and has told you. It's like you're waiting for him to say one thing and everything is all good. Forget all the bad. No one here can help you because you don't seem to understand what's going on. You are obsessed with this guy. I'd get far away from you. It seems best for both you What advice would you give your daughter if you had one about this situation you're in? Edited July 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) So I ignore him telling me he loves me and wants to marry me just a month earlier? I think he's right I was being non-trusting, but don't you see it's hard to trust a guy who tells you he loves you for first time... You hug him... And then he immediately tries to meet up at a bar alone with another girl , proceeds to flirt with her long afterward? And then he never apologizes and actually tells me I can "keep effing waiting forever" for an apology? And all the other shadiness, like saying "I don't know who that girl is" then I overhear them talking about the time they went out dancing on tables (before me)? And who knows how many examples there are, because I realized he deletes texts and/or changes girls to guys' names in his phone. Whereas I have always talked to my only real guy friend (who lives far away) on the phone when my boyfriend is within earshot, out of respect for him as a person Edited July 19, 2015 by rams10 Link to post Share on other sites
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