Quick and clean?

[Homer]

My girlfriend and I just recently broke up and she still wants to be friends. She still wants to be able to hang out and do stuff. Part of me thinks that it would be great to keep that friendship, after all we were great friends before becoming intimate. But I wonder if its possible to fully heal if that person is still in your life. So would you recommend that I try to be friends or should it just be quick and clean?

 

Thanks

[Miss Mojo]

my personal opinion - quick and clean.

 

i'm not saying don't ever speak to her again. that's entirely up to you. but i do believe that when you have been on an intimate level with someone, it is very hard to get over them if you are still in contact once you have broken up. it is all too easy in theory to say, "it sounds good. we were friends before". yes, you were friends before, but you've also been associated on a more intimate level before, which makes being friends right now a lot tougher.

 

if it were me in your shoes, i would take time on my own to try and get over her. hanging around her might create this constant subconscious hope of getting back together. you will probably find that right now, you will still want her if you are hanging around her. i know many, many people who torture themselves and can't get on with their lives because they haven't given themselves time apart from their ex to heal.

 

i believe that some people can still have a great friendship - once they are over the relationship and have well and truly moved on. i mean, how hard will it be on you when she starts dating other people if you jump straight into friends now?

 

i also believe that some people can go straight into being friends, but usually only when they have drifted apart in the relationship and both of them don't have intimate feelings towards each other anymore.

 

only you know best how you would handle this situation. if you feel that being friends with her right now would be too hard on you, then take some time out on your own for a while and cut contact with her until you feel you have healed and then the friendship might really work. of course you will miss her and it will hurt, but that pain won't last forever. it will eventually whittle away.

 

just don't put yourself in a situation where you make it harder on yourself than you have to.

[WGirl]

When most of my relationships have broken up, that is what I have done. In the two circumstances I tried to remain friends, it didn't work out in the long run. Sometimes there are lingering feelings after a relationship ends. I think it is best to move on after a breakup. Somewhere down the line you may be able to be friends but I think you need time away to think about everything.

my personal opinion - quick and clean. i'm not saying don't ever speak to her again. that's entirely up to you. but i do believe that when you have been on an intimate level with someone, it is very hard to get over them if you are still in contact once you have broken up. it is all too easy in theory to say, "it sounds good. we were friends before". yes, you were friends before, but you've also been associated on a more intimate level before, which makes being friends right now a lot tougher. if it were me in your shoes, i would take time on my own to try and get over her. hanging around her might create this constant subconscious hope of getting back together. you will probably find that right now, you will still want her if you are hanging around her. i know many, many people who torture themselves and can't get on with their lives because they haven't given themselves time apart from their ex to heal. i believe that some people can still have a great friendship - once they are over the relationship and have well and truly moved on. i mean, how hard will it be on you when she starts dating other people if you jump straight into friends now? i also believe that some people can go straight into being friends, but usually only when they have drifted apart in the relationship and both of them don't have intimate feelings towards each other anymore. only you know best how you would handle this situation. if you feel that being friends with her right now would be too hard on you, then take some time out on your own for a while and cut contact with her until you feel you have healed and then the friendship might really work. of course you will miss her and it will hurt, but that pain won't last forever. it will eventually whittle away. just don't put yourself in a situation where you make it harder on yourself than you have to.

[Homer]

Thanks for both of your insights. I guess I always knew that the friendship had to end. But, I just wanted to make sure before I did anything drastic. She is a terrific girl and I have no ill will towards her. I don't want to hurt her by saying we can't be friends, but I guess its what is necessary for both of us to heal.

 

Again my thanks to both of you.

When most of my relationships have broken up, that is what I have done. In the two circumstances I tried to remain friends, it didn't work out in the long run. Sometimes there are lingering feelings after a relationship ends. I think it is best to move on after a breakup. Somewhere down the line you may be able to be friends but I think you need time away to think about everything.