Thicke2013 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) You made a great point about how I read into the boot comment and what his take was on it. I always tend to the the negative in everything so I automatically assumed he was putting my outfit down. You are right. I got NOTHING out of the A. For the past few years ive been in a rut. I just figured it was normal after 10 years of marriage. Never gave it any though and it was never really an issue between my H and I. Now that I had a taste of an A......I remember what it was that I miss so much. That attention and spark and excitment. H has been trying to do little things and tell me things here and there. I have to work on ME showing HIM these things too. We were going to start MC this week, but my therapist is out of town for 2 weeks. When she comes back, we will start MC. Nikki76, if I may make a suggestion. I suggest that you and your husband read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. As eye of the storm and DKT3 mentioned, we all show and receive love in different ways. Those ways depend on a lot of different circumstances. Some are because of personality differences, the way we were raised, the relationships modeled before us as children, etc. The point is, it seems that you and your H both receive love differently. Also, we tend to love others, the way we want to be loved. For example, it seems your love language may be "words of affirmation" such as , "honey you look nice", or "Man your hair really looks good today!". Am I right? It could be that your H love language is "acts of service". He may show you love by doing the dishes after dinner or taking care of the kids while you take a long bath because you are stressed. If you receive love by the words he says, but he is trying to show you by doing things around the house, then the two of you are not on the same page. Bottom line is that you both are showing your love for one another the way you want to be loved, but you aren't receiving it that way. My wife and I read it together before we got engaged. Once you know the others "love language" the two of you can more effectively show love to one another and it also teaches you to recognize love being shown from the other that may not necessarily be in your love language. As a matter of fact, if you click this link, Home | The 5 Love Languages® , you can take an online quiz that will show you what your love language is based off of some general questions. I know personally it has helped me and I believe that it could help you too. I do suggest however that the two of you read it together. It can be a real eye opening experience. Good luck OP. Edited January 9, 2015 by Thicke2013 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 Nikki76, if I may make a suggestion. I suggest that you and your husband read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. As eye of the storm and DKT3 mentioned, we all show and receive love in different ways. Those ways depend on a lot of different circumstances. Some are because of personality differences, the way we were raised, the relationships modeled before us as children, etc. The point is, it seems that you and your H both receive love differently. Also, we tend to love others, the way we want to be loved. For example, it seems your love language may be "words of affirmation" such as , "honey you look nice", or "Man your hair really looks good today!". Am I right? It could be that your H love language is "acts of service". He may show you love by doing the dishes after dinner or taking care of the kids while you take a long bath because you are stressed. If you receive love by the words he says, but he is trying to show you by doing things around the house, then the two of you are not on the same page. Bottom line is that you both are showing your love for one another the way you want to be loved, but you aren't receiving it that way. My wife and I read it together before we got engaged. Once you know the others "love language" the two of you can more effectively show love to one another and it also teaches you to recognize love being shown from the other that may not necessarily be in your love language. As a matter of fact, if you click this link, Home | The 5 Love Languages® , you can take an online quiz that will show you what your love language is based off of some general questions. I know personally it has helped me and I believe that it could help you too. I do suggest however that the two of you read it together. It can be a real eye opening experience. Good luck OP. Thank you so much for that explanation. I actually just ordered that book yesterday from Amazon, a suggestion from a friend. Reading it together with my H sounds like a great idea! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Thank you so much for that explanation. I actually just ordered that book yesterday from Amazon, a suggestion from a friend. Reading it together with my H sounds like a great idea! Its an awesome book. It won't fix things but it sure will get you headed in the right direction. I betting yours is words of affirmation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 Its an awesome book. It won't fix things but it sure will get you headed in the right direction. I betting yours is words of affirmation. I took the online quiz, and yes, Words of Affirmation is my Love Language. Link to post Share on other sites
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