Yay or Nay to Public Outing Websites for Cheaters

[e4u]

Yay or Nay to those websites that give you the option to expose the ex that cheated on you.

 

Either way, justify your answer.

[Ducktape]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/506565-give-me-one-good-reason-why-i-shouldn-t

 

Should read that thread, many arguments in there about basically the same thing.

[NopeNah]

What's the point? Either way,she will still be gone. Her stuffs made up and she's gone. SO....WHY?

[PegNosePete]

Who would read a website like that? Apart from drama llamas?

[LostInLosingLove]

Yay or Nay to those websites that give you the option to expose the ex that cheated on you.

 

Either way, justify your answer.

 

Are we so insecure with ourselves and our place in life that we need to resort to shaming someone publicly to feel better? I am no one, I am nothing and I would gain nothing.

 

I vote nay. What's the point? Everything that happens in (most)relationships is just a part of life and human nature. Cheating included.

[nofeelings22]

Are we so insecure with ourselves and our place in life that we need to resort to shaming someone publicly to feel better? I am no one, I am nothing and I would gain nothing.

 

I vote nay. What's the point? Everything that happens in (most)relationships is just a part of life and human nature. Cheating included.

 

 

Well, they did used to have the Scarlet Letter. It's not exactly a new concept.

[Michelle ma Belle]

If this question was posed to me 20+ years ago I might have voted "yay".

 

Today, I'm in a very different space mentally, emotionally and spiritually and have had many life experiences. They've all taught me that this kind of hateful/hurtful revenge does nothing apart from stooping to the level of the person you're trying to shame and ultimately hurt YOU.

 

Karma is it's own revenge. It never fails and it will deliver it's promise in the end.

 

Your job is to learn from the experience and use it to become a better person.

[carhill]

In the realm of anyone can write anything on the internet, and infidelity being amongst the most common and difficult to prove betrayals out there, based upon statistics of occurrence and burden of proof in at-fault divorces, such missives serve about the same purpose as slagging a person on Facebook or another social media portal. Some people believe everything they read; others believe none of it. Others apply critical thinking skills. Others don't care.

 

Such sites will exist. People will post on them. People will read them. Opinions will vary. I guess the decision is does one want to invest in the 'social justice' path. If they do, taking out such a public advertisement can help them satisfy that desire. It can assist in achieving a goal. That said, when it comes to social justice, the sword can cut both ways, and marriages tend to have a lot of 'stuff' that is private and which parties may not wish to have made public. Once one chooses to make a private marital matter like infidelity public, pandora's box can be opened, and often is. One must be comfortable with anything in that box, for it may become wide public knowledge.

 

Myself, if my spouse were unfaithful, that would be between the two of us, like any other marital matter. We'd resolve it within the marriage, or end the marriage. That's a choice. Each person chooses what's best for them.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I honestly believe that the difference between people who choose to go this route or any route that shames another person regardless of what they've done and those that choose to deal with pain privately is maturity (and I'm not talking about just one's age).

[No Limit]

"Yay" from me. Too bad there are no such websites for my country.

 

I know there will always be the argument "who says that the people posted there really cheated" or "who knows why he cheated", but that's what you can talk about. What I don't want to find out later is that I've been wasting my time with a guy who's hiding the fact he has 3 kids (happened to an acquaintance!) and sleeping with a few other girls on the side. Yuck.

 

Personally I wouldn't post a cheating partner though. But in a world where privacy is basically non-existant - hell, if they decided to open up the data savings and post every cheater there is, our society would have a massive fallout.

[Bellaisa]

Nay - one bad thing doesn't always deserve another.

 

I've put the focus on my ex's and the things they have done wrong, and all it got me was pain and anger.

 

Letting it go, moving on, and finding happiness is the biggest payback and the best way to be happy.

[scatterd]

YAY Let us know who a person is and what their capable of would be nice. Then if it does not bother someone or they share the same they can be together. I feel if someone would cheat on someone they probably would do it to me. I am not any different after time.

[e4u]

Some people believe everything they read; others believe none of it. Others apply critical thinking skills. Others don't care.

 

Such sites will exist. People will post on them. People will read them. Opinions will vary.

 

Everyone's points here are valid, I just wanted to bring up something regarding this particular one.

 

Adultery based defamation in the U.S. is considered an "egregious" offense because it can damage someone's reputation and future a lot in our society. Thus, such a matter is expedited in the court systems if a lawsuit is filed to get rid of such defamation.

 

It is NOT considered defamation (adulterous accusations) if it's actually true, however. In which case no lawsuit will move to trial because stating fact in the U.S. is not grounds for removal of such content.

 

This makes me think the people who are "outed" as cheaters are mainly the ones who know a lawsuit will do nothing for them. Thus, their cheating is no longer a matter of opinion, but fact.

 

Who wouldn't want to get rid of such damaging filth about themselves online if it was false? Unless, that is, they don't know about it. Even that argument wears thin with time because it's unlikely they can go for long without realizing it's there.

Edited December 19, 2014 by e4u

[zen2475]

Everyone's points here are valid, I just wanted to bring up something regarding this particular one.

 

Adultery based defamation in the U.S. is considered an "egregious" offense because it can damage someone's reputation and future a lot in our society. Thus, such a matter is expedited in the court systems if a lawsuit is filed to get rid of such defamation.

 

It is NOT considered defamation (adulterous accusations) if it's actually true, however. In which case no lawsuit will move to trial because stating fact in the U.S. is not grounds for removal of such content.

 

This makes me think the people who are "outed" as cheaters are mainly the ones who know a lawsuit will do nothing for them. Thus, their cheating is no longer a matter of opinion, but fact.

 

Who wouldn't want to get rid of such damaging filth about themselves online if it was false? Unless, that is, they don't know about it. Even that argument wears thin with time because it's unlikely they can go for long without realizing it's there.

 

Not exactly true. The determination of whether or not a statement is defamatory is an issue for the trier of fact (i.e., either judge or jury) and is determined by the weight and sufficiency of evidence presented at trial.

 

Further, while it's true that some jurisdictions expedite certain cases, usually based upon dollar amounts in controversy, a defamation case can take a while to develop because of the amount of discovery involved.

[e4u]

Not exactly true. The determination of whether or not a statement is defamatory is an issue for the trier of fact (i.e., either judge or jury) and is determined by the weight and sufficiency of evidence presented at trial.

 

Further, while it's true that some jurisdictions expedite certain cases, usually based upon dollar amounts in controversy, a defamation case can take a while to develop because of the amount of discovery involved.

 

I think you misunderstood me or I didn't express it clearly enough. If you were cheated on, and you have proof thereof, and you simply state that factually in any public venue (doesn't have to be online), it's not defamation and no court is going to waste their time going to trial.

[ascendotum]

Are we so insecure with ourselves and our place in life that we need to resort to shaming someone publicly to feel better? I am no one, I am nothing and I would gain nothing.

 

I vote nay. What's the point? Everything that happens in (most)relationships is just a part of life and human nature. Cheating included.

 

Personally I don't how many people would check out a site like that to make it worth while, but for me personally I believe in revenge. I don't think wanting to see someone get their comeuppance for screwing you over is being insecure. I'm not saying I would use a site like that, but I would not hold back on letting people know my gf/wife did the dirty on me. There should be consequences for doing crap on other people and it has nothing to do with insecurity. f*** turning the other cheek and the meek shall inherit the earth. Social stigma (and the church) used to used to help keep people doing the right thing by others for fear of shame in the eyes of others. There is a lot less shame these days, in fact you sign book deals on bad behavior. You think the c**** on wall street learnt their lesson from the GFC because of some negative press but no fines or jail time.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

If this question was posed to me 20+ years ago I might have voted "yay".

 

Today, I'm in a very different space mentally, emotionally and spiritually and have had many life experiences. They've all taught me that this kind of hateful/hurtful revenge does nothing apart from stooping to the level of the person you're trying to shame and ultimately hurt YOU.

 

Karma is it's own revenge. It never fails and it will deliver it's promise in the end.

 

Your job is to learn from the experience and use it to become a better person.

 

I was about to say yes but then this post changed my mind.

My ex got her "karma" as she called it. I didn't believe it and I thought she was just being dramatic but then she told me the horrible stuff that happened. After everything she did to me I don't think she deserves to live the rest of her live humiliated and shamed.

 

However, there are some people that are begging for it.

 

I guess it just depends on the person

[e4u]

I was about to say yes but then this post changed my mind.

My ex got her "karma" as she called it. I didn't believe it and I thought she was just being dramatic but then she told me the horrible stuff that happened. After everything she did to me I don't think she deserves to live the rest of her live humiliated and shamed.

\

 

Care to elaborate...about both the karma and why you feel that despite everything she did she doesn't deserve the shame/humiliation?

[e4u]

If this question was posed to me 20+ years ago I might have voted "yay".

 

Today, I'm in a very different space mentally, emotionally and spiritually and have had many life experiences. They've all taught me that this kind of hateful/hurtful revenge does nothing apart from stooping to the level of the person you're trying to shame and ultimately hurt YOU.

 

Karma is it's own revenge. It never fails and it will deliver it's promise in the end.

 

Your job is to learn from the experience and use it to become a better person.

 

This is interesting, how do you mean "ultimately hurt you". Assuming you're the one who was cheated on, that is.

[zen2475]

I think you misunderstood me or I didn't express it clearly enough. If you were cheated on, and you have proof thereof, and you simply state that factually in any public venue (doesn't have to be online), it's not defamation and no court is going to waste their time going to trial.

 

 

Thanks, but I don't think you understand the legal system and how litigation works. I spent three years at law school figuring that out.

[e4u]

Are you implying that by stating the truth about someone's actions (with irrevocable proof) you can be sued for defamation and lose the lawsuit? If so, please elaborate.

[Quiet Storm]

I personally would never do it, but I can't say it's wrong because it is a possible consequence of cheating. When a person chooses to cheat or participate in a cheater's deception, the consequences are out of their hands. If they want the world to view them as an honest, dignified person of good character, then they shouldn't cheat. A person's true character is reflected in what they do when no one is looking, and if someone exposes their dirty secrets, they really have no one to blame but themselves. The messenger may be immature and out for revenge, but that doesn't mean the information has no value, especially to others that may be considering a relationship with the cheater. Cheaters that have an expectation of privacy are very naïve or arrogant.

[zen2475]

Are you implying that by stating the truth about someone's actions (with irrevocable proof) you can be sued for defamation and lose the lawsuit? If so, please elaborate.

 

Yes, you can lose a lawsuit even with a good fact pattern. Like I said earlier, the trier of fact (judge or jury) will determine the merits of the lawsuit based on the weight and sufficiency of the evidence (and supporting case law) presented. Irrevocable proof is in the eye of the beholder, and not everyone see the same thing. It's a matter of how the facts and rest of the case are presented and how persuasive the arguments are.

 

The Court itself cannot arbitrarily dismiss a lawsuit of its own accord on the merits. There are a whole bunch of constitutional implications there if it does. It, however, can dismiss a lawsuit if a party doesn't show up to a hearing, trial or fails to perform a specific thing the Court has instructed the parties to do (i.e., attend mediation, submit a scheduling order, etc), but those instances have nothing to do with the merits of a case; they only have to do with the administration of the case before the Court.

 

Otherwise, cases are disposed of by motion of either of the parties, in whole or in part, as the case may be. While the Court decides dispositive or dilatory motions, the parties present the facts and supporting case law for their motion, and the Court can decide whether or not to rule in favor of the motion. Sometimes such motions are very poorly plead, and the matter can proceed to trial.

 

It's all about good law practice.

Edited December 19, 2014 by zen2475

[Justanaverageguy]

Care to elaborate...about both the karma and why you feel that despite everything she did she doesn't deserve the shame/humiliation?

 

Definite no from me. Public shaming and public bad mouthing of others achieves nothing. Even if their actions may warrant it - even if they may deserve it - this type of behavior only actually reflects badly on you and makes you look like a bitter and pathetic fool. Your shaming your ex will not make you feel any better. In the eyes of people who know you, you will just become that psycho guy who is still obsessed about the fact his girlfriend cheated on him.

 

The best revenge any person can take is simply to live well and be happy. Nothing cuts a cheating ex deeper then to see you move on with out them and be happy and successful.

[zen2475]

Definite no from me. Public shaming and public bad mouthing of others achieves nothing. Even if their actions may warrant it - even if they may deserve it - this type of behavior only actually reflects badly on you and makes you look like a bitter and pathetic fool. Your shaming your ex will not make you feel any better. In the eyes of people who know you, you will just become that psycho guy who is still obsessed about the fact his girlfriend cheated on him.

 

The best revenge any person can take is simply to live well and be happy. Nothing cuts a cheating ex deeper then to see you move on with out them and be happy and successful.

 

I think this is very aptly put and I concur whole-heartedly.