Advice for a woman in a relationship w/ a large age difference

[manders_01]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

It doesn't sound like anyone you or your siblings bring home will please your Mother, so discount her opinion. If she can keep her mouth shut and be polite sometimes that's all you get.

 

 

I'm suprised your GF doesn't already know. I am awful about keeping my mouth shut about current humps to my close friends. They're pretty aware of how much I feel about one person or another.

 

Or wait, does she know? I'm confused. It may very well be she's been OK thus far because it hasn't progressed to a more serious stage.

 

Are you worried about her putting doubts into your mind about the suitability of old dood?

 

 

 

LOL about mom - you are right there!

 

My GF does know (I can't keep my mouth shut either) - and has been supportive for the most part thus far. I'm not worried about her putting doubts in my mind. It's more that I think sometimes she doesn't realize although she's trying to help, she can be hurtful. Plus she's not had experience with dating someone a different age and she tends to be more critical of things she doesn't know. She's just very opinionated in general.

[manders_01]

Originally posted by tiki

Are you pretty serious about gramps? Just kidding.

 

But seriously, are you guys getting pretty serious? And maybe I missed it, but how long have you two been together?

 

We have not been together long but we are getting serious.

[tiki]

Well, do your own thang and see if it works out. You may grow to hate the fella? Then all this for nothing.

[Craig]

My wife has a cousin that is 45 her husband is 83, they've been married for 19 years and couldn't be happier. They have one daughter together and she is a very well adjusted all round model of a great daughter. Of course people talked in the beginning (when they got married) but now they are accepted and even envied by some.

 

IMHO happiness shouldn't be denied just because two people have different birthdays.

[Pendawn]

I've known lots of time-shift relationships which were succesful.

 

girl 15 - guy 30 = My cousin, they were engaged for 4 years, lived togetehr and only ended becuase HE was immature and juvenile.

 

Woman 43 - Guy 27 = happily married

 

Woman 32 - Guy 53 = happily married for 10 years and still going strong

 

Woman 30 - Woman 50 = lesbian couple I know who are the happiest couple I've ever known.

 

I think most people face doubt from their lvoed ones espeically when you hear the numbers only, but when you see them interacting etc I think a lot of the doubts go away.

[RecordProducer]

My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. I am 30, he is 48. I am young and he is still relatively young so there is no real gap. I am aware that when we get older the difference will be more drastic, but I love him so much and I think that he is the only man I ever met who has the right personality for me.

Besides, I have two children and he doesn't have any and I've always been into older men.

 

Manders, what you said 60 vs. 83 is nothing...you only say that because you think that 60 is very old and 83 is very old too.

83 is very old, 60 is not even old. There are so many 60 year olds who still act like 30 year olds. They don't look 30 and they may have some illnesses, but most of the people are very active in their 60's, which is not the case with 83 year olds.

 

I would suggest that you learn his family's illness history. Whether you're going to consider it is up to you. You came to this forum to get a moral support, but you also seem unsure about this. No one can tell you if the difference is too big. It's your life. But it's true that it's a two-generation relationship. I mean, indeed, he could be your father.

 

Yet there are so many couples around with a huge age difference. Are they happy? Who cares? There are so many unhappy couples with a normal age difference too. Personally I like that my BF is so much older. I like to feel protected. I am not looking for a father figure, I love my dad.

 

The good news is you will always be young for him. While many 50-year old men start looking at 27-year olds, you won't have to deal with that kind of jealousy.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Pendawn

I've known lots of time-shift relationships which were succesful.

 

girl 15 - guy 30

Woman 43 - Guy 27

Woman 32 - Guy 53

Woman 30 - Woman 50

that is very nice PENDAWN, but these are exceptions. Why don't you point out the fact that MOST relationships where there is a 20 yr age difference don't work???

[RecordProducer]

Alphamale, you're happy being on your own and you don't want to commit. You could be considered an exception too, right?

Just cuz something is an exception doesn't mean it's not exceptionally good.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

Alphamale, you're happy being on your own and you don't want to commit. You could be considered an exception too, right?

Just cuz something is an exception doesn't mean it's not exceptionally good.

Well RECORDPRODUCER, last time I checked wanting to be single and not commit is not an exception. There are many people in this category to varying degrees.

 

There are not many people in relationships with a 20 yr age difference either way last time I checked.

 

The stats show that the large the age difference between a couple the less likely they will be successful. End of story.

[Craig]

Originally posted by alphamale

The stats show that the large the age difference between a couple the less likely they will be successful. End of story.

Cite your sources!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Craig

Cite your sources!

I don't need to cite any source CRAIG. Most intelligent people who have reached a certain age know that the greater the differences between a couple in ANY AREA, be it religion, age, philosophies, politics, ideas, socio-economic, the less their chances of staying together over time.

 

It is common sense, think it over for a bit.

[Craig]

Originally posted by alphamale

I don't need to cite any source CRAIG. Most intelligent people who have reached a certain age know that the greater the differences between a couple in ANY AREA, be it religion, age, philosophies, politics, ideas, socio-economic, the less their chances of staying together over time.

 

It is common sense, think it over for a bit.

So what you are saying is that you pulled your words of wisdom out of your, well, the AIR! In other words this is a "opinion" you have, that you have labeled a stat. You did say "stat" in your post didn't you?

[RecordProducer]

The statistix say that women will benefit from Alphamale's decision to live on his own!

 

In Alfa's opinion, two poor people have more chance to be happy then if one of them is rich!

[li'l bunny]

I think if you really love him, you're probably not going to let him go. Though you should make sure he isn't going through a midlife crisis or soemthing (that's usually around forty though isn't it?). Just make sure he's genuine about his love for you.

 

Obviously you can't help who you fall in love with. You will have to get used to jokes or unintentional comments like 'table for you and you father' (at a restaurant) etc because they will always happen. Even if the man is ten years older than you it happens. (believe me I know)

 

It doesn't matter what the 'stats' are. You know what you and your bf are like and you know better than anyone else how things ar likely to turn out. It is a big decision people might say but if you're in love sometimes you have NO decision at all.

 

As for your mum, lots of parents don't like their sons-in-law, but they keep quiet about it because they love their kids and it's really none of their business.

[Pendawn]

Originally posted by alphamale

that is very nice PENDAWN, but these are exceptions. Why don't you point out the fact that MOST relationships where there is a 20 yr age difference don't work???

 

Because I thought the OP was looking for people's PERSONAL expeierences. The OP could do a search on stats to find out what the chances of the realtionship working out are, but they came here looking for individual experiences. And my experience is that most relationships with a large age difference that have occurred in my life to people I know, have worked out.

 

To be honest I don't think there is any hard rule, every relationship has some handicap against it - be it distance, age, religion, family, sex drive - and some people can work together to overcome that issue and some people can't. It's entirely based on the people and their dynamics.

[manders_01]

Originally posted by Pendawn

Because I thought the OP was looking for people's PERSONAL expeierences.

 

Thank you PenDawn - it nice to see that someone actually read my first post!

[manders_01]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

Manders, what you said 60 vs. 83 is nothing...you only say that because you think that 60 is very old and 83 is very old too.

 

You came to this forum to get a moral support, but you also seem unsure about this.

 

Thank you for telling your story. However, I wanted you to know that I do not think 60 or 83 is very old, I never have. I used those two numbers for an example of maturity - typically, a 60 year old is more mature than someone who is less than 60.

 

As for moral support, no, I did not come for that. I came to specifically find examples from other people of how they introduced their SO to people close to them when there is a large age difference. Quite frankly, anyone who has had to introduce someone to their friends and family with something to overcome (race, religion, etc.) would be helpful.

[sweetness69]

i am 21 and my dude is 31 me or my people dont have a problem with the age now, everytime we have a arguement he says i am still a kid or i am childish, and all his friends and baby mamas say it not gonna last between us because of our age, i feel like they just hating. i love him and he loves me and thats all that matters no one else is in the relationship just you two. have fun

 

ps. my grandma and grandpa had 20yrs between them

she was 16 and he was 36 when they got married..

[Stone]

My b/f is 12 years my seinor and we have out problems, but our age diffrence has never played into it at all. IF anything I am still more mature than him

 

I am 24 and I refuse to date any men under 30 years old