Author rams10 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 what if i move out? since he says im the one who pushed for living together and neither of us even thinks its the best moral thing to do. so then i could look like i have independence? but i dont WANT to move out but told him i don't want to live together for years on end without beieng engaged Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I don't know is he dysfunctional? YES!!!! You keep posting examples of how twisted he is and it boggles the mind that you can't see it... You are NOT in a healthy relationship. There is no indication it will ever BE a healthy relationship. The next question is: Why Do You Want This? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) I don't know is he dysfunctional? Another time he refused to have sex w/me for months because he wanted to build the right religious foundation for marriage... Then just started effing me hardcore otu of the blue and has been fine with it ever since. and he once said he won't get married for another 5 years, now changes the story to "no i'll do it sooner... You forget I only said that to you as a threat because you were annoyign me at the time, asking too much about it." OMG...I know you from another forum! Hi Roses! Folks this back and forth has been going on for YEARS!! And before him it was another dude...different face, same story. And we all told her the same thing there too....went on for years, didn't help. rams, pls get yourself into some therapy...in fact I thought you already had! I won't reveal what you disclosed in the other forum, but girl you do need serious help, or an intervention.... or something. Please...your own sanity is at stake here and I am not exaggerating. Edited May 18, 2015 by katiegrl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 rams, pls get yourself into some therapy...in fact I thought you already had! I won't reveal what you disclosed in the other forum, but girl you do need serious help, or an intervention.... or something. Please...your own sanity is at stake here and I am not exaggerating. i did get therapy and meds.. then due to insurance issue, tried to stop taking them a few weeks ago. now my boyfriend mocks and laughs in my face, "oh crazy b*tch without meds, monkey needs a banana." (when i was crying and upset when he was literally ignoring my question of why I can't meet/skype/talk to his family.) and i was like omg how are you belittling and mocking my suffering. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 i did get therapy and meds.. then due to insurance issue, tried to stop taking them a few weeks ago. now my boyfriend mocks and laughs in my face, "oh crazy b*tch without meds, monkey needs a banana." (when i was crying and upset when he was literally ignoring my question of why I can't meet/skype/talk to his family.) and i was like omg how are you belittling and mocking my suffering. I think the better question is: How are you still with this clown? He doesn't love you. He's not going to marry you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 the only thing that could make this pain worse is thinking about him goin on with his life happily without me. so literally the only thing that makes me feel better at this point is knowing i'm around, he admitted himself he knows i will always be there , and he doen't have a chance to be with anyone else and forget about me, thus invalidating my existence. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 i did get therapy and meds.. then due to insurance issue, tried to stop taking them a few weeks ago. now my boyfriend mocks and laughs in my face, "oh crazy b*tch without meds, monkey needs a banana." (when i was crying and upset when he was literally ignoring my question of why I can't meet/skype/talk to his family.) and i was like omg how are you belittling and mocking my suffering. What an incredible a55hole. If the reason that you are staying with him is because you don't want to think about him being happy without you, then PLEASE rethink that logic. That is not a good reason to stay with somebody! In the end, what difference does it make how somebody you've purposefully cut out of your life (as you should do with this clown, as soon as possible) goes about living? What matters is you going on and being happy without him. At that point he becomes irrelevant. Look, the more you reveal here the clearer it becomes: He doesn't love you and isn't planning to marry you. So why are you staying, again? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 OMG...I know you from another forum! Hi Roses! Folks this back and forth has been going on for YEARS!! And before him it was another dude...different face, same story. And we all told her the same thing there too....went on for years, didn't help. rams, pls get yourself into some therapy...in fact I thought you already had! I won't reveal what you disclosed in the other forum, but girl you do need serious help, or an intervention.... or something. Please...your own sanity is at stake here and I am not exaggerating. Oh that explains things. It was like watching a drama and then suddenly in the middle it turns into a science fiction. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 What an incredible a55hole. For some reason, I just need people to keep pounding in my head that he is actually not worth MY time. Cuz I'll say to myself, "I deserved it, he would've treated me like gold except I blew it and deserved this crap." But honestly... All I ever did that pissed him off was want to discuss the future. Even in necessary ways like "I need to decide whether to accept this travel position next year, and I'd just like to know what you had in mind, in general, so I'm not like traveling the world right when you envisioned us getting married and settling down." It kills me when his response to that would be, "Do what you want, I don't care," and only after a LOT of prodding would he say "Oh well of course I'd miss you and of course I do want to get married... SOME day." Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 i mean, i asked if his mom was hoping to arrange a marriage for him. he staarted shouting at me, "you ignorant American, you just assume..." i said, "no, i was just asking!!" he said "well she better not be cuz i don't want that." Listen, he could've broken up with me but he didn't. I will get him to love me again Wow, you really need to work on getting some self esteem sweetheart! Even if you did marry this man I guarantee you will end up divorced! He is so disrespectful to you and you don't even want to see it!!! I feels sorry for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I think you are past the point where strangers on the internet can provide any useful insight. I'm not trying to be harsh, I just mean your situation is significantly more serious than any of us are equipped to handle. Sudden withdrawal from psychiatric medication can be very dangerous and your focus should be going back on your medication, so find someone who can help you. Call your EAP if you have one through your employer. Otherwise, find your local university and ask what options they have available for your price point; many mental health practitioners work on sliding scales and charge only what their clients can pay. Other doctors will be willing to give you sample packs in emergency situations. Even your local pharmacy might offer you a few days' worth for free because they recognize the risks. Seriously, this guy needs to be at the bottom of the bottom of your priorities right now. Forget him and take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 For some reason, I just need people to keep pounding in my head that he is actually not worth MY time. Cuz I'll say to myself, "I deserved it, he would've treated me like gold except I blew it and deserved this crap." No, you don't need this, because you have almost 9 pages of people telling you to leave this creep because he isn't worth your time, and it's not sinking in. You need therapy and counseling so you see, for yourself, why you are valuable as a person and should not be treated this way. People can't change your mind; only you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 no if he wants to do something he does it. if he wanted to leave me and break up he would have. he had every opportunity to say so himself last night and he nEVER did. at least i believe in love and i'll tell him hey i'm not taking the travel position for you. he will not leave me, ever. ...and if he wanted to marry you, he would. I don't know why you are here asking for advice, because you're not taking any of it and are manipulating your own posts to prove the advice is wrong. Please get counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I dont have to take the job I can pretend that the better one is in this area. So I get him to respect me how? Why didn't he just respect me enough in first place??? Will it help to be more hard a$$ and tell him he's not the priority work is, and start refusing to see him sometimes? what if i move out? He will never respect you because you have taught him that you are not worth respecting. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 How exactly did I teach him I'm not worth respecting?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 OMG...I know you from another forum! Hi Roses! Folks this back and forth has been going on for YEARS!! And before him it was another dude...different face, same story. And we all told her the same thing there too....went on for years, didn't help. rams, pls get yourself into some therapy...in fact I thought you already had! I won't reveal what you disclosed in the other forum, but girl you do need serious help, or an intervention.... or something. Please...your own sanity is at stake here and I am not exaggerating. Thank you helping us posters understand that this has been an ongoing issue. Places things clearly. The Op sincerely is milking this topic and has mastered the art of illogical reasoning. Op put it to rest. Get medical attention and therapy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 I feel like whatever I/we are doing hasn't been working, so I need a new plan. One option, I guess, is to move out and tell him I'm just not comfortable continuing to live together without being engaged, and if he's not at that point in his life, then I am getting my own place. Another is to start dating other guys. I did this when he broke up with me 3 months ago, and when he found out (by searching my phone), he confronted me and then was on his "best behavior" trying to get me to "pick" him again I think. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I did this when he broke up with me 3 months ago, and when he found out (by searching my phone), he confronted me and then was on his "best behavior" trying to get me to "pick" him again I think. Were you dating other guys while still living together? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Honey, calm down here. You have been with this guy for a year and a half, that is NOTHING. You barely know each other at all. You also sound like you are being needy and pushy. Why? Because there is something out there called biofeedback. That is this. When the couple hits the year and a half / two year mark, all of a sudden something shifts. This is when each person realizes that they are in this for the long haul and they start acting all weird. It NEVER FAILS despite how unique that people think they are or are not. I would tell you that if the man is all of a sudden acting angry, miserable, strange or abusive towards you or others around them, by all means end it. But it sounds like it is coming from your insecurities. I was in two relationships as an adult like this. The first one was artsy and he was always talking about this and that and the other things, contradicting himself, and, I realized, pretty much demanding that he be the center of attention at all times and when he wasn't he bailed. Another suddenly went from being happy and content to showing his true colors of what an angry, miserable, abusive monster he truly is, putting me down, screaming about how angry he was with this or that, etc. In both situations, I got dumped because I think they wanted me to feel just as miserable as they truly are/were. In retrospect, it was a good thing. Stop putting this pressure on him, let it be. Whatever will be will be. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Honey, calm down here. You have been with this guy for a year and a half, that is NOTHING. You barely know each other at all. You also sound like you are being needy and pushy. Why? Because there is something out there called biofeedback. That is this. When the couple hits the year and a half / two year mark, all of a sudden something shifts. This is when each person realizes that they are in this for the long haul and they start acting all weird. It NEVER FAILS despite how unique that people think they are or are not. I would tell you that if the man is all of a sudden acting angry, miserable, strange or abusive towards you or others around them, by all means end it. But it sounds like it is coming from your insecurities. I was in two relationships as an adult like this. The first one was artsy and he was always talking about this and that and the other things, contradicting himself, and, I realized, pretty much demanding that he be the center of attention at all times and when he wasn't he bailed. Another suddenly went from being happy and content to showing his true colors of what an angry, miserable, abusive monster he truly is, putting me down, screaming about how angry he was with this or that, etc. In both situations, I got dumped because I think they wanted me to feel just as miserable as they truly are/were. In retrospect, it was a good thing. Stop putting this pressure on him, let it be. Whatever will be will be. ^^This is the worst advice you could have given her. I know this poster and her bf from another board and he has been abusing her from the get go! Mind games, manipulation, verbal abuse.. read her post no. 129....and then let us know what you think. I wish people would read all the posts before responding, cause advice like this could really screw up someone who is already severely screwed up...and set them back big time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I wish people would read all the posts before responding, cause advice like this could really screw up someone who is already severely screwed up...and set them back big time. Honestly, it's not like she's reading the advice and taking it to heart anyway. She really is just spouting things non-sequitur at this point. It'd be obvious to anyone else what she needs to do, she's beyond that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 what am i supposed to do now? he's out of town all week for business and literally hasnt responded to me once. he left saying that he "knows i'll be there when he gets home" and I asked if he was telling me to move out... he said "no. I'm not moving out and I'm not telling you to. stay if you want to stay, go if you want to go." more of the same stupidity of telling me with a stern face how he doesn't have emotion, doesn't "care" and will "deal with" whatever I choose to do -- forget the idea of him ever fearing losing me, missing me etc. He just will say "well, if that happens, oh well, life isn't fair." Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 You didn't answer my question about the boyfriends.... Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) rams I noticed today you are back on the other board, posting the same exact things over there you are here. Verbatim. Same advice there I might add. You are addicted to him and obsessed....you do know this, right? Your *boyfriend* (and calling him that is a stretch)..does not respect you and NEVER will. In fact to the contrary, he probably feels disgusted and repulsed by you for being so weak. Hence his comment "you will never leave no matter what I do, you don't have the backbone to leave." Any man who says that and calls you a "monkey" who needs a "banana" (your meds)....does NOT respect you....does not love you, does not sound as if he even likes you. ***Why does he stay with you? Because he is an abusive, sadistic sociopath who derives pleasure from abusing and hurting you...or any woman. You are his punching bag and he gets off on it*** THAT is why he doesn't break up with you....it has NOTHING to do with loving you or even liking you. I know this is harsh, and I'm sorry, but it needed to be said. Just leave...go to a damn shelter if you have to...this man is a MONSTER. Edited May 19, 2015 by katiegrl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I just live life centered around 1 fear, that he's not just ignoring me like he has done so many days before and he actually means that he's going ot leave me forever. bUt in more severe fights in the past, he will actually state he's done with me and delete all our fb pics and look for other apartments and sign off our lease with our current landlord. so he's not done any of those things today and did say he understands i'll still be here in our home waiting for him when he lands from business trip. SO i guess he's not leaving me? Deleting facebook pics means something? Are you two teenagers? Serious question. You need serious help, dear, as everyone here has stated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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