NOHOPE-LEFT-HERE Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 just feel broken and lost married 11 years,together for 15 have 2 kids she ended our marriage 10 months ago,says she is very unhappy,dont love me anymore,our marriage was like friends, many mistakes from me,no cheating or any violence ever, have tried everything to make it work and to talk but she simply refuses to listen,says not interested,i want to be on my own she has been alone since the split,for the first six months there was contact,lots of it,from both sides,was things in general,even sometime she would talk about why we split and everything,even go see her about things,then when i said anything about trying again....just get shot down everytime i still want her she is my soulmate,and just believe we have spent to many years together to just give up,have told her she means everything to me and will do what ever it takes to make us work.....complete change a fresh page to try again this just seems to make her so angry so cold,she has said things to me that i never thought i would ever hear,its like she is someone i dont know i have not seen her in person at all in the last 3 months,after i sent a letter saying how much she means to me,sorry for all my mistakes and for all the pain i caused her making her unhappy for the things i didn't do etc,told her that everything would change from me,spoke from the heart and in great detail and meant every word her reply by a text was not interested what you want,dont want to talk to you,dont want to see you,you can see the kids whenever you like but not here since we split i have never been angry with her,never said anything to upset her,just dont know why she has to be so horrid to me everytime was my birthday a few weeks ago.....didnt even get a message saying happy birthday,its like we never happened she is so cold,so angry all the time,even if i msg her about the kids, in all the time since we split there hasn't been much time with no contact....i think 3 weeks at most......maybe that's whats caused it to get so bad..just dont know anymore,and just dont what to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Looks like you may have to accept that the M is truly over. No matter what you need to see your kids. How often do you have them? How old are they? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOHOPE-LEFT-HERE Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 kids are 13 and 11 i see them twice a week most weeks really hard this time of year,feeling so low with everything Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 It's good you see them. Plan things with them. Are you cooking Xmas dinner with/for them? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOHOPE-LEFT-HERE Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 she says i can see them christmas day in the evening as they are going to be with her Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 she says i can see them christmas day in the evening as they are going to be with her Then start planning! Wrap gifts, plan the meal and make some pies. Find joy in what you do have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOHOPE-LEFT-HERE Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 they kids are all i have left,and would do anything for them,its not nice that they see how she is with me. not had any contact with the wife by any means for nearly a week,maybe some major time left alone may change things,i guess only time will tell 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOHOPE-LEFT-HERE Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 would like your views on .....do you feel that having no contact will give her time to think about everything? or you feel nothing will change? im not thinking that no contact will bring her back with arms open,just might give her time to reflect on everything,and maybe something will change still really dont know why she has got more angry more cold and hurtfull the longer we have been apart,seems a common thing to happen reading the posts on here though Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 would like your views on .....do you feel that having no contact will give her time to think about everything? or you feel nothing will change? im not thinking that no contact will bring her back with arms open,just might give her time to reflect on everything,and maybe something will change still really don't know why she has got more angry more cold and hurtfull the longer we have been apart,seems a common thing to happen reading the posts on here though You need to adapt to the current reality. You say she is your soul mate, but she doesn't want to be. Begging and pleading with her will make her lose all respect for you, and most likely make her even more angry. Be a man, get up off your knees, and live your life with some self-respect and dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
LukeRBetts Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Get on with your own life....accept that your marriage is over and move forward without her. Dont hold hope for your marriage. Once she sees that she make think differently...but then it will be too late for her...because u will be in a place were u wont wont her back..... Stop picking the scab and let it heal..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 You need to adapt to the current reality. You say she is your soul mate, but she doesn't want to be. Begging and pleading with her will make her lose all respect for you, and most likely make her even more angry. Be a man, get up off your knees, and live your life with some self-respect and dignity. easier said than done. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 just feel broken and lost married 11 years,together for 15 have 2 kids she ended our marriage 10 months ago,says she is very unhappy,dont love me anymore,our marriage was like friends, many mistakes from me,no cheating or any violence ever, have tried everything to make it work and to talk but she simply refuses to listen,says not interested,i want to be on my own she has been alone since the split,for the first six months there was contact,lots of it,from both sides,was things in general,even sometime she would talk about why we split and everything,even go see her about things,then when i said anything about trying again....just get shot down everytime i still want her she is my soulmate,and just believe we have spent to many years together to just give up,have told her she means everything to me and will do what ever it takes to make us work.....complete change a fresh page to try again this just seems to make her so angry so cold,she has said things to me that i never thought i would ever hear,its like she is someone i dont know i have not seen her in person at all in the last 3 months,after i sent a letter saying how much she means to me,sorry for all my mistakes and for all the pain i caused her making her unhappy for the things i didn't do etc,told her that everything would change from me,spoke from the heart and in great detail and meant every word her reply by a text was not interested what you want,dont want to talk to you,dont want to see you,you can see the kids whenever you like but not here since we split i have never been angry with her,never said anything to upset her,just dont know why she has to be so horrid to me everytime was my birthday a few weeks ago.....didnt even get a message saying happy birthday,its like we never happened she is so cold,so angry all the time,even if i msg her about the kids, in all the time since we split there hasn't been much time with no contact....i think 3 weeks at most......maybe that's whats caused it to get so bad..just dont know anymore,and just dont what to do.. I understand a lot of what your saying as I can see some of this in my w/s I feel for you mate it was my birthday too a couple of weeks ago I got some presents and cards but no contact, we are in shock as we didn't see this coming did we ?, so there is nothing we can do but that doesn't make it any easier, accept that your in shock and most things she will say or do will be in the negative, with regards the angry responses have you stopped to think for a while that she might just be angry with herself and her guilt for what she has done to you and your family ?, dumpers often act totally out of character and they do it as an act the act is to justify there actions to both them and to us, good luck mate I am here for you if you want to keep talking to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 easier said than done. It's not easy. It's hard, but the only other alternative is to give up. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 It's not easy. It's hard, but the only other alternative is to give up. Giving up and fading away sounds good to me how do I do that you would be doing me a favour Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOHOPE-LEFT-HERE Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 i think if any of us myself included thought about giving up, this site would be very quiet. its true you cant make someone love you,you cant bring them back,if only it was that easy. ralf thanks same to you my friend good luck just feel so shocked that someone that i spent all those years with,trusted,loved and respected every day,could change so much to someone that seems to hate anything about me,and what we once had Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 You have to take your power back. Cathexis: The investment of mental or emotional energy in a person, object, or idea. Cathexis. Decathexis. Link to post Share on other sites
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