beardjack Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Hi there, I met a girl ~3 months ago and ever since I liked her, we didn't talk much tho. I've been thinking and decided it's worth trying to get to know her. Few days ago there was a party and we talked alot, danced even more and I thought she liked me, for example when I asked her why is she laughing at me, are my moves that hilarious? she said "no, I'm just smiling at you, I'm enjoying it" and then we danced even more. I'm kinda old-school, don't want to rush things and I'd rather take a little step every day than fail at the very beggining because of my impatience. She used to be a dancer and when I asked if she could teach me something some day she said she doesn't mind at all- I take it as a good sign but it might aswell mean nothing, jeesus. I care too much. So, there is Christmas and we all left college so there's not a chance of meeting her-in-person now and I decided to chat a little via facebook messenger but although she responds to my messeges she doesn't seem interested- not asking questions for example. Might be just busy. I don't know what to think about it, jesus, it's complicated. I believe beggings are the worst and I'm not giving up now but I'm just confused because of lack of the experience with women. I'm 21. Would appreciate your opinions guys, please keep it serious, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Awww, her smiling "at" you is cute...I'd do that with a guy I was crushing on recently. Sometimes I'm sneaking glances at him and I just like "smile" to myself. Anywho, are you two on Xmas break cuz of college? If so, why not wait till after break is over to pick it up and just keep it lite for now? I mean, if you two are in college, I'm sure that with the holidays she's taking advantage of this college break to catch up with family and friends. That's why I'm not a fan of meeting someone over the holidays... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Oh, first of all english is not my native language so if something is not-understandable for you, I'll try to explain it as good as I can. And yes, we left the city where we study to meet with out families. I'm probably overreacting cuz she's simply busy. I don't want to disturb her or something. Will probably just wait until the break is over ps. Do you smile "to" someone? is "at" incorrect? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Oh, first of all english is not my native language so if something is not-understandable for you, I'll try to explain it as good as I can. And yes, we left the city where we study to meet with out families. I'm probably overreacting cuz she's simply busy. I don't want to disturb her or something. Will probably just wait until the break is over ps. Do you smile "to" someone? is "at" incorrect? LOL Well to me smiling "to" someone is like if they are like looking directly at me and I smile with the intent of them seeing me smile. Like you're crossing paths with someone, they smile and you smile back at them. And me smiling "at" someone is kinda like I was telling you with my recent crush. He can't "see" me smiling. It's like you think of something nice and it makes you smile. The person may not be there, but they or what they're doing evokes a positive feeling and you just "smile" to yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) Oh, I see, good! Then it was smiling "to" me because she was looking me straight in the eye as we danced. That's definitely uplifting even though it might not mean anything. In any case, thank you for very quick response and a tip. I don't want to scare her off or something so I'll just wait Edited December 20, 2014 by beardjack 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 OK, the break is over and I'm planning my next move. Was thinking of asking her out to watch a movie together in cinema but I'm afraid it might be too far just for now. We have classes together 2 times a week and I could just chat from time to time to break the ice. What do you think, should I show her that I'm interested? Basically, what I'm the most afraid of is making her know too quickly she's my crush and then she might stay back. There's literally no occasion for me to make it look like a casual meeting; the only way to have her full attention and talk in private is to ask her out it seems. I am a man, not gonna wait until she talks to me, I'm making the first move. Still thinking about that cinema, it might be not that bad idea... if I just chill and keep the talk casual she might not take it as a date. Also, she could bring a friend just for her psychical comfort. I'd be OK with that. I've always liked the "get rich or die trying" saying, should I take the risk? p.s. Sorry for my poor english, I did my best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Assada Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I think you know what youre doing. I like the part when you said " I take it as a good sign but it might aswell mean nothing, jeesus. I care too much." because that is absolutely right You want to talk to other girls too and not invest so much time in this girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 I do talk to other girls but it's not even half as much fun as talking to her. She also has the perfect look but it's less important for me. I want to be a guy who she likes and talking talking to is normal and not problematic for her. Now I'm probably like any other guy and if I start talking to her too much I would be taken as a creep. Do you understand what I mean? How do I change my situation without ruining everything? Link to post Share on other sites
Assada Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I do talk to other girls but it's not even half as much fun as talking to her. She also has the perfect look but it's less important for me. I want to be a guy who she likes and talking talking to is normal and not problematic for her. Now I'm probably like any other guy and if I start talking to her too much I would be taken as a creep. Do you understand what I mean? How do I change my situation without ruining everything? what situation do you want to change? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 I don't want to be like any other guy to her, I don't want to be just her "buddy". On the other hand, I don't think that telling her I have feelings for her is a good idea. So, well, I'd like to make her like me but I'm not sure if asking her out wouldn't ruin everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I don't want to be like any other guy to her, I don't want to be just her "buddy". On the other hand, I don't think that telling her I have feelings for her is a good idea. So, well, I'd like to make her like me but I'm not sure if asking her out wouldn't ruin everything. its easy to develop into a buddy with a girl....not so easy to develop into a buddy with a woman....theres a definite sginal given by a good woman who wants guy friends not guy relationships........the best way is to make your intentions known from the very beginning..... to be creepy...is to actually be hidden if you look at the definition of creep it is to be obscure......and creepiness is often obscure or hidden..its why if i do like a guy as more than a friend i say so ...both ways...friend or more than......break the mold....be intentional in what you say ...say what you mean and mean it when you say it...ask her out one on one.....that is obvious....and actually respectful.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Assada Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I don't want to be like any other guy to her, I don't want to be just her "buddy". On the other hand, I don't think that telling her I have feelings for her is a good idea. So, well, I'd like to make her like me but I'm not sure if asking her out wouldn't ruin everything. You can do that without telling her anything. Just keep dancing with her, tease her a little bit. Show her youre a fun guy. Certainly keep dancing with her, if you can. Also, see other girls 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) its easy to develop into a buddy with a girl....not so easy to develop into a buddy with a woman....theres a definite sginal given by a good woman who wants guy friends not guy relationships........the best way is to make your intentions known from the very beginning..... to be creepy...is to actually be hidden if you look at the definition of creep it is to be obscure......and creepiness is often obscure or hidden..its why if i do like a guy as more than a friend i say so ...both ways...friend or more than......break the mold....be intentional in what you say ...say what you mean and mean it when you say it...ask her out one on one.....that is obvious....and actually respectful.....deb But how do I say what I mean? I can't just walk up to her and say "I love you" or "I have crush on you". Really, how do I show my intentions? Obviously it's not the point to have sex with her, dont take me for a guy of this kind. How about I tell her compliments, show her that I really like the way she is? Not too much of course. Any other ideas? My friend just invited me to his birthday party, how about I ask my crush to come with me? She used to dance in some dance-school for many years (she told me that). I guess if I take her out dancing she might like it. Edited January 15, 2015 by beardjack 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 i think you should ask her to the movies. or of course your friends party is fine too. though honestly movies is better. I don't think it's necessary to state your intentions. the uncertainty and anticipation is half the fun (for both of you!). You just "plant the seed". Start talking about the story or your interest in movie and pretty much whatever you say, she is going to say "that sounds interesting" or "fun, cool". You just have to say why the movie sounds interesting to you and be enthusiastic. Whatever, she responds now it will be something where you just take the next step and say, "hey we should go see it together then" or something like that. EVEN if let's say you are talking about a horror movie and she says "i hate scary movies" then you tease her and say "oh yeah, what type of movies do you like" and get her talking about what kind she likes and then logical next step is to offer to take her to one of those. Basically you want to create common ground and banter and then go from there. Easy, see? and it sounds as if she could definitely like you. good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I think its fine that you compliment her.....tell her that you would like to take her out....or yes invite her to your friends party.... to me invites of a one on one nature though signify more than friendly interest or hanging out with mates/buddies...like a movie or a walk in the park or an ice cream after class....not in a group situation in other words.....every guy who has asked me out of that nature even when i was younger wanted more than just friendship when it was one on one...it wasnt hanging out ...it was clearly a date...things liek offerign to pay...compliments.....the little things that actually state intentions...just not with direct words.....like hey i have a crush on you...or i really love you ....but more get to know the young woman fist.....take an interest in her...and who she is.....to do that ...you need time one on one, no distractions just you and her adn anywhere in the big outdoors....or movie theatre with a walk after...so.i wish you well.....best wishes...deb........ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Really, how do I show my intentions?You need to learn to communicate non-verbally. Do not compliment her too much. Tease her instead. Small affectionate touches. You will show your intentions with your actions, not with your words. In fact try be as mysterious about your feelings as you can (verbally, I mean), for now. Nonchalance is attractive. I disagree with todreaminblue on this. Saying "I have a crush on you" or "I love you Mathilda" at this point, however straightforward, can be construed as a bit creepy. Show, don't tell. You need to learn to care less about girls you barely know. Sure, you can ask her to come to your friend's birthday party. Just ask casually. If she declines, it doesn't matter, maybe she just wouldn't want to go to a stranger's party. Also ask her out for a one-on-one date ASAP. Coffee, tea, beer whatever you drink at your college. The point is to talk to her face-to-face. I'd leave the cinema for the 4th or 5th date. Be cool. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I agree with both...asking her to the movies ("cinema" you said?) and to the party. Can you squeeze in a movie date before inviting her to the party? I say the movie/cinema first cuz parties are noisy, there's alcohol...hopefully with the movie you can relax and get to know her w/o the pressure of the "party" thing where she might think you wanna get her drunk to have sex wit her. Also, I think you can even ask her out to the movies casually w/o much pressure on her. You could be like, 'Hey, what are you doing this weekend, "X" movie is out - wanna check it out with me?' Good luck!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I say the movie/cinema first cuz parties are noisy, there's alcohol...hopefully with the movie you can relax and get to know her You can't talk at the movies! Not properly anyway. And you have to spend at least two hours together. A casual coffee date is less investment (of time and money), and you can talk. Only ask her out to the cinema, if you arrange a 45-min one-on-one coffee date just before the movie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 You need to learn to communicate non-verbally. Do not compliment her too much. Tease her instead. Small affectionate touches. You will show your intentions with your actions, not with your words. In fact try be as mysterious about your feelings as you can (verbally, I mean), for now. Nonchalance is attractive. I disagree with todreaminblue on this. Saying "I have a crush on you" or "I love you Mathilda" at this point, however straightforward, can be construed as a bit creepy. Show, don't tell. You need to learn to care less about girls you barely know. Sure, you can ask her to come to your friend's birthday party. Just ask casually. If she declines, it doesn't matter, maybe she just wouldn't want to go to a stranger's party. Also ask her out for a one-on-one date ASAP. Coffee, tea, beer whatever you drink at your college. The point is to talk to her face-to-face. I'd leave the cinema for the 4th or 5th date. Be cool. im old and a poet so to me it isnt creepy to declare feelings for someone....scary maybe for the person doing it.....i didnt suggest he tell her i love you or have a crush on you....i think there's different ways of showing feelings and admitting them as well..i think sayign i woudl liek to get to know you is a declaration of emotion....maybe even this song ...smilin....showing my age with a lyric......https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JnAFCOzdUE..if ti were me and i were younger i would take a guy out and get the dj to play that song...and dance my intentions...no guy ever thought i was creepy....they liek the way i danced.......ahem..if she is a dancer reach her through dance.... but ultimately do what makes you comfortable what you feel is right in your heart to do........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Yep, I'd rather take my time before telling her about my feelings. I like the idea of showing it by my actions. I could also ask her out but that would be too obvious. Why would I ask her out for a walk? I'm afraid she will find out what it's all about and stay back. During classes we don't talk much, I just can't picture myself walking up to her just like that and asking if she wants to grab a beer with me later on. There really is not much time to talk because we have to focus. I don't mind parties, she doesn't drink much and neither do I. The party I told you about- we were sober and I'm sure what we did, we didn't do because we were drunk. About dancing to song I could pick for her- I actually did it! There was a song she told me she likes so I played it and we danced to it. Had a great time and she looked relaxed and happy. What if I decided to ask her out on 1-on-1 date and she says no? That would be a huge downer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I could also ask her out but that would be too obvious. Why would I ask her out? Meanwhile, she could be thinking: "There's this cute guy Jack, I'm giving him all the signals I can, yet he never asks me out. Maybe he is not interested. Maybe I should go on a date with George instead." If you want to date a girl, you need to ask her out. Sooner the better. What if I decided to ask her out on 1-on-1 date and she says no? That would be a huge downer. That's life, man. It happens to everyone. Everyone. Water off a duck's back. At least you'll know she is not that into you, and you can move on. BTW that's why I said you need to learn to care less about girls you barely know, that way you won't get disappointed that much. (And a flake is not necessarily a rejection. Three strikes.) Ask her out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 OK, screw this, I'm asking her out the next time I see her. I think too much and do too little. I'm taking the risk. I guess there will never be "perfect" moment unless I create it. Thanks for giving me tips and encouragement! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beardjack Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Does it make any difference if I send her a message via facebook? I don't have her phone number YET, and we don't have classes together tomorrow so it's unlikely I meet her in person. The point is I don't want to wait too long because friday evening seems to be perfect time to meet up. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Does it make any difference if I send her a message via facebook? I don't have her phone number YET, and we don't have classes together tomorrow so it's unlikely I meet her in person. The point is I don't want to wait too long because friday evening seems to be perfect time to meet up. i think facebook is fine....although.....it would be character building for you to do it face to face......smilin...i understand the buffer of facebook however...whatever you are going to do ......its worth doing...so do it well with hope and resolve........good luck my friend.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
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