Friends with benefits relationship

[sunnyD76]

Hi, i really would appreciate some advice about a man i have been seeing...We've only known each other since october and we've basically been having a sexual relationship since then, we have been meeting up at least once a week, and even though we didn't know each other prior to this we get on really well:D

I have always been quite aware that its probably just a FWB relationship, however up until about 3 weeks ago we were texting each other all day and every day with him mostly initiating the texts(i even used to get good morning and good night texts)...he would also phone me a LOT just for a chat...he also stayed at my house for 3 days and we were just like a normal couple(his idea also)....since then his texts have been getting less and less frequent and he doesn't phone me anymore:(

 

so you can see where the boundaries have been blurred and he knows that I'm falling for him...I've always been aware that he likes other women although he's only ever slept with me since october.There have also been quite a lot of warning signs that he's not into me in any real sense, When we go out to a club he wouldn't introduce me to anyone he knew, hes left I Love you wall posts on a girl he really likes wall on Facebook, he never used to give me any compliments apart from i'm a nice girl etc etc...we spent last friday and saturday together, and then totally out of the blue he text me saying ''won't be able to see you anymore i've got a date on friday''....and to say i'm devastated is an understatement!

 

Silly i know, i told him via text that i was upset, and he replied ''it was just a bit of fun, your a nice girl,we can still be friends-and if my date is rubbish we can still see each other''...WTF?

 

Since then his texts have almost completely dried up, i'm getting maybe two texts a day that hardly say anything and i REALLY REALLY miss him!

any advice what to do as i'm totally not ready to give up on him, yet i don't want to make myself look stupid...and to be honest my self esteem is rapidly going down the pan as he's chosen someone else to go on a date with that he's paying for!!!

Edited December 18, 2014 by sunnyD76

[CC12]

any advice what to do as i'm totally not ready to give up on him, yet i don't want to make myself look stupid...

 

I don't want to use the word "stupid" so let's call it "pitiful."

 

I don't know how you would not look pitiful by continuing to go after a guy who just broke up with you. It wasn't even a breakup, really, because you two were just sleeping together with no commitment. So what he really told you was, "We have to stop sleeping together because I'm planning to start sleeping with someone else. But if that doesn't work out, we can totally start sleeping together again." I'm not sure what your possible next step here is. Either accept his offer, or don't. My advice is to not accept his offer and move on. It's probably not a good idea to be friends with him, either.

[TigerLilly78]

Case in point that many women cannot handle FWB type situations im sorry op you should never have sex with a man without clarification he should have made things crystal clear but you should have asked and not hoped for more just cause "he text you a lot"

[Absinthe]

Come on girl, re-read your own post.

 

He TOLD you it was just fun and that it was over. Don't waste energy and time reading into other things he may or may not have done. If somebody's words and actions are not aligned, there is no big mystery - that person is simply not that into you.

[Thegreatestthing]

Who started this whole FWB thing,everyday another girl on here trying to get a few shreds of love from some guy whose using her for sex.

[Trimmer]

I'm interested in how your relationship developed at the start. You say you've "basically been having a sexual relationship since then..." and also that you were "aware that its probably just a FWB relationship..."

 

These words make me think that you never had clear communication and a meeting of the minds about just what this relationship was, is that correct? If so, then you both almost certainly had different expectations, especially as your own feelings got softer and shifted closer to a more normal romance, is that right?

 

If that's the case, wouldn't he be equally justified in being upset that you had uncommunicated expectations that didn't match his vision of the relationship?

 

Bottom line: it sounds like you never had a common understanding of what this relationship was.

[elaine567]

Hi, i really would appreciate some advice about a man i have been seeing...We've only known each other since october and we've basically been having a sexual relationship since then, we have been meeting up at least once a week, and even though we didn't know each other prior to this we get on really well:D

I have always been quite aware that its probably just a FWB relationship, however up until about 3 weeks ago we were texting each other all day and every day with him mostly initiating the texts(i even used to get good morning and good night texts)...he would also phone me a LOT just for a chat...he also stayed at my house for 3 days and we were just like a normal couple(his idea also)....since then his texts have been getting less and less frequent and he doesn't phone me anymore:(

 

so you can see where the boundaries have been blurred and he knows that I'm falling for him...I've always been aware that he likes other women although he's only ever slept with me since october.There have also been quite a lot of warning signs that he's not into me in any real sense, When we go out to a club he wouldn't introduce me to anyone he knew, hes left I Love you wall posts on a girl he really likes wall on Facebook, he never used to give me any compliments apart from i'm a nice girl etc etc...we spent last friday and saturday together, and then totally out of the blue he text me saying ''won't be able to see you anymore i've got a date on friday''....and to say i'm devastated is an understatement!

 

Silly i know, i told him via text that i was upset, and he replied ''it was just a bit of fun, your a nice girl,we can still be friends-and if my date is rubbish we can still see each other''...WTF?

 

Since then his texts have almost completely dried up, i'm getting maybe two texts a day that hardly say anything and i REALLY REALLY miss him!

any advice what to do as i'm totally not ready to give up on him, yet i don't want to make myself look stupid...and to be honest my self esteem is rapidly going down the pan as he's chosen someone else to go on a date with that he's paying for!!!

 

You were in a casual relationship that seemed from your perspective to be turning more serious - texting, phone calls, staying at your house. However he then cooled off and he reverted to casual, then told you he was seeing someone else.

If you want a real monogamous relationship, then stop sleeping with guys in the hope that they change from just wanting "fun" and casual, to wanting something more serious with you, as that is unlikely to happen.

[Friskyone4u]

That is the problem with FWB. One of you will eventually want more with someone else either in a casual or committed relationship. So ask yourself a question.

You're having a non committed sexual relationship with this guy and you meet another guy you really like. when do you tell him about your FWB relationship.??? Or do you just keep it a secret, start out as a cheater , and years later tell your fiancé or husband you were unfaithful while he fell for you and committed to you?

If you want this type of relationship realize and accept you are just smokeless of ass and stop asking for me or being concerned about it

[TigerLilly78]

That is the problem with FWB. One of you will eventually want more with someone else either in a casual or committed relationship. So ask yourself a question.

You're having a non committed sexual relationship with this guy and you meet another guy you really like. when do you tell him about your FWB relationship.??? Or do you just keep it a secret, start out as a cheater , and years later tell your fiancé or husband you were unfaithful while he fell for you and committed to you?

If you want this type of relationship realize and accept you are just smokeless of ass and stop asking for me or being concerned about it

 

Smokeless of ass?

[Satu]

He just wanted you for sex and now its over.

 

Delete, and block, and ignore.

[stillafool]

That's the problem with FWB relationships unless that is truly what you are looking for. He was honest what he wanted from you in the beginning. The reason there was high contact in the beginning was because you were new. Now that he's had all he wants he is moving on to another girl for FWB maybe more. As long as men are given these benefits without having to be in a relationship they are going to have as much fun as possible. Don't contact him anymore and don't settle for this type of relationship again because apparently you can't handle it.

[elaine567]

The only good thing here, is that at least he was honest, and he told you he was going to date someone else, some wouldn't have bothered doing that.

[stillafool]

 

 

any advice what to do as i'm totally not ready to give up on him, yet i don't want to make myself look stupid...and to be honest my self esteem is rapidly going down the pan as he's chosen someone else to go on a date with that he's paying for!!!

 

 

What other choice do you have than to give up on him? He has already dropped you. Please don't go chasing after him for his attention or you will totally turn him off. Just move on and decide to not make this mistake again.

[elaine567]

Hi, i really would appreciate some advice about a man i have been seeing...We've only known each other since october and we've basically been having a sexual relationship since then, we have been meeting up at least once a week, and even though we didn't know each other prior to this we get on really well:D

I have always been quite aware that its probably just a FWB relationship, however up until about 3 weeks ago we were texting each other all day and every day with him mostly initiating the texts(i even used to get good morning and good night texts)...he would also phone me a LOT just for a chat...he also stayed at my house for 3 days and we were just like a normal couple(his idea also)....since then his texts have been getting less and less frequent and he doesn't phone me anymore:(

 

so you can see where the boundaries have been blurred and he knows that I'm falling for him...I've always been aware that he likes other women although he's only ever slept with me since october.There have also been quite a lot of warning signs that he's not into me in any real sense, When we go out to a club he wouldn't introduce me to anyone he knew, hes left I Love you wall posts on a girl he really likes wall on Facebook, he never used to give me any compliments apart from i'm a nice girl etc etc...we spent last friday and saturday together, and then totally out of the blue he text me saying ''won't be able to see you anymore i've got a date on friday''....and to say i'm devastated is an understatement!

 

Silly i know, i told him via text that i was upset, and he replied ''it was just a bit of fun, your a nice girl,we can still be friends-and if my date is rubbish we can still see each other''...WTF?

 

Since then his texts have almost completely dried up, i'm getting maybe two texts a day that hardly say anything and i REALLY REALLY miss him!

any advice what to do as i'm totally not ready to give up on him, yet i don't want to make myself look stupid...and to be honest my self esteem is rapidly going down the pan as he's chosen someone else to go on a date with that he's paying for!!!

Read and take in the stuff in bold.

Stop making stuff up in your head about him and about your relationship. He may once have had thoughts, like you, about making it more serious, he may have just been playing you to keep you onside, who knows?

BUT more recently he told another he loves her and is going dating, so what more does he need to do, to say that he is NOT interested in you.

 

"Love" can be turned of and on like a switch, stop harking back to that short period when he acted nice to you, it didn't last, and now it is definitely over.

Do not be a mug and wait for him - he has moved on from you, and will only now call you for sex, when he doesn't have any other options available.

[Dreamworld]

Hi sunnyD76,

 

Your post sounds almost like exactly like mine. I am not kidding it is almost as we were seeing the same guy. I posted mine in the Dating Section though titled "dreaded fade away" I decided mine had moved on so I deleted him from my FB and wont contact him anymore. And I know if he does contact me probably months later ( or he could be gone forever) when he needs sex and has no other options ( and I believe that was all the relationship was ) i wont respond. I have already become too attached so I know I will just feel used.

 

You know, I have been told that for a woman I am pretty good at compartmentalizing sex and love so I have had a successful FWB relationship in the past, but it was only when the pace of our contact was not at all intense from the START. As in, it really was like friends. With benefits. You dont text and call every single day with your friends right? It was really natural, occasional contact, occasional sex and we even talked about our other sexual partners. We felt no jealousy with each other at all. I have gotta say it was one of the most fun relationships I had but it really only works when the two partners are completely on the same page. We were great friends and we had great sex, and somehow we never got attached. But I emphasize again, the pace was consistent from the start. And when he really did start dating a girl who eventually became his wife, we decided to end the benefits part in respect to their relationship. And to this day we are still friends with no awkwardness whatsover.

 

But with this recent guy, like you I seem to have gotten a little attached even though I knew it was more about sex and being casual. The guy pursued me with gusto in the beginning. His fingers could have caught fire texting the way he did at the start. So when they start so intense as if wanting to date you, your expectations go up unconsciously and you get attached. Anyway his texts dwindled down to merely once this week and when I texted him yesterday he gave one word answers where it was obvious he wasnt continuing the conversation and my gut told me he had his fun and was moving on now.

 

With your guy he was even more upfront telling you he was dating someone else, so I think it is time for you to move on too.

Sorry this got so long, I just could relate to your situation. Good luck!

[Mr. Lucky]

although he's only ever slept with me since october.

 

I'm wondering how you know this to be true ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Andy_K]

When a guy has a FWB, it normally means you're not good enough for a relationship with him for one reason or another, only for sex. So expect that he can and will drop you like a hot potato when someone he's genuinely interested in comes into his life. That's the scenario you accept when you get into the arrangement.