miss lady Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 i know my boyfriend is still using cocaine because his friend told me so and i kinda had a feeling that he is. how can i get him to admit it to me that he has an addiction? i tried to comfort him and tell him that no matter what is going on with him he can tell me and i promise i won't leave him. i think he thinks he has it under control and that it's just "recreational" use, but he is the only one using it. i want to try to help him before it gets worse. i think he has been using for about 6mos. is it too late to help him? the other day he got sick and threw up, but he told me he got over heated and it just made him sick to the stomach. he tells me that GOD will handle it and i know GOD will but he got to try to stop it. please help me what should i do? this is tearing me apart inside. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Check out the website http://www.na.org This should give you tips on how to get him to admit to his addiction. It also can show you if NA is offered in yuor area. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss lady Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 he is in denial he is not going to look at the website when i got on a website in reference to it he questioned why i was on it and that tried to go against it. he thinks he has it under control he doesn't think he is an addict. he will not admit to me that he is still using. it came out in january when he cheated on me, but he will not admit to it now even when i put the question out there for him to come clean Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 You need to look at it and see if there is anything on there that will help him. He is in deep denal. So, he won't let anyone help him but himself. Can I ask why are you still with him... I know you love him but maybe if you told him that he needs to change or your going to leave. Something very drastic needs to happen because it is just depressing you in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss lady Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 i think he wants to tell me that he is still using but he knew it hurted me and his older brother sooo bad when he came clean and told us that he was using and i think he wants to stop but he is too embarrassed to tell us and think that i will leave him. i have gave the opportunity to come clean and tried to reassure him that i will be here for him no matter what, but i think he is ashamed of himself. me and my son loves him so much and you can tell he really loves us, but i really don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Tell him that it is not good for his child to grow up and see this stuff go on. He wants to be around in his childs future too so basiaclly you need to have a heart to heart about it. Like give him a case scenerio... What if you got caught with cocaine and you where put in prison for a few years. Then what would I tell our child?? He needs to think about his family. You need to tell him that you care about him and you don't trust him when he says he isn't using anymore. Then maybe he will say something. Have you talked to his brother about it... Maybe his brother can shed some light on this situation. If not then you need to get someone else in it like maybe one of his parents or something. He maybe going to church but that can be a cover up and he could still be using. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss lady Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 i don't want to tell his brother, but his brother thinks that he has stopped also. see i just found out the other day that he never stopped using. see he came clean in january when i bust him cheating on me then he admitted then. we eventually got back together and he told me that he wasn't using and that he was just introduced to it and experimented with it alittle. the guy that got him started on it, he is no longer friends with this guy. one of his other friends is a recovering addict and has been clean for years, told me just the other day that my boyfriend is still using and i was shocked because i really thought he stopped. i mean he got better. start gaining weight, spending more time with us, more loving, going to church, spending more time with our son and everything. his friend really cares for my boyfriend and he didn't want me to tell my boyfriend that he told me he was still using. his friend decided that me and him just stay in prayer and see if things will change. and if they don't we confront him. i was just trying to make my bf feel guilty or something and just come out and tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 I guess you could just watch him more. He can always get a new dealer. There is nothing you can do but have a talk about it. That may not even help. He needs to recover from this on his own since he is in denal. So, when he goes out just find out where he goes or something. Are you sure that guy is telling you the truth about him using agian?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss lady Posted March 25, 2005 Author Share Posted March 25, 2005 yeah the guy is telling me the truth. well the other night i was able to get him to admit that he has been using. he was more embarrassed than anything. i told him not to be embarrassed or ashamed, but he needs to get help. i just don't know if he thinks he gots it under control or if he is even ready to quit. we need to talk more. i just let him know i'm here for him, but i refuse to lose myself in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Originally posted by miss lady yeah the guy is telling me the truth. well the other night i was able to get him to admit that he has been using. he was more embarrassed than anything. i told him not to be embarrassed or ashamed, but he needs to get help. i just don't know if he thinks he gots it under control or if he is even ready to quit. we need to talk more. i just let him know i'm here for him, but i refuse to lose myself in the process. Well... Hopefully from that conversation everything will get better. He is admitting that he has an addiction problem and that is the first step to recovery. Now he needs to let you help him. What you need to do is get him to go to rehab or recovery classes. You chould go with him to show him that you support him. Let him know that this will be good for him and give him a fresh start and your relationship a fresh start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss lady Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 yeah, he has admitted it, but i'm going to bring up the rehab classes to him and see if he budge. if he don't take the step to get help then i have to walk. i can't see a future with an addict. especially one that don't want to help himself. he can be cracked out by himself, but i refuse to let me or my child fall for someone elses addictions. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Sometimes [usually] the best thing you can do for an addict in denial is leave them alone. Let him stand on his own 2 feet. (Yeah, that probably means leave him.) Check into al-anon meeting. It will help you get through this difficult time. Link to post Share on other sites
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