Betraying yourself by staying

[katielee]

So what is your plan? This sounds like moving isn't actually even the issue. The issue was/is the second affair. So that being said will you be honest and tell him you will not forgive his second affair and the marriage is over or are you going to be vague and not clear over what is happening with you?

 

If you move and he decides to move and try to "win you back" will you be receptive to that or will you make it clear the damage is too great and there is no chance for you two. Will you stick to your decision or...?

 

will you make the divorce as easy and uncomplicated as possible or will you take him to the cleaners? There are still a lot of decisions and actions to make. Saying your done and being done are two different things.

 

in my value system I tell the truth and I act with dignity. So to answer your questions, of course I'll tell him why and I'll be fair.

[drifter777]

in my value system I tell the truth and I act with dignity. So to answer your questions, of course I'll tell him why and I'll be fair.

Good thread with what looks like good progress. Not that deciding to divorce is good in and of itself, it's the progress you are making toward your own healing and peace of mind.

 

I cannot know how a BW feels and I don't often try to add advice. I'm just making the observation that you seem to be fleshing out your options and working toward deciding how you want to live the rest of your life. Peeling the onion of our own emotions is a difficult, complicated thing and it takes a lot of courage to keep peeling. You seem to be moving ahead very carefully up to this point and I hope you are sure you've gotten to the bottom before you stop peeling.

[katielee]

I hope you are sure you've gotten to the bottom before you stop peeling.

 

i can tell you for sure it won't be discussed here.

[Selfish]

in my value system I tell the truth and I act with dignity. So to answer your questions, of course I'll tell him why and I'll be fair.

 

everyone's view of truth is their own and everyone's view of fairness is also their own. When one person is being fair, the other might not be. I wasn't really looking for an answer but giving you the list of a few of the thousands of things you will have to now work through that you have decided it is time to move on. I wish you the best of luck in your future. I hope you find your happiness and peace.

[velvette]

I consider his worse because he did it twice and he didn't confess. So I will divorce him because he crossed my line, The 2nd one was a dealbreaker and I have a right to decide what my dealbreaker is. He would leave me if I had another so I'm sure he'll understand.

Done. Have a good life hubby.

 

Hard to separate your truth from your sarcasm and passive aggressiveness.

 

 

However, I think everyone has already agreed if you cant forgive the second affair you are probably better off divorced.

[drifter777]

everyone's view of truth is their own and everyone's view of fairness is also their own.

Agreed. Would you also agree that everyone's view of forgiveness is also their own?

[Selfish]

Agreed. Would you also agree that everyone's view of forgiveness is also their own?

 

everyone's view of whether forgiveness is necessary, or possible is their own. There is still only one truth, which is the cold hard facts of what happened. Fairness as well in order to be true fairness has to be decided by a third not interested party often times. My point was she can say something is "true" and "fair" and that doesn't mean it is "true" or "fair" because it is coloured by her perception. It isn't about changing what a word means.

[MuddyFootprints]

I haven't read through the complete thread, but I have read enough about your marriage and your desire to move to be able to relate.

 

While my motivation to relocate may differ slightly from yours, I have to remind myself that ultimately, no matter where we run, no matter where we are... there we are.