bigbuffs Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Well, we talked. She still says her and OM are just friends. I don't think she would ever tell me if she had a PA, 1.because she doesn't wan't to keep hurting me and 2. because she has decided it's over and doesn't want to be known as a cheater(if she did). I asked her if she wanted a divorce and she said yes (the most painful moment of my life was to hear that). I asked her why she's not willing to work on it like go to MC or something and she said she can't try anymore. She said she's felt this way for over a year now and she tried to be happy but she can't try anymore. I never knew she's felt this way for so long. I asked why she never told me how she felt and she just said she didn't feel like she could. I just can't give up without a fight. I never knew things were brokene so how could I try and fix it. All I want is a chance but she says she can't try anymore. I can't believe something can hurt this much. I guess I can take some pride in the fact that I have stayed true to her and to my promises and vows to her. I still haven't given up hope though I'm probably just causing myself more pain by hanging on. I'm think I'm going to try to call the apstor that married us and get some advice from him. I'll try to keep you all posted, could of said a lot more but it hurts to sit here and write about it. Thank you all so much for your help and support, I need it anywhere and everywhere I can get it right now. Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 I'm sorry to hear you discovered her with the OM. That must have really sucked. I think it is very likely that this "friend" is the reason she "can't try anymore". As a side-note, I think it's interesting that she throws the phrase "I can't try anymore" at you when she never tried at all, and instead just found someone else to fill her emotional (and probably physical) needs instead of trying even once to work it out with you, but there is very little you can do if she is so into the other man, that she doesn't want to even give your marriage a shot. What you said is very true. YOU know that you tried, and that you were willing to work it out. And as recordproducer said "welcome to the club". There are lots of pretty nice people with badly broken hearts around here. You should take measures to protect yourself at this point, and find yourself a very good divorce lawyer. I know your heart isn't in doing that, but if you don't, you will kick yourself really hard 2 years from now for not doing so. Keep us posted, and if you need more advice, this is a good place to come and ask. Link to post Share on other sites
bigbuffs Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Well, I'm not sure what is going on. She moved to the new town 1 1/2 ago and said she would be back last sat. or sun. to get the rest of her stuff. Then, she said she would get the cats last tues. She never showed up and she has not called me since we talked before she moved. I starting to think that she may have talked to a laywer about a D and that is why she hasn't called me. I hope that isn't the case but I don't know what else to think. WOWY, I totally agree with what you said about her not trying. If she has never said anything about her feeling this way even when she first moved out, I thought that she just needed some time alone. Too, she never suggested counseling or anything. About a month after she moved out she had like 2 days where she came to her senses and said she wanted to work things out with me. At that time she said she went to OM and told him they couldn't hang out anymore, so obviously she knew as long as he was in the picture things between me and her would not work. As far as getting a lawyer, I don't have any money to. I know she doesn't either. She just graduated school and I'm still going, and know my house bills just doubled because she moved out. We had previously talked about what she wanted and she pretty much said I could keep everything, I think probably because she feels guilty. But, this SUCKS, I hope she comes to her senses but it seems unlikely to me. I hope she stays away from her friends for awhile and thinks things out herself. Thanks again for all the help, I pray god will give me the strength to get through this and that God will also help her make the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Hey Bigbuffs, I am so sorry you are hurting.. I too have been were you are.. My h left me and we wasn't even married not even a yr.. I was lost and it was hard.. The key is you have to go on don't let this person make you feel you are worthless..You deserve better than what she is offering you !! I was going about my buisness even talking to a guy we were just friends i mainly did it piss my h off.. He thought i couldn't ;ive without him i showed him ..He went back to his ex gf he has a son with .. I knew in my heart he would eventually go back to her just had this feeling in the pit of my stomach !! I was right and she is a crack ho and drunk and cheated on him before and i didn't think he would ever do that "boy was i wrong"!! he did and left to go to her .. He said he was young when he got her preggo .. She was 15 and he was 17 .. He said he needed to know!! You know that saying"If you love something set it free ..if it was meant to be it will come back and if it doesn't it never was" I believe that.. He seen i was crying over him so it didn't matter .. but when i acted like i didn't care and moved on then he realized it.. I am still with him and it has been a long struggle.. If she loves you then she will be back but if not then she never did!! I have to say that once they cheat on you it is still hard to trust.. I trusted with my whole heart and got burned and i will never do that again.. I still have my guard up .. I don't know that he won't do it again so im prepared..Hang in there !! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I say good riddance. Doesn't sound like you're losing much. Probably a blessing in disguise. She probably cheated and won't admit it. She is unwilling to even work on the relationship or even communicate. Let her go. She isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
bigbuffs Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise I say good riddance. Doesn't sound like you're losing much. Probably a blessing in disguise. She probably cheated and won't admit it. She is unwilling to even work on the relationship or even communicate. Let her go. She isn't worth it. I know it sounds like she is an awful person, but I know she isn't (or at least she wasn't). Right now she is acting like a complete different person than I knew. The thing is, I would have never married or fell in love with her if she acted this way the first 6.5 years of our relationship. It's just been these last few months that she has changed. I guess I'm hoping that she will see how she is acted is just mean and stupid and I'm hoping she reverts back to the she was. I know she has it in her but if she's not willing to work on it or see it then There ain't much I can do. If she continues down this path, I really don't want anything to do with her. How can I be friends with someone who has betrayed me and lied to me the way she has. It's almost as if the girl I married has died, it sometimes feels like that. I'll always love her for who she was, but I'll never love what she has become. I guess I just don't understand how she got to be the type of person she is now. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 She is acting different because of the people who came into her life. I'm sure she acted different around her family once you came into the picture Link to post Share on other sites
bigbuffs Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by Guest She is acting different because of the people who came into her life. I'm sure she acted different around her family once you came into the picture Ya, once all of this started she started hanging around a different group of friends. Most of whom I don't know. Most of the friends she had before this started don't hang out with her any more most of them I knew. Sometimes when I talk to her it seems like the words she's saying are coming out of someone elses mouth. I really feel like her friends have convinced her to leave me and I'm guessing that she probably makes me look like somewhat of the "bad guy", and since they don't know me, they believe it and just add fuel to the fire. Link to post Share on other sites
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