Author dyna85 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 Spent much of the holiday ruminating over the breakup, which occurred merely days prior. He broke up without so much as an explanation (via sms) and completely ignored my text seeking some closure (even though in his text he said he could call, but it wouldn't change anything). So Christmas was rather painful, as were the related holiday get-togethers with family and friends. Now I have this entire week off (vacation) and I'm lying in bed, depressed and not wanting to do anything but obsess over the matter. I really do not want to waste this free week off work doing nothing but thinking of this guy who broke my heart. However, I feel consumed by the heartache. Nothing really brings me relief -- just temporary numbing of the pain. As you can tell, I'm not coping very well. I've cried a lot and perused the internet very much, seeking some relief from the anxiety and stress of it all. Wishing I could be like him... moving about as though nothing happened. Who is dyna85?? I'm sure I'm long forgotten in his mind, yet he's forever imprinted on my soul. God it sucks to be this sensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderWoman911 Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Sorry for the break-up.I think you should cry to get rid of your emotions and sadness, and then allow yourself to stand on your feet again. Now that this is your vacation week, you should go out somewhere. Go to a place or two that you always wanted to go. Visit some uplifting friends or family member to give you some motivation,courage,support, etc. Read a inspirational book. Dwell on the situation for a little while, but let it go and lift your head up. Everything is going to be alright. Don't worry about him. Focus on your life and things that you want to accomplish for yourself. Use your energy on something beneficial and not on that guy. I wish I was on vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 im feeling you on this ( in a mental state ) and know the feeling ... mine left me last month =0( its hard to cope with it and seeing everyone filled w/ joy w/ their loved one(s) .... i just try to keep myself busy and set my mind in another state ( as in doing things that i want to do ). don't laugh, but i got into puzzles again ( also seeing a constructive end result ). going window shopping and seeing the thing(s) you like or hit up a movie w/ friend(s) .... i know its the toughest time of the year, but hang in. it ll get better, just give it time ... again, this IMO ( everyone handles it differently ) =0) Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I really let this guy mistreat me and I kept going back for more. Fortunately, the whole thing didn't last very long, but I feel like I sacrificed a lot of my dignity, even at the very end, by telling him how much I cared about him. The kicker is he didn't even respond to my response to his 'break up' text. He just completely ignored me expressing myself in the most heartfelt way possible and didn't answer my questions in which I sought some sort of explanation. He literally ignored the text entirely. At this point, I'm mostly pissed at myself for having given so much of my heart to a complete jerk-off, and I feel like he got the upper hand in this situation by walking away and completely disregarding my response to his 'break up' text. It's such a slap in the face. Like, it epitomizes his disrespect for me. Also, it took him a while to even end it with me, as I had ended with him two times before then, and he was acting like he was mulling things over when I returned for the second time and then a week went by and I followed up with him and that's when he laid it on the line... but without any explanation and with such coldness (ie. completely ignoring my response to his text in which he said it wasn't going to work out). Never before have I been so strung along by someone and even though we didn't know each other THAT well, I expected that he would have at least responded with some sort of explanation, particularly given the feelings and hurt I expressed in my response text. How do I get over the cruelty of being completely ignored? It not only hurts my heart, since I was so attached and didn't expect his callousness to stoop to this level, but it hurts me on an ego-level because if he truly doesn't care, I'm sure his ego loved the fact that I expressed such care for him when he couldn't care less? The sad part is, I can't even really talk about this situation with those close to me, because it's truly embarrassing to think about how he played me and I LET him mistreat him, and grew attached to him despite his asinine ways (ie. not making much of an effort, not making me a priority, not respecting me). Like, what is wrong with me that I allowed someone to basically make no effort with me and yet I 'saw so much more' and thought I knew him beneath the layers and that he really was a good person. Hell, I even told him I thought he was kind, after coming back after the second time I broke things off with him. Yeah... so kind that he disregarded my feelings and completely stonewalled me in the end. Like, all around, this is an extremely crappy situation. I have literally cried my eyes out over his treatment of me and just having invested this time and energy into someone who never cared, and it's just like a cruel joke from up above, and makes me wonder if I ever will find someone who truly cares and is right for me, because this 'dating' experience (can't even call it that because he never even treated me to a proper 'date') has put me so far back, like my distant ex looks like a freakin' Saint compared to this guy--and my ex wasn't even right for me--but I can't help but wonder how it's come to this. I'm really struggling to get over the cold shoulder approach to his ending it with me and the fact that I tolerated his preceding poor treatment because I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt, since I know he's been through a lot with past relationships and he has been mistreated. Hell, even a small part of me forgives his ignoring me because I keep thinking maybe he was hurt that I had ended it the two previous times and it's his way of getting back at me in a way--or maybe it's a result of him being ignored one time at the end of one of his past relationships, and it kind of just had a domino effect, since he never fully healed. See... I keep giving him leniency. It's like 'woe is him' yet what about me and my feelings? I didn't freaking cheat on him like one of his exes, yet I bet he treated her better than he treated me. Like... what gives? I feel like I always get the short end of the stick even when I finally let my guard down and allow myself to be vulnerable (which is rare). It's so uncommon for me to get attached. It happens only once in a blue moon, and yet of course, yet again--I get the shaft. Then, I beat myself up for getting my heart involved. Not that I can control who I get attached to or anything--but it just stinks that this will just go down in the books as another painful memory of heartache and disappointment. I just really wish he could at least have responded to me, to demonstrate that I wasn't entirely wrong about him. Now... it's too late. It's been a week and aside from knowing he won't, if he did, it would be too late. It's just--God--everything couldn't have been more wrong. Like, time and time again, he just proved my heart wrong. Yet, of course, my heart is taking forever to mend from the whole ordeal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Why won't he contact me? I'd rather have a crumb than nothing. The sad part is I KNOW he won't, but I still hope, every single day (and multiple times per day) that he will. It's so sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 He dump you or you dump him? Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) As a reminder from moderation, pursuant to policy, members are requested to contain conversation about a similar topic, in this case apparently a breakup, in one thread on that topic and to refrain from starting duplicate or similar topics. That way, questions such as in the post above mine do not occur and discussion can proceed in a contiguous fashion. Edited to add that a total of five discrete threads on a similar topic were merged. Our apologies for any out of order quotes. This is a general reminder to all members. Thanks! Edited December 30, 2014 by William Threads merged. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Why won't he contact me? I'd rather have a crumb than nothing. The sad part is I KNOW he won't, but I still hope, every single day (and multiple times per day) that he will. It's so sad. So why won't you block him? It's been suggested multiple times in this thread. That way, there will be no anticipation of possible contact. At this point, it's up to you how long you continue to suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 opps.. wrong post x Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 How could I mean so little to someone that they don't even care how I am doing, after we established a freaking connection? Like, no 'Happy Thanksgiving,' no 'how are you, hope you're doing well.' Nothing. Might not seem like it, but not contacting you is actually the kinder and more caring route. Keeping in contact with you would throw you into a rollercoaster. You would start analyzing the meaning and intention behind every text. You would tell yourself there is a reason and it will just be a matter of time before he's ready to try again. You would not want to move your heart along because you would feel almost deceitful to "move on" when enough time will pass that you two can be together again. You'll tell yourself to be patient and that all is not lost. The only thing him contacting you would do is allow you to remain in denial that the relationship is over. Which is just a dynamic of roses and thorns. It soothes the ache temporarily but deepens the wound. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 Day 19 of NC and I'm struggling. Struggling hardcore. The desire within me is building to give him a piece of my mind. I'm so livid that he could break up with me and then block me out completely, without acknowledging my feelings in the matter. I refuse to stoop to his level though. I'm just immensely pissed that he could do me so wrong. Day after day he's walking around peaceful as all get-out probably while I simply exist in this forlorn state, wreckage removed so far from his present state of mind. I can't wait until I reach the year mark. I doubt I'll be anywhere near healed, but I'm sure I'll be much more functional then. That's what I'm striving for at the moment, functional. If there were a pill to take away the memories and the devastating effect of his blow to my heart.... God, what I would pay for that freaking pill. He's screwed with my mind, heart, and emotions. What is left of me? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 It's not difficult. It takes changing YOUR expectations. Have you written out what you expect from yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
gnick Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I sure know how you feel . My ex girlfriend couldn't care less about me and it just makes you feel like ****. She is Allmost surely never contacting me again.I would take pure hate over the indifference she is showing me. I'm right here with you Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 It's not difficult. It takes changing YOUR expectations. Have you written out what you expect from yourself? Oh it's pretty difficult. I haven't written out what I expect from myself, but I should probably do that. I've been neglecting myself a lot lately. Just feel like what's the point? Yet, you're right in that I need to be working towards goals. I certainly expect myself to ignore him if he ever contacts me again, so I guess that counts for something, no? Although I'm sure hell would freeze over before that would happen, and he seems to have this attitude that I'm nothing to him. I sure know how you feel . My ex girlfriend couldn't care less about me and it just makes you feel like ****. She is Allmost surely never contacting me again.I would take pure hate over the indifference she is showing me. I'm right here with you Yes, me too. Would much prefer the hate too. Then again, hate means there is love there. Whenever I got frustrated with him, he shut down. Acted very matter of fact. Business like. At least, over text he did. Heck, I'd even take that though over the ignore approach. He's making it like I don't exist, which hurts very much. But I do freaking exist. It's not like I texted him ten times. I freaking responded to his breakup text and asked some questions. He freaking ignored the one single text in which I sought an explanation. Like how am I not deserving of a response, or even an acknowledgment? Link to post Share on other sites
gnick Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 He owes you an explanation but in reality it would probably just make you feel worse since all you really want is for him to take you back. All mine would ever give is...... just not feeling it,you're a great guy for someone else or I'm just not into you. Well she sure seemed to be into for a long time. Ultimately you have to say **** this person and never look back.I'm not there yet Link to post Share on other sites
batt Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 If there were a pill to take away the memories and the devastating effect of his blow to my heart.... God, what I would pay for that freaking pill. He's screwed with my mind, heart, and emotions. What is left of me? Lol, I completely understand what you're saying. I wish I never met her at all, because I keep replaying events over and over in my mind about what I could have done better. It will just kill you even more. As much as it hurts, there is nothing we could have done better. If you treated him the best you could, and he couldn't accept it then that's his problem not yours. I've learned that from being on this forum. If they had such a pill it would be godsend for us dumpees. Especially blindside BU's. Just keep marching on. I've thought about reaching out to her with friendship but I know she wont respond so why offer it. It's especially hard this happened this time of year too. Love sucks, but it'll be worth it when we find that person. It'll get better I also know the feeling of keeping it in because you don't want to drag friends and family into it, its hell. Link to post Share on other sites
batt Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Oh it's pretty difficult. I haven't written out what I expect from myself, but I should probably do that. I've been neglecting myself a lot lately. Just feel like what's the point? Yet, you're right in that I need to be working towards goals. I certainly expect myself to ignore him if he ever contacts me again, so I guess that counts for something, no? Although I'm sure hell would freeze over before that would happen, and he seems to have this attitude that I'm nothing to him. It does help, I've been doing it. Especially since you don't want to keep bringing friends in to it. I started going to the gym a lot more, and it feels so good afterwards. My ex thinks of me I'm like "every other guy" shes met. I've come to accept that its not her fault or mine but it still hurts nonetheless Just treat yourself well, you deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) Oh my God, Batt. I swear he thinks I'm like 'every other woman' out there too. It's like he has this perception of women... a lack of trust, given how he was treated in the past by his cheating ex and his vanishing other ex. I hate that I got caught up with someone like him because he was clearly emotionally unavailable and averse to commitment. I think I was just in for the fun of it initially too so I was enjoying his approach, but then I got vested so damn quickly. Damn my foolish heart. I'm definitely going to write down my list of goals/expectations. I had joined the gym recently and was making working out part of my regular routine, but then I got sick. So I've been on bed rest all weekend, which hasn't helped matters and of course has my thoughts circulating on overdrive, probably because I'm going stir crazy. I definitely attribute my being sick to not accommodating myself lately though. I truly have not been looking out for myself and I know it's a problem I need to address. Lol, I completely understand what you're saying. I wish I never met her at all, because I keep replaying events over and over in my mind about what I could have done better. It will just kill you even more. As much as it hurts, there is nothing we could have done better. If you treated him the best you could, and he couldn't accept it then that's his problem not yours. I've learned that from being on this forum. If they had such a pill it would be godsend for us dumpees. Especially blindside BU's. Just keep marching on. I've thought about reaching out to her with friendship but I know she wont respond so why offer it. It's especially hard this happened this time of year too. Love sucks, but it'll be worth it when we find that person. It'll get better I also know the feeling of keeping it in because you don't want to drag friends and family into it, its hell. Yes, I have definitely replayed events in my head over and over and have thought about my actions and how they may have contributed in some respects to the demise of it, but I realize he is seriously flawed and has major communication/control issues that played a significant role too. And it's unfortunate that he never took accountability for the way things played out. The fact that it happened this time of year is so extremely disappointing. Then again, I guess the bright side is that by summer, we'll be further along in our recovery and will be able to enjoy the sun and the outdoors. Also, it is extremely difficult having to hold it all in and not be able to talk it out. My one friend is definitely sick of hearing about this story and wants me to be over it already. Sometimes I feel tempted to unload on him and then I resist temptation and just think of how lucky I am that I have Love Shack! Lol. Thanks for your words of wisdom and kind support. <3 Edited January 11, 2015 by dyna85 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 He owes you an explanation but in reality it would probably just make you feel worse since all you really want is for him to take you back. All mine would ever give is...... just not feeling it,you're a great guy for someone else or I'm just not into you. Well she sure seemed to be into for a long time. Ultimately you have to say **** this person and never look back.I'm not there yet True, but I don't think it would have made me feel worse for him to have provided an explanation (however lame or hurtful it may have been), because in the long run, having closure means a lot to me. I hate loose ends. I most respect someone who can communicate with me and doesn't shut me out, especially in a situation like this where I had laid all of my feelings on the line and felt close to him. The residual impact of being ignored, to me, has more of a painfully lingering effect. Link to post Share on other sites
gnick Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 True, but I don't think it would have made me feel worse for him to have provided an explanation (however lame or hurtful it may have been), because in the long run, having closure means a lot to me. I hate loose ends. I most respect someone who can communicate with me and doesn't shut me out, especially in a situation like this where I had laid all of my feelings on the line and felt close to him. The residual impact of being ignored, to me, has more of a painfully lingering effect.I agree.you don't know whether to be mad as hell or depressed Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 I agree.you don't know whether to be mad as hell or depressed Yeah, my emotions are kind of all over the place. I am just seriously so angry and frustrated and want to contact him and be like 'how dare you?' I literally want to demand closure so bad, but then again, I don't want to ever speak with him again, so it's a double-edged sword. I just want to forget everything and fast forward 2 years when this will all be a distant memory. What irritates me too is that I can recall him calling me frantically when I was upset about some things and I answered. I hate this silent treatment bs. Then again, it's so twisted that I can't even call it that. He gets to feel like he did nothing wrong because he did send the breakup text, and probably thinks that was sufficient. Yet, it's so not sufficient. I could see if I blew up his phone, but I just sent one text in response expressing myself and seeking an explanation.. seeking closure. It makes me sick that he's reveling in the fact that he chose to leave me hanging. I swear to God I'm a masochist. I feel like I should be over this by now. Like if someone could be so cruel, aren't they giving you the hint that it's so over and done. It's freaking cooked. Yet, why the eff am I struggling with letting this go so much? It's the most bizarre experience. I really feel like it's the fact that he's actively chosen to ignore me and give me the cold shoulder. It's just really really scarring. I think if I didn't care so much about him as a person, it wouldn't bother me. This bothers me too, because why in the heck do I care about someone who doesn't give me a second thought. I literally hate myself for thinking about this constantly. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Yet, why the eff am I struggling with letting this go so much? It's the most bizarre experience [...] why in the heck do I care about someone who doesn't give me a second thought. I literally hate myself for thinking about this constantly. Attachment is a chemical thing, your body is still addicted to certain hormones that his presence generates. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Hi Dyna, I can hear the anguish, pain, and anger in your words. I just want to say you're not alone. Like you, I still hurt, but the burning despair I felt while the wound was fresh already subsided. I don't know if this is just me being numb or I'm actually starting to heal. I'm confident that you'll get past through this like a champ because you sound so very mature and rational in your other posts. It makes me think that your head will carry you over this while your heart is being stubborn. I really believe that anyone who gives their all in a relationship are good people who will one day find someone who will do the same for them. That is the idealistic side of me that heartbreak and cynicsm won't ever kill. Stay strong sister. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Attachment is a chemical thing, your body is still addicted to certain hormones that his presence generates Thank God. This must be the reason. I actually calmed down quite a bit knowing there is a chemical explanation for this feeling. I guess he wasn't so attached to me, because he seems to having a dandy time without me though, so that stinks. (P.S. Itspointless, I tried responding to your PM 3x and for some reason the sent message is not appearing in my sent folder. I just wanted to confirm you received it...let me know if not, and I'll keep trying to get it to go thru) Hi Dyna, I can hear the anguish, pain, and anger in your words. I just want to say you're not alone. Like you, I still hurt, but the burning despair I felt while the wound was fresh already subsided. I don't know if this is just me being numb or I'm actually starting to heal. I'm confident that you'll get past through this like a champ because you sound so very mature and rational in your other posts. It makes me think that your head will carry you over this while your heart is being stubborn. I really believe that anyone who gives their all in a relationship are good people who will one day find someone who will do the same for them. That is the idealistic side of me that heartbreak and cynicism won't ever kill. Stay strong sister. LB, my man. Thank you for understanding and your kind words. I think my heart is definitely competing with logic full force at this point and that's why I am having so much anxiety. I need to just let it flow. I really do. And stop beating myself for feeling whatever it is I'm feeling, whether it be hopeful or angry. I think I just want to slash out any hope because I don't want the hurt to be prolonged by not facing the reality of rejection and the finality of the situation. Sometimes I feel if I accept certain feelings (like any residual good feelings/memories) it will catch up to me in the long run and create more of a delay in my healing. I know, messed up, right? I over analyze the thoughts and accompanying feelings way too much. I need to just let it all be and allow it to work itself out. I read somewhere once that the heart can't be fixed like a car component. It's something that is very complex and is not exactly in our control. I need to keep this in mind. I'm glad to hear that you're making some headway and I totally get the mixed vibes of 'is this really healing or fooling myself/numbing?' Thank you so much for gently pushing me forward. I really needed this. I wish you comfort in your recovery process as well. Your support cannot be more appreciated. Edited January 12, 2015 by dyna85 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 The only standing between acceptance and what you get is your expectations. So the solution is to identify what you have - and realize it's not what you expected. Link to post Share on other sites
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