What’s with the relapse????

[Crux-]

Has this happened to anyone before or am I just a idiot.. It’s being 8-9 months since she left me. I’ve totally cut her from my live because all she’ll do is twist that knife again and again. I’ve been with her as a friend and a lover for 10 years. I’m sick of missing her actually more then termilly ill but I still do.

 

Last night I was just walking along and Dam…that whole emotional rollercoaster ride again. I’ve done everything to prop myself back-up, bought a guitar moved to a different city and concentrated upon my career. I can honesty say I’m doing great and then I saw her 3 weeks ago (Visiting my parents).

 

I know that she was trying to get a hold of by calling and finally following into the parking lot. I simply got sick of turning away from her every place I went when I’m in my parent’s small town. I got out of my car opened my arms and hugged her. (I did for her and me). She followed me into the store and started talking to me like we were close friends. Honesty it made my skin crawl but I was happy, polite and most importantly distant.

 

I could tell she missed me and I know she loves me but I can’t let her hurt me again. I left that town felling that I addressed my issues with her. Now three weeks later I’m pulling over my car and crying on my way to work. Does someone have a pill I can take to get her out of my system???? I’m a extremely smart, attractive and educated man that can’t seem to shake this monkey off my back…Anyone have any advice???

[aarsky]

Someone else suggested that in another post. Wouldnt it be great to just pop a pill and make the problem go away. I wish I had your strength in the way that you've done things to improve you. But like you, I still see my ex around occassionally and it opens up feelings again, and like you, I've found myself crying about it for no apparent reason. I think the best thing to do for all of us is to just keep moving forward. Theres always times when we will think about exes and what if's but you cant't let it ruin what seems to be a fresh new start for you. I guess all you can do is take life one day at a time and eventually things will keep improving.

[tiki]

Always keep in the forefront of your mind, the reasons you broke up. If things were closer to perfect, you two would still be together.

[jc]

Hey buddy ,

 

I can definitely sympathize with what you are going through....It's amazing how there are times when you feel so great and free and you barely think about that other person for days at a time. Then you have a dream about them, or something reminds you of them, or it's your anniversary, and bam! It seems like all those hurt feelings come flooding back and it feels as though you're back at the beginning of the breakup rather than 2, 3, 6, 9 months post. Personally, I'm only 2 months post-breakup and I keep having those relapses.

 

The only thing that will probably help is time... and acknowledging that that you are hurting but reminding yourself that this feeling will pass, probably much quicker than it did in the beginning too.

 

You sound like a very nice person and although it gets annoying to hear this constantly: You WILL meet someone else and have the love that you deserve.

[Lonestar]

Relapses are inevitable when you truly loved someone. I went back to my ex after 2 years of NC, only to get burned again. It's my own fault. I initiated it, but now I know that if those feelings ever come back, I have to shove them aside.

 

My brother died more than two years ago, and occasionally out of the blue something reminds me of him and I break out into tears. I think it's the same process of grieving. And it's much easier when they're dead.

[greenhorn]

I would second 'Lonestar' on this and would say that it is the natural curve of grieving. There is no pill but what you can do to not aggravate is try not to see her or get in touch with her.It would be best if you can even stop thinking about her.

 

good luck

[Donut]

You just have to keep on keeping on and avoid her as much as possible (especially if she is following you, damn!) when you go home to see your parents. I'd say next time you can't avoid her don't give her a hug! Be polite by all means, but roll out as soon as you can!

 

You've done really well so far, keep pushing forward and believe in yourself for a brighter future. When you think about her, try to remember the reasons you broke up and what used to get on your nerves about her (however small and trivial). I find this helps me stop looking at my ex with rose-tinted glasses when the relapses come. Say to yourself "this too shall pass".

 

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference! One day you will be able to think about her and it won't hurt anymore, it'll just be another chapter of your past, one that you have learnt and grown from as a human being.

[Crux-]

Thanks!!!

 

I almost side step in my direction....I realize that (a) I'm not ready to date (b) I'm still kind of grieving [Although I hate it]. .

 

Some of the stuff that was posted on this thread was totally right... I told my friends that I cried like someone died in my life when I found out about her and her deceptions. I guess leaving a best friend always hurts. It’s just none of my best friends has ever left me before or intently hurt me ..........I know one thing… I’ll keep going and I will never stop leading my life with my heart….I won’t let her jade me……

 

I can’t stress this enough (THANKS for the input).

[Donut]

I guess leaving a best friend always hurts. It’s just none of my best friends has ever left me before or intently hurt me ..........

 

Oh man, I know that feeling all to well. It's like they've drop kicked your heart into no mans land!

 

Keep strong, chin up, I wish you the best