Sex After Infidelity

[TrustedthenBusted]

Actually no - its the inability of the BH to accept his WW's cheating that is the final "stonewall" to successful R. There are some emotions that we can modify by thinking about them in a different light. This level of shock and betrayal is simply not one of them. The same is true of PTSD - cognitive therapy is not very useful when trying to heal the actual trauma causing the disorder.

 

Not all soldiers (and others) suffer from PTSD - even when they go though the same traumatic event. The ones that do need to leave the fighting and attend to their personal recovery. The same is true of BH's - some are not able to continue the fight to reconcile and will never be. They too need to attend to their personal recovery and a big part of that is taking a stand for themselves and ending the marriage. For these BH's the WW's efforts are meaningless with regard to saving the marriage, but co-parenting is probably more effective.

 

Interesting perspective.

 

I suppose we are talking semantics at the end of the day. Inability vs Refusal is really something that can only be defined by the person facing the choice.

 

And I'm no expert on PTSD. But I do know that a lot of BS's feel the same way about R and deal with the same issues, and run into the same roadblocks. Some are able to move forward, and build a stronger ( although not always as much fun ) marriage, and others find it better to move on.

 

In the case of the latter, my guess is that a good number of those BS's refused to move forward vs not having the ability to.

 

Again, not judging. BS's have every right to tap out whenever they want. But to make it through requires the removal of that brick wall that goes up on D-day.

[TrustedthenBusted]

No semantics involved here - we disagree and pretty much reject each others points completely. We might agree that JM is in a really tough, painful position that no husband should ever be in.

 

 

lol. I actually disagree with this too!

 

Earlier in my post I said "If you can't do it, you can't do it, and nobody can fault you for that. " Which is to agree that some people do not have the ability to move on, which I believe was your point.

 

I'm also just suggesting there is a proportionate number who CAN forgive and move on, and will need to learn to allow themselves to.

 

But I believe we're basically talking about the same thing.

[HereNorThere]

I hate to sound like a chick, but intimacy requires trust and vulnerability. It's really hard to let your guard down and be intimate with someone who can't be trusted. Sure, you can have sex, but sex and intimacy are just two totally different things. You don't look a one night stand, end of the night, bar rat in the eyes and tell her you love her while you're having sex and I would imagine that a random person like that actually deserves your trust more than your WW.