Ready to move on but don't know how to let go

[Ronnie33]

After the last big fight (LBF) I had with exMM, I actually felt like time alone was actually good, as it allowed me to go through everything step by step, and analyze each and every moment I deemed important, to assess what was to be done and how to proceed and feel about him further on.

 

But there was a lot of disappointment, bitterness, anger, pain, loneliness....all of which I get that your ex 'AP' never caused you. Setting yourself 'against him' may not be the way to go in your case.

 

I do believe that keeping yourself busy and repeating to yourself that it wouldn't go anywhere and it could hurt you beyond means if your H found out, and it could hurt him as well, all this is worth going NC.

 

One day you will meet another friend, someone to 'fill his space' and have a true meaningful friendship with them, it could be another girl, or a sister, a relative....you never know:love:

 

There has been plenty of anger and hurt throughout the affair but I think it's more for the situation we put ourselves in. We never future faked or promise anything. We know how much we care for eachother and how if I wasn't married things would be different. I think the future faking and false promises a lot of people do inn affairs is what causes so much anger at the end of affairs.

 

My anger is more at myself for being weak and not being able to move on.

[AlwaysGrowing]

There has been plenty of anger and hurt throughout the affair but I think it's more for the situation we put ourselves in. We never future faked or promise anything. We know how much we care for eachother and how if I wasn't married things would be different. I think the future faking and false promises a lot of people do inn affairs is what causes so much anger at the end of affairs.

 

My anger is more at myself for being weak and not being able to move on.

 

How is "if I wasn't married things would be different" not future faking.

 

Isn't putting the outcome of the affair if you weren't married making a future that does not exist. How can one know with any certainty that if you both were single that you would even be attracted to begin with. The dating pool for a married person is pretty shallow. A single person can afford to be much more pickier.

[Ronnie33]

How is "if I wasn't married things would be different" not future faking.

 

Isn't putting the outcome of the affair if you weren't married making a future that does not exist. How can one know with any certainty that if you both were single that you would even be attracted to begin with. The dating pool for a married person is pretty shallow. A single person can afford to be much more pickier.

 

I meant we have both said if we had met and I was single we would have dated and given it a chance. That's not future faking to me. I have met a few men when I was in relationships and thought "if I was single I would definitely date him". Just because you are married doesn't mean you still don't notice qualities you like in other people. I'm certain if I would have met him and I was single I still would have been attracted to him. We were friends for a year before anything happened, I don't think being single would have changed that.

[the_artist_1970]

I never thought I would be a cheater, I thought I had found some great friend at work I connected with. Someone once wrote something and it hit home for me. They said "I should have never been more then friends with my AP but now the repercussions of my actions is that now we can never be friends"

 

This is the key for allowing yourself to fall for another man or MM. Have tight boundaries especially at work. Because we spend so much of our time at work it is easy to form bonds with co-workers. Now that you have crossed that line I would highly recommend finding another job. At your next job try not to get personal with the opposite sex.

[Popsicle]

I, too, am still in the A with my MM, but am ready to move on. It is like an addiction. It's not ultimately fulfilling but at the same time it sustains you for the moment.