IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I cannot stand todays society and their portrayal of what a "normal" life should entail. Who says that your supposed to have kids, live in a house with a sign by the pool that say "we don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in our pool" With the dog and cat and bird all living nicely while eating their 6:00 dinners. I had a conversation with my Mom about me not wanting kids and her not becoming a grandmother. She started freakin "That's what your supposed to do!" "Says who?" TV? MOVIES? YOU? I don't want to hear that I'm young and I'm still partying and blah blah. Thats my age is fogging up my vision of the future. I can see the futre clear as day and it has no kids in it. And every time i tell people i don't want kids its the same response "Your young, you'll change your mind" NO I WON'T! I have thought about this long and hard for quite sometime now and i don't want any. People think I'm Satan's spawn b/c i don't want any. I'm not against abortion so I would have one. I was actually thinking about getting my tubes tied. I know what EVERYONE is thinking. I'm 20, I'll change my mind. I have stuck with my guns since i knew what babies were and I'm not going to change my views now. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I don't think theres anything wrong with not wanting Kids.. it isn't for everyone and for real.. I commend anyone for making the choice not to reproduce if it isn't something they really want to do. There are to many kid's IMO that are not wanted because someone allowed outside pressure in making the choice to have kids they didn't want to have.. I have a GF who is married and her hubby just had a Vasectomy because they don't want ANY Kids.. they decided it just wasn't for them, are good to go with people who have them.. but it isn't something they want for themselves.. and IMO thats okay. When people ask you when or if your going to have Kids.. don't feel the need to respond or explain yourself to them.. you don't owe it to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Lots of people feel that way. There are even groups of married adults (DINKS) who band together online. Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Having kids is a HUGE deal. You are allowed to make the decision, I have known I wanted kids forever. Being a mom is so hard. Its really none of anyones business. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Not to offend you, but you are just 20. I will not suggest your outlook on children will necesarilly change in 5 or 10 years time. But you are only 20, and in 5 or 10 years time it is highly likely that you have learnt a lot of things by experiencing them. That is also true of sex and relationships. At 30 you will approach men differently, and you will approach sex differently, not to mention your professional career. The image you have of your future is highly clouded by the self assumed omnipotence at the age of 20. Most, if not all people suffer from that, and especially at that age don't want to make the mistakes their parents made. You have a legitimate point of view. Children put limits upon a few freedoms you would have, just as a bf / gf puts restrictions on the freedom you have. But while the latter are easily disposable, children last a life-time. What is frightening is, that questions on having children are put forward for women, but barely for men. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 My husband and I are BOTH dead set against having kids. I don't want a screaming baby!!! I don't want stretch marks!!! I don't want all the years AFTER the screaming baby either But everybody says that one day I'll change my mind. I ask them why they have them...what's good about them...and they say, "I don't know....it's just something you have to experience. Um....no I don't HAVE to experience it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 EXACTLY Monday! i DON'T HAVE to have them! D, I know you saying that I am only 20, But I'm not a normal 20 year old. I had to live on my own since i was 18 (not by choice) I had to grow up faster that most teenagers. So i have the mentality of a 30 year old. What kind of 20 year old has a 401(k) IRA, Mutual funds, all that crap. Thats why i feel like i am capable of making an informed decision in the mindset that I am in right now. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 What kind of 20 year old has a 401(k) IRA, Mutual funds, all that crap You too!! lol I want kiddies though...always have... Not if they look like my doll though Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Not to offend you, but you are just 20. I will not suggest your outlook on children will necesarilly change in 5 or 10 years time. I agree that there is a possibility that this could happen, but I'd like to point out that some people do know early on that they don't want children. I decided I didn't want children when I was twenty years old. This decision was unfortunately forced upon me when I found myself pregnant and opted for an abortion. I had my tubes tied at twenty-seven, when I finally found a doctor that would perform the surgery. The entire time I laid in the pre-op room, his chief resident lectured me regarding my decision. It was inappropriate, disrespectful and completely out of line. I am now in my early thirties and while I am aware that as I age I may change my mind, my intentions are still to remain childless. Sometimes, even at twenty, you can know what you want out of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I had a friend that wanted a vasectomy when he was 21, they made him wait 4 years to get one. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock I had a friend that wanted a vasectomy when he was 21, they made him wait 4 years to get one. My BF just had a Vasectomy and he's 29 with 2 Kid's.. they still made him answer a bunch of questions and wanted me to sign his paperwork saying I was good to go with his decision LOL I'm not even married to him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 Pocky, That was out of line for that guy to lecture you about your decision. It is YOUR decision and i don't think some stranger is going to change MY views. Like my mother. She is fighting tooth and nail to change MY mind. Why don't you respect my decision? I have a pretty steady mind frame and I know my decision is not going to change. Waiting 4 years to get my tubes tied will just make me irritable and impatient. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 You know it's sad to see how some woman, like you, don't want children when my mother lost one at 8months of her pregnancy and till this day feels as if she's lost part of her soul...she's tried everything in the book to have another child and it's impossible...But life's all about chooses and if you choose not to have kids it doesn't say in the Bible or anywhere that you have too... Growing up I've learned that having children opens your eyes and it teaches you to love in a way you could never imagine...I want kids but kids may not be what you want so you don't have to...Just make sure you protect yourself when you get married and also find someone who feels the same way about kids because you will have problems in the long run... Whatever it is or for whatever reason it is that you don't want kids YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THEM...JUST IF YOU DO GET PREGNANT DON'T TAKE OUT ON THE KID BECAUSE IT WASN'T YOUR CHOICE IT WAS GODS... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue Pocky, That was out of line for that guy to lecture you about your decision. It is YOUR decision and i don't think some stranger is going to change MY views. Like my mother. She is fighting tooth and nail to change MY mind. Why don't you respect my decision? I have a pretty steady mind frame and I know my decision is not going to change. Waiting 4 years to get my tubes tied will just make me irritable and impatient. IHNFC.. Your Mom is probably fighting you tooth and nail because it isn't what she envisioned for HERSELF. Does that make sense? She had you.. and trust me parents always have hopes and idea's as to what they want their kids to be/do so isn't it possible that although you may not have grown up playing *house* that it was HER vision that one day you would grow up and GIVE HER a Grandchild? My guess.. this is whats trippin her up here.. it isn't how SHE thought it would be... LOL When I talk to my Kids about growing up the ONLY thing I insist upon is that they will both attend college to make a crap load of money so they can take care of my old a** Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 Your right Merin, I understand you, It is what she wanted. SHE wanted someone to give all my old clothes to, and pass along her wisdom. But sorry, not in the cards for her. And I'm not goin to do it just to make her happy,thats for all the wrong reasons. i barley like the woman! j/k. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 I didn't want kids at all (and I partied hard, too) for a long time. I decided I wanted to have my exHusband's baby -- it was a gesture of love. My exBF's baby, on the other hand, really was a mistake and I do regret it....but definately my attitude changed after my first pregnancy and now I really want to have a baby someday, even if I just adopt. I just have crazy hormonal maternal instinct. Anyways, it's cool to want what you want. I just go with the flow -- I am a feather in the wind, though, my mood changes like water. So....it's cool to do what you want to do, babe. I support you Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 There ARE two types of tubals. They should all be considered permanent, BUT one is easier to reverse. I will try to find out which is which, but maybe you could do that, or go to a different doctor and lie about your age. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue Your right Merin, I understand you, It is what she wanted. SHE wanted someone to give all my old clothes to, and pass along her wisdom. But sorry, not in the cards for her. And I'm not goin to do it just to make her happy,thats for all the wrong reasons. i barley like the woman! j/k. I don't even know why you bother discussing that kind of thing. If she's lecturing you just tell her "Maybe one day, when I'm ready" Is she expecting you to just start popping them out tomorrow? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Originally posted by RowanRavyn There ARE two types of tubals. They should all be considered permanent, BUT one is easier to reverse. I will try to find out which is which, but maybe you could do that, or go to a different doctor and lie about your age. I think you're thinking of the ring or clamp option. While it's still considered permanent, there's a 65% chance of reversal. The other main type is, and I believe has very little reversal success, is when they cauterize the ends of the tubes after they are cut to ensure they don't grow back. I had the second option. The chief resident that was lecturing me kept telling me to get the clamp option so I could have it reversed if I wanted to. http://www.tubal-reversal.net/tubal_ligation-tubal_ring-tubal_clip.htm Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Well, you ARE young, but I'm not going to say that you are going to change your mind. Lots of people don't have kids, and there is nothing wrong with that decision. Since you are so young, getting your tubes tied is probably a bit premature, but I think you should definately practice safe sex and/or go on birth control if you intend to abort any child you might conceive. Whatever your views on abortion are (and I'm not starting that conversation here), you should take measures against getting pregnant in the first place if that is what you would plan to do. Just be safe for now, and play the future by ear. Link to post Share on other sites
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