Question to MM/MW whose AP is also married

[Blu72]

Well he was on vacation so I knew I wouldn't hear from him that week until he came back, but when he got back it was almost 2 weeks before he contacted me. He had never done that before, and he hasn't since. Now if I don't hear from him it's at the most 2 days. We saw each other 3 weeks ago and since I haven't heard from him as much as usual, but he has been dealing with some personal stuff so I've taken that into consideration. Then Friday he emails me that he thought he saw my car 3 times that day. It wasn't me and he knew it but he said it must have been how much I'm on his mind so I know he's thinking of me. It's just crazy the push/pull, hot/cold dynamic.

[Sassy Girl]

from my persective, it isn't that my feelings are too intense, or that I'm using him. It more because his are too intense and we have an agreement about what this is... Nothing less, but definitely nothing more. This is a fun convenient arrangement. I don't want declarations of love and intensity. I just want what we have. So if he starts getting too intense, I will either try to pull back on it, or end it.

 

Do you think you are showing that you are more invested that he is? That would be a game changer for me

[Blu72]

No I don't think so. He has always been the pursuer in this. I usually leave the contact/reaching out to him. In fact I guess looking back there have been times when he's thought I pulled back because I let him be the one who initiates contact for the most part. When we are 'together' I'm no more intense than he is. I try to be conscious of my behavior so I'm not coming off clingy. He has made comments to me in emails along the lines that he was having a hard time controlling himself and anything more and he wouldn't be able to take it. That translated to me as his feelings were growing.