joel Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 ok i'm 24 yr old guy chinese cbc, is it just my chi family like this all . my mom and folks are like this don't have a gf or even date till ur in ur 30's that is when u have a good job and money, b/c right now u should be focusing on ur school.finish school u will be and should be making tons of $$ then all the girls will be wanting u, and u woulnd't have to chase the girls they chase u. so jsut get tons of money. till now i am a 24 yr old dateless and gf less-that is never been on date or had gf ever or even girls taht are freinds. is this just my family mentality or other chinese juyst like this too. right now for me even havin a conversation with freinds guy or gals it is hard. , and can't carry a converstion. . help and suggestions. please. i lack social life but my folks don't care for it. my folks think that dating while ur in ur teens and 20's is a waste of time dating during those times are just for whatttt as my folks said. to em dating is for marriage and finding a partner for life. all and all i not going to marry a gal just b/c i'm in my 30 or what if i find the right one i will if not i rather be single. i don;t want to be hassled all my life b/c i married the wrong gal just b/c of age. i rather be single and happy then married and hassled. i not going to put a age to my marriage. i going to now more gals and date more before i goin to marry anyways, they first gf i have i now definetly i not going to marry her and that be the first coupel ones too. i want to find the right one Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 i come from asian indian background JOEL which is similar to chinese in these matters. i agree with your parents, you should focus of career and education first. many people ruin their lives by focusing on a love life too early. but in the end you should take the best of western culture and best of eastern culture and meld the two together. do some things your family and parents want and then do something things that YOU want. once you get older with good job and $$$ then u get all the puzzy you want. Link to post Share on other sites
EIN Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 I am asian and You are not alone. Unless you come from a middle to upper class asian family, you do not have to worry about the school and preparing for the future. 20's is the period to have fun. I myself come from a low class asian family so personally after trying to have "fun", I realized that the moments do not last and all it drains is my pockets so I am following the "establich yourself then find someone" mentality but what you do with your life is up to you. Don't let your parents say otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
somegirloutthere Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Hi Joel, I'm a regular lurker here (I rarely post), but I want to respond to your post and offer my advice since I'm planning to quit this board soon. I have come across many of your posts and saw your picture, though I did not respond to any of them. I hope it helps you think about some things even though you may not like what I say. I think you need to work on your confidence issues first. You REALLY need to work on this. You are insecure about yourself and who you are, and the conflict of values with your parents isn't helping you either. You second-guess yourself (i.e do girls not like me because of my looks or my ethnic background?) Girls like confidence (not cocky) guys, period. Sure, some people might have a penchant to who they might be attrracted to, but most girls can't resist a guy with a GREAT personality (myself included). That, combined with a good chemistry, makes a lethal combination. (The guys that I am attracted to are smart and funny, even though they aren't considered great-looking guys. Yet, they are incredibly attractive in my eyes. That's probably why 'beauty is in the eyes of the beholder'). Girls like confidence guys, and you don't seemed to be one. What shoud you do? Well, find your passions. Do what you love. Excel in those things that you love and the rest will come into place. Stop overananlyzing things. Money may play a factor but it really isn't important if the rest isn't there (unless that person is a golddigger). Some people can be poor and yet still find love (get it?) It has to do with timing (fate) and luck, but you can help it along by getting out there to meet people. Lots of people our age are going through the same thing now. We're all trying to figure out who we are and whether we'll find that someone who will love us as much as we love them. Don't think about it too much. This is normal. I am considered 'americanized' since I've moved here at a very young age. My parents still hold very traditional Chinese views, so I understand the marriage comments well. I'd still say, date whom you want. Make your life your own. You're an adult. I also think that the career thing is highly overrated. At 23, I am making a good run up the corporate ladder (got a 5K raise within the first year and I get paid decently well for my age). But at the end of the day, what do I remember? Definitely not work. Sure, having career goals is important, but is it important enough to skip the dating phase in the 20s? No, I personally don't think so. If you do, you'll be sacrificing your personal/emotional growth for career growth. If career growth is the most important to you, then all the more power to you. Work on your social skills by meeting other people. Step outside of your comfort zone now. Remember, you'll never get better if you don't try. You only get to live once. Stop trying to live to expectations and pave your way. You will experience rejections, but you need to keep faith and keep trying. And my last piece of advice: Please don't play any games. You are either attracted to someone or you're not. For me, if I am attrracted to someone and we are on the same page, then we have a shot at a relationship. If the attraction isn't even there, don't waste the other person's time (or give mixed signals). My heart got broken recently because of this guy's mixed signals. I wouldn't want to do it to others and I wouldn't want others to do the same to me too. Anyway, I sincerely hope things get better for you. Read my post seriously. I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted every now and then. Best, Somegirloutthere Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 So you would rather be with a woman who wants you for your money? I guess that's alot easier to find than love, if you have the money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joel Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 my folks think that dating while ur in ur teens and 20's is a waste of time dating during those times are just for whatttt as my folks said. to em dating is for marriage and finding a partner for life. all and all i not going to marry a gal just b/c i'm in my 30 or what if i find the right one i will if not i rather be single. i don;t want to be hassled all my life b/c i married the wrong gal just b/c of age. i rather be single and happy then married and hassled. i not going to put a age to my marriage. i going to now more gals and date more before i goin to marry anyways, they first gf i have i now definetly i not going to marry her and that be the first coupel ones too. i want to find the right one with the money thing thats what my folks said no what i said Link to post Share on other sites
simplybrill Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 I come from a mixed asian and latino background and my family's pretty open to dating in the 20's age range. Rules I try to keep for myself are: Dont get serious with a guy, introduce him to mom, unless you REALLY have been dating him for a long time and really think you could have a future together and be married. I'm not gonna waste my mom's time meeting every guy I see a movie with, that would just be stupid. I guess with my family, if mom's meeting him its a really big deal- so be sure about it before doing the intro's. My family is very very protective, and usually lets me date who I want, but they frown on it if it seems too frivolous, or like I couldnt have a future with the person, which I dont really blame them for- but damn, can't I just have fun with people?? But I understand, why should I be wasting my time with someone I can't really have anything long term with anyways. Maybe its because Im 21 now and not 18 anymore, they're wanting me to be more careful with my heart and my money. But anyways,,,you're not alone. My sister pretty much wants to screen any potential boyfriends I might have now, to see if they're "suitable" Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 unfortunately not all families are like that. My family and many others i know support the idea of dating whenever you wish. I'm asian myself so i agree to disagree with you. Sure dating often can lead to an empy wallet occasionally, but it's all part of life....you shouldnt let $$ discourage you from meeting a girl. unfortunately for some "old fashioned" parents, they are close minded and trying to maintain old traditions. you're in your 20's, you should learn to be more confident, independent and make your own choices....seriously are you going to have your parents run the rest of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
simplybrill Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 I agree, you should be able to date whoever you want, and hang out with your friends. Its not right that they treat you like you're 12. I think the hardest thing in the world, is standing up to your own family. Im in the same boat, it sucks but confidence and believing in what you want for yourself is important!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author joel Posted March 25, 2005 Author Share Posted March 25, 2005 its just not u , but the thing is i am not rich. i don't think i ever will be rich . when i finish coillege i am hoping for work in the business management field or business area. i doubt i be making loads of money. i just hoping that i get work related to my field of study. i jsut want a gal that will want me for me and thats all. i never really did good in school-and yes i do try and study. never was academically inclined or i be at a univ not college. i right now talking to ppl and yes girls too, from what i got from talking to them in class and with other ppl is that the girl i am interested in has a bf-well how she brings up "well my bf drove me to school." or brings up her bf in a sentence of communication. ah well just talk to ppl and be friendly and see what happens right. anyways i really need a job- and gettin a job for me is hard.-tried so many and never got phone called or any job. Originally posted by alphamale i come from asian indian background JOEL which is similar to chinese in these matters. i agree with your parents, you should focus of career and education first. many people ruin their lives by focusing on a love life too early. but in the end you should take the best of western culture and best of eastern culture and meld the two together. do some things your family and parents want and then do something things that YOU want. once you get older with good job and $$$ then u get all the puzzy you want. Link to post Share on other sites
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