Snaggletooth Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 No need to apologise and tell away, get it off your chest whenever you like. These are the low points, Bud, everything gets on top of you and it can be hard to cope. Good sleep and healthy eating can help in that regard, things seem so much worse if you let you mind and body become tired. We need our fuel and rest, need those night time breaks that allow today to pass and tommorow to be a new start. There will be better tomorrows, thousands of them. Although all seems terrible at the moment, one day you will be looking back on this as a temporary blip in life. These low points don't last forever, in fact when you total it up over a lifetime, these low points account for very little of it. New day tomorrow, new year soon after, this time next year life will be very different for you. Chin up, old boy. It gets better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 I want to thank you here it feels like a family I have . thank you for letting me express my feelings and fears without being judgmental .. it is tough to be honest .. But I need to keep it up . sometimes it feels like my wife is in sky laughing at me .. she always bashed be between claiming am irresponsible and being a bum , I hear her voice laughing at me while she left the ship sinking here. I will try to take care of myself and my dogs because right now it is only thing i can do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 How are we doing today, Eblude? Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. I understand what you have been going through.I have a husband of 21 years wanting to divorce threw the holidays. This is a hard part of the year to go through stuff. I hope after New Years things will get better then this.I do so much praying I will add you. I hope you are fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 How are we doing today, Eblude? Well Strangly wasnt bad xmas at all . I was singing spending time with my dogs . and nor her or or missing her crossed my mind. but to be honest at times felt alone so tried to watch something stupid or get my brain busy. Honestly 3 months ago when she left never expected to make it alive through it specially during Christmas, maybe hardest part was having no gifts cards or even any decorations for Christmas and seeing how neighbours have it all "I know grass looks greener on other side". I start seeing how far I moved on and there is a chance i can find my own circle here Marry Christmas 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 thank you for prayers I believe god been looking for me . As i mentioned before . 2 months ago I as debating what is going to be my final wish on Christmas or Thanksgiven . both went smooth. I played some music .. looked online for things , threw all alcohol away and tried to live the moment. wasnot easy but it worth it. I had a good talk to my counsilor yesterday . she told me sick relationships are like drug addiction . where when you out of it deep inside you know its bad for you and will destroy you but you miss the rush of ups and downs. So I am working on my road to recovery and trying to forgive her for damage betrayal and pain she caused. At times for now I laughed dreamed and smiled no need to gift under my tree to feel happy . I HAVE THE BEST GIFT OF ALL: LIFE AND MY DOGS .. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Now that sounds like progress. Good on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted December 26, 2014 Author Share Posted December 26, 2014 Hey all and thank for support I wish you all had a good Christmas. I am wondering if is it normal that after being betrayed/Screwed/Let Down by your wife that you have conflicting feelings of anger, wishing of revenge and lost of trust in women/men? I still care about her but part of me wish she experience half of the pain the put me through. I wish she has a 6 miserable years of her life . a bad partner that makes her dream about having me in her life. I am doing generally ok . But sometimes I keep going back in time like watching a movie frame by frame, trying to understand why did she try to damage me , hurt me and ruin my life? Why would she cheat on me leaving for another man , knowing i was already off on medications and had depression issue . Did she really want me to kill myself? I know sounds crazy but for me If she ever needed a heart or organ I would have give it to her even if i would sacrifice my life to save hers. I never hit touch her I was a loving husband. I know I wont never get an answer why. I just hate the fact I have been an idiot who been stabbed in the back . part of me wants divine justice , Karma hits her back or whatever you call it... does that make me a bad person wishing her suffering ? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Hey all and thank for support I wish you all had a good Christmas. I am wondering if is it normal that after being betrayed/Screwed/Let Down by your wife that you have conflicting feelings of anger, wishing of revenge and lost of trust in women/men? I still care about her but part of me wish she experience half of the pain the put me through. I wish she has a 6 miserable years of her life . a bad partner that makes her dream about having me in her life. I am doing generally ok . But sometimes I keep going back in time like watching a movie frame by frame, trying to understand why did she try to damage me , hurt me and ruin my life? Why would she cheat on me leaving for another man , knowing i was already off on medications and had depression issue . Did she really want me to kill myself? I know sounds crazy but for me If she ever needed a heart or organ I would have give it to her even if i would sacrifice my life to save hers. I never hit touch her I was a loving husband. I know I wont never get an answer why. I just hate the fact I have been an idiot who been stabbed in the back . part of me wants divine justice , Karma hits her back or whatever you call it... does that make me a bad person wishing her suffering ? It's pretty normal to think back and to endlessly wonder "why?" You're searching for closure. Unfortunately, we're rarely able to get any closure from the other person. The vast, vast majority of the time, our closure comes from within. The last stage of grief is acceptance. To me, much of that means simply accepting that it's happened, that it's not going to be undone, and that we'll probably never really understand why. Trying to understand someone else (that probably made a bunch of irrational mental justifications for what they were doing) is a pointless exercise. So is revenge, although it's quite normal for you to have those feelings as well. Keep giving yourself time. And keep doing things that make you proud of yourself. If you keep that up consistently, it is only a matter of time before your pride in yourself returns. And that confidence will be very attractive to another woman - hopefully one that deserves your time and attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Hey all and thank for support I wish you all had a good Christmas. I am wondering if is it normal that after being betrayed/Screwed/Let Down by your wife that you have conflicting feelings of anger, wishing of revenge and lost of trust in women/men? I still care about her but part of me wish she experience half of the pain the put me through. I wish she has a 6 miserable years of her life . a bad partner that makes her dream about having me in her life. I am doing generally ok . But sometimes I keep going back in time like watching a movie frame by frame, trying to understand why did she try to damage me , hurt me and ruin my life? Why would she cheat on me leaving for another man , knowing i was already off on medications and had depression issue . Did she really want me to kill myself? I know sounds crazy but for me If she ever needed a heart or organ I would have give it to her even if i would sacrifice my life to save hers. I never hit touch her I was a loving husband. I know I wont never get an answer why. I just hate the fact I have been an idiot who been stabbed in the back . part of me wants divine justice , Karma hits her back or whatever you call it... does that make me a bad person wishing her suffering ? Yes, they are normal thoughts and feelings early after a betrayal, they will pass as the pain eases away. As for why she did what she did. Yup, you are never going to get the full answer to that but what it comes down to is low character, selfishness and a lack of empathy. Being the type of person who would have given his life to save hers it's something you will never fully comprehend. I gave up trying years ago. Way I see it is if I ever fully understand how someone can do something like that, then I'm as f*cked up as they are. Betrayal drags you down, drags you down dark alleys, drags you into the gutter with all the dirt, fag butts, broken glass and used johnnies. You walk alone in the dark, stepping round shattered hopes and dreams, stepping over those who quit and failed. It takes time but eventually you say to yourself, "Hell, what am I doing here, this ain't where I belong" and so step back out onto the pavement with it's bright lights and shop windows. You walk to the end of the road, look left, look right, make a choice and stroll on. You could start another thread asking the same questions. Maybe in the Infidelity or Coping section (I'm not sure which would be best). Meet others and get their thoughts and perspectives. There's a lot of people here who have been in your shoes who will help you through the next few weeks and months. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted December 26, 2014 Author Share Posted December 26, 2014 So is revenge, although it's quite normal for you to have those feelings as well. I do not look for revenge .. I Just deserve justice . I am not sad cos she left .. it is the stabbing part and doing all behind my back . should could have told me it is over left .. I just believe relations and love can end .. but Trying to hurt and ruin a person who done nothing is the part I wish she understands .. To be honest Sometimes I ask myself how in earth i always saw her as nice honest person .. was I that blind? I have not expected her to do any of that otherwise i would have my guards when she left Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 How you doing tonight man, all well? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I went through a real bad divorce back in 1981. The woman did everything she could to make my life rotten and one night I was looking for something in the hall closet and I saw a old rifle that belonged to my grandfather. I took it out because I forgot it was there and while I was looking at it, I thought that one well placed shot and I could be out of my misery. It was a wake up call for me because if I did that she would win. I went down in the garage to my work bench, put the barrel of the rifle in a vice and tugged away at it until I bent it real good. Then I broke the stock and said to myself, F--- her. She can go to hell and no matter what kind of crap she wants to throw at me, I'll handle but be damned if she'll take my mind or my life. The B-tch wasn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Hey all and thank for support I wish you all had a good Christmas. I am wondering if is it normal that after being betrayed/Screwed/Let Down by your wife that you have conflicting feelings of anger, wishing of revenge and lost of trust in women/men? I still care about her but part of me wish she experience half of the pain the put me through. I wish she has a 6 miserable years of her life . a bad partner that makes her dream about having me in her life. I am doing generally ok . But sometimes I keep going back in time like watching a movie frame by frame, trying to understand why did she try to damage me , hurt me and ruin my life? Why would she cheat on me leaving for another man , knowing i was already off on medications and had depression issue . Did she really want me to kill myself? I know sounds crazy but for me If she ever needed a heart or organ I would have give it to her even if i would sacrifice my life to save hers. I never hit touch her I was a loving husband. I know I wont never get an answer why. I just hate the fact I have been an idiot who been stabbed in the back . part of me wants divine justice , Karma hits her back or whatever you call it... does that make me a bad person wishing her suffering ? I'm a BS of very many years ago who is happily remarried and the xH is still on his own and wishing we were back together. That may not be what happens in your case, but the best thing you can do is get on with your life and live it to the full. You'll never know the answers of why she did what she did, but thats on her and not you. Slowly you will start to feel better and think about her less and less, so what she did will not matter to you anymore. They say time is a healer, and that is true. Take care of you, make plans to get out and about. Take up new hobbies/interests to fill your time and you'll soon make some wonderful new friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 hey all been a while . I had good NYE and met friend . for last few days I been fighting an overwhelming feeling of sadness depression . I believe I still go back at times remembering all happened wondering how and why .. sure never going to get answers. but still it hits me .. I am so SCARED i wont heal that she done all damage. I am at work trying not to cry . trying to smile finding a reason why life is good. and why I will one day totally forget her . at times I am scared that I will give up all which worries me the most. I still see her face around me , still wish one day she comes and tells me why .. or wish i can remove each trace of her inside my brain.. Not sure if this is a rant despair or a prayer ,,, I just want to move on and feel secure i can do it Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 It gets better:) trust me Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 You need to stay busy....work on yourself....don't let this get to you. This is a good thing she left because why would you want to live another 6 years with someone who is always ready to walk! You deserve better!! Go volunteer your time somewhere, help out others..that is a great way to feel better about yourself....you can do this! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I am sure a lot of people here have been through the type of pain you are describing, I know I did. It helped me a lot to find out that a large part of what you are going through is temporary biochemisty.. that's right bud, your brain is TEMPORARILY out of whack. When your mind gets used to an environment, such as having someone to come home to nightly, people to hang out with in special occasions, etc. (Routine) It gets hard wired to expect these things. When a major change happens, such as divorce or the passing of an integral part of those routines (both happened to me btw) your mind switches into panic mode and looks for ways to get back to that. You litterally go into fight or flight mode on a chemical storm in you brain. So, you see a bit of acceptance that what you have won't be exactly the way it was before and your dumb brain gives up... The light at the end of the tunnle is that your brain can and will begin to recognize new habits, new routines, and once it does, this will go away! Just be patient with this process, it takes some time. Make sure the new habits are good ones, use this tine to make yourself stronger and when this goes away you will be far happier than ever before! Hugs, WD Link to post Share on other sites
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